Do Pheromones Really Work? | blog

Pheromone is a Greek word that means transmit and to excite or stimulate. Although pheromones don’t necessarily have a distinctive aroma, they play a very important role in animal behavior. 

There are many creatures on this planet like mice that use chemical signals in an attempt to attract mates. One of the most common examples is when a dog is in heat, she attracts all the other male dogs in her area because of her pheromones. Hunters tend to use pheromones to trap and hunt animals. However, even after in-depth research in pheromone attraction, the science is still unclear on whether or not humans react to each other’s pheromones the same way as some animals do. 

A professor from the University of Columbia states that human beings don’t possess the same functioning vomeronasal organ which is what animals have to find pheromones secreted by a different animal of the same species. However, scientists do believe that smells can play a major role in attraction in people. 

Will wearing a Pheromone Cologne help you Attract Women?

In more recent times synthetic pheromones are used in colognes and perfumes to attract the opposite sex. You have probably come across advertisements online, tv, or in magazines for pheromone perfumes or sprays that promise you that you will be more attractive if you use them. The thought that this liquid will make you God’s gift to others is almost irresistible. So, you might be thinking, is this just an advertising trick to force you to purchase these products, or do they actually work? 

The majority of women claim that they are attracted to men that shower at least once a day, who are well-groomed, and wear cologne without overdoing it. Most ladies tend to have a keen sense of smell and a nice masculine scent could prove to be the key when getting them to feel attracted to a man. Purchasing a decent bottle of quality cologne might turn out to be a great investment when attempting to attract a female. If she is special, don’t just buy a cheap bottle of deodorant, purchasing a well-known brand with good reviews will help. Many shops will have a sample bottle available so that you can test the product before you buy. If you are new to buying colognes, perhaps ask one of the store’s employees for advice. Putting cologne on each morning will help you change your overall image and can also help boost your self-esteem. 

What is the Most Common use for Pheromones?

The most common use of pheromones is to prompt sexual behavior. 

Many believe that during the fertile stage of a lady, strong hormones called copulin pheromones attract males. When a male inhales this scent through his nose, they feel a sexual desire towards that female. Some people believe that these pheromones help improve women’s confidence and others feel that it makes them feel young. 

An Israeli neurologist recently published a study that proved that men’s testosterone and sexual arousal levels dropped when a glass containing a woman’s tears was placed under their noses. These tears showed that the chances of lovemaking were highly unlikely. 

Do all Scientists Agree that Pheromones Work?

Every scientist agrees that lots of creatures use pheromones to help them attract a sexual partner. However, it is an ongoing debate about whether or not humans rely on pheromones to help them attract the opposite sex as animals do. Most scientists say that pheromones are vital and that humans have a scent detector in our nasal cavity. 

Synthetic Pheromones in Sprays, Perfumes, and Colognes 

For years companies have incorporated pheromones into deodorants, sprays, colognes, and perfumes that are readily available. Some of these products use highly potent amounts of pheromones that are designed to boost sexual attraction between males and females. These products are separated into three categories. For men, women, and homosexuals. 

Before purchasing cologne or perfume, perhaps understanding the different types of compounds might help. There are four different types of pheromones, three of which are secreted to men, while women only have one. Each pheromone starts with the word ‘’andro’’  which originated from Greek that means ‘’masculine’’. 

  • Androstenone: This is the pheromone that causes women to feel aroused. Too much of this molecule can make people around you feel intimidated, so don’t overdo it too much if you want women to feel attracted to you. If you are in the dating scene at the moment, androstenone is probably your best bet as it stimulates feelings of dominance and assertiveness. 
  • Androsterone: This has also been referred to as the ‘’respect’’ pheromone. It makes others perceive you as an older, more mature person.
  • Androstadienone: This molecule is found in most colognes that is aimed at people who are in a long term, serious relationship. It is supposed to give your partner feelings of safety, comfort, and intimacy. 
  • Androstenol: For people who are new to wearing colognes, this might be the best option. It will make people perceive you as a fun, outing individual. It gives the effect that you are a friendly person and people will feel that you are easily approachable. It also helps encourage feelings of sexual attraction.

There are lots of reviews online available that can help guide you in choosing the best perfume or cologne that suits you. 


Although lots of experts are still on the fence on whether pheromones work or not, there has been growing evidence suggesting that these excreted chemicals do play a part in the way people perceive other people. There has been a long list of experiments that prove that sex pheromones trigger the brain to make people feel aroused.

Unfortunately, pheromone perfumes and colognes are not magic love potions that will help you get every person you meet wanting to sleep with you. Of course, advertising agencies exaggerate the way these products will affect your love life, but at the end of the day, that’s their job. The perfume and cologne business is a multi-trillion dollar industry and there is lots of competition out there. A lot of these products will help you attract others, however, don’t expect them to completely change your love life!


What To Talk About With A Guy

Have you ever been talking with a man and found yourself wondering what to say next? You wonder what to talk about with a guy…

I’ll be the first person to tell you that talking to a man is really not that difficult. The problem is that you only learned how to talk to other girls. Ahem … females, women.

dating relationship advice what do I talk about with men What To Talk About With A Guy   18 Tips

We may have a lot of topics in common, but knowing how to talk about with a man is really probably more important than what to talk about with him. Still, it’s not intuitive.

It’s just not easy to know what to talk about with a guy.

