Secrets of Flirting Online for Mature

Naturally, we all like being loved and having someone so smitten about you that their world would crash without you. In the current pandemic era where you might be working remotely and not having many physical interactions with other people, having an online flirt mate can spice up your life and give you something to look forward to each day. For every single person, mature women chat opens an opportunity for flirting and can make us feel good. It has positive effects on health, psychological wellbeing, and building relationships.

If you have never tried online dating and flirting, it’s good to note that a lot of people have gotten lucky and met their soul mates online. You could start off on a flirty mode and drive each other crazy with internet romance. As you go about your chores, every time your phone beeps, you hope it’s your crush going on and on about how you’ve got the cutest boobs in the world. Let’s look at some divine secrets of flirting online for mature.

Flirting in Online Chat Rooms Is Fun and Safe

Online dating is real and so much fun when you are on a reputable platform with state-of-the-art online chat rooms. Usually, you just need to create a user profile, splash something on the bio and upload some of your best pics to drive suitors crazy. You also get to customize your search for the ideal person to flirt with based on factors like their age bracket and distance radius from you.

Whenever you come across a user profile that you can’t pass, don’t just drop a like, send a DM. The cutie you are smitten about might have an eye on you as well and just waiting for that hi. Online chat rooms provide a safe and fun environment for you to enjoy naughty flirting with your crush. With how the pandemic lockdowns have restricted a lot of people to their homes, some wild online sex with your attractive crush might be the way to go for that much-needed release.

Tips for Matures

To succeed in flirting and dating, there are some basic tips that you need to keep in mind:

  • cultivate a positive state of mind

Positivity helps if you are planning to succeed in flirting and dating online. As you create that user profile, believe that someone special is waiting for you out there, and be prepared to meet them with a positive mind. Make a habit of scanning for available matches and liking profiles, and you might get a like back. From there, you just paw on each other in the online chat rooms.

For flirting to work, you must make your partner feel wanted, and a huge part of that is by listening to them with undivided attention. To properly get to know someone, develop a keen interest in what they have to say.

Just because you are flirting virtually in online chat rooms doesn’t mean that you have to develop some fake persona and pretend that you are something that you are not. Just be yourself, and everyone else is taken.

Why Is It Good to Flirt at These Ages?

Even when working remotely in the confines of your own home, flirting in online chat rooms can bring joy into your life and reduce stress. Flirting is actually very healthy in your senior years and offers you some much-needed constructive distraction. The feeling of being madly wanted by someone has a way of naturally making us feel happy.


Hot Monogamy | blog

Familiarity and sexual boredom in a long-term relationship can cause people to stray. At handbag we have the solution: learn to play with your partner instead of playing away

So it’s finally happened. Whether it’s stepping over his smelly socks for the third day on the run, or timing your weekly sex session to be over before ‘Desperate Housewives’, one day you’ll probably wake up and realize the spark has gone out of your relationship. Should you meet someone at this point who seems to relight that spark, you could be on the road to an affair.

One in six people now admit to having an affair, and around half of marriages end in divorce. The question you have to ask yourself is, do I really want to jeopardize this relationship, and risk all the pain an affair involves, just because bedroom boredom has set in?

If the answer is no, and you’re looking to spice things up without gambling on your relationship, follow our guide to having an affair with your partner!

Let’s talk about sex, baby…

To improve your sex life, communication must come first (so to speak). Use positive comments rather than negative criticism, talk about what you like and dislike about your sex life. To do this, you will both have to turn away from the TV, magazines or the PlayStation, and really listen to each other.

Many sex problems spring from one partner having a higher sex drive (usually – but not always – the man). Scientifically, this stems from increased amounts of testosterone in men. Emotionally, for many women, it can also stem from what they feel is a lack of intimacy in other areas of their lives. Women may want to hug, hold hands and kiss sometimes, whereas some men just want the act itself.

Worse still, one sex therapist, Helen Crohn from, suggests, ‘When some couples can’t agree why they’re not having as much sex, they come up with totally different excuses for it.’ You have to get past the excuses, which is where mutual communication comes in.

Get intimate…

Dr Patricia Love (yes, it’s really her name) is a therapist who has helped over 12,000 couples with sex and relationship problems. In her book ‘Hot Monogamy’, she sees intimacy as ‘communicating on a personal level’. For many people, and women in particular, it is lack of intimacy that can turn your sex life into something of a chore. And we all know where this can lead…

Practice makes perfect

Good sex does not come naturally (especially after a long time together). Without communication, both partners can spend years doing things their partner hates. Give clear, specific messages and plenty of time over to foreplay. Tracey Cox, of ‘Would Like To Meet’ fame, has this to say about foreplay: ‘Happiness isn’t a destination; it’s a means of travelling.’ This old saying can be applied to foreplay. Rush through the ‘travelling’ and you might find the destination isn’t quite as exciting as you’d expected. Lavish attention on the whole body and you can’t help but take your time.’

