questions to ask a guy


It can be tricky talking to men when you don’t know what to say. You might find yourself stuck in silence wondering what to talk about. The best solution is to have questions to ask a guy that get him interested in you.

If you know what questions to ask, you can make him feel whatever you want. Including attraction for you.

how to build connection intimacy with men ask questions 21 CRITICAL Questions To Ask A Guy

You don’t need “1000 questions for every possible situation…”  You only need a few questions that do the job right!

Questions can be conversational magic if you know what you’re doing. And if you’re a woman dating a man, you better know some of these if you want him to see you as different, and to get his attraction.

First of all – let’s review –

Why it’s so important to use questions with guys:

  • Men respond to questions – especially from women

Men have a primitive program that makes them almost compelled to answer questions from a woman.  So you never really need to worry about him going silent on you or not responding when you know how to ask questions correctly.

  • Questions awaken his emotions

Many women wonder how to reach a man’s emotions so you stir his feelings for you. The easiest way to do this is to ask questions of him.  Questions can arouse his feelings in a way that no other words can.

  • Questions get him to pay attention to you

They engage his attention and keep him focused on YOU. Guys think and communicate linearly, so they will be entranced – IF you know how to ask the right questions.

  • Questions get you secret info…

A good question is like Truth Serum to men. When you ask the right questions, you can find out ANYTHING you ever wanted to know about him.

And the best part is he won’t ever feel like you’re interrogating him or interviewing him. If you know how to ask him questions right –  And ask the right questions.

As you might imagine, questions are the magic bullet when it comes to getting a man to respond to you. Questions can also be a magic remote control for a man as well.

As we go through this list, keep in mind that having more questions just means more things you want to memorize. And let’s be real – NOBODY wants to memorize a bunch of stuff! We did that in public school, but it’s not fun anymore.

So I’m going to give you a few questions that you can choose from. Use them to inspire him to open his heart up to you.

You don’t want to just be a parrot, either. You want to be able to know WHY these questions work with men so that you can come with your own anytime.

24 21 CRITICAL Questions To Ask A Guy

One question you should never ask a man:

  •  Anything dealing with relationships before the 16th date…

Okay I might be exaggerating a little bit by the 16th date but honestly that’s a good limit.  And the reason that I say that is because if you’re the one bringing up the relationship, one of two things is probably true:

  1.  You’re bringing this talk up too early…
  2.  You’re asking about your relationship because you’re not getting anywhere with him, and it’s likely he’s just not interested in a relationship

If a man is ready for a relationship, he will tend to move forward with you. All by himself!

Men don’t resist the thing they want in life, any more than you do. If he’s not interested in a relationship with you he will drag his feet and stall in the way that you may hear many women complain about.

And there’s very little if anything you can do about it. If you have to push a man into a relationship, then you probably made a mistake much earlier that made him decide you are not the one.

(If you want to know why this happened, go read this special report on commitment…)

Let’s jump in and review –

21 ESSENTIAL Questions To Ask A Man

I’m going to Run-through some really important questions you need to ask a man.  Each one has a purpose, and I’ll explain how to use it as well.

Of course most of these can be used as phone texts or topics of conversation for when you’re in person.

Question #1:  Take him back to being a kid…

dos donts how to talk to men ask him questions 21 CRITICAL Questions To Ask A Guy

When you ask a man a question, you should know what state you want him to feel from the question. In other words, you want to elicit a certain emotional reaction. And maybe even awaken some memories.

Here are a few ways of doing that:

  • What is your favorite guilty pleasure?

OR

  • What is your favorite childish fun thing to do?

This question gets him to break past his own internal barriers. Most people are stuck in small talk. If you want this guy to start having feelings for you, you have to be brave and break free of the small talk.

Most women stay in small talk too long, asking questions that are so boring they could put any man to sleep.  In fact it’s a common complaint from men that women are too safe with their conversation.

Most women are trying to avoid being confrontational, awakening any negative emotions, or taking any risks when talking to men. This is a huge mistake, because he will very likely lose interest because you played it to safe then if you took a risk.

Question #2:  Break Through the Wall…

One of the most important things to do is to get him to be vulnerable with you. Most women understand this and do their best to open him up.

But if you don’t know how men want you to do this, you can very often scare them away.

Here’s a great question to get him to start exposing his feelings more:

  • What are you most doubtful/uncertain about right now?

Or

  • What is one of your biggest doubts?

The secret power of this question is that it gets him to talk about an area of his life where he may be struggling with a decision, or deliberating a lot.

21 21 CRITICAL Questions To Ask A Guy

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to get a man out of his casual frame of thinking with you.

Question #3:  The Origami Question…

Here’s one that will really stir up some great energy in your conversation:

  • “Can you remember the last time you lost your keys? Or wallet?”

OR

  • “Tell me about the last time you broke your phone screen…”

There are a lot of different questions in this particular vein. What you’re trying to do is to ask a question about a seemingly small event that has a lot of emotional punch. I call it the origami question because asking it will open up and unfold a whole bunch of stories.

I’m sure you can think of a few more just like this.

Question #4:  Research The Other Side Question…

If you want to have some fun conversation, there’s no better topic than gender. Specifically, the experience the other side has.

If you want to start up some really great conversation, ask him something like this:

  • “What’s the best thing about being a guy?”

Or

  • “What’s the worst thing about being a guy?”

Or

  • “Who do you think has it better, women or men?”

Now, obviously this question is very charged. There’s a whole bunch of emotional triggers that could come up, so make sure you are fairly comfortable talking about this kind of topic with him.

But if you listen closely, you will hear very insightful information about how men perceive women. And some insights into how men think and feel too.

Question #5:  Test Their Limits Question…

things men do when falling in love 21 CRITICAL Questions To Ask A Guy

I personally love to ask moral dilemma questions. They always tease out the most interesting perspectives from the other person.

One great way to do this is to ask them what they would NOT do for money.

  • “So what would you NEVER do for $1 million?”

You can also play around with the amount a little bit to find out the threshold they have for certain things. Once you find out, you can then start to play with the question a little bit:

  • “Would you eat a snail sandwich for $50? For $100??”

Play with the situations, and the amount of money. When you find a threshold, ask them this:

  • “So what would you do with that money anyway?”

This way you find out how they value money and experience.

Question #6:  Secret Insider Question…

This question is designed to bring out interesting details about him so you can learn more about him.

It’s another fun question:

  • “What job do you think YOU could get with no experience and no references?”

OR

  • “What job do you think you could BS your way into?”

Question #7:  Awaken The Dreams Question…

what men look for in a woman 21 CRITICAL Questions To Ask A Guy

Asking hypothetical questions is a great way to get him engaged in the conversation.

Like this one:

We all have a dream job we wish we could be doing and getting paid for.  This question is easy to remember, too.

There’s something enjoyable about entertaining our dreams in conversation like this.

Question #8:  Absurdly Fun Question…

Here’s one that can evoke some stronger feelings, but it’s worth it when you’re ready:

  • “What do you think is the most ridiculous thing about life today?”

Or

  • “What do you think aliens think is the most absurd part of human culture?

Focusing in on the absurd and the ridiculous starts to sketch how this guy thinks about the world. Which of course is great information for you to know.

Question #9:  Words To Live By…

You can also find out about his direction in life by asking about the wisdom he’s heard. You can ask him:

  • “Are there any sayings that you think you live your life by?”

Or

  • “What are the most powerful words of wisdom you’ve ever heard?”

And then pay attention to what he thinks is wisdom. It will probably point towards an area of his life that is important to him. And then you can explore that.

Question #10:  Wake Up The Elephant…

what about women turns off men the most 21 CRITICAL Questions To Ask A Guy

One topic that we don’t talk much about but influences us all the time is technology.

Throw this question in and you’ll definitely get into some deeper conversation about communication – and life in general.

  • “Do you think that technology is bringing us closer together? or pushing us further apart?”

This will definitely bring up a bit of his views and perhaps his philosophy surrounding our modern age of technology.

Question #11:  Would you rather…?

Perhaps the hands-down winner of fun questions to ask are the “Would you rather…?” questions. My son loves these in particular. So you know most guys probably will.

And the best part is that you can think these up on the spot.

  • “Would you rather eat 1 pound of your least favorite vegetable, or exercise for two hours straight?”
  • “Would you rather lose your car keys or your cell phone?”
  • “Would you rather have nosy neighbors or noisy neighbors?”
  • “Would you rather work in a group or work alone?” (Great for finding out if he’s extroverted or introverted)

Question #12:  Marvel At His Answers…

Most people have seen a superhero movie at this point. And you can bet if he’s a guy he has, too.