Aren’t you lucky you have Carlos?

I’ve been a guy in my entire life, and I’ve gone on quite a few dates where the woman talking to me didn’t seem to have the first clue of how to talk to me.

And now that we live in the age of Covid and online dating, we have to find more ways to make those connections count. Conversation is how more relationships will start off, anyway.

So I’m going to give you a crash course in how to talk to men. We’ll talk about what to talk about, and how to talk about it.

But first, we got to talk about what NOT to talk about.

Don’t Talk About: Negative topics

If you are still in the first two to four dates, you need to avoid your conversation going too negative. If he brings it up, that’s okay. But you don’t want to stay in the negative zone for too long. After awhile it will start to taint how he feels about you.

Eventually, you will talk about these things. But there’s no reason to tarnish the start of the relationship yet.

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  • How your life sucks
  • How HIS life sucks
  • Politics (it just ruins everything)
  • News

Don’t Talk About: Criticism

It should go without saying that you should avoid any kind of criticism towards him on those first few important dates. After all, if you are finding things to criticize him about and feel the need to share it, you probably shouldn’t be seeing him.


Pretty simple, huh?

Don’t Talk About: Anyone else you are seeing

This is obviously a No-No. there’s no need to discuss any one you are dating on the side other than him.

If he asks, you can politely delay this for later.

If you’d like to know how to say it to him, go check this out….

Don’t Talk About: Any women from his past

Until you’re in a relationship that is stable and grounded in your Love & Safety, leave other people out of it. Memories of his past relationships don’t belong.

YOU are the present; stay with the present.

Don’t Talk About: His money

Look, the truth is that a lot of guys run into a lot of women that are only looking at him as a source of gifts and support.

Every guy understands his obligation to provide for his family. But don’t bring up the topic of his money too early. Whether that’s talking about his salary, or how he spends his money.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t watch how he handles himself when it comes to paying for the check, of course. But there’s no reason to get into his finances until much later on.

Okay now let’s talk about what you should bring to your conversation with a man –

Talk About This – #1: Anything you can compliment about him

Look ladies, the sad fact of the matter is that men don’t get enough compliments. At least not the right kinds.

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You can’t compliment a man the way you compliment a woman. He isn’t really all that concerned about his choice in shoes or evening jacket. (Does anyone even care about an evening Jacket anymore?)

What a man cares about more than anything else is whether or not he has done something that is worth recognizing.

One of the most important things to a man is being approved of. When you give him approval, his heart just sings.

So a good compliment is your best starting salvo.

Compliment him on something he did well, or a decision he made.

Talk About This – #2: Talk about his Hobbies or his Passions

Guys love to talk about their pastimes.  After all, there’s a good chance he took a job just to pay for his Hobbies. And maybe that developed into his career.

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So you can talk about his work, but even better is to talk about what he would be doing if he didn’t have to work at all. In fact, you can even ask him that question to find out what’s important to him.

You need to know this if you’re entertaining the idea of this guy being your “one and only” someday.

Also, make sure you ask intelligent questions about his hobbies. All you have to do is be genuinely interested in him and what he’s talking about.

Show curiosity and ask questions and you will win his heart.

Talk About This – #3: His friends and family

Look, you want to know more about his world. If only to find out if he’s a good match for you. So the best thing you can do is to ask him about his friends and what makes them all friends.

Find out what holds them together and makes them close.

  • What activities do they share?
  • How did they meet?
  • What are their differences?
  • What are their personalities like?

Questions are your number one intelligence-gathering tool. Make sure you are asking him questions regularly to find out more about him.

The more you learn at the start, the easier your relationship will probably go.

And the less time you’ll spend wasting on guys who don’t deserve your attention.

Talk About This – #4: His pets

If he’s got a dog, find out about his dog. He will probably ramble on and on about his dog, just warning you.

If he has cats …  well, maybe you should rethink this whole thing. (Just kidding!)

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We all love to talk about our pets, after all. And there’s no faster way to open his heart up then to awaken the love he has for his pet.

Talk About This – #5: Find out about his job

Yes, eventually you do need to know what his career is.

  • Why did he choose it?
  • What does he love about it?
  • What does he hate about it?
  • How did he get into that line of work?
  • Is he doing it just for the money?
  • How does his job satisfy him?

And of course talk about your own job. Why did you choose it? Etc.

You can tell an awful lot about a man by finding out how he came to do a certain job. And the reasons he gives you for choosing it.

As you get to know him better, bring it up several times. You’ll find that he tells you more and more about it as he feels more safe talking to you.

Talk About This – #6: Talk about your own turn-ons

I’m talking about your passions here. The things that make you excited about life.

A man is also looking to see if you have your own life. He wants to know YOU are together before he starts a relationship with you.

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No man wants to be an emotional support system or your sole sense of self-worth.

After he talks about his own Hobbies, you should talk about your own.

You do have some hobbies, don’t you?

Make sure you have a life of your own before you start dating. It can be terrifying for a guy to think that the only thing going on in your life is the search for a relationship.

Talk About This – #7: Your tastes

It’s important to talk about the music that you listen to, the movies that you watch, the television shows you view.

If you’re just watching re-runs of “Gilligan’s Island” all the time, he’s going to see that as a red flag.

You want to know that you have common tastes – that you will have something you can share together. If you are not interested in the same things, or your interests don’t align, you will find it difficult to forge a real connection to him.