Variety is the spice of life!

Once you and your partner have made your likes and dislikes clear, it’s time to start working on sexual variety. There is a wealth of lovemaking techniques to try, and plenty of books, guides and sex toys to help you. So now you know what each other wants, go out and buy them!

Romance can lead to who knows where!

Whatever happened to romance? After several years together it’s hard to keep up the good habits you were so keen on in your dating days, but never say never! Okay, so the initial feelings that were so wonderful in the beginning never usually make it past a year and it’s tough to feel romantic when experts like to point out that this ‘infatuation’ with one another is actually a chemical reaction. After a while, his skinny legs and your 40-a-day habit only lead to wandering eyes… suddenly Brian in accounts looks more appealing…

But! Remain vigilant and be prepared to take the bull by its horn (quite literally!). If you are really serious about keeping the marriage flame flickering, then make it your mission to bring romance back into the home. One expert, Dr Arthur Aron, spent a shocking 20 years researching the subject of infidelity and (eventually) concluded that the recipe for lasting romance is ‘knowing that that person loves you’. Romance does not have to cost anything – start by doing little things that you know will make them happy. Habit can erode these romantic gestures, which is another reason people turn to affairs. For many women, coming home to find their dinner unexpectedly cooked for them can be the biggest turn-on of all.

Learn to love your body

Images of so-called perfection in the media can leave the average person (usually women) feeling miserable about her own body. If the years, children and chocolate bars have taken a toll on your body, this doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy hot sex. Your partner has most likely got their own love handles to worry about, and unless you are really willing to shed those pounds (and shaping up together can spice your love life up more than you might think!), you have to learn to live – and love – with them.

Sensuality and passion

Strangely, the more familiar you are with someone, the more likely you are to hold back. True sensuality and passion require intimacy, trust and removal of inhibitions. With better understanding, you and your partner can start working on the five senses: sight, smell, hearing, touch and taste. If just thinking about these possibilities gets you heated, you’re probably nearer to hot monogamy than you think.

“My Boyfriend Won’t Make Time For Me!”

If you’ve ever been in a relationship where you want to get the attention you deserve, you might have found yourself feeling neglected and unwanted. You may have even told your friends “My boyfriend won’t make time for me! What the heck should I do?”

Let’s tackle this tricky situation and give you the tips you need.

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Poking and prodding will only push him away…

You don’t want to feel lonely, and you definitely don’t want to feel neglected. You probably also don’t want to break up.

But you also know that you just don’t feel like a priority in his eyes. And you probably know that you deserve better.

One strategy that definitely will NOT work is complaining and nagging. Very often we feel that the only way we can get our needs met is to pressure someone to give us what we need. But this is a strategy that will backfire most of the time.

Even if you get what you want by pressuring him you will create resentment and friction between you and him.

No one wants to be beaten into submission. And this is true 10 times over when it comes to men.

No man ever wants to be pushed into anything in a relationship.

And you definitely don’t want to threaten the relationship. Or threaten him.

When a guy hears complaining, all he hears is that he is not adequate. A man is focused on solutions and fixing problems. So by complaining you’re saying that you are dissatisfied with him, but there’s also no solution for the problem.

And contrary to what you might think, you can’t just tell him to “make more time.” He needs specifics.

Not to mention, you will begin to wonder if he is still interested in you anymore.

Being a priority is a significant signal in a relationship. And you are right to want to be a priority.

You need to know that if you were to marry him or live with him, he would be there for you. Because that’s what it comes down to in the end – will he be there for you?

You need a man you can rely on and depend upon. And who can keep you safe.

So how do you get him to make you a priority? How do you get him to make more time for you? It feels like you’re at an impasse.

Why is he not making time for you? Reason 1: He is genuinely busy

This one is tricky. He will probably give you this excuse – even if it’s not the real reason. In fact it’s probably the most common stall tactic a man uses on a woman.

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Time is ticking…

The fact is that no matter what, IF we love and appreciate someone, we want to be with them. We will make it happen.

We won’t make excuses – and we definitely won’t let time get in the way.

Sure, there is a chance that he is overwhelmed with things to do in his life. A lot of men get busy building their careers, depending on where he is in his life. (This is something I talk about in my Connection Code program.)

It’s vitally important that you understand what stage of life he’s in so that you can understand his behavior as well.

Some women get involved with a man who is in a stage of his life that she doesn’t understand. And this leads to problems in the relationship. Problems that could easily be solved if she knew more about how men think and feel.

Reason 2: Because he’s not that into you

Unfortunately, the truth is that sometimes he isn’t making you a priority because he really isn’t that into the relationship.

Not every man is going to take a relationship and want to run to the goal with it. Whether that’s marriage or moving in together, sometimes he is only in the relationship for the convenience.

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Just make sure you don’t want more from him only because he’s giving you less. Scarcity can trick you into relationships that aren’t right for you.

Reason 3: Bad Timing

Sometimes you just catch a guy at the wrong time.

