The Power of A “Thank You…” & Its Simplicity

A Little Known Dating Tip Anyone Can Use & Learn From!

Today’s Society Can Be So Cold and Unfeeling

In today’s modern society, dating has become a multimillion dollar industry. Especially with the advent of Online Dating sites. There are so many people at any given time online, in bars and clubs, chat rooms-You name it! Face it, it can be down right discouraging to try to find someone you get along with, let alone a person you think you might actually want to date these days.

But don’t despair. I have stumbled upon a dating secret not too many are aware of. And if they are aware, they guard it with their lives, because I can tell you, people act as if they do not know about this. And to be honest with you, the less people who know, the better. Why? because it really does work. So why am I posting it here for all the Internet to see? Simple-I am loyal to my readers as my readers are loyal to me. You treat me and the blog well, I give you what you need to succeed in today’s cruel dating world – online or off.

I know, I know… Everyone claims to have dating secrets and when you click on the link to get those secrets, they actually turn out to be the same old thing you have been reading for that last few month. It’s just been re-digested and spit out in the form of a newly worded tip full of dating garbage. So why is this different? To tell you the truth, I am almost 100% sure it’s different because I searched and searched online and I have found nothing pertaining to what I am about to tell you. AND… I used them myself, so I know they work.

Modern Times are Killing Manners

It’s true. The most basic of manners, even saying please and thank you, are dying. Why? Because in the day and age where everyone on the planet believes they are entitled to whatever they want, no questions asked. What is happening is that all of those self help books and motivation seminars are telling everyone who reads them or listens to them that they deserve whatever it is they do happen to want. And they also have a habit of telling them that they are entitled to everything they want too. It’s sort of like the behavior of a pathological liar, when they lie about something they have to cover their tracks so they create lie after lie until they start believing the story themselves. It’s the same thing when it comes to manners and relationships, and mostly common sense.

So Why Is It the “Thank You” That Is So Powerful?

Well, for starters, no one ever says the words anymore and if they do it is because it was an automatic response triggered by a certain behavior. The power of a thank you is amazing in many ways. First of all, if it is a genuine expression of thanks, a real calculated event that took place, its significance is tenfold what it would be were it just a pure gut response. A genuine Thank you is said with feeling, conviction as if the person saying is truly giving thanks to the person they are saying it too.

This is so very different than a Thank You that is uttered as a mere reaction or as an excited response given as second nature because those types of “Thank yous” are cold and distant, and have absolutely no feeling whatsoever in them. They do not mean anything from the person saying it, because they are programmed o say t. It was ingrained into them from an early age.

There are manners and then there are feelings and manners. Cold outright manners have no place in the real dating world, really, they belong with those types of people you would imagine have their personal wines shipped ahead of time to a cruise ship just so the captain knows they are the most important, that it’s all about them-do you know what I mean?

Now, on the other the types of manners that have feeling behind them, just like the power of a genuine thank you can move a feeling person to tears in a heartbeat. A heartfelt thank you is such a moving experience, it can really change a person.

So What Does It Really Mean?

Well, the power of a real Thank you can mean many things. It can mean the person saying it is no a cold heartless person, it can also mean they are genuine and mean what they say. But the real power of a Thank you is the fact the person thought YOU, the receiver of the Thank You, were worthy enough to receive it. And that in itself is a beautiful thing. It says something about the person saying it and also says something about you, the receiver. The both of you are feeling people and that alone is hard to come by in today’s society, really.

It is hard to find two people who care enough to express real manners in such a way as this. So if you have found a person like this, or if you are that person, do not ever change or let them go. It can mean the difference between a lasting relationship or a dud because anyone good enough to realize the power of a real thank you is certainly one worth hanging on to, for obvious reasons.

How To Get Your Girlfriend To Dress Sexier

What man doesn’t dream of having his woman wear (or take off) the sexy clothes of his choice?

Just imagine… a sexy girlfriend who ALSO dresses up sexy for you and tries to please you visually in every way she can.

Everything They Say About Getting Your Girl To Dress Up Sexy Is Wrong

Mainstream advice on this topic is convoluted, at best:

  • “Be sure to ask her nicely!”
  • “Buy her something you want her to wear!”
  • “Just man up, bro, and tell that woman what she oughta wear!”

