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If you’re like most women who have been in a relationship for more than six months, you may start to wonder how to get a man to marry you. After all, marriage is the goal of a committed relationship. There are 4 big steps in any relationship:

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What Makes A Man Leave His Wife For Another Woman


What makes a man decide to leave his wife — What makes a man leave his wife for another woman?

As a coach and counselor for women on dating and relationships, I often run into situations where a marriage has ended. And there’s always the question about what makes a man leave his wife like this. 

realtionship advice signs hes cheating on you What Makes A Man Leave His Wife For Another Woman

A woman can feel betrayed in her marriage when this happens, and it can leave deep emotional scars.

And some women I coach are also dating a married man and want to know:  What are the signs he will leave his wife for you, if you are the other woman?

And, even though women leave men at a slightly higher rate, it seems to be much more painful for women to deal with this kind of trauma.

You may have cause for concern in your own marriage. He may be showing you signs that there’s another woman in his life.

You need to know what he intends to do about all of it. And you sure as heck want to know if he intends to leave you.

Because that’s the statistics are not pretty. Over 50% of all marriages will end in divorce. 

The answers I’m about to show you might surprise you. Here is some advice for a woman who wants to save her marriage or her relationship.

And make sure you stick around to the very end. I’ll tell you a little bit about how you save your relationship. Because if you don’t do something, the situation will only get worse.

Is He Leaving? Sign 1: No Appreciation

Most men show their love with acts of Love. They will help you out, give you advice, take action where needed.

And one of the things he looks for is appreciation for his showing love in this way. A man needs your acknowledgement and gratitude.

Frequently, women do not see men’s behavior as “loving” – misinterpreting it as ego or something else because it’s not how she would express it.

What this does is it leaves a man in a situation where he’s not getting appreciated for the love he’s showing. He doesn’t know that she’s not seeing what he’s doing as love, so he just feels rejected on an emotional level.

This is a lot more common than most women are aware.

06 What Makes A Man Leave His Wife For Another Woman

Of course both of you have a need for appreciation. I’m not saying he shouldn’t appreciate you.

But this article is not about how to get him to appreciate you, it’s about recognizing the things that are making him pull away from your relationship or your marriage.

One of the best things you can do in your relationship is to set aside time to recognize the things you’re missing when it comes to appreciating your partner. Sometimes you have to have the other person point out where they were loving you if you’re not seeing it.

Of course it makes it a lot easier when you can recognize the other person’s love right off the bat. But some relationships start out with a period of getting to know the other person’s communication style when it comes to love.

Be on the lookout for his acts of love and appreciate them.

Sign 2: Money Money…

You’re probably aware that money is one of the biggest areas of contention and struggle within a relationship. If you’re not on the same page as him with respect to spending, you should spend some time to get that straightened out.

Women and men often have very different ideas about how money works within a relationship. You can’t take this for granted. Most couples wait until this becomes a problem instead of facing it head on.

why men leave wives for another divorce What Makes A Man Leave His Wife For Another Woman

You must know how the other person sees their spending habits. And how you can come to some mutual understanding to avoid conflict over money.

 Some of the areas about money you should discuss are:

  • Budgets – how much you spent on what
  • Savings – how much to save – and on what
  • Recreational spending – what to spend on fun & experiences
  • Retirement – what are your goals for money later in life?

Again most people do not tackle these difficult questions upfront in their relationships before they get married. And it’s no surprise when it comes up again later and they still haven’t figure out how to solve it.

Talk about money early on. Figure out how you will handle your money together.

Sign 3: Infidelity…

I don’t like the term “cheating.”  It’s often a very harsh indictment that is driven by anger and betrayal. Both of which are legitimate emotions to feel, of course. 

BUT the truth of the matter is that both men and women cheat in about the same numbers. 

And the person who is “cheating” is not doing it to hurt the other person – no matter how much it might seem that way! 

They’re doing it to get their needs met.

signs your boyfriend is cheating What Makes A Man Leave His Wife For Another Woman

It’s very tempting to take this sort of thing as a personal attack, but it really is just one other person trying to be happy. In any way they can.

They may not be doing it the right way, but it’s not a deliberate act of malice.

Now the interesting thing about infidelity is that it’s not really the reason why a man decides to leave his wife. It may be the crisis event, but it’s not THE reason he leaves.

In reality, it was both of them. Two people not communicating well, not connecting well, and not devoting themselves to the goal of one healthy relationship.

Sure, it may feel like one person was more of a victim in the relationship than the other. In truth, it was always both of them

Perhaps they were not well matched, or they didn’t have the right skills, or they were just taking their relationship too far. Maybe it just should have stayed a short fling.

Whatever the reason, the cheating was caused by problems and events that started way before the infidelity.

In other words blaming a cheating partner on the end of a relationship is like blaming a car for breaking down. It’s really more about the maintenance and paying attention to how well things are running.

Sign 4: Changes

Let’s face it people change.

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Sometimes we grow together, and sometimes in different directions. What I’m talking about here is obviously growing apart.

This happens frequently in marriages where the couple got together at a very early age, or they simply didn’t know enough about where the other person was heading.

But this can be overcome simply by communicating well. And making sure that your self-esteem does not feel threatened by the other person’s self-growth and development. In the end, that’s what gets in the way most of all. 

Not the fact that they are changing, but that their change seems to threaten us.

And it helps to remember that change happens whether we want it to or not. Unfortunately most change happens without us noticing until it’s too late.

If you’re communicating regularly, and you’re connecting with your partner regularly, you will have a distinct advantage in your relationship. You’ll notice when things change and you’ll know what to do about them.

Sign 5: Acting Up From Insecurities and Unresolved Personal Issues

The Ugly Truth is that many people who get married do so to cover up their own issues that they don’t want to deal with. 

tips how to avoid getting a divorce What Makes A Man Leave His Wife For Another Woman

It’s much easier to date somebody who gives you a sense of self-worth then it is to spend a bunch of hours with a therapist or counselor working out your inner demons.

Ultimately, I believe that childhood issues that are never addressed are really the sole cause of almost all of the world’s problems when we become an adult.

Look at our governments, our institutions, and the dysfunction of so many different parts of our society. It all came from people who hadn’t healed from the problems of their childhood.

Of course this sounds over simplified, but ultimately it’s true.

One thing every person needs to do when they’re in a relationship is seek a little bit of outside feedback.

