10 Gentlemanly First Date Moves She’ll Dig

Many a male comedian may joke about being called out for opening a door for a woman, with her accusing him of thinking her weak. But the reality is, this tiny gesture is a small but helpful step toward winning over a woman on a date—as are the following actions…

Stop thinking of a man popping an umbrella open as the stuff of classic black-and-white movies. Women loved those guys—and still do.

Offer Your Arm

Sad that such a simple, polite gesture has fallen by the wayside so much that actually doing it is considered “old-fashioned,” but, alas, here we are. Yes, open the door for her to the establishment you’re entering, and by all means offer your arm when crossing a street or simply walking down a crowded, wet or icy one. No one’s saying run around to the other side of the car to open her door (although that can be sweet) or pull her seat out for her at the restaurant (your server will probably do that), but these little gestures do count.

Take Her Coat

Always. Not forcefully, mind you. Your hands don’t need to be on her the second you arrive somewhere, Mr. Weinstein. It’s a gesture, no different than adjusting the temp in your car to her liking. Just offer your hands up to her and softly offer to take her coat. If she declines, it is notan indication of where the evening is headed. Women are alwaysfreezing. But the offer will be duly noted, believe me.

Pre-Order a Dish

Perhaps it’s an intricate dessert or an exotic seafood dish that the chef needs to know well in advance a diner will be wanting on a given evening; when you tell your date that you’ve “taken the liberty of pre-ordering” something—or, even better, if the waitperson does—she’ll be impressed. Forethought is foreplay, after all.

Suggest a Walk

Not if you’re at a party, creeper! We’re talking about dates here. If you’ve just finished a wonderful dinner, the conversation went well enough, and you’ve nowhere to be all that quickly, ask her if she’d like to go for a little walk. Some of the better chatter actually happens here, interestingly, and if it’s a lit-up city square, especially during the holidays, it’s often quite memorable. Just don’t be surprised if she asks to take a selfie.

Do Your Homework

Have some questions prepared. Whether you remember a few things she mentioned the first time you spoke, or you ask someone who knows her a few questions (maybe even the person fixing you up), being armed with some knowledge and showing an interest in who she is and what she does is always so welcome. You’re welcome.

Offer a Seat

Oh yeah, be that guy. The one who discovers that lone seat in a bar full of people waiting for the band to go on—the one who cuts through the crowd, holds that sucker up over a dozen people’s heads, wrangling that chair for the damsel in distress. And again, if she refuses it, no harm, no foul. Offer it up to another woman not long afterward. Or don’t. Because she willsit in it eventually.


Don’t kid yourself: This only turns a woman off if you go up there and refuse to leave, performing some Dave Matthews record in its entirety. The right song—particularly a fun, nostalgic one (as opposed to going for broke with a Sam Smith or Elton John ballad)—will truly entertain. One and done. Be game for a duet, too, should she decide you guys can pull off Taylor Swift/Ed Sheeran.

Text Her During the Date

Bartender moving a little too slow, and she’s sitting there playing with her hair, andon her phone while waiting for her drink? Text her something cute from the bar like, “You OK over there?” or “Beware of hirsute staring man, three o’clock.” Adorable. Don’t go overboard though, lest she think you a potential smother brother.

Bring an Umbrella

Don’t get it twisted: having one, proffering one, whisking her indoors under one; it all still works. Don’t worry about keeping it in the trunk or glove box and the wisecracks that’ll come from your boys. And, for Pete’s sake, stop thinking of a man popping an umbrella open as the stuff of classic black-and-white movies. Women loved those guys—and still do.

Walk Her to Her Door

It’s not like Uber has eradicated all hope of winding up on that doorstep at the end of the night, fellas. Fact is, you can even call the Uber, make her pit-stop #1, and still walk her to her door. No jockeying for an invite upstairs here (although, sure, it could be nice)—it’s just the right thing to do. You’d want a guy to do the same for your sister, wouldn’t ya?

What It Takes To Matter

Do you matter? Just you, without the people you love, the resume in your hard drive, the accolades you have framed on your wall, the trophies on your shelf or the selfies in your phone? If you spent your entire life propped on a porch, naked to the world in mind body and soul, would you possess value?

It’s a heavy question and my guess is most of us would argue that basic existence is not enough. That our actions (or inaction) define our value.