Based off of our massive testing, we’ve discovered how to consistently get hot women to dress sexy for us (read: They dress exactly how we like it). And none of the above list, or any of the other mainstream dating advice we’ve read works consistently without any negative side effects with high quality women. Not to mention, so much stuff out there can land you in some hot water with a really great girl who might have otherwise been happy to dress up for you.

Parts of the strategy I’m about to reveal may be uncomfortable for some guys, and may not work for everyone, especially guys who fancy themselves alpha males, pickup artists or playas.

So here it is:

Step 1 – Meet More Women. We don’t know any guys (ourselves included) whose dating lives wouldn’t be improved by getting up, getting out and meeting even more women than they already are.

Step 2 – Find women who have the following qualities: First of all, she needs to be attractive to you AND you need to be attractive to her… Right from the start (hint: start wearing a suit). That’s the ticket to races – nothing starts until she likes you.

In addition, her core personality needs to be flexible, open-minded and generous. Straight up, this unique combination of her being hot, her being totally into you and her possessing these characteristics is rare. That’s why you have to meet A LOT more women than you currently are.

Step 3 – Date her well. Always let her wonder how much you like her. And don’t do anything stupid to mess things up… For example, texting her every day, holding her hand all the time, saying “I wuv uuuu” everyday, or otherwise communicating that she doesn’t need to work to get you to like her more.

Step 4 – If all these points are met, it’s highly probable she’ll start to do dress the way you’d like all by HERSELF, without you even you even needing to prompt her. Clever girls know how to gauge your reaction to how she’s presenting herself on her dates with you. They’ve been training for it their whole lives.

Some girls might even simply start asking what you want her to wear, in which case you can tell her something like, “I want to see you in a gorgeous one piece that will make guys jaws drop.” When you do things like we teach here at Loveawake, hot girls will be finding all kinds of ways to get you to like them more. Almost always, that includes trying to dress sexier for you.

If she truly is open-minded, flexible and generous, she’ll be more than happy to fulfill any missions you give her: “Buy some sexy lingerie and wear it for our next date.”

Any woman can ‘get’ attention… But it takes an amazing woman to be appreciated. Likewise, any guy who gets out and meets enough women can ‘get’ an orgasm. But it takes an amazing man with self-control, vision and long-term planning to get high value women of exceptional beauty and accomplishment who works together with you to build a mutually beneficial and incredible lifestyle full of appreciation, respect and a totally killer wardrobe of sexy clothes she wears solely to impress YOU.

Online Dating-Chat Rooms: What are They Good For?

What Makes Singles Chat Rooms Popular?

Instant messaging and chat rooms have been around for a long time. IRC being one of the originals, is still around today and many modern chat programs are based on its concept. In the late ’80′s and early ’90′s, chat rooms began to take off like a bat out of Hell. They became the hottest thing on the planet, almost overnight and to this day they are still going strong. But why? What is it that makes chat rooms so popular?

SSShhh….It’s a Secret!

And it really is a secret. Your identity, that is. The secret to what makes chat rooms and IM so poplar is the added bonus of being able to stay anonymous if you want to. All you need to sign into a chat room is a working computer, internet and email address, that’s it. You sign up for an account on a site and start talking to people from all over the world.

The best part is you can be anyone you want to be. DO you sometimes wake up wishing you were someone else because you are not having any luck on the dating scene? You know that one fantasy where you are this rich tycoon who gets all the girls, own a yacht and has all the power he could ever want? Well, in a chat room you can be that person, whoever it is. Sign up, sign in and create your fantasy person and start chatting with anyone.

And that is what makes the dating site chat rooms so popular too. Many people feel like they just don’t belong and want to change something about themselves. Well instead of opting for surgery to change their looks, they can just pretend. The person or people on the other end of the chat most times can’t see you, so if you want to have blond hair and blue eyes for a day, go for it!

Don’t Go Overboard!