I will warn you that a man will even get married to a woman he has nothing in common with as long as he feels physical attraction and there is a physical relationship.

Unfortunately, he will lose interest later on when he realizes his mistake. That’s why it’s up to you to watch out upfront.

Help him make a good decision!

Talk About This – #8: Talk about things you can do together

One of the best ways to get a man to fall in love with you is to have adventures with him. Do things together that get him emotionally involved.

It’s the process of experiencing life that creates real emotional investment. So pick out a few activities that will get him activated.

Maybe it’s trying out a new rock climbing gym, or going to see a local theater production. Just choose something exciting and that will bring up the level of attraction between you.

Talk About This – #9: Talk about books you’re reading

If you find a book that you are both familiar with, it’s one of the best ways to get a conversation going.

Ask what he found interesting, and not so interesting about it.

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If you’re a reader, of course you want a man who also reads. So make sure this is high on your list of requirements for your life partner.

You do have a list don’t you?

Talk About This – #10: Tell him about your plans for life

Another thing that men really admire in a woman is a sense of purpose. Purpose beyond finding a guy to marry.

I know it sounds kind of old-fashioned, in this day and age. But the psychology is still very valid.

We want to know that the person we’re interested in has other interests. We want to know that they won’t just latch onto us at the first chance they get. This goes for men as well as women.

Make sure he knows that you had a life before him. And that you have plans for your life, you have a whole adventure ahead for both of you.

Talk About This – #11: Talk about travel

This is a topic we all like to talk about. Find out where he’s been, and where he wants to go.

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After all, eventually you want to have travel to share with him. You want to go to new places and experience the world, and you want to know that he wants this too.

  • Where would he like to go?
  • Where has he gone?
  • Where would you like to go?
  • What are your favorite places?

Talk About This – #12: Talk about food

This one’s a no-brainer. Talking about food is the easiest thing in the world.

  • Talk about the food you like
  • Talk about food you’d like to try
  • Talk about some of your favorite restaurants and what makes them your favorite
  • Talk about some of your food adventures from the past

Talking about food is one of the easiest ways to start and keep a conversation going.

The other benefit is that when you start talking about food, there are other stories that connect to it. He’ll be reminded of lots of other experiences from the past.

Talk About This – #13: Accentuate your commonalities

In other words, make sure you talk a lot about the things you guys have in common. Your compatibilities.

The more you talk about the things you share, the more you’re going to forge a connection with him. And if you really do like this guy, you can’t go wrong.

Just don’t get stuck on this topic, or else it can seem forced.

Talk About This – #14: Later on, talk about love

The best way to get into the topic of love is to explore things like his celebrity crushes.

Another great way to bring it up is to talk about his first real-life Crush from grade school or middle school.

Gently work in stories of your past relationships in a way that is not threatening to him. And get him to talk about his.

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By bringing up this topic, you are reactivating the same emotions in him that he has felt in the past. Only now, in the present moment, he will be feeling them for you.

Cool, huh?

Talk About This – #15: Talk about his dreams, goals, future

It’s especially important that you know what kind of a thinker this guy is. You want to know if he’s got a plan for his life.

That’s why you got to find out what he thinks he’s going to be doing 5, 10, 20 years from now. Even if that’s only being a dad, you have to know that he’s thinking about it and planning for it.

Perhaps the biggest red flag you can encounter is talking to a man who has no plans for his future.

It might sound romantic when he says he’s just “living for the moment,  but that’s just another way of saying: “I’m just treading water.”

You need a guy who is forging a path forward. Not stagnating.

Talk About This – #16: Talk about your favorite movies

I’m kind of listing this twice. But it’s actually an important one.

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When you find out why people like certain movies, you find out more about how they think and feel. You understand them deeper. That’s why this warrants extra attention.

  • Ask him what’s in his “Netflix queue”
  • Or what the last good movie is he saw
  • What type of movies he enjoys
  • What kind of movies he avoids

Bonus points here if you can find a few good quotes you’ve memorized from past movies. As you may or may not know men really love to reuse movie quotes. It’s a way for him to kind of relive the experience of the movie.

Talk About This – #17: Talk about sex – but carefully

Some guys can be weirded out by making him talk about this topic before he’s ready. Most men are pretty Savvy to making it happen, but they aren’t always willing to have it in conversation.

So you need some indirect ways to bring up “the Nasty” with him.

Again, you want to make this a topic for later dates. Maybe not the first or second date.

But when you do bring it into the conversation, it will rapidly accelerate the pace of your relationship.

And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not talking about sex until you guys get there and are ready for that part of your relationship to happen.

Talk About This – #18: Talk About … Never Have I EVER

One of the most fun ways to get in touch with someone is to let yourself be a kid with them again. And one of the best conversation games is to play the “never have I ever” game.

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The game is super simple: “Never Have I Ever” – if you’ve never played it before – each person holds up a hand and takes a turn sharing a statement about something they have never done, while saying: “Never have I ever… “

If anyone HAS done the action, they put down their hand. Then they tell the story about when they DID do that.

It’s a lot of fun, and can lead to some really wild and interesting conversations.