Ask him this one:

  • “If you could be any superhero from the movies or comics, which one would you be?”

Of course you can also ask him the tried but true:

  • “If you could pick any superhero superpower, which one would you want the most?”

10 21 CRITICAL Questions To Ask A Guy

Digging into what kind of power a man values tells you a lot about his personality. Listen closely to his answer!

Question #13:  Open Up The Vulnerability…

A great question you can ask a guy is this one:

  • “What is the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?”

If you’re not feeling that you have the right level of rapport yet, you can change it to a softer version:

  • “What’s the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you as a kid?”

This is especially good at breaking down all the barriers that we normally have on the first date. Use it to move faster when you know you like the guy.

Bringing out his vulnerability to you will actually make him feel more connected to you.

Question #14:  Figure Him Out Quick Question…

signs youre in relationship with no future 21 CRITICAL Questions To Ask A Guy

If you’re meeting a guy that you met online or on a dating app, you want to know where you stand with him as quickly as possible. When it comes to online dating, you can’t know too much too soon.

Ask him this:

  • “So what was it about me that intrigued you the most?”

Or

  • “What did you find most interesting about my profile?”

You don’t want this to sound like a test, but you want to listen close and hear what he says. (Warning: This could be a potentially embarrassing moment.)

If he’s very general with his answer and doesn’t come up with anything specific, there’s a good chance he doesn’t even remember your profile at all. He’s just winging it – or he just wants to have fun.

On the other hand, if he’s very specific, there’s a good chance he’s very interested.

Either way you will know where you stand.

Just a side note: just because he doesn’t remember your profile doesn’t mean he isn’t a good candidate. A lot of guys just don’t have a good memory for the details of an online profile. ( I was one of them).

Question #15: Unleash the Power Question…

One of the best questions you can ask is about what it is that really motivates him. This is especially good for you looking at him as a prospective boyfriend, mate, whatever.

20 21 CRITICAL Questions To Ask A Guy

The best way to do this is to ask him a question about his passions.

  • “What are you most passionate about?”

Then sit back and listen to what he says.

A man’s passions reveal his character. And it will tell you a lot about whether or not you are compatible with him.

Question #16:  Go for the Jugular…!

Here’s one that will tell you everything that you need to know –  if you have the guts to ask it:

  • “What do you find attractive in a woman?”

Most women won’t ask this because she’s too afraid to hear him say something that she isn’t.

Put your fear aside, and ask him. He will tell you everything you need to know in order to win his heart if you listen closely enough.

And if what he says isn’t you, then move on to the next candidate.

Question #17:  Peek Into The Crystal Ball…

dating relationship advice questions to ask a man 21 CRITICAL Questions To Ask A Guy

This one is great because you find out about his goals, and even where he sees himself in a relationship:

  • “Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?”

This is probably one of the best questions to ask to find out if he’s really interested in a relationship or if he’s just a clown winging it through life.

 

If he can’t come up with anything very specific or interesting sounding, he’s probably not very ambitious and not goal oriented. And you should move on.

Because if you’re not careful, his answer could be your life 10 years from now.

Question #18:  Friends First Question…?

Here’s one that will tell you a little bit about how he sees the Platonic part of your relationship:

  • “What makes a good friend to you?”

Or

  • “What do you think a good friendship should be like?”

Most couples understand that a romantic relationship is also a very deep friendship. So find out early on what he thinks you two should be as friends!

Question #19:  Get Tricky…

Here’s a great question to ask a guy that will tell you more about his character:

  • “Tell me about something you’re putting off right now…”

or

  • “Tell me about something you’re procrastinating on right now…”

This question is great to find out what his motivations are, and his DE-motivations.

Of course the next question to ask is: “Why do you think you aren’t you getting that done?

Don’t sound like you’re accusing him, just sound curious.

Question #20: The Big Prize question…

what men over 40 want in women 21 CRITICAL Questions To Ask A Guy

Here is a good old standard that works every time:

  • “If somebody dropped $100 million in your lap, what would you do with it?”

This is probably one of the best ways to find out all kinds of things about him…

  • How he values money
  • If he’s really doing what he wants to in life right now
  • Is he charitable?

You can learn a whole bunch with one little question!

Question #21: Get Philosophical…

Every so often it’s a good idea to throw out a deep think question, too.  This one is especially good because it’s wide open – after he answers yes/no.

  • “Do you believe everything happens for a reason?”

It’s also very hard to answer this question with just a yes or no. He’ll probably launch into a very long explanation of his answer.

Listen to him! You’re getting a bunch of juicy detail about him.

Question #:  And For The Big Kahuna…

Once you’ve established some rapport with other questions in this list, it’s time to bring out the big guns.

Ask this whopper when you feel the time is right:

  • “What do you think the biggest thing you’ve done with your life so far is?”

Yes this is a big whopper of a question. But you shouldn’t be afraid to ask it!

You may not want to pop it on the first date, but I would suggest you ask him AT LEAST on the second date.  Some women go their entire lives without ever asking their man something as revealing as this question.

You want to ask this question and then close your mouth and listen to his answer

  • Let him ramble on for as long as he wants!
  • Listen in between the lines – listen to what he says – and what he DOESN’T say…

And one more thing –

Let me tell you a SECRET about these questions that you probably didn’t know…

When he tells you his answer, you may be tempted to answer similar to his. But that would be a big mistake.

One thing most women don’t know is that a man will respect you MORE if you answer from your heart. He will know the difference.

And it’s actually better if you don’t always agree with him completely. Men are more intrigued when you have your own opinions and answers that don’t reflect his.

There are a lot of little tricks to understanding how men think about attraction… AND how they choose one woman over another to be with – and commit to!

If you don’t know how men connect with you, you’re probably going to make a lot of mistakes.

And I don’t want you to make those mistakes anymore!

If you could find out what men think, and find out what you may have been doing wrong all this time, would you want to?

how to know you have found the one 21 CRITICAL Questions To Ask A Guy

If you want to fix your mistakes once and for all – with the man in your life right now or the next one – you need to know what his CONNECTION CODE is!

Go find out here…

 

Nine Tips for Holiday Dating Safety

The holiday season is upon you. This can be a challenging time if you are single. Invitations to parties are flooding your mailbox. Various television channels seem to devote their entire lineup with movies depicting Santa bringing single women their true love. Jewelry stores are airing commercials showing husbands buying wives big shiny objects. Food companies are playing mind games too by showing how much fun it is to bake cookies with children and create enormous feasts for family and friends. Then there are the commercials showing you where to pick out the perfect ornament for your perfect tree. All this can send your head spinning and make you feel a bit down in the dumps if you are single. You may find yourself feeling isolated and alone. Oh and the final blow to your ego; let’s not forget your email is being flooded with discount offers from Match.com, eHarmony, Senior Singles and more.

From experience I have noticed this is the time of year that singles make dumb dating choices. I don’t want you to wake up in March with regrets. November through February are filled with events for couples. No one wants to attend holiday parties alone. No one wants to spend New Year’s Eve, the Super Bowl, or Valentine’s Day alone. This is the time of year when people settle for less than true love so they don’t have to be alone during the holidays. I want you to take an honest look at my tips below and see if you are guilty of committing any of them in the past.

Tips to Remember when Dating During the Holidays

  1. Remember: There is nothing wrong with being single during the holidays. It is better to be single than in a fake relationship.
  2. Watch out for the person that only wants a date during the holidays. Ask about past relationships. It is OK to ask the person what they want – do they just want a date for holiday parties or do they want a relationship.
  3. Don’t lower your dating standards during the holidays: Don’t let holiday party invitations cause you to act desperate and settle for less than you deserve.
  4. Don’t spend excessive amounts of money on your new date for Christmas presents. I recommend you don’t buy each other gifts.
  5. Actively listen: Pay attention to the little thing – like what he or she isn’t saying i.e. excessive drinking, selfish behavior, letting you pays for everything, complaining about child support etc… Don’t settle for the guy or gal that can’t or won’t say “I’m sorry” or that won’t communicate.
  6. Keep your eyes open: Actions speak louder than words. Watch out for the person that blames you for his bad behavior. This is the person that turns the tables and makes it your fault.
  7. It takes two people to make a relationship work. Don’t be the only one working on it. What is your walk away point? It is OK to end a relationship during the holidays.
  8. Don’t compromise your safety. Follow your intuition. Be careful of the person that immediately professes to be in love with you and then asks for money.
  9. Keep busy – whether it is staying home alone reading or writing or being with friends – no pity party allowed.