You might not want to climb aboard that yacht too often, though, for a few reasons. What if one of the people you talk to wants to meet you in person? Are you going to go rob a bank to by the yacht you told her you have? Or are you going to hit the salon and the eye doctor to dye your hair and buy some blue contacts? Although there is the benefit of being whoever you want to be online, you never want to go too far with it because one day you are going to have to take on the task of rewriting your little pretend life. Either that or you are going to have to deal with one very unhappy person in the end. Ask yourself, is it worth it?

The Consequences

They can be harsh if you tell too many white lies. Even the littlest lies can get you in a whole bunch of big trouble. You could end up getting a reputation of being all talk. Or worse, you will get the reputation of being dishonest. On a dating site of any size, that is not a good rep to have. Besides, if you look at any terms of service real close, you will see that any kind of misrepresentation is prohibited and your account can be terminated.

Now, if you are just getting into the online dating game that is the last thing you want. Usually if you are banned from a site, your name goes on a blacklist that gets passed around to similar, affiliate sites. You could wind up being banned from everywhere. Then what are you going to do?

The Dark Side of Chat Rooms

The problem with chat rooms is the very thing that makes them so popular is the one thing that makes them so very dangerous as well. The ability to hide who you are. For example, a woman goes on a site, signs into a chat room and starts talking to someone she finds charming and interesting. She one day then decides to meet this man. She goes on the agreed upon time and gets to the agreed upon place, only to find her “knight in shining armor” never shows up. As she is walking back to her car (or train, or bus) someone snatches her up , takes her in their van, ties her up and rapes and kills her.

Did he never show up, or was the chat room and the knight in shining armor routine just a way to get to the criminal’s next victim? It’s a hard thing to judge. And a hard thing to weed out if you don’t know what to look for. That’s one of the reasons that if the chat room you are in has video and/or voice abilities, it is a good idea to make use of them. It can save a lot of would be trouble in the end.


It is a wonderful program to take advantage form if the dating site you are using has a chat room. It is a great way to get to know someone in real time, not waiting for emails back and forth all the time. It is also dangerous as well. So stay on your toes, keep your information real and you shouldn’t have too many problems finding someone real enough to talk to.

If you liked that, you might also like…

Chat Rooms US

Chat Rooms UK

Chat Rooms Australia

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Chat Rooms Ireland

Dating Decisions – Is Your Relationship on the Fritz?

Saving a Relationship-Or Not-How to Tell If It’s Worth the Effort

Is Your Relationship At A Standstill?

If you have been with someone for a while, or even if it’s only been a few months, there comes a point when you feel that your relationship has come to a stand still. Things aren’t moving backwards, but they aren’t going further either. The relationship is still there, but it isn’t making any kind of progress in any direction.

This behavior can be annoying or downright frustrating.
 You might feel that you want to move on, maybe move in together, or maybe you are at the point when you are waiting for the “magic question” to happen. No matter which end of the relationship you are, when things seem to have stopped completely, that is when you know something needs to give. Something needs to change.

There are some things you can do to assess the situation and make the questions in your mind disappear. These tips will help you decide whether or not to fan the flames and keep the relationship going, or if you should blow them out and enter the whirlwind dating scene again.

But what?

If you find yourself in this sticky situation, it can be especially baffling for a few reasons. First of all, the first thought that usually pops into someone’s mind when things are getting stale is “Is there someone else besides me?” This can be unnerving, almost bordering on undue suspicion. Especially if the two of you have been together for a while and you are almost positive there is no reason for thoughts such as those.

There is also the “I want more” factor. It is absolutely possible that you want more out of the relationship but are afraid that your partner might not want to make the commitment. In any case, something needs to be done-And quick!

Assessing the Real Situation

If you plan on doing something about the freeze hold that’s apparently in place on your relationship, there is one thing you need to do first before attempting to rekindle things. You need to figure out exactly where your partner stands. What their real feelings are towards you. Because, there is no reason to put so much work into a relationship that is going stale if there is no chance it will last much longer, is there?

But the question is, aside from outright asking your partner how he/she feels-which, BTW, is something you never want to do unless you are 100% sure of the answer and if you are here reading this, then you are not even 1% sure, so don’t do it-how are you supposed to know?