Here are some ideas for questions:

  • Never have I ever rode a motorcycle
  • Never have I ever lost a bet
  • Never have I ever went skinny-dipping
  • Never have I ever cheated on someone
  • Never have I ever woke up somewhere without knowing where I was
  • Never have I ever broken a bone

There are tons of crazy lists for this game on the Internet, plenty to fuel your conversations for … well, years.

In order to keep a man interested, you have to be able to start conversations that bristle with energy. If you hang back and try to play it too safe – which a lot of women do – you’re going to lose before you get started.

Don’t play to “not lose.” Play to WIN!

I’ve given you plenty of ideas for what to talk about with a guy here. If you put your mind to it, you can come up with a bunch more.

The truth is that you don’t really need to know WHAT to talk about. (And if that was a question, I just answered it.)

Really, you’re probably wondering HOW to talk with a guy.

  • What words do you use to talk to him?
  • How do you reach his heart?

Guys do use different words, and you might feel like you’re fumbling with the right words to use when you talk with men.

There IS a way to know the right things to say – you can have simple scripts that you can use to handle any situation with a man…

Discover the Passion Phrases scripts here…

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Work-Life Balance: Online Dating For the Harmony of Personal Life and its Impact on Your Career Plan

The key to a happy and – free life is a work-life balance – but what is work-life balance, and how do you achieve it?

Finding and Maintaining a Work-Life Balance for a Stress-Free Life

Unfortunately, most of us have to work – and our jobs and careers are often the biggest cause of stress in our adult lives. Quitting when things get rough isn’t an option for most of us – but maintaining a work-life balance can be the best way to keep stress levels at bay, both at home and in the office.

Work-life Balance: What is it?

As humans, we struggle to balance our lives and careers. Our home life often affects our behavior and attitudes and work, and vice versa. Not having a balance between work and your home life can quickly strain both areas and make you feel like you never have a break.

Leaving your problems at the door both when you arrive at the office and when you arrive at home can make a huge difference in helping you not to feel overwhelmed and helping you maintain a balance.

Impacts on your Career

Not only do we all make bad decisions when we’re stressed, we also react out of character, can become snappy and irritable, and not be very pleasant to be around. It affects not only your relationships at home but can quickly impact your relationships with colleagues, senior staff, and even other business connections.

Appearing angry or stressed at work not only reduces your productivity and damages your relationships with colleagues, and makes you less likely to get that promotion or bonus from your boss. Having a balance will help you enjoy both your home and work life again and overall improve your relationships and increase your options.

Build Personal Life Online to Save Time

Many people – especially men and women with demanding careers – struggle to make time for a personal life out of work. Meaning all your socializing happens with people you work with, or not at all. Online dating and chat rooms are a great way to meet new people and maintain a healthy social life without putting more pressure on yourself to find the time to go out and do it in person.

Online dating is one way of building a personal life without spending too much time, and that naughty online dating opens an opportunity to meet people with similar interests from your home and office. You need to understand your goals and control your time. Online dating can take place from the comfort of your own home, on your daily commute, or even on your lunch break at your desk.

Tips for Creating the Work-Life Balance

There are plenty of ways to help maintain a healthy work-life balance, but these tips are a great place.

  •         Delegate When You Need To

Don’t try to take too much on at work – you’ll increase your stress levels, and it’ll be even harder to complete. Most bosses would prefer you delegate your work then you produce something under par or late. Don’t be afraid to ask your team – that is why you work in one.

  •         Set Personal Goals and Business Goals

Set yourself a list of goals for both your home and work life. Things like:

  •         Always taking a lunch break outside the office to break up your day
  •         Limiting your time talking about work at home to 20 minutes
  •         Not checking work emails at home or over the weekend
  •         Not checking personal messages or taking personal calls throughout the workday
  •         Love What You Do

As they say, you’ll never work a day in your life if you love what you do. If you hate your job, you will never enjoy it and it will only increase your stress and overall unhappiness as you spend the majority of your waking hours in the office – instead of slugging away at something you hate, look for a job that you love and want to get out of bed for every morning.

The View of Religion on Online Dating

Online dating is becoming more common and normalized in the present day. With over half of all people thinking that dating sites are useful, there are more people flocking to dating websites than ever before. However, people that follow a religious faith have another matter on the mind: what does religion think of online dating? We’re here to provide some answers on what to expect from religious leaders when it comes to their approval or disapproval of online dating.

Is it Normal to Use Dating Sites?

First things first, it’s important to think about the normalcy of using dating sites. Are you out of the ordinary for wanting to find a partner by using the internet? According to data from various studies: no. With the massive changes to the world of online dating, it’s easier than ever to meet people that share your common interests and more by going online. Millions of people have met online and even used dating sites to find the people that they have eventually married.

Dating sites are just the next step of relationships. They help people find partners that are closer to them and more accessible through the internet. There is nothing inherently wrong with online dating, something that religious leaders discuss at length in the form of the question: Is online dating a gateway to sin?

Do They Push People Towards Sin?

Dating sites are innocent on their own. They are powerless without someone logging into them, making a profile, and meeting people. That being said, there are dating sites that are geared towards relationships that aren’t designed to end in marriage, and religious leaders might take exception to those.

Yet, the majority of dating websites are just around to facilitate safe, inexpensive, and local dating between people that would not otherwise be able to have such experiences. Thus, the sites don’t push people towards sin. While it might make people more capable of acting in a certain manner, it’s important to remember that their motivations matter. A person who wants to be promiscuous has that feeling within their heart; the dating site isn’t making them do anything they wouldn’t do given the chance in person. Even the most explicit sites aren’t going to do anything if there are not people that have the desire to use them on their own.