The Doing

I’ve never been afraid of death. Never. The fear I favored was that of the “Unaccomplished Life”.  It goes something like this: I came here for a purpose and if I don’t accomplish this Mighty Task my life will be a failure. Basically, it’s a fear that we must discover our life purpose and go about getting it done or our time here is wasted. We don’t fear the gates of hell as much as we fear the life review. Our goal in the end is to have a red checkmark stamped upon our grave as the Angel of Judgment hollers, “Halleluiah human! You did what you came to do.” Our greatest fear is that we have to come back and repeat this same life again until we get ‘er done. Our Hell is reliving the seventh grade, over and over and over again until the Mighty Task is accomplished {shivers}.

I suspect this same fear drives most workaholics. When you have no idea what your Mighty Task is you spend your waking hours in a frantic state of accomplishment. A workaholic’s prayer goes something like this, “God, I know I’m here for a reason but have no idea what it is. If You could get it on my To Do List I promise I will never slack off again.” The typical response to this prayer is silence. So we stay busy and do our best to “make it happen”. The only thing a workaholic knows for sure is that what we accomplish makes us matter.

The Being

If a child is born, takes one breath and dies, did they matter? If a woman spends her life curled up behind a book, never leaving her hermit shell, does she matter? If a CEO builds a fortress of a company and packs the stock holders pockets full of gold but never commits one act of kindness, does she matter? If a man does nothing more than drink himself into a permanent shadow on a city sidewalk, does he matter?

Who sets the bar? Is it different for each us? And when, when, is it enough? How much do we have to do before we feel we matter? I have yet to see a status update or a tweet that read, “Yesterday I finally accomplished enough to matter. I’m officially on downtime for the rest of my life.”

There’s some heavy wisdom out there telling us what matters;

  • In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. ~Buddha
  • Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me. Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful, that’s what matters to me. ~Steve Jobs
  • What we really are matters more than what other people think of us. ~Jawaharlal Nehru
  • What matters is what you see. ~Gabourey Sidibe
  • The most important thing is to enjoy your life – to be happy – it’s all that matters. ~Audrey Hepburn
  • The only thing that matters, at the end of a stay on earth, is how well did we love, what was the quality of our love? ~Richard Bach
  • At the end of our lives we all ask, ‘Did I live? Did I love? Did I matter?’ ~Brendon Burchard

There it is, the wisdom that’s been driving many of us into a state of frenzied madness. Did you notice how subjective all of these quotes are? It’s up to us to decide when we matter.

The Mattering

Here’s my own bit of wisdom: if we are conscious, we matter. That’s it. That we exist as a coordinated, highly functional, intricate being is all it takes to qualify. Anything above and beyond that is the drama on our stage, the outtakes, the whipped topping, the bonus material.

Can you imagine such an existence?

You exist, “I matter”.

You are born, “I still matter”.

You live, “Yep, that’s me mattering”.

You die, “Still mattering”.

What a fanatical equalizer, an existence with no lacking, no judgment, no precursors, no Mighty Tasks. A life where surviving seventh grade once is more than enough.

Can you imagine?

How To Befriend Your Dragon

I Imagined Her Well

The way her blubbered skin stretched over a fluid spine. How her back had been blackened by basement dust and grim assumptions. Evanescent scales caught the light of my laptop, reflecting the full spectrum of the rainbow before they settled back to a chartreuse. Her bulk was overwhelming, blue whale overwhelming, Hoover Dam overwhelming. Like a disposable camera, my eyes had to chunk her into segments.

Sensing my slim presence, she set her body in motion, disentangling part by part: clawed paws, spiky neck, thorny tail, whip whiskers, soppy nose. The first time we look upon our dragon we see only its lethal parts. Similar to looking down the muzzle of a gun and failing to notice the luminous shine of the cherry wood stock.

Fear masks the beauty of a thing.

My dragon unraveled before me and though I had felt small before I was impotent now.  I was a wee bit of a woman whose middle name was Lynn instead of Courage. I had come to this battle with a laptop, a notebook, and a chai latte for weapons. We humans are impossibly gifted at confusing optimism for wisdom.

I must tell you of her eyes, like orchid light shifting behind smoky soot. Not soulless, but soul daring. Eyes that tighten the chest and hurt the heart.

Looming over my prize, my life dream, she challenged me to take it. Go ahead and try! Circling, she thumped me upside my head with the very tip of her tail. My eyes popped twin waterfalls as my frame shook. I almost ran back up the stairs into the August afternoon sun.


Lesson 1– Once you’ve looked upon your dragon, never turn your back on it again.

I Challenged Her Well

I returned to her almost every day for years until time lost its potency. Sitting on the last step in the dim light of the staircase I fought my dragon. Not in the way of a knight but in the manner of a mouse, stealing one word at a time from beneath my dragon’s vast weight.