  • Maybe he’s fresh out of an old relationship
  • Maybe he’s just started a new job
  • Maybe he is in the process of trying to align his priorities
  • Maybe he’s dealing with a difficult family or financial situation

If you find yourself in bad timing, the best thing you can do is to wait it out a little longer. See if you can get back in sync.

And make sure you understand his situation completely. Crystal clear.

Then you can sit down and figure out if you want to keep waiting, or if his bad timing is really just him not wanting a committed relationship.

Reason 4: He’s a commitment-phobe

Funny enough, this is the first reason that most women assume right off the bat. And yet it is rarely the first reason or primary reason he’s putting you off and not making you his number one priority.

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He’s just not into you.

Men never fear commitment to a woman they genuinely view as being a prize.

And a man can only see you as a prize if he is chasing you actively.

This is one of the most important things to understand about men. And I’ll bet that your mom never taught you about this critical secret about men.

There are dozens of books in the bookstore shelves about ‘men who won’t commit.’ But they all miss the mark.

The reason most women can never get him to commit is because she thinks THIS is the problem. The specter of “Commitment Phobia…”

In fact, the real problem is that she doesn’t realize he has put her in the “Friends with Benefits” bucket! You might be stuck in that bucket too.

Sure, there are men who are afraid to commit. But they’re only afraid because she scared him. Either with something she did or something she said.

What to do if he is not making time for you – Tip 1: Don’t assume

It’s very easy to project someone else’s actions as meaning something about you.

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If your boyfriend isn’t spending time with you, you might be tempted to believe that he doesn’t love you. Or that there something wrong with you.

  • Don’t make any assumptions about your value based on how he is treating you. It doesn’t mean that you are not lovable, or not valuable.
  • Don’t project feelings of inadequacy toward yourself. You’re fine as you are. (But not that you can’t keep improving…)
  • Don’t assume that “because he did this” that “means that.” You’d be surprised how many different reasons there can be for a behavior. Both positive AND negative…

Tip 2: Is This A Stall Tactic?

There’s also a possibility that he may be stalling your relationship. Sometimes guys do this with their lack of attention to the relationship.

Remember that he is making a conscious choice about how much time he spends with you. If he’s choosing something else (or someone else) as a priority, that simply means it’s more of a priority to him.

Something that’s important to know about men is that there are times when he does not put your relationship as his number one priority. He has other things in his life that he will occasionally bump to the top of his list.

This is something that many women don’t understand because a woman places relationships (especially her love relationship) at the top of her list at all times.

For you, it seems contrary to reality that anyone would prioritize something else over your relationship, so you assume he’s got “a reason.”

You’ll have to adjust to this understanding from time to time and recognize that men will sometimes shift priorities on you. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you, it simply means a shuffle in his needs.

What’s more important for you is to know if you will be back as his number 1 after his other task is done.

You should never be low on his priority list for very long!

Tip 3: Make Sure You’re Seeing The Truth

Sometimes our fears of abandonment stop us from looking as closely as we should at what’s going on.

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Your “light bulb” moment…

For example, which one of these choices are you most likely to believe:

  1. He’s got a lot of projects on his plate right now and he’s just “super busy”
  2. He’s coming up with a clever excuse for his lack of interest so that he can keep stringing you along and sleeping with you

Which one do you WANT to believe?

Of course, who wouldn’t choose number 1 as the truth, right? Especially because he’s so sincere and you want to believe him. It’s the reason you WANT to believe is true.

BUT you also have to look at his behavior and not fall prey to his clever reasons and excuses.

Remember that a man’s behavior always tells the truth about what he’s feeling.

(This is also true for women. But women also tend to recognize their emotions and reveal them much more openly than men do.)

Always look at his behavior and be willing to interpret it in the worst possible light. This way you can be working from a stable foundation of truth. And you will trust your own perceptions and intuition.

And the more of his behaviors repeat, the more you can trust they are true!

Remember that if a man is making you distrust your intuition, chances are you’re not only being lied to but you will also have a tough time trusting yourself and having compassion for yourself.

Tip 4: Are you holding back?

In relationships, women frequently hold back on their own needs. A woman is more likely to go along to get along, avoid confrontation, and put her needs on the back burner. Women are encouraged to self-sacrifice and not appear needy.

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How do you move forward…?

In truth, look at your own behavior:

  • Do you frequently put your own needs behind his?
  • Do you stay silent when you feel you should say something?
  • Are you afraid of irritating him, which may push him away?
  • Are you anxious about his emotional reactions that you can’t control?

Very often a dynamic is created between men and women when a woman stays silent and the man interprets this to mean that she agrees with what is happening.

You don’t want to scare him off – but you also don’t want to let him off the hook.

Tip 5: Have a little talk with him

Sometimes you’re going to have to put aside your own fears and tell him what your needs are in the relationship. Because if you don’t tell him, he will never figure them out.