Now that you have reviewed the list and self reflected on past holiday relationships I want you to promise you will make wise choices when dating during the holidays. Singles can enjoy the holidays. When you implement my Nine Tips for Holiday Dating Safety you will have more money in your bank account, remember your self-worth, and have no regrets in March. Remember, there is nothing wrong with being single during the holidays.

Are You Giving Up On Love? Read This First…


There’s no doubt that Love can be frustrating… For some people, it drives them crazy. Maybe that’s you – are you giving up on love?

Well don’t do it until you read this article!

This isn’t going to be some empty cheerleading, or some rah-rah speech. Sometimes the one thing we need most when we feel like quitting is a swift kick in the backside.

are you giving up on love Are You Giving Up On Love? Read This First...

A little motivation to get you going…

Every day I coach women who are at their wits end. They’re burned out on dating.

I typically advise women who are middle-aged and older who are trying to find love. Typically in their late 30s and all the way into their 70s.

And the older you get, the harder it seems to start relationships…

They’ve tried just about everything:

  • Online dating
  • Blind dates
  • Dating people from work
  • Matchmaking services
  • Personal ads
  • You name it!

If you’ve been searching and dating and trying to make it work, but each relationship seems to come to an end, you might feel like giving up.

But there’s a lot you probably don’t know about why you feel this way. And how you can keep going – until you find the one you truly love.

You have an unlimited reserve of love energy within you. You just have to know how to tap into it.

What happens is that you’re cut off from that flow of energy when you feel like it’s time to throw in the towel and give up.

No matter how down on yourself you may feel, you must always question your thoughts if you believe that you are:

  • “Going to be alone for the rest of your life…”
  • “Not destined for love…”
  • “Unlucky in love…”
  • “Going to die alone…”

A lot of these things we say to ourselves when we are frustrated and can’t seem to find our way out.

Funny enough, hearing these words from other people always makes us think differently. There’s no point in catastrophizing –  or making things seem like the end of the world.

As a trained therapist and coach, I can say with certainty that everyone has the ability to find their love.

As Steve Martin said in the movie LA story:

“There’s someone out there for everyone. Even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.”

LOVE WISDOM: Protect your attitude at all costs…

The key to overcoming this is keeping your mindset and attitude as your priority.

14 Are You Giving Up On Love? Read This First...

I see a lot of people who overextend themselves when they’re dating. Many women sacrifice their happiness and peace of mind in the process of being who they think they should just be to be desirable.

As the saying goes,

Never change yourself to meet someone else’s opinion of who you should be.

So the first thing you have to do is to keep your happiness as your priority. Under no circumstances do you ever have to sacrifice this in order to find a man and a relationship that will make you happy.

The problem with putting your own needs on the back burner is that it becomes a habit way too easily.

Once you start forgetting your own needs, it’s hard to stop. And one day you’ll find yourself in a relationship that you settled for just because good enough became good enough.

You have to set a commitment to your own need for a fulfilling relationship. Otherwise, why bother at all? Which is probably what you are thinking.

When you reach that point, you got there by putting aside your own needs.

LOVE WISDOM: It really is a Journey

marriage relationship advice giving up on love Are You Giving Up On Love? Read This First...

Adventure awaits!

It’s become something of a cliché, but all relationships are a journey of sorts. If you get too focused on making one of them turn into your fairy tale ideal, you’ll miss what’s happening right now. In THIS moment…

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Every single person teaches you something new about yourself. Even the worst dates can be the best stories for your friends.

I remember having many unbelievably bad dates, and they were so fun to share with my friends later on. It was like trading war stories.

Sometimes it can be hard to pay attention to the now. But the present is all we have. If you forget this in your search for an imaginary tomorrow, you will miss out on all the good things today.

“Whether life is worth living depends on whether there is love in life…”

LOVE WISDOM: Why So Serious?

It’s also possible you’ve been caught up in the seriousness of relationships. Maybe you’re focusing a little too much on the endgame.

03 Are You Giving Up On Love? Read This First...

You remember when dating was just fun? Or at least it had that feel because we really didn’t need a permanent outcome.

Keep in mind that there is no such thing as permanence. Nothing in our wonderful existence is permanent, including what comes after it. We live in a universe of infinite possibilities.

In the grand scheme of things, remember that dating is just one small part of your entire life.

Keep perspective about you at all times. Don’t let the idea that finding a man is the be-all, end-all of your existence.

Living your life is.

So be sure to have the occasional reality check to make sure that you are not losing sight of what really matters. Keep everything in perspective and you’ll find that your attitude will always be healthy and positive.

LOVE WISDOM: Take 5

If you’re not in a committed relationship, then you should occasionally take some time off to focus on yourself. You should also do this even if you are in a committed relationship.

love wisdom give up finding love of your life Are You Giving Up On Love? Read This First...

Again, many women find that they lose the focus on themselves. This happens in motherhood, and it happens in relationships.

Sometimes you’ll find yourself forgetting about self-care for a long time, and then it hits you all at once. You realize you gotta get back to YOU.

If you feel like giving up on love, there’s a good chance that you haven’t been taking care of yourself as well as you should have.

And of course the best thing you can do is to take care of yourself. Not just for you, but because it will also attract a higher quality man. He’s going to want some of whatever it is you bring to the table.

Make sure you make yourself a priority, and he will too.

LOVE WISDOM: Remember – There Is NO Finish Line!

In reality, even if you get married you will still have a lot of challenges to overcome. It’s tempting to make a commitment or a marriage the goal of dating.

It’s a search for permanence in the chaos of our lives. We all want something to hold onto –  a stable piece of wood to cling to in the wreckage.

Even the imagined goals you have for a relationship are not permanent, and you will always have something new to deal with. Ask anyone who got married and then had to go through the brutal truth of a divorce.

Perhaps you are one of those people!

There really is no such thing as a “destination” in a relationship.  You simply never arrive.

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans…”

LOVE WISDOM: Be Careful Where You Get Your Wisdom

You should be very careful who you listen to and whose opinion matters to you.  Some friends may tell you what they think your relationships should be, and they have no real clue.

In fact, one of the things I discovered was that most of friends I’d had no idea what a real relationship actually should be. Or could be.

I’ve even had friends in the past suggest that I go to a psychic or some other fortuneteller to find out what the future had in store for me.

The fact is that they don’t know. And seeking an opinion from somebody so unqualified could actually severely harm my attitude.

Make sure you get your wisdom from the truly wise. It may take some time to find that person, but it’s better than reaching out to strangers who will only promise what they can’t deliver.

LOVE WISDOM: Use Your “Dump” Button

Forgive me for saying this, but you’re probably being too nice.

That might not be news to you, either. I mean, it’s nice that you’re nice, but you should never be nice to where it causes you problems or harm. This is why we keep up healthy boundaries.

giving up on love finding the one Are You Giving Up On Love? Read This First...

One of the most common mistakes that I see women make in relationships is holding on too long to a man who is not a good choice.

  • Sometimes this is because she got into the relationship to soothe her anxieties, or buff up her low self-esteem
  • Sometimes women choose a man simply because he is aloof and avoidant in the relationship. He’s so hard to get that she can’t seem to stop trying to get him…

Whatever the reason may be, you need to start dumping more guys. Get rid of the mediocre men that wiggle their way into your life. It’s okay to disconnect from them and even (gasp) be alone for a while.

There’s a good chance you know exactly what I’m talking about here.

This is something that both men and women do all the time. WE let our aching hearts keep us in relationships that are not working.

Remember my timeless advice:

“Hire slow – fire fast!”

Carlos Cavallo

You can’t afford to cling to a scarcity mindset when it comes to choosing the right man.

There are more men out there than you can possibly ever meet in your lifetime. In fact, men are so abundant that you cannot afford to even get hung up on one of them.

Until he’s hung up on you!

LOVE WISDOM: Keep Your Posture

Before you give up on love, hear me out on this…

what to do I want to give up finding love Are You Giving Up On Love? Read This First...

One of the other best bits of advice I got was this one:

“We always respect the person who can walk away from the table…”

The person who said that to me was talking about negotiating, but it works just as well in relationships. In fact it works even better.