She growled, (as every proper dragon should) threatening me with fear-full nonsense. You are incapableungifted and naïve!

I was naïve and have thanked the gods for it!  If I had known how long it takes a mouse to steal a block of cheese I would have given up on my dream for a clean house, a secure job and golf lessons. But I wanted my dream more than I wanted my securityI wanted the risk of getting burned more than I wanted the peace of mediocrity! My first laptop died, then my second and still I continued typing until my knuckles throbbed and my battery fried.

Lesson 2: Determination is the armor your dragon cannot breach.

I Friended Her Well

My dragon nibbled her loose lips as her prize diminished. As I grew more confident she grew restless and alert. Venturing closer, I would swipe entire sentences from beneath her as she huffed her fiery puffs. I no longer heard her guttural warnings over the tapping of my fingers. The violet light in her eyes dimmed against the glow of my screen. I gave up my hard, wooden seat to perch between two, warm claws.

Eventually, the day came when I found her slack tail coiled around the last of my dream. I stood before her, one hand holding my laptop as the other clutched my chai. “I created you when I created my dream. You thought you were the embodiment of my fear, my lack, my uncertainty, my belief that if I fail to realize my dream I am pointless. You’ve lost your power over me because I know now that I am SO much more than every aspiration I will ever have.” She raised her broad snout, blowing a sloppy goo over me. Her tail rose, uncoiling like an overused garden hose to reveal the very meat of my treasure. It was not a finished book, but a true treasure: self-actualization. My dragon was a catalyst. Sometimes our gifts must be horded by another before we see it as a treasure.

I gave my clever dragon a goofy grin, “If it wasn’t for you I’d be one fantastic and utterly miserable golfer by now. I’d be clutching my bitter dreams without the courage to live them out.” I tapped the edge of my laptop against her giving hide, “Thank you, Dragon! When I look upon your slivered teeth I will remember that I am more than the things I aspire to accomplish. When I sit between your shiny claws I will remember who created them and who sustains them.” She nuzzled my laptop, scraping her thorny whiskers over its metal casing in a jarring screech. “You know, once you get past the scorching breath, the freaky eyes and the sour scent, it’s kind of nice to have a dragon lurking in your basement.”

Lesson 3– When you befriend your dragon you gain your true treasure.

Friends With Benefits–And How To Know You Are One

I am twenty-seven years old and I’m in a very loving relationship.  However, during my late teens and early twenties, I was one of the first  victims  ladies to have experienced the  whole fwb phenomenon. (I blame Dean Winters’ appearance in Sex And The City for this.)

So many of my girl friends have come to me for dating advice on this very subject and yet all the solutions have been addressed, my friends still make these same self-destructive mistakes.  I always thought it was a trend that would have gone out of style like Tamagotchi–but alas, the FWB trend has only gotten more popular.  Movies like No Strings Attached and Friends With Benefits have not only glamorized the phenomenon, they have also deluded women everywhere that it is feasible to end up in a loving relationship with men that use them for sex.


It’s a shame that so many online romance blogs are devoted to covering this very subject day after day and it’s even worse that I am conforming to writing about this over talked about trend. However, I realized that although so many young women out there are still getting hurt everyday because of this and if I can just get through to one love lorn girl, then this blog would be worth it.

That is why today I am going to share my wisdom with ladies today. Please be warned girls that this is something you probably don’t want to read, and something I would NEVER say to you in your face for the fear of you crying or calling me a self-righteous bitch, but the reason why I want to say this is because the truth is better than hearing a sugar coated lie, because the end result is never sweet.

So you slept with him….What are the signs he’s not interested in a relationship with you?

 1.  If he calls you from an Unknown Number….and you still don’t have his number.

 2.  He doesn’t introduce you to his friends as your girlfriend…or better yet, he doesn’t introduce you to his friends PERIOD.

 3. The only places you go to are to his house, or your house, (this includes cars if houses are not available) and if you’re going out, it’s always somewhere where neither of you will bump into people you know.

4. If you are the one who asked him out. 9 times out of 10, FWB relationships are initiated from the woman.  It’s a harsh pill to swallow, but these are the facts.  When I think about the times I got stuck in this now timeless scenario, I realized it was me. 

5.  If you’re always the one calling or texting. Guys are known as being the pursuers and if they’re not texting or calling you, it’s generally because you’re not a priority to them. Believe me, if he’s serious about you, he’ll call you too.

 6. If He asks you to meet at a bar or (fill in the blank’s) house.  Do not be fooled. This is NOT a date.

 7. If he says he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship..IT’S A LIE!!  A total, utter, lie.  Men really don’t care about ruining the friendship through sex.  So if he’s perfectly okay with the sex part, and not the relationship part….you are nothing more than his fwb buddy.