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Build healthy communication skills

Men can’t read your mind. You may have heard this enough to make you sick, but it still is true as it ever was.

Many women experience other women as being able to read her emotional state. It comes naturally.

That’s because women have a more sensitive emotional intuition. You can pick up on signals that other men could never pick up.

But men do not experience this at all. We don’t have the same ability to read emotional states that you do.

Which means, YES, you will have to tell him what you’re thinking and feeling from time to time.

But you only tell him ONE time!

If you keep going back and talking to him over and over and nothing changes, he will just assume you can’t walk away. And he has no motivation to change.

This is why it’s so important and critical that you find a comfortable and manageable communication rhythm that you both can understand.

This should be your first order of business in a relationship.

When you have your communication figured out early, your relationship will flow smoothly.

If you do not, you will have a tough time with almost every man that you meet. In fact, you may be experiencing that right now. It could be one of the reasons you come to my site to read an article on this topic.

And then you have to be able to sit down and talk with him about your needs when they come up. If you’re not feeling like a priority, and you’ve given him plenty of time to put you back at the top of his list, he might need a little correction.

And if you can’t do this now, can you imagine being in a relationship with him for 40 years?

I certainly hope not! Which is all the more reason you have to motivate yourself to talk about the hard stuff.

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That’s 90% of what a real relationship is, by the way. It’s not the easy stuff you see in romantic movies where miraculous changes in him happen every five minutes.

Or where the self-proclaimed ladies’ man and bachelor sees the error of his ways and she conquers him! (Don’t fall for fairy tales.)

Real relationships are based in reality. And the nitty-gritty of tackling the tough stuff.

Tip 6: Don’t Let Him Excuse Himself From Doing His Part

I’m going to be uncomfortably honest with you right now:

“Men will HAPPILY stick around in a relationship for as long as possible IF he’s getting physical satisfaction. Meaning that he is getting sexual intimacy.”

A man can very easily get all of his needs met for a very long time with a purely sexual relationship.

Yes, there are some guys who will naturally progress into a committed relationship with you. By the way, there is no “event” when this happens. There is no official declaration that he is now “committed.” He just assumes you two are together.

What this means is that you have to be on the lookout for your own needs!

He can go a lot longer without making a commitment then you are likely to.

So yes, you’re going to have to know how to make him step up and devote himself to you. I’ll tell you more about how to do  this in a minute…

Tip 7: Make sure you know what you want…

One of the steps many women overlook is that you have to know what kind of a relationship you want. You gotta know if this guy is the right one for you, and where you want this to go.

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Be sure this is what you really want…

Because men do not typically take a leadership role in a relationship.

They leave that to the woman.

Remember that he is always making choices and always telling you with his actions exactly what he thinks of your relationship. You are being communicated to directly from him. So be sure you see what he’s “saying.”

Then you have to ask yourself some questions:

  • Is this the right man for me?
  • If things never change from the way they are right now, would I want this relationship?
  • Is he demonstrating his love for me clearly with his actions?
  • Is he able to communicate his love for me in words?
  • Do his words match his actions? Or do I feel like they are mixed signals?
  • Will he be there for you if you were to get married and start a family? Can you rely on him?

Be willing ask yourself the hard questions now, so that you don’t have to face hard decisions later.

Tip 8: Relationships go through cycles…

All relationships go through their ups and downs. He could be dealing with a huge upset in his life.

For example, men feel extreme emotional upset over failures in their life. Sure, if his softball team is on a losing streak, he will be unhappy.

But if he has a failure in business, that unhappiness could sink into depression for a while. And he may not be able to pull himself out without your help.

It’s up to you to recognize where he is in his life and adjust. You might want to be his priority, but he may not be able to give it to you right this moment.

When the crisis is over, and he makes an emotional rebound, he will be back in your arms.

If you’re wondering why he won’t make time for you, there’s a good chance you’re both going through a bad cycle of some kind.

Tip 9: Here Are Your Choices…

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It’s over…

There’s really only three things you can do when you’re in a situation where he’s not making you his priority:

  1. Focus on him, focus on the relationship, focus on what you’re NOT getting – and be unhappy
  2. Focus on yourself, keep yourself busy and distracted, and wait it out
  3. Dump him and go find a man that’s ready to move forward

Number 1 is completely out of the question. Totally unacceptable.

There is no amount of attention that you can give to a dead relationship that will make it come back to life.

Of course you can do a combination of number two and number three. If you’re still not sure that he is into the relationship, you can stick out a little longer. See if he actually does get his ducks in a row.

Some guys eventually do come around and realize what they have.

But eventually, you need to be willing to kick him to the curb if you’re not getting your needs met. It’s not a fun choice, but you have to be willing to make it.

Because he could stick around with you for years based on a convenient relationship that never goes anywhere.

Here’s the truth that most dating advisors will never tell you:

A man has no problem making a commitment to you and making you a priority if he sees you as his prize.

AND – we do not chase people in relationships that we feel we’ve already won.