Influence of Religion on Dating Sites

Religious people used to balk at the idea of dating sites. They thought that they were a pathway to sin and that it wasn’t a proper way for people to meet. However, now there are dating sites that are completely dedicated to religious people and helping them find partners. These dating websites are very unique and serve an important function in the modern day.

First off, the websites are designed to serve people from specific religions. That means you can find someone as a Christian, Jew, or Muslim. These sites filtered on with a special approach that make it easy to ensure that you can find someone that has the features you need in a partner with the religion as an afterthought.

That’s not to say that you can only find people for religious dating and relationships on the specialty websites. There are plenty of websites that give you the tools to find people that are from your particular religious background while supporting your relationship of choice. That way, you can decide which elements of your life are the most important.

To reiterate the answer: religions do have some influence on dating sites. Religious people decided to make an individual place for them to date, and other sites followed suit to capture their interest.

More than half of us believe that heading online is a good way to find a partner`. Not only has online dating been normalized for most people, but it’s also something that can be in line with religious beliefs. After all, it’s not the sites that are finding a partner for you; you’re meeting your own date based on your criteria. So long as you are holding to your religion, most religions don’t have an issue with online dating. Date with confidence when it comes to finding singles that are religious like you!

Are Negative Attitudes Blocking Your Seductiveness?


What’s absolutely necessary in becoming a seductive person is weeding out any negative attitudes you carry that are roadblocks to possessing, harnessing and exuding your sexual energy. Seductive sexual energy is free flowing. It’s electric and magnetic and you are the conduit.

If the conduit is blocked, the energy’s not flowing and neither is the seduction.

Do you carry anger, fear or resentment toward the opposite sex? Do you blame men for past hurts that YOU won’t let go of? Are you controlling, needy, and insecure or untrusting?

All of these qualities are cancerous to the inner peace and balance required for seduction. No matter how well you imagine that you are hiding them, you’ll give off negative vibes that men will sense causing them to loose interest in you.

I cringe when I hear statements like:

  • “Men are jerks”
  • “Men only want one thing”
  • “Men are pigs”
  • “Can’t live with them…”
  • “Men are stupid”

Men may have done hurtful things to you but at some point you have to Let Go and Get On.

You’ll never hope to seduce men if you don’t even like them, think of them as the opponent and are always on guard for them to screw up so you can validate your own self defeating prophecy.

I’m tired of the way the media perpetuates this attitude by portraying men as either bumbling incompetent idiots or a crass, obnoxious perpetrators.

Honorable, respectful men of integrity are out there. Many, many of them and they are looking for you.

Perhaps you point that negative finger toward yourself:

  • Are you insecure with your body, education, or social status?
  • Do you think if you are not a ten, or possess centerfold breasts you don’t stand a chance against the other women?
  • Are you obsessed with your weight or fat ankles?
  • Do you tell yourself that you could ‘Never be as sexy as her’?

Listen up – What one woman does so can another.

Sexy is as Sexy BELIEVES.

Perception = Reality
What we choose to think about any thing becomes our reality. And likewise, what we think and believe about ourselves, others will believe about us.

Stop wallowing in negativity and form a plan to change the things about yourself or your circumstances that you can change and accept the things that you cannot.

Seduction is playful, free and mysterious. It is disarming and enchanting.

It’s sexual intensity that is always visible just under the surface but of course always unbeknownst to the seductress. Poor dear, she couldn’t help it if she tried.

But with emotional or psychological roadblocks in the way, you will never allow yourself the vulnerability that makes you truly seductive, soft and serene.

Ultimately WHO YOU ARE determines the seductive, sexual energy that passes through you.

It’s time to let go of the negative and take down the roadblocks!

How Do I Spice Up My Relationship?

My boyfriend and I have been together for six months. We have no major problems other than things have gotten a little dull. We fell into a routine, which on the one hand is kind of nice because we are comfortable and know where we stand with each other but on the other hand things are starting to get boring.

If I feel it, I know he can.

We call each other every day to touch base with usually a text in the morning and call at lunchtime. We see each other as often as we can, maybe three or four times a week. Even sex has fallen into a pattern. That might be my fault because I’m a little insecure with my body. I don’t initiate sex; I wait for him to do it. He has expressed to me that he would like me to initiate sex sometimes. I just don’t feel very sexy or confident about my body. I love sex with him but I don’t take control.

I’ve been reading your blog and I realize that I am very confident at my job but not confident sexually. I know he loves me but I want to shake things up and ‘rock his world’ but I don’t know how.”



When I ask men what makes a woman sexy the most common answer has been “If she thinks she’s sexy”, or a variation “When she feels sexy on the inside, it shows on the outside”.                                         

When a woman truly feels it, it’s natural, not forced, not faked, not an act.

But sometimes you just have to fake it until you make it. Meaning, sometimes you do have to force yourself to behave outside of your comfort zone and wait for your feelings to catch up later.

If you sit around waiting until you feel sexy first to initiate sex for example, it will probably never happen. You need to do sexy things even when you don’t feel confident about it. After you experience the success and positive reactions your boyfriend gives you each time to take a risk, those little successes will add up and begin the inner transformation of ‘feeling’ sexy, confident, powerful.