Stealthy Subtlety

Try this: make some kid of simple, but loving, gesture towards our partner. For example, email him or her saying how much you miss them Or send them a card for no reason at all, except to say you are thinking of them. Or, you could get a little physical with them in a unexpected way. If the two of you never touch and hold hands very often, one day while you are sitting watching TV together, grab your partner’s and kiss it. Or if you are standing in line at the grocery store, turn around to your partner and hug them.

What These Moves Will Tell You

What purpose will this serve, you ask? Well first of all, if your partner appreciates the little thoughtful “surprise” gesture you have chosen to display, send or do, gets a reaction of lovingness or warmth, then you are probably going to be ok.

If your partner has a totally different or unexpected reaction to your advances, however, the two of you may in fact be in trouble. For example, if you reach out to hug your partner, unless you are in a place where you really shouldn’t be doing so, anything other than a reciprocal hug is a sign of a problem. If your mate turns away form you or begs out of the hug a little too quickly, then your relationship is in definite need of some help. If you put on the table a public display of affection, of ANY kind, and your other half seems cold and distant, even though he/she returns the favor, it’s time to look else where.

Another way to tell if things between the two of you are not going so well is if your other half becomes defensive in any way. Or maybe they seem like they are hiding something. Sure, it may just be that you are overreacting to the situation, but there are really some times when this really happens. For example, if the two of you don’t live together yet, does your partner hesitate to have you over to their place? Or do they not pick up the cell when they are with you? Or maybe they do pick up the phone but go in the other room so they “can hear the person on the phone better.” If this seems to happen a little to often for comfort, then it is time to make some serious decisions about what it is you really want.

So, I’ve Made My Decision, Now What?

Well, if you have decided things need to change, or that you need to move on, than good for you! You see, the best and most rewarding decisions a person can make are usually the hardest and the most painful. If you have decided to break things off with your mate, then you will need to do it quickly. There is no sense in leading them on any further. It will just make things worse. There is no point in letting a relationship continue if the only thing it is going to do is end up hurting someone eventually, so better to get it over with asap.

Because in the end, we all want something. Whether it be a commitment, like a marriage or moving in together, what we want is progress. Plain and simple. So when a relationship hits that phase when everything just seems to defy the logic of time and stands completely still for longer than it should, it should signal that things need to change. And for the most part, people catch on quickly to this fact. But unfortunately, some don’t and they wind up being those couples you see together after 40 years and haven’t spoken to each other for the last 20 of them. None of want to be this couple, do we? Of course not. That is why you are here reading this, right?

So figure out where you stand in terms of the relationship, make your decision as to whether or not it makes sense to keep the flame going or not, and do what you need to do. It’s that simple. And, if you can stick to the plan, it will lessen any complications in the long run.

Is there a Mr. Right? And Why Haven’t You Found Him Yet?

It’s a Simple Question With a Complicated Answer

Mr. Right Isn’t Really Mr. Right… He’s Mr. Close Enough

Most of the time, anyway… The odds of finding the perfect man are slim to none. That is why there are so many divorces these days. Did you know that over 50% of marriages end in divorce? It’s true. And now you know why. The women who thought they had found their Mr. Right, or Mr. Perfect were just kidding them selves and when they finally figured it out, they got divorced.

So, now that you women out know this sad fact, it is time to find your Almost Mr.. Right or Almost Mr. Perfect. THAT guy really is out there, and once you get a hold of the feelings of resentment you now harbor because of the Prince Charming stories you have believed all your life and let those feelings go, you will finally be able to put them aside, forget they were even a part of your life and finally find you an Almost perfect man to settle down with.

So How DO You Find an Almost Mr. Right?

Well, once you have given up the Prince Charming is coming to sweep you off your feet” dream, it is easy to search for the almost Mr Perfect. As a matter of fact, it’s even easier than you thought. This is because when you aren’t looking for perfection, there are more guys out there that will meet your standards. You see, the guy situation hasn’t really changed, you have. Your feelings change once you find out the truth so your standards are lowered a bit, knowing that there is n one out there to meet perfection that you required. That’s why you could never meet anyone, your standards were too high and unrealistic. Now things will be different.