 8.  If you find yourself having tantalizing and dirty phone calls with him, yet he never really suggests to go out with you in PERSON…you are nothing more than his PHONE fwb buddy.

But the most popular excuse is……….IF he uses the whole “I’ve been hurt and I’m not ready for a relationship” excuse.  Girls, this should sound familiar, because we use it too!!!! What he’s really trying to say is that he’s not ready to be in a relationship with YOU.  Either he doesn’t want to commit, or he’s looking for something else.  This is the playas’ line of choice.

OUCH…I know it’s hard to actually think of being rejected by someone you thought you really could get serious with, but this is the truth.  Any girl who says any different is in denial.  If he is doing any of the things I wrote above then YOU ARE NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND.

Again, I know I might sound harsh, but it pisses me off when girls waste their time on someone who can’t even see their brilliance and beauty, when they could really be spending  their time with someone who does see everything good in them. Think about it: FWB relationships don’t start out of the blue.  The reason why so many women sleep with these guys is because they want them to like them. We all have some form of female intuition. If something doesn’t feel right, then it’s probably not. Throwing yourself at someone who you know has rejected you emotionally will only hurt you in the long run.

If you’re currently going through this situation right now, just remember this one phrase and REALLY think about it.  “Deal with men for how they are, and not how you would like them to be.”  I hope I was able to shed light on this subject and again sorry for sounding like a bitch, but I’ve been through this before, and I hate seeing others go through it too.

Film Quotes That Have Inspired My Personal Dating Life

As a lot of Free Online Blog Spot readers know, I am an insane movie buff and although I love writing about online relationship issues, I love incorporating my passion for love with my love for film.

We all have quotes from films that have inspired us in some kind of way, I can honestly say that some quotes from the big and small screen were some of the best forms of love advice I have ever received before in my life.

Here are a few quotes that have resonated with me and hopefully they can inspire you as well!

 This girl tonight. She’s a handful, you know? Women who look a certain way, they… they need to be managed. It’s true. Your dad ducked out on you, huh? Your mom, she didn’t exactly say, but there’s a kind of… neglect. Gives off a scent. You don’t mind my saying, you got a lot on your shoulders for a kid. The two of you, alone. And your girl… Amy. She’s ripe. I bet there’s a line of guys dying to pluck that. Your mom, too. You don’t see it. Maybe you do, but she’s putting it out. It’s on you to look after them. You up for that, guy? –FRIGHT NIGHT (2011)

This quote from Fright Night resonates with me for two different reasons: One being that it reminded me how I’m a huge nostalgia nut! Hearing Colin Farrell say this quote literally gave me goosebumps, because he had effectively done the character of Jerry Dandridge justice and considering how the original Fright Night is my favorite horror film, it was amazing to be able to feel like I was traveling back in time to when a simpler time in my life.

The second reason why this quote resonates with me is that it verified to me how bad boys can smell daddy issues from a mile away. Women may not know it, but certain men can sense your vulnerabilities and use it to their advantage. I used to be this girl and never understood why I was such a magnet for negative attention.

“I just prefer dating black men. It’s not a prejudice, it’s a preference.”
“Yes, it’s your preference to be prejudice.” –SOMETHING NEW

Being biracial, I have always been taught to love anyone I choose. Unfortunately, I had experienced times where my affections were not received because I was half-black. Even the men I had loved deeply in my life were not as open about their prejudices right off the bat. Although few of them would ever admit it to this very day, it was obvious to me that although it was fine to sleep with a biracial girl, it wasn’t in their best interests to introduce a biracial girl to their friends or family members as their girlfriend. So after watching this movie, I had realized that a lot of people hide their prejudices by simply saying “He or she is not my “type.” It made me realize that anyone who is prejudice is not even worthy of shedding a tear for.