In other words, no man thinks that the woman chasing HIM is a prize. He would only wonder: “If she’s so great, why is she chasing me?”

And he would be right to wonder about that.

Some women see this as old-fashioned thinking. They think that men and women should both just say what they mean and do what they should do.

But the truth is that human beings do not act rationally.

And I’m betting that you experienced this yourself in almost every single relationship you’ve ever had.

If you wait around for men to change to suit you, you’ll never have the relationship you want.

Instead, why not learn how men really work and make him work for you? It only takes a few minutes, and the effects last a lifetime.

There’s no reason you need to wait around on him or be unhappy in the process.

Why not learn right NOW how to make him make you his priority?

Learn the Soulmate Signal – and he’ll make all the time for you that you can stand…

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Get Him To See You As THE ONE For Him

3 Free Tools To Persuade Your Boyfriend To Quit Smoking

Being in an intimate relationship with a smoker when you can’t stand the cancer sticks yourself can place a great strain on the time you spend together. It’s an inconvenience, it stinks, and costs a lot of money – not to mention the impact on their health and the worry that could cause.

It’s understandable then that if your boyfriend smokes, you would to do anything you can to persuade him to stop. Try these three free tools that will help persuade your boyfriend to kick the habit for good.

The Quit Kit is available free from the NHS and contains an abundance of tools including addiction test, Smoke 51 and other.

The Quit Kit includes:

An ‘addiction test’, featuring essential tips designed to increase willpower. The test has been formulated to get you thinking (and remembering) why you want to quit, while also helping you to learn what it is that triggers your nicotine cravings.

Free expert help including access to expert MP3 downloads that have been scientifically proven to help reduce nicotine cravings.

The health/wealth wheel that helps smokers see what difference quitting will make to their health and their bank balance.

Tangle – a toy designed to keep hands and fingers occupied when the urge to light up arises.

A ‘quitting’ wall chart calendar that lets you cross off each successful smoke free day.

A free android application, ‘Quit Smoking: Cessation Nation’ incorporates gaming, social, stats, and progress monitoring, into a fantastic quit smoking tool that’s fit for the 21st Century.

The app includes:

Ability to save stats including the date you quit, the exact time since your last cigarette, and the amount of money you’ve saved.

A ‘craving crusher game’ that takes 3 minutes and is designed to help pass the time during the worst of your cravings.

The ability to earn achievements.

Integration with Facebook to allow you to get involved in the ‘Cessation Nation’ community.

Previous and current users of the application have made such comments as ‘it’s fun to see how much money has been saved’, it ‘helps them to feel good about themselves’ and that the ‘Facebook page is full of fellow quitters that offer loads of support’.

Another user has stated that they’ve downloaded a number of similar apps , and have since deleted all but ‘Cessation Nation’.

If your boyfriend owns an iPhone rather than an android model, ‘Stop Smoking Hypnotherapy’ stands to be a good alternative to Cessation Nation; even if it does work rather differently.

This app uses the still somewhat controversial practice of hypnosis to tap into your subconscious and change the way you think; curbing cravings and supposedly, helping people to quit with minimal effort.

How does it work?

Your boyfriend will partake in a number of hypnosis sessions during which he will relax the mind and listen to hypnotic suggestions designed to completely curb the desire to smoke. While the app does say the hypnosis will take quite a few sessions to take full effect, some users have reported that they have quit smoking completely after just a single session.

What happens?

Hypnosis delivers information to the unconscious mind which will then be passed through to our conscious thoughts and bring about the changes to our lives that we desire.

When information is presented to our unconscious mind it’s accepted as the truth – whereas when this same information is presented to our conscious mind, all manner of other thoughts and ideas come into play that stop us from simply taking the message at face value.

By tapping into our unconscious mind we can filter through positive thoughts and messages to the mind we use every day.

However, if you want to persuade your boyfriend to quit, there’s only so much you can do. In reality, he will only quit if he wants to, and when he’s ready – however, when that time comes, you can be there with an abundance of professionally designed and user-backed tools that will help him along his way to a smoke free future.

Helping A Loved One Who Takes Drugs

It’s difficult seeing someone you love suffer from the effects of drugs. It’s just as difficult to see him withdrawing from people who could help him recover from his drug addiction. However, withdrawal from people is oftentimes one of the effects of drug addiction.

People addicted to illegal drugs need help and understanding, and deep down, they know that, too. Unfortunately, there are just so many things that stop them from asking help. Some of these include shame, guilt, and the effects of the illegal drugs.

If you’re having a hard time approaching a loved one who takes drugs, then here are some tips that you can do to help him break his drug habit.

Take Care of Yourself

Drug addiction is a problem, and dealing with it is difficult. However, this does not mean that you have to get caught up in the middle of his drug addiction, so much so that you’re no longer taking care of yourself properly. Remember, he will need you to be there for him, and if you don’t take care of yourself properly, who can he turn to when he finally admits that he needs help?