Take a look in all the places you have looked before, this time look without the feeling that you have to find the perfect guy or your Mr. Right. This time you are looking with your new found truth and standards. Guess what? How much do you want to bet that the guy numbers and the situation has almost doubled? It’s true. And it’s been proven.

So What is Preventing Me From Finding A Guy Now?

If you have changed your way of thinking and have tried the way listed above, then there just might still be something going on that you don’t realize. And that something is the “better than nothing” relationship or BTN relationship. Have you found that since you found out the truth about the “perfect” guy never existing, you have found an abundance of guys, but they are all losers? The guys you have maybe met online or out somewhere with your girlfriends, are they a little worse for wear when it comes to what you are looking for?

In this case, you may have lowered your standards a bit too much. Instead of looking for the Mr. Almost Perfect, you have given in too much and are actually looking fr Mr. Looser at Life. This is almost as bad of a place to be in because instead of not finding anyone to fit the bill of your perfect man, you are fining too many guys who fit, but they never work out. You are not happy with them, or they are not good enough for you, even though you think they might be. .

So What To Do About It?

Well, because you went a little too far down the rungs of your perfect scale, you need to turn it up a notch again. But not too far because you don’t want to get caught being way over the top again… No, what you need to do is find a happy medium between the two types of standards.

Here’s what you need todo: Make a pro and con list. List all the standards for the perfect man on the “pro” list. Then list all the standards of the un-perfect man, the one too low on the rungs, on the con list. Then take a few qualities from each list that happen to match and that is your middle ground.

For example, a quality form each list may be, he has a house. Even though it might not be an estate the size of Washington, it is still a house. Then another may be job related. While the lower standard would be no job, the high standard would be owns his own company, the middle ground would be “at least has decent paying secure, steady job. Job security is better than no job, and a little bit of money is better than none at all, but neither is as good as owning your own company. So, you take the middle ground standard and see what you come up with. It should be a livable list of standards.

You Will Find Someone!

Eventually, if you put your mind to it, you will find someone to settle down with. The same could be said for the perfect man as well, it’s just that the chances of finding hat Mr. Right are a lot slimmer than finding Mr. Here Right Now. And sometimes, if you think about it, having a Mr. Perfect only works if he thinks you are his Mrs. Perfect too. If not, it is all for nothing and will wind up being a miserable marriage and maybe ed up in divorce anyway. That is why it is always better to set your standards at a level that is actually obtainable at some level. Because if not, you might just wind up like the lady from the first Madea movie, with the perfect man, a beautiful house and all the money she could ever want or need-but in a completely loveless and miserable marriage. And she aid for it with her happiness, and almost her life. That is something you want to avoid at all costs, believe me when I say that.

You Might Just Get Lucy

I will tell you a secret about me in the hopes it will help you somehow. I was married when I was 17 to a guy who had all that. A year later, we got lucky and moved to the Hamptons in NY with our daughter. And ini a very short amount of time, the love faded and the magic disappeared. Then I wound up going through the same thing the lady in the movie did. Every last bit of it. So, then we separated and I went the complete opposite direction and got messed up with this one guy who almost ruined my life. I got into drugs and lost everything, almost including my life. Somehow, although to this day I am still not sure how, I was able to recover from that phase of my life. Then, 3 years later,after I had stopped looking for love because I had given up on it, it fell into my lap out of the clear blue sky. And now, almost 3 years later and still together, we are about to get married and buy a house together. He turned out to be my Mr. Right. The real thing, not the Mr. Close Enough, but the man I prayed for all my life.

Moral of the story? Don’t give up! One day when you stop looking, when you have all but given up on finding that one person, he just might fall into your life unexpectedly one day without warning. Mine did. Like I said earlier, it’s been proven, the guys double in numbers. But what I didn’t say, is you never know what can happen if you have enough hope in your life. Which is why I also sign my posts the way I do… So, with that said, here it goes…

3 Tips For Increasing Online Dating Profile Views

There is such a thing as a “Too Perfect Profile”

Ok, the main thing with online dating is finding someone, the whole point of being on the site, right? Right. So lets say, for example, you are on the site and you are doing all the right things, and are following all the tips you know of to meet the right person. The problem is, no one is trying to contact you. How are you supposed to “follow the rules’ of meeting someone, when there has been no one to talk to? You can’t exactly take someone out for a first date if you can’t even get one person to have a chat with you online, can you? No, you can’t.