How to get out of the rut:

First of all, pamper yourself. When a woman isn’t confident about her body she can tend to neglect it or ignore it. Get in tune with your body, take care of it, and spoil it. Take an afternoon and get a manicure and pedicure, and a good trim and blow-dry. Take a long bath with a glass of wine, shave your legs, give yourself a facial, and slather yourself with lotion. What do you normally sleep in? Buy a pretty, feminine slinky nightgown. When I have free time to myself, I often give myself spa-night including all the aforementioned. You can’t help but feel feminine and sexy.

Immediately break the routine. I was getting bored just reading your email.
Yes, it’s wonderful to be at that comfortable stage in a relationship where the two of you can sit back and relax, be yourselves and enjoy each other.

But seduction doesn’t end after a man asks for a commitment and you’ve got him.
Honey, seduction lasts a lifetime.

The minute he knows exactly what to expect from you, excitement is gone and monotony steps in. If he knows where you are, what you’re doing, when he can reach you….a text in the morning, a phone call at lunch, three dates a week and he initiates sex every time; there is nothing new anymore.

Don’t talk about the lull you are in; don’t tell him you are going to break the routine, just do it.

From texts to calls to the nights you see each other, start changing the pattern. You don’t have to be Sybil and change everything at once, make a few changes slowly; the idea is not to be so predictable.

Plan a date completely out of the ordinary about once a month or so. YOU need to set up a date doing something the two of you have never done before.

Again, don’t suggest in advance, “I think we should do something different, what do you think?” That just shows you aren’t very confident and need his help or suggestions.

If you want to ‘rock his world’, show him you are a dynamic woman with ideas and plans.

Say, “Hey, there is this great exhibit going on at such and such museum that I’d love us to see”. It doesn’t matter what it is, just so long as it’s different from anything you’ve done before. And of course make sure it’s something he’d like, forget the Celine Dion concert.

Express sexual desire. It’s easier than you think. My guess is that what he wants is to feel like you desire him and want him. That having sex with him occurs to you before he starts things. He’s probably not asking you to grab him, throw him down and control the whole event, he just doesn’t want to feel like sex is only happening because he asks for it and if he didn’t initiate, you’d be perfectly happy without it.

There are a lot of little ways to make a man feel desirable. All you have to do is start things by making him feel wanted and I’m sure he will happy to take over.

Here are some small and simple ideas:

  • Send him sexy texts messages.
  • Give him the look.
  • When he hugs or kisses you, take the initiative and start unbuttoning his shirt.
  • Whisper in his ear, “I want you”.
  • Invite him into the shower with you.

And my personal favorite, a bold but HOT move….

  • When you are out for the evening, excuse yourself to the ladies room, slip out of your panties and scrunch them into your hand.
    Then when you return to your boyfriend, slip them into his pocket.
    Don’t say a word when he asks, “what’s that?” just smile.
    When he reaches into his pocket and feels the silky fabric, he’ll figure it out.
    Don’t be surprised if the next words out of his mouth are, “Check please”.

Have fun!

The post How Do I Spice Up My Relationship? appeared first on blog.

What Does This Gift Say About His Feelings For Me?

Here is a recent question from a reader:

I’ve been dating a man for a couple of months. He’s very nice and we enjoy each other’s company. Things seemed to be going well. He always seems to have money and enjoys spending it, paying for our dates, etc. He buys clothes for himself often and likes to show off his purchases. In fact, he’s a bit vain with his appearance. For my birthday he gave me a silver necklace that I know probably didn’t cost $20.00. I’m not greedy, nor a gold digger but it seems odd compared to the spending he does on himself. Am I expecting too much to think that his gift should have been at least a little nicer? I had hinted months ago about a concert I wanted to see but he made an excuse that he didn’t get tickets in time and there were no good seats left. I don’t want to seem ungrateful but I admit I was disappointed.”


This certainly seems like a contradiction in his character so what does it mean regarding his feelings for her? Should she have received something a little nicer?

Everything a man does while you are getting to know him gives you invaluable information about who he is, what’s important to him, and what you can expect more of in the future.

Some general thoughts about gifts:

  • When a man is trying to woo a woman, feels romantically toward her or is in love he will typically give her romantic ‘heart type’ gifts.
  • Flowers, candy, jewelry, romantic cards or love letters, dinners are all “heart” gifts.
  • Practical gifts like appliances, books, pen sets are not from the heart, but from the head and can be a sign of passionless intentions or that a relationship is fizzling out.
  • An exception is if the practical gift is something you really wanted/needed and he mixes it with other romantic gifts…then well, enjoy the toaster oven, he is still hot for you.
  • Another exception is that while some men are not gift givers, nor romantic they may still be very devoted, loyal husbands. I have a friend who married an engineer; he takes practicality and logic to a new level. He’s never bought her flowers and if she’s lucky enough to get a gift, it’s non-romantic. Think gift card. But he is a good father, kind, steadfast and honorable. Her car is always filled with gas; she never lifts anything heavy, he kills all the bugs in the house and generously occupies the kids so she can cook dinner undeterred. She doesn’t dwell on what she’s missing. If she wants something, she goes and buys it herself.

But that is her.

There is nothing wrong with wanting your birthday and holidays celebrated in romantic ways. If to you that means dinners, flowers, gifts, and cards, so be it. Just like there is nothing wrong with a man who wants a buxom, blond bombshell.