Guys respect women who respect themselves. And nothing says self-respect like the ability to walk away from a relationship.

This is a quality that most guys do not typically see in women.

When you feel like relationships are scarce you will cling to whatever you have. And then when the relationship doesn’t work out you swing all the way to the other side where you want to give up on love.

Posture is the attitude we carry when we are dating. You must always have the posture of the woman who is desirable, and then men will desire you.

LOVE WISDOM: F.O.M.O. Is Your Enemy

Perhaps you’ve heard of the term FOMO. This means “fear of missing out.”

You be surprised to know just how many people have this fear today. It’s why we are so addicted to our cell phones, and how social media tells us how to feel about ourselves.

But you also experience this in dating, and it can make you feel like giving up on love.

Sometimes we ignore a perfectly good candidate for love simply because we think that something better has to come along. You are expecting your Prince or knight in shining armor to sweep you away.

Or maybe just swipe right

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But don’t forget that there are perfectly good candidates for your love that may not be the perfect human being. (But then again nobody is perfect.)

Remember, the grass is not greener. And it still needs watering.

LOVE WISDOM: Don’t Forget, It’s Not Easy

We are also spoiled in this modern age. We are taught to believe that everything should be as easy as we see it on TV, or in the movies.

And it never is.

Don’t fall for the mistaken belief that relationships are supposed to be instantaneous and effortless.

All relationships take effort and energy and personal growth.

Friendships should be challenging. And so should your love relationship. Don’t give up just because you’re trying to avoid confronting yourself along the way.

True love never comes from McDonald’s – the same way a great meal never does.

It’s easy to give up when you aren’t prepared to put in the effort. So resolve right now that you will give what it takes to not only make it work, but to become the kind of woman that will not shy away from the tough stuff.

LOVE WISDOM: Stop Before You Stop

The fact is, if you have given up on finding love, you’ve already reached a breakpoint. Which means you went past the point of frustration into anger.

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Another part of staying healthy while you’re dating is knowing when you are about to reach your breakpoint. Then you back off until you feel ready to go at it again.

Every battery needs a recharge. Your emotional batteries are no different.

When you sense that you’re getting exasperated or tired of “the dating scene,” take some time to recharge those batteries.

LOVE WISDOM:  It’s Not Your Fault

One of the first things we do when we feel that were not succeeding at finding love is to blame ourselves. Negative self-talk is one of the things I coach women about in my practice.

Many women didn’t learn a healthy way of managing their negative emotions. Most women today still find it difficult to express anger.

The same thing goes for self-doubts and self-blame. It’s always easier in some way to get down on yourself when you don’t succeed at love.

Just remember it’s not your fault. When you catch yourself talking to yourself this way, stop and take a breather. Notice what’s going on inside you.

Watch your emotions and notice how they can slip into irrational negativity.  Maybe even write down a few rebuttals to this negative inner voice.

For example:

  • “Why can’t you find anyone that you’re interested in? There must be something about you that turns men off.”
  • Stop and write down the negative thing you’re thinking on paper – right away. Don’t let it go hiding in your thoughts where it can act like that spoiled brat girlfriend you had that would change her tune when confronted.
  • Then proceed to tear it apart. Dissect the message and how it is obviously not true.
  • Write your rebuttal: “No, there’s something about the men I’m meeting that isn’t working out – for the moment. It’s not forever, it’s just a streak of weirdness. I’ve had boyfriends before, I’ll have them again.”

You have to do this almost religiously so that you can start to tear apart the nasty effect that this inner negative voice has on you.

LOVE WISDOM: Try A Different Channel

Another way you can take some time off is to try another method of meeting guys.

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You don’t want to become jaded about using whatever method you are using. If you’re using online dating,  you don’t want to become so down on it that you stop doing it and stop meeting men entirely.

Instead, shift gears to try a different way to meet guys.

  • Maybe you go to some dance lessons for change
  • Or some singles parties
  • Or some speed dating events

And if you caught yourself saying no, no, no to those suggestions, then I suggest that you need to take a break first. You’ve already reached the point of being disgusted. Now you need to rejuvenate.

You might think that this is a simple mind trick, and in a way it is. But really it’s about creating a healthy distraction that gives you a break and lets you rest. This is always better than giving up on love.

LOVE WISDOM: Be Careful Not To Push It Away

Remember that most love isn’t lost…

Most love affairs don’t fade.

Most of us actively push love away when we run up against our own limitations and our own anxieties and issues.

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You suddenly realize that in order for this relationship to go further, you have to be willing to go further than you’ve gone before. You have to be more vulnerable, but then something automatically clicks in that makes you find ways to push love away.

Not many people point out just how many women avoid intimacy as much as men do, but it’s very real.

Boredom is rarely the reason the relationships come to an end. Rather, it’s that each person in the relationship realizes that they’ve got to pull their own weight and overcome their own stuff.

Take a look back on your own history and you may see the same pattern happening.

I went through my 20s and 30s actively pushing away women that were healthy for me. Mostly because I still hadn’t resolved my own issues around intimacy and self-worth.

This might sound bad, but it’s actually really great news.

What it means is that you actually can put an end to this destructive pattern. You can learn the skills necessary to connect with men.

In fact, that’s why I became “the dating advice guru.”  I spent years helping guys with their dating issues and problems.

I learned every secret they revealed – and I took notes.

And then I decided that women need to know these secrets. I will show you everything you need to know if you want to understand men.

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Finally – Discover What Makes Men Desire You – CLICK HERE…

“I Miss My Ex Boyfriend – And I Want Him Back!” What To Do


It’s probably every woman’s worst fear: the breakup. And then you find yourself texting your friends: “I Miss My Ex Boyfriend – And I Want Him Back!”

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Everything probably started out fantastic between you. You had great dates, great fun, great bedroom action…

And then things started to cool off.

He didn’t text you as much. He didn’t call you as much.

And then you split up…

It might seem like your entire world is flipped upside down.  Breakups are brutal, there’s no doubt about it.

Your whole world got turned upside down. Especially if you had a lot of hopes of a future with him, maybe even getting married to him.

And this might have happened last week, or years ago. Sometimes it stays with you. For a long long time.

And there are a lot of thoughts running through your mind right now probably too:

  • “What should I say to my ex? Because I miss him so much…”
  • “What can I do to forget my ex-boyfriend? It’s so hard to move on…”
  • “I really miss my ex boyfriend –  should I call him? Should I text him?”
  • “I can’t forget my ex –  but I also can’t move on without him. What should I do?”
  • “I Miss My Ex Boyfriend – And I Want Him Back!”

So what can you do…?

I’m going to give you 17 steps for handling the situation. By the time you’re done here today, you will have learned how to handle your messy feelings, and the loss of this man.

TIP #1: Stay Patient – Don’t Panic!

This is probably the most important part of the process. If you’re missing your ex, the last thing you want to do is to rush things or lose your cool.

There are a ton of different emotions you will experience when you’re cut off from the love of your boyfriend. Or even your husband.

Anger, confusion, sadness, shock…

Your nervous system goes through a big shakeup when there is a breakup.

Of course you’ll go through a lot of pain, and at the same time will probably be overwhelmed with feelings of wanting to be with him and connect with him again.

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He may even be considering coming back to you during this time period. The big risk is that you will say something or do something that might freak him out during this time and push him away by mistake.

So you have to exercise your self-control during this time.

Stay patient and don’t let your emotions get the better of you. One of the best things you can do is to have a friend you can call and talk to when things become overwhelming.

TIP #2: Opportunity Might Show Up

And while this is happening, if you notice any of your guy friends show up to console you, there’s a good chance he’s been interested in you for a while and is taking his opportunity.

A lot of guys watch and wait in the wings for a woman they desire, especially while she is in another relationship.

So don’t ignore the fact that you may find some of your male friends suddenly showing more interest in you. He is seizing the opportunity.

Why not take a chance and see what might be there?

TIP #3: Everything Is Biological

The reality of love is that there are a lot of hormones in your body that distort your thinking. Most people aren’t aware just how much the reality is twisted when they’re under the influence of love and infatuation.

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Your biology is set up so that when you find someone you are physically compatible with, your brain floods you with tons of chemicals to get you to mate with them.

I know in our current age of reason we don’t like to think we are subject to these primitive forces, but we are. And we have to recognize them.

You know that tingly, rushing euphoric feeling you get when you meet someone you’re really attracted to?