Well, the problem may still be your profile. I know, I know, you followed all the directions and heeded all of the tips to a “T”. Believe it or not, even though someone might have a great profile and fit the bill of those who might want to meet them, there are still some things that could be wrong with the profiles which may be keeping love away.

What are these things?

  • Your Profile Looks Too Perfect
  • You Look Like a Spambot or a Spoof Profile!
  • You Aren’t Active Enough on the Site

So, with that said, lets take these one by one and see if we can’t explain them and why they may be ruining your chances at online dating love.

#1-Makings of a Perfect Profile

Once you have filled out your dating profile the right way, with all the needed information and added a photo of yourself, you are ready to go to the races at finding someone to call your own. Finding love within an online dating site, while it may seem easy, as we relationship writers are always saying it is, but in reality, well… Um, uh… It really is easy! Sorry, I like keeping things light…

Ok, so when the tips said to be honest and creative, and you believe you were, ask yourself, were you really? But, no matter what the answer, the fact remains you aren’t getting enough hits, almost like you don’t exist on the site. Why? There can be a fine line between candid, honest and too much. Honesty is wonderful, and says something about your character. The profile would say something like, “I am sensitive and I can say this because even though I am a man, I still cry watching An American Tale”, or something of that nature.

Candid is also great, just as long as you don’t go too overboard at which secrets you are putting out there for the whole online dating world to see. Maybe you write something like, “Hi, my name is __ and I love sitting on the back at the movies because of the amount of privacy-I like when no one can see what WE are doing on a date” or something of that nature.

Now, too much would be like going overboard, well that one is usually self explanatory. If you have written anything more honest or candid than along the lines of the examples above, then you might want to go and change it up a bit. Think honesty, not shock value. Usually the laid back honest profiles get the most hits because not only are they original, they are mysterious as well. With a tell all, there is really nothing left to the imagination, is there? Why would anyone want to continue to talk when you’ve already told them everything?

#2-Spambots & Spoof Profiles Are East to Spot, Aren’t they?

Everyone knows what a spambot is, right? It is that annoying machine that goes around to all the blogs and sites, pretending it is a human and tries to get information, or scam people. This phenomenon is rampant within Online Dating sites because there are so many people on the sites whose self esteem has taken quite a hit, so they are easier to manipulate than others, and the hackers who have created these wonderful machines know this, and pattern the Bots after humans, and will tell a dater whatever they want to hear to get the info they want from them.

Now, spoof profiles are something a not so honest dating site will do to make it look like their membership numbers are much more than they really are. They create the profiles just like I have given tips too, and try to make them look as real as possible. They will add a picture, all the profile info and more. And most of the time, both of these types of profiles are easy to spot. Or they will leave unwarranted comments on your profile, or on other posts, such as in the forums with a link to other irrelevant sites. Also, all the profiles look the same, for the most part, because a PC did all the work. Much like a “cookie–cutter” profile would look like. These are the ones that when you write to them, they don’t answer you most of the time.

Lets say you are searching through the singles on the site, and you happen receive a direct message form someone. You go and check out their profile and find you don’t really jive with what they are displaying on their profile, for whatever reason. The worst thing you can do is not answer that person and let them know you aren’t interested. First because it is rude. Most importantly, this behavior on your part makes you look like a spam bot. Not answering is what gives away spambots, and as such you should really answer everyone, even if you are not interested. It’s netiquette, and it just might save you from a boot off the site.

#3-You Have Built, Now They Will Come- Sit Back & Relax, You Did the Hard Work Already, Right?

So, you created the profile, you added the photo, everything is perfect. Hell, you even went back and made sure things weren’t too perfect, just as I said. So, then why is it no one is answering your profile? Why does no one want to talk with you? You don’t seem like you are that dis-interesting, anyway, so what could be the problem now? You should be able to relax while the requests to chat with you come pouring in, right?