You don’t have to jump into therapy, but it sure is a good idea if you know you have stuff to heal and resolved.

At the very least talk to friends you trust and you know have a clear viewpoint of what’s going on. Not just somebody who will agree with you on everything. That kind of relationship to me is boring, because it’s not challenging. (And it’s delusional in many ways too.)

Sign 6: Intimacy Issues

Yes, what I’m talking about here is more along the lines of physical intimacy –  in the bedroom. 

When there are physical issues that come up between two people in a relationship, they can be pretty significant.

But again, just like with infidelity, these issues can be tackled and handled. If they are caught early on.

20 What Makes A Man Leave His Wife For Another Woman

But the most crippling and destructive force in relationships is complacency. The willingness to pretend something isn’t happening that obviously is.

And it’s usually this complacency that creates a marriage destined to fail. When one or both people in the relationship refused to confront the issues when they come up instead of pretending they’re not there.

Bedroom problems are no different.

When those needs are not getting met, that’s when we start seeking our own solution elsewhere.

Very often this particular problem shows up when a man interprets a woman’s sex drive differently, not understanding how women approach intimacy. And the exact same thing happens when a woman misunderstands how men work. 

Of course the fear each person holds inside is that their partner is no longer attracted to them. And this is usually not the case.

But this begins a silent war of inattention and disconnection.

Sign 7: Needs Aren’t Recognized

All relationships go through a tough time now and again. It’s only natural.

But when your needs aren’t seen, or his needs aren’t visible, that’s when problems can really show up.

advice worried that boyfriend is cheating on me What Makes A Man Leave His Wife For Another Woman

Each person in a relationship needs their needs validated and seen.

We need to know that what we want in a relationship is both acceptable and known.

But if we suspect that our partner isn’t noticing or caring about our needs, that’s when we start to protect ourselves. Instead of being vulnerable and resolving the issue, we put up our shields.

And if there isn’t some kind of corrective action taken – like couples therapy or counseling – then one or both of them might feel that the situation is hopeless.

It’s not hopeless because there is no hope; it’s hopeless because neither the man or woman has the skill to navigate their way out of their problems.

“But What If I Am The ‘Other Woman’? Will he leave his wife for me?”

So what do you do if you are The Other Woman wondering if he will leave his wife for you? 

First off, you have to realize the situation you are in. 

FIRST: Your emotions might have you completely wrapped up in this man. You know he’s in the arms of another woman, whether or not he’s actually in love with her. Your jealousy probably pokes at you every single day.

All you think about is how you and him can be together. Sometimes without even asking the question:  Should we be together?

SECOND: He is split in two.

This guy is not really a valid candidate for a relationship.

Why? Because he’s already in a relationship.

04 What Makes A Man Leave His Wife For Another Woman

That might sound a little bit silly to say, but you’d be surprised how many people don’t think about this really when they get into an affair.

He may have children from his marriage, and he has an established lifestyle with this woman. As much as you may want to believe he will leave her for you, in all likelihood he will not.

In fact, many women find that they turn out to be just a catalyst – someone who inspires him to get out of his marriage, but he doesn’t end up staying with her – his ‘mistress,’ if you’ll forgive the term.

The best thing you can do is to look at what got you into this relationship in the first place.

Why did you choose an unavailable man?

You might tell yourself otherwise, but the truth is that he is not available.

The only way he will leave his wife for you is if:

  1. His marriage is so horrible that it’s a complete nightmare (kind of rare)
  2. You and he forge an unbreakable connection that not only supports him, but sustains you and your emotional needs as well (also pretty rare, sorry to say)

The best thing you can possibly do is to put this relationship on hold until he leaves his wife.

and even then, he would still need months –  perhaps a year or more –  to heal from his broken marriage. Because every breakup requires time to heal our emotions.

And Men probably take longer given that we don’t understand our emotions as well as women do. So you might consider that you could be waiting for a while to inherit a healthy whole man.

Now of course I’m not so naive to believe that you would wait around. I know darn well most women would jump right into a relationship with this guy. The unfortunate thing is that it probably won’t work out. 

I’m not saying this because I believe there’s anything inherently wrong in what happened. But the fact of the matter is that a man fresh out of a marriage is not a good partner. 

But in the end the most important thing is to know what to do when you think he might be leaving you.

Let’s start with the first tip to get him back:

how to build intimacy connection postive communication What Makes A Man Leave His Wife For Another Woman

The critical skill for relationships is empathy…

EMPATHY = the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

But that’s not all.

The truth is there are three different forms of empathy :

  • Cognitive Empathy – This is the kind of empathy where you understand another person’s experience. Like the saying: “Walk in another person’s shoes” or “understand their perspective”
  • Emotional Empathy – This is where you actually experience the other person’s emotions. Usually this is not very productive and difficult to work with. 
  • Compassionate empathy – This is where you feel someone’s pain and take action to help them out.

It’s that last one that is probably the most important one.

Ask yourself: Do you feel his pain? And can you separate yourself from it to help him as best you can?

Because in order for him to come around and re-invest himself in your relationship again, he’s going to need to know that you are on his side.

Men can be difficult to reach. There’s no doubt about that.

But if you think that he is flawed because he doesn’t speak his feelings the way a woman would, that could hold you back.

Which brings me to the most important tip to bring him back to you:

You must know how to connect with him.

The only thing you can do that will guarantee the connection between you and him is to know how he feels connected to you!

If you don’t know, it’s only a matter of time before he will start to look for that connection somewhere else.

If you’d like to know more about how men feel that unbreakable love connection, go read this special report…

PRODUCT Connection Code What Makes A Man Leave His Wife For Another Woman

Discover His Connection Code

24 Signs He’s Secretly In Love With You


Wouldn’t it be great if there were secret signals that a guy likes you? Are there signs he’s secretly in love with you?

is he in love with me 24 Signs Hes Secretly In Love With You

Well, the answer to that question is yes. No secret there.

And I’m going to cover some of those secret signs here for you.

The guy you’re curious about might be working with you, or you’re friends, or even the barista at your favorite coffee shop.  Whatever the situation is, there are signs that guys give off that they are in love with you.  All you have to do is know what to look for.

And the truth of the matter is that it’s always so easy for us to tell if someone we know is in love with a friend. But when it comes to us figuring out if someone loves us, it’s always difficult. Or we just have our doubts…

One of the best ways to figure this out is of course body language signals. The reason that body language is so reliable is that it’s how we express our emotions without even knowing it.