“A lot of bad shit is gonna happen to you. People are not gonna love you back, and if you’re serious about becoming an artist, that’s the first thing you should learn. And, listen, you’re gonna die, okay? Relatively soon, okay? So, that being said, you have nothing to worry about.”-THE HOTTEST STATE

I love Ethan Hawke for his insightful quotes and this one from the movie he first directed really hit me. For a long time, I was always concerned with frivolous shit. If someone broke my heart, my world came crashing down. I would always wonder why me? Why can’t he love me? After years of growing up, I have learned that it’s okay not to be loved by someone you love. It’s okay to be rejected and to accept it in your life because constantly obsessing and worrying about people who simply don’t give a damn about you is pointless. Life is way too short to be worried about things that simply don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

“Just because someone likes the same bizarro crap you do, does not make them your soulmate.” 500 DAYS TO SUMMER

I find it very odd that we instantly think there’s a magnetic attraction to someone simply because they like the same obscure things we do. I had fallen victim to this a few years back. When I first moved to Toronto, I had fallen very hard for a “medium-cute” bartender/actor. He loved Serge Gainsbourg, Roy Ayers and all the soul and funk bands I liked. He was a huge movie buff and enjoyed going to the small theatres to watch indies that no one I ever knew would ever download, let alone spend money on. I instantly thought we were meant to be and then he pulled the rug from right under me. He said I wasn’t his “type” (refer back to the SOMETHING NEW quote) and decided to see a ditzy blonde girl who was 10 years younger than him instead. So it just goes to show you that you can’t always judge hobbies and interests as a clear soulmate indicator.

“Life’s hard. It’s supposed to be. If we didn’t suffer, we’d never learn anything. “-BEFORE SUNSET

I’ll be turning 28 next week and in these 28 years I have been through a lot. Had my heart broken more times than I would like to admit, have been in crazy life and death situations and have lost people that have meant the world to me. Sometimes I used to think there was a giant black cloud over my head (and sometimes I still do) but I realized that my life has and will always be driven by some kind of chaos. My writing only seems to flow during the most stressful times of my life and if I hadn’t gone through the things I had gone through, then I wouldn’t be who I was today. Live and let learn; that’s my motto.

“Only Unfulfilled Love Can Truly Be Romantic.” –VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA

After hearing this quote for the first time, I got misty-eyed. I believed that it was okay to have that on and off love that pops in and out of your life and at least the memory would bring the hope and romance lacking in your life.

“Unrequited love is the perfect romantic construct, it allows two cowardly people to act out a fantasy of love without having to face any real consequences” THE ROMANTICS

This quote made me realize that what I had believed of the last quote was total utter bullshit. I finally understood that having someone pop in and out of your life at their own leisure was not cool, nor was it healthy. Memories are great, as long as you don’t live in the past. Otherwise, they continue to haunt you for years to come and make you chronically unsatisfied with your future romantic prospects. So what if you don’t get closure? Why do we always seek it anyway? Does that make it easier? I understand now that being a hopeless romantic is not conducive to one’s love life. It’s just self-destructive. Be thankful for the memories—plain and simple.

“In my opinion the best thing you can you do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.”-JUNO

I had a horrible habit of comparing the men in my life to past lovers. However, I can’t say how incredible it feels to be loved by someone who accepts me for all my flaws. (I have plenty!) The person who is meant for you is the person who calls you on your birthday, who is proud to introduce you to their friends and family and who is not afraid of telling you how they feel. Throwing these people out of your life is crazy because as I have finally realized that life is not a movie. One can not expect to be swooped off their feet and live blissfully ever after with the perfect man. Relationships are constant work and if you find someone who is willing to work overtime, then you should always think twice about letting them go.

What are some quotes that have inspired your actions regarding your personal love life?

5 Questions to Keep Virtual Threats from Crashing Your Relationship

Today’s modern couples have fully integrated sites like Facebook, Twitter and YouTube into their relationship.

In fact, social media is an integral part of the dating ritual, the engagement stage, and everyday married life.  Unfortunately, it is also a factor in relationship break-ups, the open sharing that “it’s complicated,” and the public announcement of a separation or divorce.

Social media connects us with anyone at anytime to do anything anywhere with anybody. From the countless stories we’ve heard from broken-hearted spouses and scorned lovers, most every relationship that was negatively affected by social media-related issues occurred because the couple never discussed their online guard rails or virtual boundaries to protect their relationship.

“The Techlationship Talk” is five basic questions every dating, engaged and married couple should discuss to make sure their virtual activities and technology habits don’t create problems in their real-time relationship. (To help the conversation go a little deeper, we’ve offered some additional scenarios to consider.)