Well, no-not exactly. You see, there is a little known function a dating site uses to keep the browsing and the site “fresh” for its users. This function allows certain profiles to be viewed by more singles more times than other profiles. So why is it then yours isn’t being viewed? What is the problem? the problem is you are relaxing. You see, if a person isn’t too active on the site, the function of the particular coding script tells the browse function whether or not to display your profile to other singles who are looking. What is the point of the site displaying your profile to others if you are not active on the site? How active does a person have to be to get more hits?

Here’s an explanation: If you don’t search for singles enough, or even log in enough, your profile will not be seen by others as much as you might want it to, or as much as it could be seen were you more active on the site. many sites work this way. You stay active and your profile goes to the top of the list more often. If you are not active, your profile gets buried behind those who deserve to be on the top because they are the ones being active on the site. So, the more interested you are in the site, the more people will be given a chance to become interested in you. It is that simple.

So, Tone it Down & Get in the Game More

Are you getting the picture, here? Do you have a perfect picture? Does your info happen to be a little, or a lot, similar to many others? This may just be a chance situation, as it is just the luck of the draw, really. but, no matter how much luck there is when it comes to online dating, there are still thee 3 tings a person can do to up their chances of being seen or heard. Finding love really isn’t that difficult, you have just got to want it enough, is all.

What would Spock say about your relationship?

I’ve got an interesting question today from a reader who is in a “sorta” long distance relationship.

QUESTION From a Reader:

Hi Carlos, I just got your program a few days ago and am enjoying listening so far and am looking forward to it’s entirety and learning a lot.

I am in a situation now that I would like some advice on how to approach because I haven’t gotten that far in the program yet!

I will try to make it brief for you-

Been seeing a man since mid-May. Between our schedules (mostly his due to traveling for work and his custody arrangement), we have only been able to see each other once a week at most- usually Tuesdays-, sometimes only every other week.

We have yet to have a weekend free at the same time for some real quality time. We figured out that’s not until Aug. 9th, so we have “reserved” it.

password to his heart 4 What would Spock say about your relationship?

I’m feeling like because of our lack of time things are not developing. It feels like “friends with benefits” to me.

I don’t know if he is happy with this or if he wants things to develop as well. I am willing to work with the schedule if we are wanting the same thing.

He’s worth it to me. How do I find out without scaring him away?

Thank you Carlos,



Donna, you hit on a very BIG question – and one that comes up more and more frequently for couples these days…

Long Distance Relationships.

Or “LDR”s as we call them. This is kinda one of those, based on the intermittent nature of it. Let me explain…

First, there’s an inherent problem with this kind of relationship that I want to warn you about.

It’s something I call the “Denial Factor.”

What happens is that when you’re dating someone long distance, you suffer from an artificial sense of attraction to that person. In other words, circumstances block you from seeing that person, which creates a sense of ‘hard to get‘ about the other person.

That makes him feel more scarce than he actually is. And as you know from my program, that will create a feeling of attraction – even if the attraction isn’t completely REAL.

I’ve had a few of these, and one of which I relocated halfway across the U.S. for. And in retrospect – they were both BIG mistakes.

It turned out to be “simulated” love. I did some crazy stuff just to get close to them, and it just didn’t work.

wmpa What would Spock say about your relationship?

Oh, I know, I should be all romantic and tell you that ANY chance at love is worth chasing… right?


That’s a load of cow-pucky, as my friends in Kansas City would have said. Not every romance is worth your effort.

It’s not that they can’t work out, then CAN. I don’t want to totally dash your hopes. You’ve actually got the right start to it, with once per week or so.

But they take even MORE effort to make work than most ‘normal’ relationships. The problem being that because of the distance, it becomes much easier to NOT put in that extra effort.

Sure, travel to see the other person is part of it, but so is getting to know that person on a DEEP level.

What a real, thriving romance requires is that you see this person on a regular basis. Get to know their good AND their bad.

(Which you only get to truly see when you have regular, multiple exposures to them.

You simply can’t get that “real feel” from the occasional get-together. You need about once per week when you first start out, and eventually 3 times per week or more later on.

So be prepared, you do need to increase your frequency.

Ultimately, long distance relationships are something I recommend you avoid – if at all possible. You’ve got PLENTY of people in your area that are worth finding, meeting, and dating.