Talk to Him

He knows that he has a drug problem, but he’ll pretend that he doesn’t. He’ll even pretend to himself that nobody knows of his drug addiction. If you speak up and let him know that you’re willing to help, then he could also open up to you and admit his drug addiction problem. The earlier the problem is addressed, the earlier the addiction will be treated, and the sooner the drug addict can get better.

Of note though; the drug addict won’t admit his problems immediately. He’ll give excuses to avoid the discussion. He will deny that he has a drug addiction problem, and he will even deny that he’s using drugs. You will have to coax the admission out of him, so cite incidences of when you were positive he took drugs and list examples of how drugs changed him.

However, don’t punish him for his choices or berate him for his addiction. Don’t be too preachy, and don’t sermon him. This may make him clam up and withdraw from you all the more.

Move On

Don’t rush him when he begins to take positive steps toward recovery. The process is a long one, and you will need to have a lot of patience and understanding when he starts going through withdrawal symptoms.

Do everything in your power to keep him from falling off the wagon. List down his triggers and help him avoid them. Go over the house and help him get rid of his hidden stash of drugs. You don’t want any temptation lying around the house.

It’s also advisable that you check his vehicle for stashes of drugs. If he’s stopped and caught in possession of a controlled substance, he might end up in jail, in which case you will need a good criminal defense lawyer to help with his case.

So do not wait for your loved one to hit rock bottom before you help him. Do it now if you want to avoid further complications.

Lessening the Impact on Children After Divorce

Marriage is a life-changing event, though perhaps not as life-changing as a divorce, especially if there are children involved. Divorce makes parenting exponentially more difficult because children need stability. They need independent relationships with each parent, free from the influence of any negativity between the two parents. It’s called co-parenting and it’s a concept that recognizes that children need TWO parents who understand and respect the importance of one other in those children’s lives, despite their feelings for each other. Here are some tips on co-parenting with your ex, even if your former spouse isn’t cooperative:

Communicate in a Civil Manner

Communication with an ex can be a stressor, but in the case of children, it is necessary. You must endeavor to make that communication as painless for both parties as you can. Don’t let emotion overshadow communication. Assume a business-like demeanor, stick to the subject at hand and be polite, even if your ex is not.

Do Not Vent to Your Children

Vent to a friend or family member. Vent to a pastor or counselor, but do not EVER criticize your ex in front of or to your children. Tearing down the other parent puts the child in the awkward and unwinnable position of having to choose sides. Agree with you and they forsake the other parent. Defend the other parent and their loyalty to you is in question. Do not put them in the position of having to choose, because the only loser in such a situation is the child.

Do Not Discuss Finances with the Children

Finances are adult issues. The fact your ex is late on child support is none of the child’s business. If you think the ex gets too much alimony or spends child support foolishly, keep in mind, the child has no say and no control over such issues and should not be burdened with your opinion of the other parent’s choices.

Coordinate Holidays and Special Occasions

Each parent deserves to share in special occasions with their children. Parents who can work out such issues amicably will have happier children. Holidays, birthdays and vacation time must be split equitably between both parents. Sporting events, performances and recitals are times when both parents will want to be and should be present when possible. Being able to exist peacefully in close proximity to one another will ensure that such times remain about the child and not about your problems with your ex.

Learn to Accept Your Ex’s New Partner

You don’t have to like them. They don’t have to like you. You just need to make sure the child has the freedom to form a relationship with the new partner without offending you. It’s best to keep your opinions on the new partner to yourself.

Let Your Kids Know They are Loved and Valued

Nothing is more important to a child than love. They must be reassured by both parents that nothing will ever deminish that love and that they can live their life and make their choices free from the burden of wondering whether or not they are loved at home.

It is not enough that a custodial parent merely “allow” a relationship with the other parent, they must “encourage” it. By following these co-parenting tips, you can help make the aftermath of divorce much less stressful on your children.

The Dating Game – Nothing for Something

The Date Setup

Mark was handsome with an athletic build.  He lived in the ritzy part of town and he was interested in meeting me, a chubby girl with acne with very little extra spending money.  We met through an online dating sight and when he asked to meet, I quickly agreed.

“There’s a coffee shop a block away from my apartment, why don’t you just meet me at my place and we’ll walk down together.  You won’t find parking anywhere else.”  He tells me over the phone.  I jot down his address, print of the directions from mapquest and head over to his place.

Mapquest directed me thirty minutes out of the way and when I called Mark to let him know that I got lost and I was running late, he told me not to worry.

Once I found his place, I was in awe. It was a high rise building with views of the ocean.  The valet outside of his apartment building took my keys and moved my car before I got my eyes off of the building. I walked through the glass doors and headed to the 9th floor to pick Mark up for our date.

The Date Plan

I’m not used to picking men up for dates so the feelings of doubt rose in my chest with each step I took towards his door. I knocked, pushed my hair off of my neck and anticipated our first to first meet. He opened the door, gave me a smile, leaned in and kissed me.