  • Is Anybody Not Acceptable?  Are there real life associations that shouldn’t be a Facebook Friend, Twitter Follower or other online connection: people who are a negative influence; certain family members; exes of any type (including boyfriends/girlfriends, ex-spouses, crushes); co-workers, employees or clients; people not known in real life; current or past porn stars?  (Since “Weinergate,” this last one is now officially on the table for discussion).
  • Is Anytime Off Limits? Mobile technology and free wi-fi makes access to social media sites easy, anytime and anywhere. But is that a good thing? How much time online is too much time? Is it possible to log on too early in the morning or too late at night? What is an acceptable amount of time to be using social media each day?
  • Is Anywhere Out of Bounds? Social media allows people to communicate in a variety of private and public ways. But just because it’s possible, does it make it acceptable?  What about private correspondences through chatting, inbox posts, or direct messaging? Is it OK to send private messages to any online friend, or should these forms of online communication be reserved for certain people? Are there any Groups, forums, private or semi-private online gatherings that are problematic?
  • Is Anything Taboo? What happens online, stays online forever and is accessible anytime by just about anybody, anywhere. So on that note, what is and is not appropriate to share about one another and the relationship? What is and is not acceptable to disclose to others in online communities? Is it OK to flirt online with someone else? Due to a number of recent, high profile stories defending “consenting adults” sharing steamy messages and images online, what would constitute as “cheating?”
  • Is Anyplace Not Allowed? Social networks give 24/7 access to people, brands and information. But, can the online community expect 24/7 access to you in return? When is it not OK to check in on what Facebook friends are doing? Are there social media-free times like dates or family activities?  How about scrolling the News Feed from the bathroom, the bedroom, or the dinner table? What about special events, sacred ceremonies (church, weddings, funerals), or regular gatherings?

The difference between anything happening and nothing happening is that everybody assumes that nobody is doing nothing, when in fact, something is happening and someone is hoping that no one finds out.

The ultimate goal of “The Techlationship Talk” is for couples to openly and honestly talk about where technology and their relationship converge, discuss their social media habits, and share their opinions on how the virtual world and real world collide.

This removes the guesswork for the modern couple, who in this social media age, must find the balance between technology and their relationship, and agree upon mutual guard rails and online boundaries for their relationship.

Now here’s one last question…when will you and your mate have “The Techlationship Talk?”  

Share what’s on your mind! (add your comments below)

Have you had an official or unofficial “Techlationship Talk” in your relationship? Did it work for your relationship? Share what you and your mate agreed to.

7 Times You Should Lie to a Woman

Alright, I’m starting with a disclaimer: In any relationship, old or new, honesty is usually the best policy. You know, when in doubt, tell the truth. But there’s always an exception to the rule, right? Right. Sometimes, your honesty just does more harm than good. And sometimes, a little fibbing will save you and your better half a hell of a lot of pain, strife and nagging. What follows are seven questions you should answer, um, diplomatically. Just remember to stick to “little white lies.” Go bigger than that, and you’ll definitely be going home—alone.

1. Do you mind taking care of me when I’m sick in bed?

“Sorry, the stock photo of the girl with the thermometer had the day off.”

Sure, some people like to lock themselves behind closed doors and be alone when they’re under the weather. But others—likely including your girlfriend—want to be pampered. They want the hot soup, cold compress and loving back rub. Admittedly being the caretaker of a wheezing, feverish patient isn’t always fun, but telling your girl that you want nothing to do with her unless she’s in prime form will only cause you grief.

2. Are you uncomfortable when I cry in front of you?

“It’s so sad… when your eyebrows don’t match your hair!”

Scared of feelings? Too bad. Most ladies aren’t, and they like sharing those feelings with others, especially you. Unless your girlfriend is bawling on a daily basis (in which case you may want to consult a professional; I can’t help you there), make it known that when she does go through tough times, you’re there for her. Don’t run in the other direction at the first sight of a tear—that’ll just paint you as an insensitive asshole (excuse my language). You don’t have to be a shrink, or buy three-dozen roses every time she turns on the waterworks; just offer a hug and open ears and she’ll melt on the spot.

3. Do you think I need to wear makeup daily?

This could get messy when she’s bawling her eyes out later.

No girl wants to hear that she’s only pretty with the help of cosmetics. It’s that simple. This question isn’t an opportunity for you to scrutinize your girlfriend’s best and worst facial features (“Well, you have beautiful lips, but could definitely use some concealer on those dark circles…”). It’s an opportunity for you to make her feel naturally beautiful, and more importantly, comfortable and sexy in your presence, no matter what.

4. Did you have a stripper at your bachelor party?

Thank you, HIMYM, for providing this relatively tasteful bachelor party stripper shot.

Whether or not your bachelor party (or your buddy’s bachelor party) takes place in Vegas, it’s best to follow the old ‘what happens there, stays there’ adage. Sure, your fiancée/wife/girlfriend might say she doesn’t care and she’s totally cool with it, but you’re better off erring on the side of omission. If for no other reason than, her libido and sexual confidence will drop through the floor when she pictures you partying with a professionally hot chick. And that hardly does you any good, does it?