Well, that powerful magnetism isn’t a magical mystical force of the universe. It’s those hormones – and that’s how powerful they are.

So when this guy left, he put you into withdrawal. That’s right, you’re suffering from going cold turkey in your love addiction.

Essentially, he was a habit. And love is a habit that’s hard to break.

So go easy on yourself. Recognize that it’s perfectly normal for you to feel this way. If you fight these feelings, you’ll probably only have a harder time.

When you’re able to sit in the same room with your discomfort, you will have achieved the highest level of human maturity. It’s something that most people simply cannot do.

When you got together with this guy, and you probably did time after time after time, you were manufacturing a small addiction to him in your life. So you have to allow that it will take some time for him to wash out of your system. To get “clean.”

But you can do it!

And trust that when you do, you’ll have a new perspective – where you might wonder what all the fuss was about.

TIP #4: Everything Is Cyclic

You probably even noticed that your feelings of anxiety, sadness, confusion, freedom –  they all come in cycles. You have up days and down days.

The best thing you can do is recognize this in advance. When you know that you might have a down day, you can plan for it.

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Likewise, if you have a good day, this is probably when you should remind yourself of all the reasons why you might not want to be in that relationship.

  • Maybe it was unhealthy
  • Maybe he was a bit of a jerk
  • Maybe you two weren’t very compatible
  • Maybe it’s for the best
  • Maybe you have a chance in the future…

But right now, just realize your brain will go through ups and downs as it gets used to not having him around. You may have to go around on this roller coaster a few times before it starts to get better.

Have faith that it will.

TIP #5: Get your life back in focus

One thing is for sure- you need to put yourself back on top of the priority list. And one of the best ways to do that is to focus on your friends, your family, your happiness.

Chances are, you may have neglected some of your friendships and relationships while you were in a relationship with him. Now is the time for you to rebuild those friendships and connections.

While you are rebuilding this foundation, you can take your time figuring out what to do next.

Maybe you two should get together again. Maybe you shouldn’t…

But the only place to make a good decision about that is when you are tied into your network of love and connection.

TIP #6: Don’t Call Him Or Text Him

You’ve probably heard about the “no contact rule.” Basically, this states that you should not contact your ex-boyfriend for at least 30 days after you break up.

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The reason for this is that he needs time to not feel pressured into the relationship.

This will give him the time he needs to figure out that he misses you.

If you hurry this for any reason, it won’t work. He will just think to himself “Phew! I’m so glad I got out of that relationship – she’s so needy and desperate…”

Most of the time, a man simply needs time to sort out his own thoughts and feelings before he comes back to you. If you insist on inserting yourself into his life, he’ll just feel smothered. And that makes him run away even faster.

Don’t forget: You also need time and space to sort out your own thoughts and feelings about him. If you’re in constant contact with him, you will just stay in the old patterns.

TIP #7: Watch out for Negative Nancy

Another common pattern that happens after a breakup is that many women start to doubt themselves and think negative thoughts.

You might find yourself thinking things like:

  • “He never loved me”
  • “I was such a fool…”
  • “I’m not lovable”
  • “I’ll never find anybody as good as him again” (this one is really nasty!)

Watch out for these negative thoughts when they pop up. Don’t let them run around your brain unchecked. You’ll feel your emotions stirred up and you will also feel really down on yourself.

When Negative Nancy shows up, nothing good ever happens.

If you entertain these thoughts, you will just get stuck in them forever. Like an endless loop.

Right now your brain has an unhealthy fixation on him. Because he is the one that your habit formed around. You will know I’m right because of how spontaneous and impulsive these thoughts are when they come into your head.

You kind of know they are a little bit crazy. But you can’t seem to control them.

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And this will only push you towards panic behavior. You know, like calling him in the late hours of the night, drunk texting him, sending him emails asking him lots of “why?” questions.

In fact, that leads us to tip number eight –

TIP #8:  The truth isn’t out there

Another one of the most damaging mental loops to get caught in is thinking you can find a reason for everything. Or an answer to everything that happened.

Again, it will start with your need to ask a lot of “Why?” questions:

  • “Why did he do this?
  • “Why won’t he call me?”
  • “Why won’t he text me?”
  • “Why doesn’t he feel the same way I do?”
  • “What does he think of me?”

The list goes on and on and on.  And you probably won’t ever get to the real reasons.

And even if you do, the answers won’t satisfy you. They just bring up more questions.

Right now your questions are just your emotions acting out. They try to make you think there is a reasonable, rational answer for what happened. But sometimes there isn’t.

Just remember that the truth you seek is the true love you are put here to find. Most likely, it will be found in your future. In the next relationship.

Don’t get stuck in the past.

TIP #9:  It might not even be HIM

After a while, you may even realize that it’s not really this guy that you want. many women fall victim to holding onto a relationship that isn’t good for them simply because they’re afraid of being alone.

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I’ve even had to coach a lot of men about this. Some guys simply can’t let go of our relationship because of their self-esteem issues. They stay in abusive, painful relationships instead of moving on.

Take a look at your own patterns:

  • Are you capable of walking away from relationships?
  • Do you really firmly believe you can live without this guy?
  • Do you find yourself doing unhealthy things in the name of keeping a relationship going?

Really ask yourself: “Is this guy really special? Is he really who I think he is to me?”

Sometimes we hold onto the person because we just don’t know how to end things. We may be afraid of being alone, or maybe the relationship ending scared us because we have to face a new step in our own growth.

Make absolutely certain you know why.

TIP #10: Get that pen out

One of the best ways to process a relationship is to write about it. If you can put your thoughts down on paper, you can see if they make sense, or if it’s just a crazy ramblings of a lonely mind.

Journaling is one of the most powerful ways we can look at a situation and really see it for what it is.  A thought that’s left to roam inside your head will drive you crazy. You can’t pin it down, and you can never see it clearly.

When you write something down on paper, it suddenly becomes real. You can see it for what it really is –  honesty, or an illusion.

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Take some time to really take some notes about this relationship.

  • What did it mean to you?
  • What did you learn from it?
  • What can you take away from this relationship and bring to the next relationship?
  • What could you have done better?
  • Did this relationship help define what you really want in the next one?

Perhaps 1 in 1000 women will actually sit down and think things through like this.

But you know what?  She is usually that woman you see with the awesome relationship, the one you envy to no end.

This is what she does that you can steal for yourself to create the love of a lifetime.

TIP #11:  Keep An Insurance List

Very often after a breakup you will find yourself wanting to go back to him. Even if you were the one to break up with him.

This is only natural, but you should have a way to resist the second-guessing.

Here is one way you can do it. It’s a little negative, but it’s a necessary negative.

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Make a list of all the reasons you don’t want to be in this relationship. This is especially important if you have made a resolution that you don’t want to go back to him.

You want to have this list because when you are feeling weak, you will be tempted to go back to him. And you need to have ammunition to bring you back around to reality again.

After a breakup, what is the one thing you think about the most? It’s almost always all the good stuff that you won’t have any more. You’ll start missing all the positive stuff, and forgetting all the negative stuff.

This is another one of those distortions that happens in your brain. In order to battle it, make sure you have this insurance list. It’s basically insurance that you don’t go running back to him.

I remember having the experience of being in relationship and breaking up, and then getting back together and re-realizing the whole reason we broke up in the first place. And now we have a second breakup to go through which could have been avoided.

Whenever you feel like going back to him, you simply whip out this list and read down it.  I guarantee you in a few minutes you won’t feel like going back to him again.

Or texting him again, or calling him again…

TIP #12:  Whip Up A Storm

One of the best ways to stay sane during the time after a breakup is to keep yourself as busy as you can. It’s actually a really good way of staying distracted so that you don’t sit home for hours and hours just thinking about him.

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If you let yourself indulge in fantasy thinking, or even sadness thinking, you’re going to lose control and probably do some things you wish you had not.

Trust me when I tell you that these thought loops are dangerous. They are like being in a car when you lost control sliding on ice.

Staying busy is critical.

And I’m not talking about time-wasting busy. Like spending an entire afternoon on Facebook.

I’m talking about getting back to the things that really engage you that are not related to finding a man or a relationship.

Such as:

  • Get back to the gym – or just set some new goals for your fitness
  • Plan some get-togethers with your girlfriends
  • Sign up for a night school class to further your career
  • Get started on a home improvement project

There are a TON of ways to keep your mind from being obsessed on this guy. And you should absolutely be looking for things to do to keep him off your mind.