For example, do you know that you store your emotions in your body?

In the actual cells of your body?

Scientists have known this for many many years, and it’s been proven by science. You may have even known someone with extreme emotional problems who was always suffering from some kind of disease or chronic ailment.

The reason that disease shows up like this is because of the emotional issues they’re struggling with. This relationship between emotions and wellness is documented and proven by science.

So it only stands to reason that his interest in you will appear in his body language. We’ll look at both the body signals he gives you that he’s in love with you as well as the BEHAVIOR signals that he’s falling in love.

Before You Go Looking For Signs He’s In Love With You…

However, before you go looking for signs that he is in love with you, ask yourself this important question:

Why are you looking for signs from him?

The truth of the matter is that, YES – you should look for some signs of interest from him. And don’t give up too much of your game early on by showing him how much YOU are into him.

01 24 Signs Hes Secretly In Love With You

But very often what I see out there is women who are really trying to avoid being vulnerable. The whole reason she’s looking for signs is because she’s deathly afraid of being rejected.

She wants to be absolutely sure before she shows any hint that she might like him. Which is really a self-protecting stance.

Most of us have been taught from an early age to play it safe. Maybe it was our parents, maybe it was our childhood, but somehow we let this idea fester in our brain that if we take a risk, we could “lose it all.”

And that’s one of the most dangerous lies we tell ourselves.

Now of course, the idea that we could lose it all is extreme. But that’s how our mind and our anxieties ramp up the hidden meaning behind rejection. We blow it completely out of proportion.

Ask yourself:

  •  Are you afraid to start conversations?
  •  Are you afraid to reveal your true thoughts?
  •  Are you afraid people will reject you?
  •  Are you afraid you’re not enough?

All of these are normal fears for most people. But they don’t have to be there at all!

“No one can reject you without your permission…” – Carlos Cavallo

When you realize you cannot be truly “rejected” without your permission –  you will stop fearing this irrational outcome.

In fact, the fear of rejection actually traces its way back through evolutionary psychology. People feared rejection because it usually meant they were cast out of the tribe.

So just keep in mind that when you hold yourself back into a position of looking for signs and signals rather than acting, you are embracing your fearful state.

Be willing to step up and be vulnerable. You don’t have to lose yourself or compromise yourself. But if you want to connect with a man in this day and age you’re going to have to do better than women in the past.

Now let’s take a look at Signs He’s Secretly In Love With You:

SIGN #1: He’s Johnny on the spot…

how to tell when man is falling in love 24 Signs Hes Secretly In Love With You

When a guy shows up when he says he will and where he says he will, there’s a good chance he’s really interested in you.

It all comes down to consideration and motivation.

You can read somebody’s level of respect for you in how they treat you. It’s not in their words, because anybody can say any words. (and most will…)

A man is motivated by a woman he desires – and has not yet acquired. I know that sounds like he wants you as his possession. But the truth is, you both want to possess each other when you’re in love, don’t you?

He will be considerate to you because he wants you. And of course, he should be considerate after you’re together as well. That should be one of your checkboxes for a good relationship:  Mutual respect.

The motivation comes in when he is motivated to put on his best behavior to impress you. Guys do this when they are prompt –  showing up to meet you when he says he will.

SIGN #2: He’s Knockin’ At Midnight…

One of the most obvious ways he shows interest is when he texts you goodnight.

If you’re wondering why he does this, it’s pretty simple. He’s thinking about you at night, in bed.

So when he sends you a text message wishing you a good night, or trying to start a conversation at night, that’s giving away his desire.

SIGN #3: Locking Love Lamps…

When a guy makes really strong eye contact with you, you can be sure there’s some desire and love there.

  • Men love with their eyes.
  • We caress everything that is beautiful with our eyes.

20 24 Signs Hes Secretly In Love With You

In fact it’s almost compulsive and irresistible to us!  Men adore women with their eyes.

And yes, this is also why guys find it very difficult to not look at beautiful women – even when they are with you.

SIGN #4: Spell It With Me – RESPECT…

When it comes right down to it, his level of respect for you is one of the most powerful indicators of his love for you.

Which is why you can judge almost any marriage by the level of respect between him and her.

If he’s showing you a huge amount of respect up front, it’s very likely he is in love with you.

SIGN #5: He’s Down With The Family…

A guy who really loves you and cares about you will do as much as he can to get along with your family.  He’ll put in the effort, and he will show up.

Yes, even if he doesn’t really like them all that much.

SIGN #6:  Watch for the questions…

One of the most simple indicators of a man’s interest in you is how much he asks questions about you.

Put very simply, if he’s not asking you questions, he’s not interested.

You may want to argue about this and bring up a bunch of evidence to the contrary, but you would mistaken.

CARLOS’ LAW: If a man loves you and is interested in you, he will ask questions about you and want to know everything about you.

SIGN #7:  You’re the tops of the charts…

Very simply put, a man prioritizes that which is important to him. You do the same thing in your life.

So if you are his number one, he loves you.  It doesn’t get any simpler than this.

And if he doesn’t make you his number one priority, he doesn’t love you as much as you think he does.

I gotta be clear here: You absolutely need to be one of his top priorities or he isn’t as “in love” with you as he might say.

SIGN #8: Help is on the way…

does he love me how do I know 24 Signs Hes Secretly In Love With You

Guys express their love through action. If a guy offers his help to you, there’s a good chance he’s trying to show his love for you.

If he:

  •  helps you with the car
  •  helps you fix something in the house
  •  helps you move
  •  helps you with a problem

He’s showing you the truest indication of his desire for you.

Men show their true feelings in how much they do for you.

SIGN #9: You’re not his project…

It’s often said that women try to change their men when they get into a relationship with them. And this can happen.

Of course guys do this in relationships, too. They may start complaining about some aspect of you they’d like you to change, like your hair or your weight.

But if you’re in a relationship with a man who really loves you, he won’t change you. He won’t want to.

He will love you just the way you are.

SIGN #10: He’s grateful…

Some people say that true happiness is simply wanting what you already have..

When a man is in love, he’s also grateful for what he has.

Gratitude is thankfulness. Simple happiness for what IS.

When he is grateful for you and what you do for him, he loves you in some small measure. It’s very difficult for a man to express gratitude. So if he does, he’s definitely falling for you.