5. Do you think my best friend/sister is hot?

Toughest thing about dating Penelope Cruz? Pretending Monica isn’t totally smokin’.

Here’s one situation where the wording is critical. It’s one thing to agree when your girlfriend says her sister or best friend is pretty, or looks pretty tonight. Pret-ty. But hot has completely different connotations—ones that’ll make your gal immediately envision you trying to score with her sibling or pal the moment she leaves the room. So repeat after me: “pretty” not “hot.”

6. Do you like hanging out with my family?

Warning: obligatory Meet the Parents photo.

If your girlfriend is close with her family, plan on being close with them too. That doesn’t mean you have to call her mom to catch up every Tuesday. It does mean you shouldn’t sit in the corner playing Words with Friends during get-togethers, or complain every time you’re invited to a family dinner. And if your girlfriend isn’t close with her kin? Well, you still need to be careful, because it might be one of those ‘Nobody says that about my mama but me’ situations. Bottom line: if you like the girl, her family members are part of the package, so put on a smile and tell her you love ’em, or you just may get dumped.

7. Do you agree I shouldn’t eat that because I’m getting fat?

No. Just no.

How to Win a Guy (or How to Get Him to Win You!)

I’m going to confess to you that I am neither a natural Fashionista or a believer that women should dress for men. That said, there are a few rules of thumb that as a dating expert I always hear from guys that they like:

  1. Men do like fashionable women. Just like how you’ll be attracted to a man with a good sense of style as it shows his self worth and where he’s at with his life, the same goes for the guys. So if you don’t know your cocoon shapes from culottes you may want to work on that.

Updating your fashion can also be used as part of a smart way that you signal to yourself that you’re ready for something new. If you don’t believe me, just think of all the women that go blonde post break-up… exactly!

I wouldn’t advocate spending a ton of money or reaching for the peroxide but there is a logic to having a turn out, and a restyle to say to yourself ‘this time it’s going to be different.’ So don’t underestimate the psychological power of your clothes.

  1. Men like women who stand out. Not because they’re almost naked but because they’re bold enough to wear something that represents their own style as they walk into a room.

That’s because men like to feel proud of the woman that they’ve ‘caught’. Men get this male ego rush when they perceive themselves as having found a ‘rare’ mate and when they’ve had to put some effort into catching you. That doesn’t mean we all have to go back to living in the 1950’s and live by ‘the rules’ though.

Instead of waiting to respond to his text and playing it so cool that he loses interest: just make sure that when you’re first dating, the guy gets a healthy time into your schedule behind everyone else that was in it already. (your friends, family, colleagues and pets all get first refusal on your time!)

And as for that unique bit — if we’re just focusing on the visual it means celebrating what you have. Don’t believe Instagram, there is not one type of woman men go for. Believe me, I work with a lot of men too, and they all go for something different.

So if you’re tall own your height in heels, if you are petite grab some Superga trainers and enjoy being pint sized, if you are slim enjoy wearing tops that don’t require a seriously supportive bra, and if you are curvy you’re in fashion so show it off with figure hugging clothes.

  1. Men like women who dress in a feminine way. It’s slightly depressing but true that a belted waist, feminine dresses, and heels all make guys go a bit gooey eyed. Poor creatures.

Yes, men like heels (that’s just obvious) and feminine shaped dresses and colors. Remember, if you’re more of a girl, he can feel like more of a guy. So if you want to get approached more, flatter his ego by ‘girling it up’. This doesn’t mean you have to change your style overall but a wide brimmed hat, stiletto heel, or a red lip can work wonders for your ego too.

However, I shouldn’t have to tell you it’s much more important that you look in the mirror and like what you see: because even the trendiest of clothes will be ruined if you’re not smiling in them, and the sexiest heels are pointless if you feel like a staggering giraffe. So never underestimate dressing for you. Wear only what makes you feel confident, and what represents who you are.

This also makes good boy logic. If you dress in a way that pleases you then you will magnetize a guy that likes your attitude and vibe. For instance — tattoos would be hot to most rock and roll guys and a no-go for others.

So communicating what you’re about through your clothes creates a natural filter where guys who are compatible with you should say ‘hi’.

It’s not much fun trying to go around to please everyone (there will always be someone who doesn’t get your vibe) so I’d focus on pleasing yourself… & the percentage of guys out there who are looking for a woman just like you.

The post How to Win a Guy (or How to Get Him to Win You!) appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

How to Win Her Over at the Bar

Your palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There’s vomit on your sweater already, mom’s spaghetti. (Umm, why is Mom still cooking your dinner?)