The real danger of this time without him is that you have the freedom to do nothing but think about him. Which will totally mess with your head after a while.

It helps to get perspective, and doing other things like this will help get you that perspective. Especially talking to friends and family about the situation – in limited quantities.

TIP #13:  Give the FB a rest

If you’re finding yourself missing your boyfriend, social media is usually not the best way to keep him out of your head. There is an all-too-familiar tendency to go to familiar pages on the Internet.

Chances are you’re going to find yourself in a weak moment and surfing over to his Facebook page, his Instagram, his Twitter feed…  you name it.

Don’t let yourself indulge in social media. It will be too tempting for you to resist, and it’s very unlikely you’re going to find anything positive.

In fact, the secret hidden hope that most people have when they do this sort of thing is that they’re gonna come across something that stirs up the emotions again. And not in a positive way.

That’s right, we are our worst enemies when it comes to what’s best for us.

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It’s just like that perverse need to probe the sore spot inside your mouth with your tongue. It hurts, but we just can’t help doing it.

Help yourself avoid this kind of torture. Stay away from the things that remind you of what you’ve lost. There’s nothing to be gained here.

TIP #14:  Get out with the girls

In keeping with staying busy, going out with your girlfriends is a great way to help you regain that lost perspective.

  1. You’ll be reconnecting with your social network. This always helps in more ways than you can see from the perspective you’re probably in right now.
  2. You’ll be able to get their perspective as well. They will want to talk with you about the situation with him, and you can do that – again in limited amounts.
  3. You’ll remember what it is to be responsible for just yourself. None of that worried preoccupation with being in a couple, or having to manage the relationship part. You get to just be you with your friends.

TIP #15:  Work it

I know I mentioned exercise in the previous step, but it deserves its own focus.

Get to the gym and start a regular workout regimen. The benefits of this are almost too many to mention.

You will be getting your serotonin going, which will counteract the weird withdrawal symptoms of losing a love.  You’ll feel better about yourself as you start to look better. And you open yourself up to meeting other people – even guys.

TIP #16: Scram

One really Great Way to get this guy out of your head – and get out of your loneliness –  is take a vacation.

Travel somewhere. If you have the means and maybe a little bit of vacation time, get away from the familiar as a way to get your mind reset.

Even if you can’t get away from where you are, you can still take the time to travel in your area. Hop in your car and go for a long drive to a place you’ve always wanted to go.

I lived in the Washington DC area for six years, and I had to come back to visit all the great museums and sites there. Don’t be foolish as I was, take some time to see some of the world around you.

TIP #17: But I don’t want him anymore!

If you find yourself in this situation, and if you don’t want your boyfriend back, then you probably want to know how to move on from him.

It’s said that all great poetry comes from longing in some way.  Those longings of the heart that stick with us come out in writing with the beauty of words. My personal longing is to help women see their way to better relationships with men.

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But if you’re longing too much inside your relationship, it shows that the relationship wasn’t fulfilling you. Now it’s time to long for the relationship you deserve.

You might find yourself stuck in obsessive thoughts about him. The best thing you can do is to break the addiction you have to thinking about him. You need to replace him with something new to think about.

It’s been shown in study after study of people with a habit that they’re trying to break that you can’t just quit. You have to replace the habit or else there’s an empty space that will just get refilled by the old habit.

This is true of cigarettes, eating, drinking alcohol…

In order to break the previous habit, you gotta find something to put in its place.

One thing that would help is to take some of this time to improve yourself. And the best way to improve yourself is in your relationship skills.

The best relationship skill to work on is always communication.

Especially with men, since women seem to have a lot of difficulty communicating with guys. Many women assume that men are extremely complicated. But the truth is much much different.

Men simply have a different mechanism.

If you’ve ever had to drive a rental car somewhere you probably know what I mean. Or maybe just borrow somebody else’s car for an errand.

The new car or different car has pretty much the exact same stuff your car has. It has a brake pedal, accelerator, shift, seats, turn signals, etc. It’s probably just in a different place, or looks a little bit different.

But it’s all there.

It’s the same way with a guy. Everything you know about communication is still there, except he uses slightly different words. Or he may approach a subject from a different angle.

But he still wants the same thing you do. He wants love and acceptance. He wants a partner in this life the same as you.

The best thing you can do is to learn how men think and why we connect the way we do.

Every man has a different way of connecting, and you can learn them all in just one evening.

In fact, I created a program for just this purpose. To show women how men connect in their own special way.

Each man is one of these types:

If you know what type he is, you’ll know exactly how to communicate with him.

And how to get him to fall in love with you.

You can stop making mistakes with guys (because you didn’t know which “code” he had.)

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If you want to learn about the Connection Code that he has – and how you can finally GET what this guy is saying (and yes, maybe even discover how to win him back) –

Go check out the Connection Code here…

Where There is No Respect, There Can Be no Love


It never fails. Every-time I return to work after my scheduled days off , I read through the incident reports and I always find two or three reports that should never be. These are reports for incidents that should never ever occur.

The incidents I am talking about, domestic abuse/battery. It boggles my mind, what type of person engages into a verbal or even more depressing a physical fight with their spouse or girlfriend? Really? Especially,while on a vacation or get away trip!

Its bad enough that these things happen while people are at home, but on the road? Come on people, be real! To make matters worse, you may get away with that in your City or Country, but in Nevada, they take you to jail. That’s right, if you put your hand on your partner here, Metro takes you to jail, period!

Once a couple of Investigators and I were coming from lunch and Security was bringing a male and female into the booking office.  She had a split lip and he had scratches and a torn shirt. She was a very pretty girl, other than the running mascara and the blood dripping on her blouse. He, well I have to be honest but all men pretty much look the same to me. However, I did note that he was approximately 70 pounds heavier than her and at least 5 inches taller.

What stuck in my mind with this particular incident is that while she was placed in the outer booking office, he was placed inside the holding room. I had to walk past the pair on my way to the bathroom and I could hear him as he was shouting as most people who screwed up do.

During his shouting session, which by the way she could hear perfectly, he called her everything he could think of other than her name. Bitch this, bitch that, cunt, crazy, you name it and he shouted it out, until officers got tired of it and advised him to close the hole under his nose.

While walking past, I stopped for a moment and observed her. She sat there with tears in her eyes and lowered her head. I instructed the female officer to remove her from the area to an adjacent break room.

When I returned I went into the room where he was seated, still sulking like a little girl. Blaming everything on her, and how she is such an idiot. I walked out, pissed at having even listened to this loser.

I went to check on her and she was calm and said that she needed no medical assistance other than an ice pack for her lip which had stopped bleeding. She was visibly shaken and nervous about what would happen next.

She was in better spirits when I departed to return to my office, hut I really felt sorry for her.  I felt sorry because she had overlooked the most basic part of any relationship and didn’t even know it.

She had allowed herself to enter into and attempt to maintain a relationship with a man who had no respect for her what so ever. Without respect, there can never be true love and I don’t care who you’re in love with.

Respect is the glue that keeps love together. Let me write that again, respect is the glue that keeps love together! You do not hurt someone you respect. Why? Because people you respect, you don’t want to see them in pain.  Who in their right mind wants to see someone they love suffer? No real person I know would ever wish that on their worst enemy, pain, suffering, not!

When men don’t respect you they do not care about your feelings or even you as a person. That’s one of the reasons situations like this exist. You don’t call someone you respect anything other than their name. When men call you names in anger or while they are drunk, this is your cue, that they really do not respect you, so loving you is absolutely out of the question. A man placing his hands on you other than to give you a hug, well I am sure we all know that he doesn’t love you and respect wasn’t even a question.

Things that people say in anger and while intoxicated are how they truly feel. So if your man has ever called you a bitch, ho, cunt or anything other than your name, you are fooling yourself by giving him a pass. How many of you have ever made this statement? “He just said that because he was drunk, he didn’t mean it.”

Yes he did, it just took the anger or alcohol to give him the intestinal fortitude to say it.  Now that you know this, you can keep making excuses for his sorry ass if you want to. However, if you have any, and I mean any amount of respect for yourself as a person, you’ll kick his sorry ass to the curb.

Respect yourselves ladies, and demand respect from any and all men and even other women that you encounter in life.

Oh, and back to my story; Metro took his sorry ass to jail. We trespassed him from all of our properties, and unfortunately we had to trespass her as well. However, a strange thing happened a few days later. I got a call from a police officer in LA. He had gotten my number from one of the Metro officers who had arrived for this incident.