SIGN #11:  You’re partners in choice…

When a guy loves you he wants to include you. He’ll include you on important choices and decisions.

Even if he doesn’t take your advice, he will seek out your point of view at the very least. Hearing what you think will be important to him.

SIGN #12:  He will Arnold you…

Back in the Arnold Schwarzenegger movies with the Terminator in them,  he was famous for saying: “I’ll be back…”

signs a man is secretly in love with you scaled e1595890045466 24 Signs Hes Secretly In Love With You

And you knew he would be.

In the same way, your man may have arguments with you, he may disagree with you, and you will fight from time to time. But you do know deep in your heart he will be back, no matter what.

SIGN #13: When he’s in love with you, he gives as good as he gets…

While you shouldn’t expect your relationship to be transactional, you would like to think that both of you will give what it takes to make it work.

And if a man is really in love with you, he will definitely put in the work to make it work.

In fact, this may be one of the most important signs you’ve found “The One.”  When he is meeting you halfway, that means you’ve got something special with him.

SIGN #14: You’re Better WITH Him…

The fact of the matter is, we know when we’re in a bad romance when we see how bad of a person we turn into when we’re with that person.

If you find yourself being more disagreeable, more anxious, more unsettled, more of everything you don’t want to be –  that’s a good indication you’re definitely with the wrong person.

And on the contrary, when you feel like you are a better person with him, that’s the best indication you’re with the right man. And if he’s bringing out the best in you, there’s a good chance he’s bringing it out because he’s in love with you.

SIGN #15: The Future Belongs To Both Of You…

This is one of the simplest signs, but it’s one of the most reliable.

dating advice is he in love with me scaled 24 Signs Hes Secretly In Love With You

If a guy is in love with you, he wants to know that he has a future with you. And you’ll hear him throwing out ideas for things for both of you to do in the near future. The more he does this, the more in love with you he’s likely to be.

After all, we want to know we have this future with a person we love. And we want to know that we can look forward to spending time together.

SIGN #16: He’s Paying Attention…

There’s a really good book called don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s one of the books I recommend to a lot of my clients.  The tagline of the book is: “… and it’s all small stuff.”

Which is also very true…!

When it comes right down to it, a guy will pay attention to all of your small stuff when he’s in love with you. That’s because all the details that make up you are fascinating and lovable to him.

So if he keeps track of most of the little things, there’s a really good chance that his love is behind it all.

SIGN #17: He uses the “S” word…

When a guy uses the S word on you, you know that you’ve got someone who cares for you.

16 24 Signs Hes Secretly In Love With You

What is the S word?

“Sorry.”

When he can apologize to you – say: “I’m sorry” – for something he said or did, that shows you his ego won’t stop him from loving you. Or from making your relationship grow.

SIGN #18: He will back you up…

If there’s one thing you need in a loving relationship, you gotta have an ally.  You gotta have a guy who’ll not only love you but fight for you.

So if he wants the best for you and sticks up for you, he’s probably in love with you and wants to protect you.

This is what they really mean when they say you have to start out as best friends. You need him as your ALLY first.

SIGN #19: He’s willing to open up…

Guys are not typically as emotionally expressive as women are. And just because he’s less emotionally expressive, this doesn’t mean he’s emotionally shut down.

So when you find a guy who’s willing to open up to you, and open his heart, that kind of vulnerability means love.

It’s especially rare these days to find a guy who can open up to you and be vulnerable and still be masculine where it counts. If you find this combination, love him until the day you die.

SIGN #20: He hasn’t gone rogue…

When a man works with you as part of a team, he’s giving you his heart.

So when he’s not acting independent outside of your relationship and seeks your support, and comes to you for important decisions, he is showing you a strong sign he’s in love.

SIGN #21: You are mutual fans…

signs he is hiding his love for you scaled 24 Signs Hes Secretly In Love With You

If you and him are together most of the time, and he wants to be with you almost all the time, that’s a good sign you are suited for each other. That’s the fertile ground of love.

When you’re able to be around each other most of the time and it’s comfortable, that shows a synchronicity between you. This kind of natural “togetherness” is especially important to create a Love of a Lifetime.

SIGN #22: AND you are apart

And just as you spend a lot of time together, you have to be able to be okay with being apart.

If you’re able to do your own thing without either of you becoming insecure or needy, that’s one of the best signs of true love there is.

Together when separate. Separate when together…

The ability to hold these two opposites in you and your relationship is a super strong sign of love.

SIGN #23:  You Get A Look Inside The Chest…

Learning about his history and his background and the things that shaped his life is an important part of your intimacy. It’s going to tell you what you need to know about whether he’s in love with you or not.

If he shares his background and all the dirty little secrets that come with it, he’s demonstrating a powerful signal of love.

SIGN #24: Your Gut Says “Yeah Baby…”

Eventually, you have to check in with your gut. Your instincts will tell you if he is or isn’t in love with you.

Ultimately, you’ll just feel it deep down in your bones … or you won’t. It won’t be a mystery, and it won’t be difficult to notice.

tips advice ways men show love for you 24 Signs Hes Secretly In Love With You

Just like a Geiger counter clicking as it senses radiation, your inner love detector will clearly tell you he’s in love with you.

But Watch Out! These days many women don’t trust their instincts like they used to.

Feminine intuition used to be an accepted fact. Now it’s just an old wives tale.

Get back in touch with your gut. Learn how to read the emotions that your body can sense!

One of the most important parts of developing this feminine intuition is being able to read a man’s signals. When you can see what he’s thinking in his body, you will know how he feels about you.

Developing this one critical skill will make your love relationship a thousand times stronger.

  • Do you know how to tell when he’s lying?
  • Do you know if he’s thinking about someone else?
  • Do you know if he’s starting to doubt the relationship?
  • How would you know if he’s starting to drift away or lose interest?

The key is to know how to read a man’s signals. It comes out in his speech, his body language, his expressions, and especially in his behavior.

If you can’t read his signals, you will be blindsided by things that you could have caught and fixed.

Don’t wait until it’s too late!

Discover how to read his signals here…

PRODUCT Read His Signals 24 Signs Hes Secretly In Love With You

How To Get More Experience With Women


Dating Advice Is Overrated

The key to knowing the difference between good dating advice and bad dating advice and knowing what applies to you and what doesn’t is to get more and more experience with women.