Trouble begins when a woman picks a non-romantic man, marries him then cries every year at her birthday when he lets her down or the man who marries a flat chested brunette and nags her to bleach her hair and get a boob job.

Your job is to simply pay attention and decide if THIS man as he is will make you happy.

Okay, so what’s Cheap Necklace Man’s story? Based on the above generalizations, that he gave a piece of jewelry is a good sign, but the fact that it was obviously very inexpensive compared to what he normally spends is something to consider.

This is a sensitive issue. I want to stress that while it appears that money the issue, it really is not. It’s attitudes toward money, generousness and intentions that are important things to know about a man before you marry him. The only reason money becomes a part of this equation is because of the obvious disparity in his usual spending habits.

Without knowing more about the man and relationship, I advised her to ask these questions:

  • Is it possible his feelings have changed? Has the relationship cooled? Is his gift mediocre because it matches his feelings toward you? Pay attention to how he behaves in other areas of the relationship.
  • While he has money and enjoys spending it, it’s possible he only really enjoys spending it on himself. Hey, it’s his money and he can do with it what he pleases, but if you are considering him as marriage material you can probably expect more of the same. Will you be happy if he splurges on himself but is stingy when it comes to your birthday, Christmas or Valentine’s Day?
  • Will he be the type of man who monitors what you spend and only wants you to make purchases on things he deems worthwhile?
  • Does he use his money to control? I once dated a man who was wealthy and paid for everything but who liked to joke that he “paid the cost to be boss”. In other words, it’s never what YOU want, it’s always what HE wants.
  • You mentioned he is vain and buys a lot of clothes and enjoys showing them off to you. These can be signs of insecurity. If he is he may be so busy focusing on himself and his insecure feelings he may not be tuned in enough to you to make your special day a priority. This may have something to do with the fact that his poor planning prevented him from getting you what he knew you really wanted.
  • Is he wonderful in every other way? If he remains a lousy gift giver but has many other important qualities you want in a man, it may be okay with you to smile sweetly and proclaim “I love it!” then secretly sneak off to exchange or return his presents.

You are the only one who can evaluate what is happening in the relationship and how happy all of his qualities and quirks will make you. There is nothing shallow or greedy about your concern. It really is not about the amount of money he spent but about what his obvious lack of effort has meant to you.

Good Luck

Having Class Never Goes Out of Style

I like to define class as an equal mix of Manners and Etiquette.

Manners – Being considerate and respectful of others.

Etiquette – Set rules or guidelines for behavior in specific situations. (Use of dinner utensils, gift giving, social decorum)

Here are some basic tips for both!

Three Guidelines for Great Manners

Treat Everyone With Respect – Don’t save your manners for those you are trying to impress or for those you are grooming to help you in the future.

Use Tact – It’s always wise to be honest but don’t use honesty as an excuse to say something hurtful.

Be Considerate – Be on time, show people you value and appreciate them, say “please” and “thank you”, be considerate of other’s comfort.

Basic Table Etiquette

Place your napkin on your lap as soon as you sit down.

If you’re at a formal dinner, wait until your host does so first.

Don’t begin eating until everyone else has been served.

Exceptions: Picnics or buffets or if your host insists that you begin.

Chew with your mouth closed and no talking with your mouth open.

(This should go without saying but I see this all the time from adults!)

No double dipping – After food has touched your mouth, never reinsert it into shared sauce or dip.

Cut one piece of food at a time, you are not 5 years old.

Salt & Pepper – Always pass both salt and pepper together, even when only one is asked for.

Elbows off the table when food is on your plate.

You may place elbows on the table between courses, before dinner is served or after the plates have been cleared away.

Place your napkin on your chair when you excuse yourself from the table.

Place it on the table when you are finished with your meal.

Taste your food before you add salt or pepper.

Don’t blow on your food.

Sit up straight.

Cutting your food – Hold your fork in your left hand, tines pointed down with the handle in the palm of your hand and your index finger extended and resting along the neck.

Switch your fork back to your right hand to eat.

Once you use your knife, it shouldn’t rest on the table. Place it on the edge of your plate at 10 and 2 o’clock.

Don’t bring a whole dinner roll or slice of bread up to your mouth.

Tear off smaller bite size pieces with your fingers one at a time, butter it and repeat the process.

Spoon soup away from you then bring it to your mouth.

Take soup from the side of the spoon, do not insert the whole spoon into your mouth.

Lay both your fork and knife across the center of your plate to signal you are finished.

Je Ne Sais Quoi | blog

From the French, literally translated “I know not what”.

It’s an intangible quality that makes something attractive or alluring.

Seduction is all about je ne sais quoi. It’s about confidence, intelligence, wit and beauty. Being clever and crafty, sexual and haunting. The way a woman carries herself with a glow of inner peace and tranquility.

Je ne sais quoi

I was out to dinner the other night at a local 4 star restaurant.

The décor was beautiful the staff gave exceptional personal attention, the food exquisite.
It wasn’t very crowded so I noticed a couple who walked in and was seated near my table.