“Uh, hi.”  I said after his lips met mine.

“Hello.” His lips fell on mine again and he pulled me into his apartment, slamming the door behind us.  My lips were in panic mode since I wasn’t really sure what was happening.  I didn’t remember agreeing to a make out session in his apartment or even a booty call but clearly, Mark didn’t get the memo.

I confess, while he was kissing me, I took the time to look around his apartment and just as I expected from the exterior of the building, the interior was amazing. His place was fabulous and clean. And honestly, I didn’t mind him kissing me even though we’d only said hello to each other.

After a few minutes, he stopped kissing me. I awkwardly asked if he was ready to head to the coffee shop and he gave me a nod. Then, his cell phone rang. “I gotta take this. Why don’t you head down stairs and I’ll meet you in a few. We can take your car.” Mark says as he shoves me out the door.

The Date Aftermath

I walk down the hallway to the elevator feeling like I was taking the walk of shame. I questioned whether the previous five minutes had happened or if my wild imagination had run away with me again. I got to the lobby and handed the valet my ticket.  He returned with my car and told me it was $15.

I laughed. “What!  No, I was just gone for 5 minutes. I was just picking someone up.”

He hands me my keys and tells me that I can wait for the person I was picking up for a minute but I still had to pay.

I only had $10 cash on me. I tried to explain this to the valet and after several minutes of attempting to work things out, he took the last bit of cash that I had on me.

Twenty minutes later, Mark still hadn’t appeared in the lobby and the valet was knocking on my window. “You can’t sit here.”

“I’m just waiting for someone. He was on the phone when I left, he should be here any minute.” I explained to the valet again. “Let me just call him and see how long he’ll be, ok?” With the valet watching, I dialed Mark’s number and listened to it ring, and ring, and ring.

No answer. I dialed again and it went straight to voicemail.

It was at that moment and the evil glare given to me by the valet that I realized that Mark had stood me up for our date while I was waiting for him in his parking lot. Plus, our 5 minute meet had cost me the only cash I had on me and that was only because the valet took my deal of getting $10 verse the $15 that I owed him.

So, I left the fancy apartment, I left the good looking guy that lied to me and I left the cruel valet and headed home, only to get lost again.

What About Your Parents? | blog

Between raising kids on your own, working, managing a home and maybe squeezing in an ounce of time for yourself here and there, spending time with parents or grandparents can be hard to do.

Depending on your age, your parents might a certain level of care — care you might not have time to provide. Whether you’re serving as a primary caretaker for an elderly parent or even if you’re just a single parent who wants to spend more time with your own parents, taking the time to respect your elders and carving out moments to spend together is incredibly rewarding.

If you aren’t quite sure where to begin, check out these few tips for finding a balance between caring for your parents and caring for your kids.

  • Safety: One of the most important aspects of caring for elderly parents is making sure they are safe and sound within their own home. An elderly alert system is a great idea, especially for parents who live alone, have special medical needs or a history of falls. Taking the time to invest in a life alert system for your aging parent will keep them safe and give you the peace of mind in knowing they can get help immediately in the event of an emergency.
  • Family Outings: One of the best ways to spend time with your parents and kids simultaneously is to schedule a family outing. Your destination obviously depends on the health and mobility of your parent and should be taken into consideration when choosing a location. If your parents are able, a quick weekend getaway would be a nice change of pace for everyone. If you don’t have the time or money to get away for a weekend, an afternoon together at their favorite eatery or bakery is fun for the whole family.
  • Craft Time: Having the kids create a special craft for Grandma or Grandpa and then delivering it gives you the opportunity to spend time with both parties. Work with your kids to help them compile a photo album, photo spread, picture frame or other keepsake and then go over and deliver it together. Grandparents love memories and crafts, so combining the best of both worlds should be an obvious choice!
  • Spending A Night In: For parents with limited mobility or special health needs, spending a night at home with family is always a welcome luxury. Bring the kids over to their place for a while, bring dinner or cook when you get there and spend an hour or two enjoying an old movie, playing a game or looking through photographs. It’s a great way to de-stress after a busy day or week and leaves everyone feeling upbeat!

By learning to combine spending time with your parents and spending time with kids and giving your parents the tools they need to be safe, you can show your family the respect they deserve. Taking time out here and there to spend time with parents and kids is one of the greatest things you’ll ever do!

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Alex Wise served over 5 years as relationship expert helping women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest, male perspective. Alex is one of the contributors and editors for dating website. He is passionate about thought leadership writing, and regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and online dating communities.

Time Saving Tips for the Single Parent Business Owner

As single parents, we know that time is money, and we have to make the most of both when we have it.

Just when you thought single parenting couldn’t get any busier, you decided to start your own business. From one entrepreneur to another — congratulations and get ready to work!

A lot of people will tell me how much time they’d save being self-employed and my reply is always a swift, “Yeah, right!”