The girl it turned out was his sister. I have to say, he wasn’t happy, not in the least. He told me that the two had only been going out for approximately 7 months and he had yet to meet the boyfriend. He went on to inform me that now he knew why. He asked about details of the incident and I told him as much as I could under law.

You know what the last thing he told me before he hung up? He’ll never place his hands on her again, I can promise you that! Wow! So, I would say I feel sorry for the boyfriend, or rather ex-boyfriend, but not! Whatever he gets, he deserves, no man under any circumstances should ever place his hands on a woman, unless he is showing her affection, loving affection. No man should ever call any woman anything other than the name her parents gave her, unless of course it’s a name that shows his affection for her, like baby, which I’ve been calling my wife for years.

As men we should always be respectful of women and other men, and you know what? That respect will be returned and incidents like this will be scarce. Well, at least I hope they will anyway.

Are You a Disposable Partner?


So you met this amazing guy.  Maybe you’ve had your eye on him for awhile or he simply materialized out of thin air. Regardless of how you met him you now know that he’s available and you’re hoping, no praying that he’ll be yours, forever.

He’s everything that you’ve ever thought you wanted in a man, tall, dark, handsome, popular, charismatic and the list goes on and on. You and he hit it off quickly, your first date is within days of your first real talk.

You find him fascinating and he is so attentive to you. He seems to hang onto your every word. You feel as though you’ve known him your whole life and this makes you feel really comfortable.

Within a week or two you wake up in his arms after a late night date of dinner and drinks. You feel that it was meant to be, so why wait? Right? It was incredible and he was gentle, caring and affectionate.

You go to school or work and you’re walking on cloud nine. You find it hard to concentrate because he occupies all of your thoughts. You cannot wait to see him again, have him hold you, smell his cologne and feel his heartbeat when he is laying next to you.

A few weeks turn into a month and you’re still giddy with excitement at the sound of his voice when he calls. You swear to yourself, he is the one!

Then it all ends, quickly and without warning. The calls stop, the texts stop and the visits stop abruptly. You’re dumbfounded, you have no idea what occurred. What would make this man, the man that you thought was the one to simply vanish like that.

You question yourself, was it something you did or said? You rack your brain for answers that you simply do not have. He holds all of the answers and he’s elected not to talk to you and offer any.

This type situation is frustrating, I know, and if you are going through it now or if you’ve went through it before you know how much it hurts.  What you probably don’t know or didn’t know is that there is an answer to this madness.

Yep, and the answer is; “You accepted the position of a disposable partner.”

Now you may ask, “what exactly is a disposable partner?” As with anything that says disposable, it’s simply something you toss away when you’re finished with it. I know that it sounds harsh, but the reality of it is that this is exactly what it means.

Now, your second question is possibly, how did you become disposable and the third question, “Why you?” I’ll try to explain as best I can, but to truly understand, you have to be perfectly honest with yourself to identify the signs that you missed along the way.

Generally you place yourself in position to become disposable when you discover that he, although now single, recently got out of a long term relationship.

Coming out of a long term situation, men (and women alike) are not always ready to settle down again quite so quickly. Regardless of why their last relationship ended, they still enjoy the comforts of being in a relationship. In laymen terms, they enjoy having someone to spend time with, cuddle with, have sex with and talk with.

However, they are not really in a hurry to jump right back in the saddle of being in a real possibly long term relationship again, so soon. They are not ready for various reasons, one important reason being is that many still harbor strong feelings for the person they were recently in a relationship with.

How long did it take you to actually get over your last boyfriend. I am confident that it did not occur overnight. Even if the writing was on the wall for a break-up months in advance. Its human nature to resist change, we always think that there is a chance that we can fix whatever caused the break-up to begin with and eventually the person we were once with will be receptive to a reconciliation, eventually.

However, to help ease the pain of a failed relationship we seek out someone to assist us with numbing the pain. This is where you came in, unfortunately.

We still know the right things to say, how to act to hide our heartbreak and charm you into assisting us with trying to forget the recent past. In return you are duped into thinking that the possibility of a long term relationship is  real.

Now, you lose because of course you may have chose to sleep with this individual way too soon. By doing so you assisted him by fulfilling his needs of maintaining a relationship function albeit without a commitment. In a nutshell, you actually were filling her space, without really taking her (previous girlfriend) place (unbeknownst to you).

Looking at this from a different prospective, very few people stay long-term with the first person they are with after the break-up of a long-term relationship. This person (possibly you) is therefore designated as a disposable partner.

Oh, and you are not the only one. Generally, at least in men anyway, we go through at least three disposable partners before settling into another long-term situation. Why? Because the very first woman, regardless of how great she is, is competing emotionally with the woman we still have feelings for.

The second woman, is simply to distance ourselves and to enjoy the freedom of being single once again. Especially once we know that our former lover is under no circumstances about to reconcile with us.

The third woman, she’s to build our ego to assure us that we are still men that women are attracted to and even though she may be great, our conquest of her is necessary to fuel our egos. Sorry!

So if you really want to avoid the possibility of being a disposable partner to any man, make the conscious decision to identify the possibility quickly.

If he is recently single, take your time and be careful of appearing too easy of a target.  If you really like him, then you may want to wait for awhile, to determine if he is really over his ex and if he’s done being single again.

Remember, you’re a beautiful, intelligent, caring woman and as with most women  you have patience on your side. Utilizing this trait to your advantage, could be the difference between being the first woman after his break-up, or the 4th woman. Trust me when I say this, this is one situation where you really don’t want to be number 1!

Is Love Really Blind? | Loveawake.com blog


While talking with a female friend last night, she made a reference to her ex and then attempt to explain her decision to date him with that age old adage, love is blind.

At first I let it go by and those word sort if hung in the air as neither if us spoke for a moment. I then had to chastise her for the statement that she had made. By her saying that love is blind, what she was really saying was that she really was not responsible for dating a man that was unworthy of her to begin with.

I took offense to that statement, because although she didn’t want to admit it, she is responsible for her selection.  If  love was really blind as so many people so proclaim, how do we explain those that have great long lasting relationships? Was it luck, or did the gods simply smile upon them and pair the right individuals together?

No ladies, love isn’t blind, we simply chose to ignore behavior that almost always comes back to haunt us in the end. That’s right, we ignore behavior that we know isn’t right, hoping that love will be strong enough to overcome these short comings.

Think back and if you are perfectly honest with yourselves, in reviewing every single man you’ve ever dated you’ll see that the reason the relationship ended was because of something that he did that you probably didn’t approve of.

Now if you honestly look back to the beginning of this relationship you’ll realize that this exact same issue presented itself in the early phase of the getting together. It appeared before you were even sold on seriously considering him as a mate.

If  you broke up because he was selfish, a womanizer, a lair, a cheater, abusive or just plain old lazy, you knew it in the beginning and you chose to ignore it. As a wise man once said, we chose to see what we want to see. You chose not to see it, because either you were too lonely to worry about something you thought as trivial, or you convinced yourself he’d change. How did  that work out for you?

A prime example of that is when you begin to date a new guy and you think its cute that he is jealous when it comes to you.  You tell your girlfriends and they may think it’s cute too.

Well, guess what? That shit ain’t cute, generally men who display bouts of jealousy tend to be insecure. When they are insecure they tend to become controlling, when they become controlling they eventually become abusive. Think it’s still cute?

So the next time you want to chalk up a failed relationship to love being blind, think about this, you aren’t. Open your eyes and when you see something in your current or new man that is unsettling for you, please address it immediately! While he attempts to modify his behavior, you take a step back to make sure this is the only problem with him.

Guard your heart during this time and utilize that grey matter between your ears to make future decisions as to if you should move forward with him. If you do this I promise you’ll save yourself a guaranteed heartbreak down the road.

I know we’ve been programed to think that love is blind, but it really isn’t and neither should we be, especially since we make the final decision on who we actually trust our hearts with.

Learn How to Be Irresistable to Men


Have you ever noticed how some females never worry about having a date or a boyfriend? Some of these women are very pretty…but often, some are not. Their magnetism isn’t about their looks.

What exactly are the qualities that men go for? And…can you develop them? If you would like to be the girl that every guy falls in love with, here are the universal truths found in every woman who attracts and keeps the man she wants:

1. FEMININE

Men are visual creatures. They are drawn to a woman who takes exquisite care of her nails, hair, skin, and teeth. She cares about how she looks in her clothes, which is usually subtle, rather than suggestive and shouting, “Here I am!”