He was an older gentleman, very well dressed and on his arm was a lovely younger woman also very nicely dressed. By her appearance alone, she looked quite elegant. But as I watched them periodically throughout the evening, she became less attractive by the minute.                                                             

No make-up, fur, perfectly coiffed hair or Jimmy Choo shoes could hide the fact that she had not the etiquette, manners or presence to match her looks. She laughed too loud for the quiet ambiance of the room. Her elbows were on the table often and something about her mannerisms and the way she slouched took away from her beauty.

Any one of these qualities was fairly subtle (there are times it’s ok to have your elbows on the table) but together they immediately reduced her initial poise. A woman can appear on first glance to have it all, but all it takes is one missing ingredient or one blatant disregard for important ‘set apart’ qualities and her seductive flame quickly burns out.

Proper etiquette and manners are sorely missing in today’s world. So much so that when interacting with someone who possesses both impeccably, that person stands out, leaves an impression, Wows us.

Many years ago I noticed this first hand. I attended a  party where the average age of the attendees was 22 therefore portraying proper etiquette and manners was not a huge priority for any of us. We were a laid back bunch drinking beer out of the bottle and eating chips out of plastic bowls.

However, a young man caught my eye. He was sitting on the couch with the most perfect posture I had ever seen. This man stood out. He was cute, dressed better than the rest of the jersey clad boys paying attention to detail with a tucked in oxford, belt and sweater. All that was good, but there was more.

He captivated my attention. No matter where he was, or what he did; walk, stand or sit he did it with presence. Presence that came from his upright, perfectly straight posture that said, “I am here. I know who I am and I own this space.” He looked confident and sure and much more mature than the rest of us.

I was drawn to him.

When the opportunity presented itself, I told him that I’d never seen anyone with such perfect posture. How was it that he never slouched, scrunched or twisted….ever? I was actually envious.

He proceeded to tell me that his posture was no compliment of his own effort. He couldn’t slouch if he tried. He had been in a car accident that almost killed him and now lives with his spine completely fused together.

He also added that he gets compliments ALL THE TIME on his posture and joked that at least one good thing came from the accident. It was amazing because he didn’t look forced, stiff, or fused to me. He carried it naturally. It made him look handsome, classy and WAY more attractive than the other beer slugging boys at the party.

He also stated that because of his posture, People usually notice me and they don’t usually forget me.”

I’ll be introducing a series of articles on Etiquette and Manners with lots of good tips you may already know and possibly some that you don’t.

Without a working practice of both, you won’t be able to exude that certain something, that ‘I know not what’, the very seductive je ne sais quoi.

Love in the Time of Lockdown


The arena of dating, love, and sex, as most of us know, has been dramatically modified by the coronavirus epidemic, thus the need to observe physical distance among ourselves.

Physical Isolation is Not Social Isolation.

Different people may be affected by lockdown than others, like those whose conditions are already separated due to physical or health matters. Again, if you cannot access the internet or don’t have an idea of digital communication mediums. Using this dating services or other social networks, you could find more comfortable like-minded people and start a conversation online. Modern communication platforms offer opportunities for people to be social during the COVID – 19 crisis. However, you still need to interact using readily available methods like making telephone calls or just smiling or waving to people you see moving around to improve connection with individuals who may be experiencing loneliness and seclusion without these modern systems.

Here are some things you can do to stay connected that prevents social isolation:

  • Have your video party- you don’t have to be in the same room to have a meal or watch Netflix with your friends and family. With technology, you can link up with friends and family and have some good time.
  • Observe your regular routine and don’t change it; for example, if you usually take breakfast at 8, continue doing so.
  • Take an online course by registering for free classes that can guarantee you a certificate, strengthening your resume.
  • Enjoy the sunshine and work out if possible – It’s still acceptable to go for a walk in the park or nearby areas during this pandemic. Only observe time and keep distance.

A Dating Site is a Place to Meet Your Soulmate

You can find love anywhere, including online dating sites. What happens when you find your soulmate, and how can you predict this magic moment through an online medium? Nevertheless, regardless of how beautiful online dating may appear, do not hold on to communication in actual life. After two to three weeks of online communication, you can start talking on the phone, then communicate over a camera and meet physically.  Dating sites enable two people to conquer the fear that stops them from connecting in ordinary life and retains the reality that may arise from online dating.

New Technology to Date

VR dating is not only about finding someone new, but it’s where you can connect with your long-term girlfriend of five years. Like any other couple, you people can send text messages and meet on video chat. But after putting on your VR headsets, the long-distance disappears. You can get 360-degrees video and audio and take control of the entire environment. You can adopt the vTime feature, share photos of your travels, capture your hotel room’s image, and be part of the photograph.

From Conversation to the First Date

Here are some ideas for first dates during this pandemic;

  • Watch movies using Netflix Party – If you’ve been on quarantine and have not attempted a Netflix party, this is the right time. It is a browser extension that enables you and your date to watch movies concurrently and discuss its details in your browser. Also, a movie choice speaks more about a person.
  • Take online classes together – There are plenty of digital classes available – from pasta making to mixology. Select a class that you’ve always admired to undertake and let you and your date sign up together. Or, if you’re perfect at a specific skill, use this chance to teach your date through a video call.
  • Work out online together – Sweating during a workout is a perfect way to increase your heartbeat with your date. Most gyms have transitioned online, so check local studios for their programs. Again, there are thousands of free classes on youtube.

If you’re at home and have plenty of time and are thinking It’s time to find love. Identify whether you’re seeking love because you have plenty of time, or you desire it because you want to.