Don’t ever trust dating advice without testing it first (including ours). And by testing, we mean really getting out and testing on hundreds of women over multiple days while accounting for a variety of variables including location, time of day, what you’re wearing, and any other factors you consider important to meeting women.

For as much as we write about the topic of dating advice and meeting women, there’s really nothing that can replace the pure, first-hand, lived experience of getting up, getting out and meeting women yourself.

Lived Experience Is King

Go forth, my people, and find, meet, keep and attract high value women of exceptional beauty and accomplishment through thine own lived experiences!

Basically, lived experience – the act of actually meeting / dating women – is king. And the king reigns supreme, knowing what’s best for his kingdom. And while the king DOES have advisers, chancellors, ministers and jesters (you know, just to keep things real at the court), ultimately, he’s the one in charge.

Take more action… MASSIVE action, and through doing so, gain more live experiences to use judge the worth of what you read and hear. As you get out more and more, and can more quickly identify women who are into you right from the beginning, you’ll begin to put together your own, unique model of interacting with women based on what works for you. All the while, keep an open mind to try out all different kinds of strategies. Having an open mind doesn’t preclude using critical analysis. Two sharp questions you might want to consider asking whenever you come across a piece of men’s dating advice are:

  • What are my end goals, guiding values and underlying assumptions behind how I interact with women and where I hope to go with my project of meeting them? And how does this piece of dating advice for men play into those (or not)? And…
  • What is this advice based on? The writer’s lived experience? Or hearsay?
  • Does this advice make me feel like a man of self-respect and integrity? Or does it feel like I’m trying to lie and weasel my way into women’s lives?

Keep these in mind as you head and meet more and more women every day while testing out all the advice you’ve read on meeting and dating women.

How To Strengthen Your Self-Esteem Every Day


Most people have an “If I” attitude to self-esteem. “If I get that raise, I’ll finally be happy with myself.” “If I had a better car, I’d be the man.” They think that becoming richer or more accomplished changes things.

This, of course, is crazy. Self-esteem is all about you – your self – and not what you have! This is why rich, famous individuals can be so insecure; real life success has little effect on how we feel about ourselves!

One of the tools I’ve used to build confidence and self-worth into students is gratitude. It sounds crazy, but check out this post and see if you don’t feel like a badass after following my tips.

What Makes Us Feel Like Crap

Too much about Western Culture makes us feel like crap.

  • Actors and models we see look perfect while we feel ugly in comparison.
  • In our extremely competitive society, any form of “losing” is shameful.
  • Celebrity worship and “spectatoritis” – we increasingly view ourselves as passive spectators rather than equal players in the game of life.
  • Less time spent socializing makes us more self-conscious about ourselves.
  • Sedentary lifestyles are ruining our bodies; skyrocketing obesity rates.

Unless you’ve been living in a cave your whole life, you know how bad things are. Up to 24 million Americans suffer from an eating disorder; I’m not from the U.S., but that number alone tells you how unhappy people are with themselves!

On top of that, people believe that certain accomplishments – more money, a better body, more love – can make them feel better. This is why liposuction and plastic surgery is so popular – some individuals try to fix their internal problems by changing what’s outside.

Crazy!

Dwight Howard – one of the best basketball players in the world – made a horrible career decision because he wants the public to like him. Actors and actresses talk abot their insecurities all the time. Being beautiful, rich and successful can’t create self-esteem; “the hole inside” can only be filled from the inside.

Fixing Low Self-Esteem… With Gratitude

2 years ago, I was helping young men meet girls every weekend (and I still do sometimes). This meant being in charge of up to 10 shy dudes and – somehow – making them feel confident enough to talk to girls.

If you know anything about men, you understand how scary talking to a woman you’ve never met before is. So I used every technique and method I knew – from personal experience and as a dating coach – to help . From getting physically charged up to visualizing success, it all worked – but some of the strategies required weeks of regular practice before improving a student’s self-esteem.

Then I discovered gratitude.

Usually, techniques build self-esteem and confidence by filling “the hole inside” or distracting you from it. Positive affirmations give you new beliefs; visualization creates a better future in your subconscious; meditation brings awareness and dissolves internal issues. But gratitude is different.

By practicing gratitude, you bring your attention to all the great things you have. All the amazing stuff you take for granted becomes obvious, making it hard to feel bad about life – and yourself. Instead of changing or filling up your self-esteem “hole,” gratitude simply says: “This little thing? I can barely see it!”

Here’s how you practice gratitude:

  1. Find a few minutes of relative peace. In the morning, before sleep and during commutes are all good times.
  2. Make a mental – or written – list of all the things you’re grateful to have. Anything you have that others don’t is fair game.
  3. Simply go over each point as you’re making it and try to feel gratitude for all the gifts and opportunities you have in life. Think of all the people that come to mind, relive all the experiences and memories you’re grateful for.
  4. Stop whenever you’re bored or have had enough.

As you do this, your mind will learn to stop making negative judgements that make you feel bad – “I’m fat,” “I’m unhappy” – and charge you up with positivity every single day. Practice gratitude regularly; you’ll always be mindful of the value and gift(s) you have to offer the world. So in with the gratitude and out with low self-esteem!

Building self-esteem through confidence is funny, right? You’re feeling better about yourself by feeling better about everything you have. But guess what – it works!

I feel grateful every morning I wake up, because I have two arms; two legs; two eyes. It doesn’t sound like much, but many people don’t have that. Just by being a healthy, young man, I have a lot to offer; it’s hard to know that and still feel bad about myself!

Just give it a try; feel gratitude about your life right now and see how you feel. Don’t forget to leave a comment, too!

Go Into Superhero Mode at Will


What if I said you could change your mood, attitude and thoughts instantly with a simple tool? One moment you feel tired and bummed out, the next – you’re a shining beam of confidence and energy. Just snap your fingers and feel like a champion.

By the end of this post, you’ll be able to do all that and much more.

The best part is, I’m not even trying to sell you anything! I’m giving you this tool for the low, low price of $0.00. It’s called “Anchoring.”

Anchoring is what links an internal response (a mood, a state, a feeling) to an external stimulus. Sounds fancy, but your life is actually full of Anchors.

Does a song remind you of a special time or place? That’s an anchor. Does a venue remind you of all the good times you had there? That’s an anchor. Does the sound of your alarm clock fill your heart with dread? That’s… You get the idea.