You’re a grown man, nervous but on the surface you look calm, ready to drop bombs. But you keep on forgetting what you wrote down. So we wrote it down one more time for you, because approaching a woman in a gulf of gawkers and other fine prospects can be intimidating. Especially if she’s totally aloof to your creeper stare, or a newfound Belieber dancing in a ring of forbidden trespassing. And especially if there’s spaghetti sauce on your graphic tee.

Here’s how to steal her attention if you get just one shot, one opportunity…

Feel it out and choose a song that’ll get her on the dance floor, but here’s the pitfall: The potential to screw yourself over is tremendous.

Dress to impress.

Keep your shoe game strong and remember: Jeans speak volumes and could either make a man or break him. You might get her attention with your gold-stitched seams or chlorine-dipped floods, but not for the right reasons. Regardless of the bar’s dress code, maintain your own standards—what you put on is a manifestation of your dignity. In a sea of handsome faces, dress can set you apart before you even make contact. We’re not saying it’s cool to judge a book by its cover; we’re just saying that fashion functions a lot like sign language, in that it’s nothing but wordless communication. And whether it’s a Panthers jersey in New York, ballsy but justified, or a shell-neck sweater, you just told her a whole lot.

Man the jukebox, and the dance floor.

If there’s a jukebox, master the playlist. The advice to follow is universal. When a group of women head out unaccompanied by the male species, at least one of them stated at some point while ransacking her roommate’s closet, “I’m tryna dance tonight.” And what she really means is, she wants to belt Adele lyrics. So choose wisely, gentlemen. Feel it out and choose a song that’ll get her on the dance floor, but here’s the pitfall: The potential to screw yourself over is tremendous. Avoid recent hits that make every female freak out, because once that friends circle forms, it’s nearly impossible to penetrate the pact. If you dare try, her friend will spin her away from you; try again and she’ll disappear to the bathroom. Thrice and she’ll tell you she’s a lesbian. You have to play some song she’ll surely sing to but eventually say to her friends, “Alright, I’m over this.” That’s when you swoop in and revive her tapping toes. Come on Eileen!

Buddy up with the bartender.

Once you’ve soft-shoed, it’s time to step away. You’ve got a new person to schmooze: the bartender. Befriend him or her. How? You’re a witty smooth talker. You’re respectful. You pay in cash and you tip damn well. Your dance partner will come looking for you, and when she spots you pal-ing it up, you become a winner. She’s thirsty from that dance floor workout, and you’ve got the cool, refreshing solution. This is your cue to offer her a drink or send one over. Tito’s and club is a fine choice—rated one of the best-tasting vodkas, everyone likes club soda… and it’s gluten-free in case she’s one of those.

Ask questions.

She thinks your running man is a charming blend of funny and pathetically endearing, you’ve quenched her thirst and now it’s time to get to know her. Don’t even attempt a pick-up line; simply introduce yourself. Don’t do all the speaking; ask her about herself. People like talking about themselves. It’s just a thing. And those who ask questions always come off as valued conversation partners. Just make sure you don’t start off with, “What do you do?” and don’t start off with a physical compliment. It’s lame, potentially boring and there will be plenty of time for that stuff later. Instead, compliment her dance moves or ask what else she does well. That could get interesting.

Maintain eye contact.

It’s key. We once told you that eyes are windows to the soul, and science backs us up. Those who make direct eye contact are perceived as far more attractive than those who avert eye contact, perhaps because it fosters trust and empathy. She’ll feel comfortable talking with you, which will  sustain your conversation—almost certainly long enough to exchange numbers… and maybe even long enough to make breakfast. So we’ll let you take it from here. Just remember: You can do anything you set your mind to, man.

What to Say When People Ask Why You’re Not Married

These quick comebacks could come in handy.

Marriage is a thing two people do when they’re utterly in love and want to lock it in—and, for some, also maybe reap the benefits. But there’s been a more than 50 percent decline in marriages each year and evermore people are putting it on the backburner.

Back in the day, men and women got married at 22 and 20-ish, respectively. Today, they’re dating around longer and getting married at 28 and 25-ish—if not way later in life. And it’s normal, whatever that means—just not to our parents or grandparents who got married when they were your age minus 10 years.

Today’s a different day, so here are some things to say in the event that you’re asked why you’re still not married.

“I suffer from shy butthole syndrome.”

“Marriage is a solid institution, but I’m not crazy enough for an institution quite yet.”

“I like sex.”

“I didn’t think you’d want to share me with anyone, so I was being considerate of your feelings.”

“To whom?”