She may not look like a movie star but she’s okay with that. She feels that she is attractive enough to date anyone she wants. (Dating statistics show that 67% of U.S. men find that someone who smiles a lot is more captivating than someone who is just physically attractive.)

An irresistible woman has a quiet attitude of self worth that is enticing. The more you hang out with her, the prettier she gets. What exactly is it that makes her pretty? Her femininity! This is what makes a guy feel even more masculine.

2. CONFIDENCE

An irresistible woman is someone who has found the traits and innate abilities she was born with and has honed them with hard work. Whether she can draw, cook, or add columns of numbers, she has turned it into a career. She has either gone to school for training or worked with a mentor. Consequently, she is good at what she does and she’s proud of it.

She doesn’t feel a need to brag but she doesn’t keep silent about it when asked. She shares the facts that show she has distinguished herself in her profession. She never flashes a big ego, which is a turn off.

Confidence, which has grace and ease, is sexy.

3. FRIENDS

You know why this girl can get any guy she wants? It’s because she’s a great friend and she has great friends. She’s fun and funny, she’s up for an adventure, she keeps her word, and you can count on her. She doesn’t let people take advantage of her and she is loyal to those she cherishes. EVERYONE wants to be around her because they feel good in her presence.

4. NURTURING

Because this woman is accomplished and feminine, when she takes care of you, it feels delicious. She fluffs your pillows when you sit on her sofa, bakes cookies or bread that fill the house with a heavenly aroma, and pots flowers for the front door. She’s “nesty.” Her home is an oasis away from the noisy world. When she turns her nurturing powers on, men will swim shark-infested oceans to get to her.

5. LISTENING

It’s a sad and defeating situation when a woman is so insecure, she can’t stop talking. Many people talk all the time because they don’t feel like they are enough. An irresistible woman does not try to fill the air with words. Men love women who smile at them and ask questions about their work and their lives. Women who get asked out a lot know how to listen to their answers.

Unfortunately, the women who talk all the time are unaware of what they are doing. If guys don’t call you back, ask your best friend why they think that is so. Be sure and listen.

6. OPTIMISM

Being pitiful is not attractive. One of my clients said he met a gorgeous woman on the Internet. On their three-hour date, she talked non-stop about all the men in her past. She said they had treated her like a weed in a garden: pulled her out, roots and all, and thrown her away.

She finished her long story with, “So, I hope YOU aren’t going to be like that!” My client said he couldn’t wait to get home. He never called her again. (Statistically, if a guy doesn’t call within three days, there is a 97% chance he will never call.)

The irresistible woman is not looking for a guy to make up to her all she has suffered. She carries her sorrows in life with wisdom and class. She’s happy in the moment and excited about tomorrow.

With over 46% of the adult population in the U.S. listed as unmarried, there are more singles now than ever before. You have every opportunity to date and find the love of your life. If you want to attract someone fabulous, read the above. Learn how to become one of the women who is irresistible to men. You can do it.

5 Ways to Ruin Your Date Before It Begins


Guys, believe it or not, you can ruin your date before getting very far into it. How is this possible, you ask? The answer lies in the many subtle nuances of the female mind. Everything from the way you ask her out to what the date will consist of to what you intend to wear will be psychoanalyzed by the lucky lady in question, leading to potentially disastrous consequences.

No specific date activity

Too often, guys are content to simply ask a girl out without a definite plan. “I’ll figure something out later”, we think. This lack of preparedness may be a major problem, according to experts in the dating field. According to new and emerging research, women prefer men who approach them with a specific date in mind. The reason? It lets women vividly picture the date in the days leading up to it.

The fix? Ask “Let’s go to that new Mexican place on the strip” instead of “Let’s go out this Friday.”

Lack of body odor control

As obvious as this seems, it is one of the most overlooked tenets of sound date preparation. It’s also top among the list of date-gone-wrong horror stories from girls everywhere. The reason for this perennial date downfall is hard wired into our nature. Ever heard the saying “scent is the strongest sense tied to memory?” That’s why a bad case of body odor is what a girl will remember, even after an otherwise fun and normal date.

The fix here is obvious. Make sure the clothes you wear are clean and that you shower before putting them on. This one-two punch of cleanliness should deliver the knockout to your B.O. Worries!

Distracting or inappropriate clothing

This is another oft-overlooked date killer. Common sense and logic should be your guides to smart decisions here. If you stop and think about it, that ripped Van Halen shirt probably isn’t what you want to roll up to her door wearing. Ditto for those oh-so-clever “FBI – Female Body Inspector” spoofs. You want your clothing to speak to the class and style of the man wearing it.

What are some safe options? Polo shirts are always a good bet, along with khaki pants or dark, ironed jeans. Of course, it’s been said that the shoes make the man, so those New Balances you mow the lawn in are a huge no-no. If necessary, go out and invest in some quality dress casual shoes to wear.

A messy vehicle

You wouldn’t believe how many girls complain about the condition of a guy’s car. There are guys who see nothing wrong with letting their date step into a car littered with candy wrappers, McDonalds bags, junk mail, and God knows what else. In any girl worth dating, this evokes strong feelings of “Wow, this guy is a total slob.” The next logical thought is, “How much can this matter to him if he lets me get into a filthy car?”

Guys, c’mon. Can you blame her? Take a good half hour to deep clean your blessed hell ride inside and out. It’s a visual clue that you take yourself and this date seriously.

Bad mood or temper

We all have tough days at home or the office, but if your bad temper manifests itself on your date, you’re in trouble. Yelling at other cars, punching your steering wheel, or being impolite to restaurant staff will make a lasting impression on your date, and it wont be a good one. Women associate such behavior with emotional immaturity and a bad temper. If this is how you act in public, they reason, what will it be like behind closed doors if you two argue? What you dismiss as blowing off steam may have huge ramifications in a woman’s mind.

The key here is to begin your date in a calm, happy state of mind. There are many ways to do this. If you’ve had a tough day, squeeze in a quick jog or workout before your date. (Just make sure you shower after!) Burn a CD of relaxing music to listen to on your drive to her house. Whatever you do, leave your bad mood at home if you intend on having a night to remember.

Dating in Argentina | Loveawake.com blog


If you enjoy traveling as much as we all enjoy dating and meeting new people, you must probably be feeling as curious as myself for dating in other countries. Well, thanks to the Internet I’ve made many great friends all across the world, and one of them lives in Argentina. The other day we were chatting, and she mentioned how guys in her country are big, hairy babies who live with their moms until they’re 35 or so, and I asked her to tell me about her dating experience in her country. She lives in Buenos Aires, and she told me things are different in that big city than in the rest of the country, where people tend to be more traditional. I’ll sum it up for you because it’s quite interesting, you’ll see!

Argentina is a Latin American country that has received lots of European immigration, especially by the end of the 19th century. Argentinean women, in particular, are said to be beautiful, because they mix Latino features (big hips, dark eyes, a lot of passion) with some traces of their European background. You won’t find two people that look alike too much in Argentina. They are very open minded about dating, and it’s not weird for a girl to ask a boy out on a date.

Even so, it not all good news! In Argentina, especially in Buenos Aires, there are many shrinks, and relationships tend to be over-analyzed (“Did he really mean that?”, “If she said no, does she mean yes, deep down?”, “Should I call her? I know I said I’d call her, but what if I meet someone better before Saturday?”), and so on…

Argentinean women may be attractive, but the thing is they know they are attractive, and they tend to seduce men, even if they are not interested in them. An Argentinean woman may spend the night in a pub with some friends totally checking out the guy sitting by the bar, but if he happens to approach and ask her for her number, she will probably look at him as she had never seen him before, and answer a cold “Why should I? Do I know you?”.

And men? They are so crazy from having to deal with this special kind of lady, that most of them have become quite phobic. Settling down, getting married, having kids… never before 30! And not even then: most guys who could afford their own place still live with their parents and are not in a rush to leave the nest. I guess that, since Argentinean women are so independent, guys in Argentina tend to be childish and selfish… just to break even! Of course, there are couples that fall in love and decide to start a family. And then, it is very common for couples to live together before getting married. As for divorce rates, they are coming close to the ones in Europe and US.

Evidently, every country, every culture, has its own tacit rules when it comes to dating and loving… How is dating where you live?