The good news is, you can create and use anchors for your own advantage. When I used to be shy about talking to girls, I anchored “confidence” to a touch behind the ear. Every time I felt bashful, I would use my anchor to overcome my fear – and it worked!

Too much work?.. If only you had an anchor for “Productivity”!

Picking a Stimulus

We’ll begin by creating a positive-state anchor. Choose an anchoring stimulus and a keyword for your desired state. For the anchoring stimulus, pick an action that requires no external objects, e.g. touching your nose.

When picking a stimulus action, make sure it’s something you don’t usually do. Let’s say you rub your nose often: anything you anchor to that motion will soon become contaminated and useless. Here are 2 motions I use for anchoring:

1)   Pressing my middle fingers together

2)   Placing my index finger on my neck

Picking a Positive State

Once you’ve chosen a stimulus action, pick a positive state. I recommend choosing a single power word to describe it. The more powerful and meaningful the word, the better: freedom, confidence and power are all good.

For our example, I’ll give you the instructions for anchoring “Confidence” to a touch behind the ear. If you want to use another state or triggerknock yourself out; just adjust the instructions as necessary.

Instructions

  1. Think of your power word: in this case, confidence. Imagine, in as much detail as possible, what it would be like to be confident. How would you act? What would you say? What would you be able to achieve? How would other people treat you? Use your imagination; daydream if you like, and involve all your senses – sight, smell, hearing, etc – in the fantasy. Experience all the positive emotions that being confident would make you feel.
  2. Once you have a clear and vivid image of what a confident you would feel and be like, gently press your index finger behind your ear and keep it there. Make a brief list of the most important benefits being confident would give you.
  3. Imagine the confidence you want – and all the benefits it could bring – becoming a part of your life. Think: “I am confident!”
  4. Remove your finger from behind your ear. Imagine waking up tomorrow morning and going about your day with your newfound confidence. Once again, visualize vividly: how will you act tomorrow? What will you see? What will you hear? And how awesome will your life be now?

That’s it; you’ve just created a confidence anchor. Now, you can go into superhero mode at will by pressing behind your ear. It’s that easy! One last thing, though…

Anchor Maintenance

Think of your new anchor as a glass of water. You can’t keep drinking from a glass without refilling it; the same is true with anchors.

If you keep using the anchor to return to a positive state, you will exhaust it very quickly. That’s why it’s important to “re-fill” it as often as possible. This is best done when you are in your desired state naturally.

So the next time you wake up feeling confident, touch yourself behind the ear. As an alternative, you can always repeat the exercise to make your anchor a little stronger.

Are You Using Money Or “Game” To Hide Your Weaknesses?


Learn how to utilize advantages like looks, how money and “Game” can attract women with agendas while conveying weakness to high value women (plus what to do instead) and then get a concrete course of action to take for improve you dating life.

A couple days ago, a guy left a comment on our blog that highlights several key issues that many guys are going through.

At first, I was going to simply respond to his comment, but because this is such a core issue, I decided to make this blog post about it.

You can read my line-by-line response to his comment below.

I’ll deal with the issues of utilizing your advantages, how money and “Game” can attract women with agendas while conveying weakness to high value women (plus what to do instead) and give a concrete course of action for the comment writer that will also be helpful for anyone else out there looking to improve their dating lives.

Hi,

I’m a 33-year old banker with a severe dating challenge.

Despite having a prestigious job and being fairly good looking and over six feet tall I have never been in a meaningful relationship all my life.

From my self-assessment, the reason I don’t approach women is because I’m just too stiff and fearful of showing my klutzy self so I pretend not to be interested or cool. Honestly nothing could be further from the truth. Because of lack of practise in this game earlier in my youth I’m so defective in dating dynamics and most women see right through the veneer of confidence I may feign to cover my weaknesses. In the very few occasions I mustered courage to talk to women and start going out with them I inevitably started splurging money on them.

Please help. Is there any hope of turning my klutzy nature to advantage?

Jide

Hey Jide, thanks for you comment. You’re in luck because we’ve decided to breakdown your comment line-by-line and give you advice on everything you mentioned.

 I’m a 33-year old banker with a severe dating challenge.

Welcome. You’ve come to the right place. Your story is more common that you might realize.

Despite having a prestigious job and being fairly good looking and over six feet tall

Being good looking, tall and a banker can all be played as advantages… Yet without the proper mindset and without taking the proper action, they can hold you back as well.

We once taught a guy who’s a dead ringer for Johnny Depp, but was at a loss with how to go about finding a really great girl. Even though he had a massive advantage most guys would kill for (looking like one of the world’s most popular celebrities), before he met us he was just as frustrated (maybe more) than most guys.

What’s worse about it was that, since most girls thought he was “good-looking,” he felt extra pressure that he should be doing better. This massively conflicted with his reality of not doing better.

“Everyone tells me that getting any girl should be easy since I’m so good-looking, but I still get shot down more often than not. Why is this so frustrating?”

The fact of the matter is he lacked the knowledge about what actions to take in order to best utilize his advantages. While looks, height and prestige certainly can help, finding girls who are honestly into you is the most important element (these are the kind of women who you don’t need “game” or money with because they are into you, for who you are, and if you were another guy, they wouldn’t be into him because he isn’t you). Only then will those advantages become apparent.

If she isn’t into you right from the beginning, then nothing can even start. Her liking you right off the bat is the ticket to the races.

Key in all this is knowing how to screen out women with malicious agendas, leaving only the women who are actually into you, then all those other advantages work with you to have an even more striking effect on the women you meet who are into YOU right off the bar.

The first step is meeting women.

The next step is screening women.

And I have never been in a meaningful relationship all my life.

That’s good news. Especially for a guy with your material advantages.

If a girl caught you and guilt tripped you into a relationship and/or marriage in the state you’re in right now, you could have ended up losing half your money.

Starting from a clean slate is a great place to be.

From my self-assessment, the reason I don’t approach women is because I’m just too stiff and fearful of showing my klutzy self so I pretend not to be interested or cool.

Sounds like someone somewhere along the line sold you a bill of goods about what you “have to be” in order to attract women into your life. Something along the lines of guys “have to be cool,” or “have to be ‘in state,’” or “have to be alpha,”or “have to impress her with a fancy dinner date,” or “have to have game.”

All of that stuff matters about ZERO when you’re getting out and meeting lots of women, simply as a regular guy, not trying to persuade her to like you.