Between caring for a three-year-old, running my own business, managing clients and still having time for me, I feel I’m booked solid for the next 16 years. But, I’m always searching for ways to make the most out of my time, and possibly take my sentence down to — oh — 14 years?

Here are a few tips I use daily to make sure I’m using my time to the absolute fullest!

Have A Clear Agenda

Knowing what you have on your plate is half the battle. How often have we gotten halfway through the day only to remember what we forgot earlier? If you don’t already keep an agenda, either on paper or with the help of a smartphone or tablet, now is the time to start! Keep it updated and follow it like a map! Life is much easier when you know what you’re doing.

Prioritize Tasks

Sometimes, you have so much to do that you don’t even know where to start. Before starting on anything, make a list of which tasks are the lowest and highest priority. If you say that all your tasks are high priority, you’re not doing yourself any favors! Start yourself off on the right foot by doing your best to rank tasks and then work to complete them right down the list.

Utilize Technology

As mentioned earlier, I live and die by my smartphone and tablet. Without them, I’d be a confused, bumbling mess on a daily basis. I also rely on Office Reminders to help me get to appointments on time, cloud computing and Google Docs to sync information between all my gadgets, email marketing software to keep clients updated and to help me manage all my budgets!

Focus On One Task At A Time

Once an avid multi-tasker, I’ve come to learn the importance of taking tasks one a time. I’ve found that I can focus much more easily and get more done in a smaller amount of time when I pour all my attention into one task. If you’re the type to bounce back and forth between tasks, you’d be surprised just how much time that bouncing is costing you. Do your best to have tunnel vision on a task until it’s complete!

Think Big Picture

Lastly, try to stay focused on the larger picture. It’s easy to get bogged down in small details and spend hours, or even an entire day, worrying about stressors that aren’t truly worth your time. If you ever find yourself stuck on minute decisions and tasks, take a step back, breathe deeply and think larger. Work with a renewed sense of focus and vision; you’ll be able to work with a fresh mind and get more done.

Hopefully these few simple steps for saving time will help you shave seconds and hours in every way possible! As single parents, we know that time is money, and we have to make the most of both when we have it.

A Wrestler’s Guide to Dating Bliss

I was a wrestler in high school and college so I didn’t eat very much, and not nearly as well as I should have. Most of my Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners were frozen and lay dormant in the icebox until the season was over – around easter – at which time I’d feast like a king. The upside was I stayed in good shape, which led to a somewhat active dating life.

When it came to dating, I had a short list of things that were meaningful to me in a girlfriend. They were, in order of importance:

  • sense of humor
  • attractive
  • could finish a meal

The first two are common traits on the lists of most men across the globe, and fairly easy to determine before you get to the first date. That took the pressure off and allowed me to concentrate on the third criteria, which was a bit more selective and much more fun to play with. It also allowed me to confirm number one on the list.  Here’s why.

First dates always involved taking a girl to a nice restaurant where some level of dress code was required. The more dressed up the better. We’d listen to the specials and I’d always order first; the biggest, messiest thing on the menu – and if that item wasn’t messy enough, I would order something else to make it messy. Ribs with barbecue sauce was my favorite. Then she’d order. Most times it was something light, like a salad, and those dates were over before they got started. Then, I would dig in with my bare hands, throw the cleaned rib bones onto an empty plate, and purposely leave sauce on my face until the end of the night. Disgusting? Maybe. But I thought it was an effective way to tell how seriously she took herself.  Did she feel that we needed to be all prim and proper because we were in a nice place, or could she just laugh it off and have fun with it?

I’ll be honest; most girls were horrified and had that deer in headlights look throughout dinner. One girl I had taken to a vietnamese restaurant actually got up and left, and another girl who didn’t tell me she was a vegetarian until we got to the restaurant sat quietly through dinner at one of New York’s premier steak houses. Speak your mind honey, or forever hold your tofu.

If she stuck around through dinner and engaged in conversation I’d ask for a second date. If she said yes, I knew she had a great sense of humor, because she just sat through an hour of me making an ass out of myself in public and agreed to go out with me again.  Needless to say, it took quite a few dates to find the right girl, and when I did it was in the most unlikely of places.

One time, I broke my own rule about location and, at her suggestion, went on our first date to a carnival that was passing through town. I was expecting to spend the night arguing the finer points of ring toss with the carneys, and then drop a hundred dollars trying to win a two dollar prize, so you can imagine my giddiness when I learned the food stand served chili cheese burgers. I ordered a burger for each of us and a bowl full of fries. We sat down at a table with a dozen other people munching, crunching, and with faces full of chili cheese sauce. It was perfect. She didn’t seem to mind at all, and felt pretty comfortable throughout the meal. Then it happened.

I was so busy making a mess of myself she finished her plate before I did. When I came up for air she asked if I was going to finish my fries. I shook my head no, and she reached over the table and ate them right off my plate. I was in love. We were married a few years later and now have a beautiful little girl, who by they way, seems to have a pretty good appetite.