Once again, a clean slate (stiff and klutzy) is a great place to start. When you’re stiff, you can STILL go and approach women. Some of them might even like you for what you think is stiff.

Her: “Stiff? I didn’t think so! I liked him!”

Likewise, you can be a total klutzy AND still go approach women… And some women might even like you for what you think is klutzy.

“Klutzy? I thought that was totally my fault when we bumped into each other!”

Take one of our favorite role models, Cary Grant. The characters he plays in his movies are always ultra smooth, always gently smiling, always impeccably dressed and always being chased by women. Yet at the same time, he trips over his own shoelaces, tells jokes that no one else gets and makes goofy childish faces… And it works out all in his advantage. He’s even more likeable and human for his slight wackiness.

Honestly nothing could be further from the truth. Because of lack of practise in this game earlier in my youth

The best time to start is now. Colonel Sanders

started franchising KFC at age 65. At the ripe young age of 33, you’ve got plenty of time to turn things around.

I’m so defective in dating dynamics and most women see right through the veneer of confidence I may feign to cover my weaknesses.

Not your fault. These days society-at-large, TV programming, parents, teachers, politicians, religious leaders and the Ice Capades are all cranking loads of junk data on how to relate romantically and sexually with the opposite sex. This inevitably leads many otherwise good guys to the inability to form relationships and/or only being able to find unfulfilling relationships.

Even while “Game” and “splurging money” might help guys find temporary fleeting success, these strategies ultimately communicate to high quality women of self-esteem and beauty (and otherwise normal girls who might honestly like you) that this guy has weaknesses that need to be covered. Those things actually create a lot more problems than they solve purely because of the fact that guys can feel like they get short-term success from both, when in the long run, “game” and “splurging money” can both be huge barriers to creating meaningful relationships with really great women who honestly like you for who you are.

In the very few occasions I mustered courage to talk to women and start going out with them I inevitably started splurging money on them.

Read up on these articles about how to run 1st dates.

Keep them inexpensive – doing so will drive away some girls, which is great, because those girls are gold-diggers, mercenaries, users and attention-seekers. On the other hand, hot, high-value women who are into YOU won’t care. They want to be with YOU – they don’t care whether it’s at the local cafe or a fancy restaurant. Learning how to screen out the ones who have an agenda is the surest path to being able to find, meet AND keep a really high value woman.

Please help. Is there any hope of turning my klutzy nature to advantage?

Here’s a list of things you can do to get started on the path to finding, meeting, attracting, dating and keeping a high-value woman of exceptional beauty and accomplishment:

  • Watch Charade starring Cary Grant. While he’s smooth and Audrey Hepburn’s character totally chases after him the whole movie, his character also has a zany, wacky, goofy (maybe you could even call it klutzy!) edge to him that he works to his advantage.
  • If you’re not already in shape, start working out several times a week. Sign up for the gym, or for a dance class and/or martial art that interests you – learn to control your body. This may take some time but the immense return on investment will stay with you your whole lifetime.
  • Do you live and/or work in a major city with considerable pedestrian traffic? Schedule some time out for a few days this week and spend an hour or two talking to as many women as you can. Simply walk up to any attractive woman you see and say, “Hi. What’s your name?” Say, “Nice to meet you.” Shake her hand. Make her laugh with a short conversation (optional). Then say, “Hey, tell me your phone number.” If she asks why, say “So I can call you and ask you on a date for coffee.”
  • Do you live somewhere without many women to talk to? Compile a list of 5 places near where you live and/or work in which you can start meet more women. Your new gym, dance and martial arts studios might be included here.
  • Come back in a week or so and tell us what action you’ve taken, what improvements you’ve made, what else you’d like to improve and what you’ve noticed since you started taking action.

You can leave comments on our blog of course, or you reach us via email through our contact page.

3 Ways To Improve Your Dating Life With Chocolate


I believe it was Wesley Willis who once said, “Chocolate kicks a dead llama’s ass.” Well, maybe he never said that, but it sounds like something he would have said.

So why do we like chocolate?

Because not only is chocolate so awesome that could very well indeed kick a dead llama’s ass, it’s always incredible useful for dating. Here are three quick ways to incorporate chocolate into your dating life, propelling it light years ahead of any dead llama competition.

Chocolate As A Meal

As we’ve discussed in previous posts, we like to structure our dates as an activity / meal.

We use the word “meal” very flexibly. A date-meal could actually be sitting down at a cafe for a coffee, heading to a pub for a drink, getting some ice cream or even sitting down in the park and chomping on a bar of chocolate. While it may not be the healthiest meal choice, it’s a fine and dandy snack to enjoy with your date.

Chocolate As A Gift

I once knew a man who did not like chocolate. A more damning afflication I know not. Save that one poor soul, everyone likes chocolate. That means everyone likes getting chocolate. That means giving chocolate is one of those perfect gifts that the receiver will most certainly enjoy…

A well timed gift of chocolate to a woman who enjoys gifts and who’s earned will go a long way.

The key to remember is – has she earned the chocolate?

Giving gifts just to try to make a girl like you doesn’t work (although she might like the gifts) and usually results in her respecting you less.

But take a girl who already likes you and give/feed her chocolate as a reward for her good behavior… That’s much more powerful.

Better yet, have her bring YOU chocolate and then reward her with…

Sex And Chocolate

Some say chocolate is an aphrodisiac. We’re not really sure if that’s true or not, but we have found that busting out chocolate during breaks in sexytime does do the following:

  • Chocolate gives you / her a chance to recover while snacking on something that tastes good
  • It goes good with water, another essential supply to consume during sexytime breaks
  • Also, it’s been well documented by scientists that chocolate gives you a quick mood / energy boost
  • You can use it to segue into food play, smearing chocolate all over each other and then licking it off

All of these functions make chocolate arguably one of the best consumable substances to bring to bed.

3 Simple Tips To Remember When Calling A Girl


So how do you follow up on all those phone numbers you got by now that you’re bringing so many new women into your life using the advice in Loveawake blog?

Without getting into the nitty-gritty details of our comprehensive system for dealing with calling a girl, here are 3 simple tips to keep in mind. These are applicable whenever you call a girl to ask her out and schedule a date, and they’re probably useful in most other calling situations as well.

Always Smile When Calling A Girl

It’s important to smile on the phone. As the old saying goes, “They can hear your smile over the phone.” While calling, we want to give off a friendly vibe without getting caught up in small talk or conversation. We want the call to be short and to the point – schedule the date in a friendly, prompt manner, while saving all the questions, answers, jokes, humor and stories for the date itself. Best way to do that is to simply smile while you’re on the phone, and allow your voice to carry that levity with it.

Look In The Mirror When Calling A Girl

The next tip for calling a girl is to look in the mirror. This helps because you can make sure you are relaxed and speaking naturally. Seeing yourself smiling will help you internalize the kind of positive vocal tonality that you project into the phone call. Or, if you’re not smiling, looking at your dour face will quickly give you the swift kick to the pants you need to remember to show them pearly whites. Watch yourself, relax your shoulders and smile.

Stand Up While Talking On The Phone

Standing while talking gives you more authority, resonance and voice projection. It also makes it easier to breathe properly and thus speak properly. Stand up with your phone in hand, face the mirror, smile, dial her number, speak slowly with a friendly tone and keep the conversations short, polite and to-the-point. Schedule a date with her (or not, depending on her response), then get off the phone. Write down anything important about the phone call and then go to the next date prospect in your list of numbers and give her a call.

Repeat this until you’ve called all the numbers on your prospect list, then head out, go meet some more women and hustle some new phone numbers.

Cougars & Their Boy Toys:Why Should Older Men Have All the Fun?


Women are Human Too

Since when are men the only species allowed to have any kind of fun? For the longest time, centuries, even, men have been dating younger women and for the most part it is seen as an acceptable act. But for women, the act of an older woman dating a younger man is seen as… Well, um-dirty and downright wrong. In fact, in recent times, more and more older women have begun to date men, sometimes much younger than themselves. And the world has labeled these older woman as Cougars, for the analogy of them as predators feeding on the younger men who are supposed to be the prey. This makes it seem as if the world has not yet caught up with this trend, as most people do not like the fact older women do this. They see it as something more than what it really is. Well, I say it is time to put the world in its place because why should things be any different for women then they are for men? Why is it OK for an older man to date a younger woman and not the other way around?

The Celebrity Syndrome

It has always been the case that if someone in Hollywood does it, it must be OK, right? It would seem that way, that’s for sure. Many older women celebrities, like Demi Moore, Madonna and Susan Sarandon, have got together with younger men and now there is even a hit television show called Cougartown, starring Courtney Cox-Arquette, the older woman younger man stigma is starting to mellow out. And in the case of Susan, she was together with her mate for a little over 20 years, although they have now split, about a month ago. Ever since these women have started the trend, the rest of the women, as well as the rest of society, seem to be catching on, but in a way that says, they do not approve at all.

The Real World Catches Up

Because women in the world are just starting to catch on to this trend, or they are at least just making it public, many people are starting to take notice of what is going on. It is almost like the Older man younger woman stereotype, just from a bit of a different perspective, is all.

You see, today’s society is a far cry from what it used to be. Not too long ago, women got married while they were still in their late teens, had kids with their husbands and lived a long, happily married life with their husbands, to be together always and forever. But these days, with the ever rising rates in divorce, things are changing for women. They are now getting back into the dating game at a later age and while they may not have any children to take care of anymore, they still have their careers and they want to have some fun at the same time. They are almost like reborn teenagers. And these reborn teenagers need to get out and have some fun just like the rest of the women do. The only difference here is the fact these women are newly single.

Making the Case for Cougars

Here’s the problem with older women. When they go out looking for a second chance at love, they are bombarded with a whole host of men their own age. While normally dating someone your own age is supposed to be a good thing, when you are in your early 40′s to 50′s dating someone your own age doesn’t have the same charms it once did. For the most part, these older women don’t like what they see in these older men.

Older men have a tendency to think about one thing when they get to their middle age, the age when they are going through their “mid-life crisis.” They want to know how whatever it is they are doing or who ever they are with are going to help their careers or their business. If a woman is with a man of this age, he is less likely to support her and her efforts in this area because as he is the man, he should technically, according to most “old fashioned’ social standards, be the bread winner of the family, not her.

Also there’s the fact some older men tend to wind down physically around this age as well. It has been scientifically proven most women in their 40′s are just getting to their sexual peaks. This usually means they are wanting a little more action in the bedroom then their same age partners are willing or able to give them. And incompatibilities like this are what can ruin an already strained relationship. For many couples, it is the breaking point, which is why many couples these days are finding themselves divorced mid-life.

Enter the Younger Man: The Boy Toy

So, what can a younger man give a woman her same age counterpart cannot/ For starters, guys hit their peaks in their late teens, so if an older woman catches his younger friend early enough, there’s the added benefit of a very rambunctious sex life. Most guys in their 20′s think about sex up to 100 times a day and want it even more. This is about the same way an older women feels when they hit their peaks. Not only does a guy this age want sex all the time, they want it with you. they know you are much older than them and they know you have probably become quite experienced when it comes to tricks between the sheets. And they are counting on this. They want to try everything you know, even if it is only because you know more than them, they want to be able to say they did it, and they did it with you.

A perfectly compatible couple in the bedroom is only the beginning, however. There is also the financial benefit to consider. Most women in their 40′s are set in their careers, meaning they have financial security of some kind. Not to say the younger man is a “gold digger’ in the sense that all he wants is her money, absolutely not. What I am saying is when there is a genuine relationship that is going somewhere, the younger man will eventually benefit from her financial security. Many younger guys get the start to a business idea financed from this financial security, or are able to attend college because she sees it as an important investment in his future. And it really is, if you think about it. A genuine younger man who has nothing but good intentions for the older woman who snatched him up is going to use the opportunity to go to school or start a business and put it to good use. These are the older guys you see later in life who have made a name for themselves after starting out with nothing, except for the fact they had an older woman to help them oout when they were younger themselves.

Why Care What The World Thinks?

When two people want to be with each other, why should they care what the world thinks? It is only natural two people are going to be attracted to each other and want to be with each other and not care about what age they are. So, what, because of some morality issues the world or some religion has against two people in love with each other because they are so different in age they can’t be with each other because it is morally wrong on some invisible level?

If you find yourself in love with someone whom the world, or your family even, thinks is wrong for you to be with, think about what it is that you want and what, or who, makes you happy. Then ask yourself a question. Are you breaking any state or federal laws? No? OK, good. Then then you should go right on dating whom ever it is that makes you happy. Those people have no right to tell you you cannot be with the person you love, period and end of story.