But since you have a fish on the hook, let’s see if we can reel it in…

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As you said, you are ready, willing, and able. But is HE?

How do you find out if he wants to “raise the stakes”?

Well, I want you to avoid the glaring mistake many other women might make, which is to sit him down and have a serious discussion. Where you ASK him where you think this is going.

The reasoning for that approach is this: If you’re up-front and “honest” about your intentions, you simply put the question in front of him and see what comes of it.

After all, he’s an adult! He’s rational, and he can be mature and forthcoming about his intentions.


I’m hoping you smelled a *little* sarcasm there.

The reality is FAR different from what most of the Lazy Gurus would have you believe. (Hint: Especially if they wrote a mainstream book about this…!)

People are NOT rational. Especially men – contrary to what many would like you to believe.

Yes, men can be just as “emotional” as women. And every bit as “irrational.” (We just pretend to hide our irrational desires for big screen TVs and cars under that guise of “logic.”)

So if you do sit him down and have “a talk” with him, he *may* respond well.

He could also act like a perfectly normal adult male and FREAK OUT a little bit.

I know, I know… “That’s immature!” “That’s a sign you have a commitment phobe!” the Lazy Gurus tell you.

The reality of human attraction – the sheer glorious illogical nature of it – is something that most of those PhDs cannot admit to themselves – or to you.

It’s a *natural* reaction for a man to pull back when the reality of commitment is exposed to the harsh light of day.

I could go off on this subject for days. But suffice to say, I hope you understand that even if you go into such a discussion with him about this – and you handle it textbook *perfectly* – you CANNOT CONTROL *HIS* REACTION!

Which means you don’t want to trigger any weirdness. When you try to take natural gut-level attraction and get LOGICAL with it, you inevitably will freak a person out.

It goes both ways – women freak out on this when guys do it.

It feels needy and a bit desperate – even if YOU are not! And there’s a part of the human mind that is repulsed by overtly discussing things that we need to SEE through behavior.

(Actually – most of the human brain evolved to detect this sort of thing. We don’t trust words, because anyone can say anything.)

So instead of trying to take this into Awkward territory, I suggest you hold back a bit.

You may have a clear idea of where you want this to go, but you need HIM to act on his own desire. If you don’t, you’ll always be wondering if you “talked him into it” later on.

Make yourself a little less scarce, or just keep things where they are currently working out on their own.

If he’s really into this, he will take action to make more of it!

This requires a little “faith” on your part. You have to trust that if he doesn’t start trying to develop things more, he wasn’t going to do it with you applying any pressure.

AND – this is really important: If he won’t take action on his own desires to make them happen, you would be really unhappy with him in a relationship. You’d always be waiting for him to man-up and get things happening.

But you can do something in the meantime….

Instead of asking him if this arrangement suits him or if he wants more, tell him about what you want and DON’T want. YOU set that boundary. He will respect you and feel ten times more attraction this way.

Just casually steer the conversation to the topic of what you think makes a “great” relationship.

Then put it out there what you are looking for. And what you don’t want.

Don’t make it specific to YOU and HIM. Just make it speak to what you are looking for in GENERAL. That way you don’t trigger any weirdness.

Then let him stew on that for a while.

If nothing changes, then it’s reasonable to assume he is only a “friend with benefits.”

Just remember that a healthy, loving relationship grows deeper and stronger naturally.

If it’s not moving forward, he’s probably resisting – or possibly not interested.

But remember the “Naked Truth™” about men: If a man has a woman he finds truly special, even the most ‘commitment phobic’ man on the planet WILL get down on one knee to make her HIS. (And “special” does not mean your beauty, your vanity sizing, or the size of your boobs!)

It’s a fact we don’t like to talk about or acknowledge.

By the way – Don’t forget to review the “Man Map” in the Forever Yours program for details on how to make this work to your advantage…

And later on, if you want to try once before you move on, THEN you can sit him down and be direct with him. You’ll have nothing to lose at that point.

But right now, you need to play it a bit *indirect* so that you can let him show his true colors.

I know I’ll get a ton of angry flaming emails from people saying that I’m promoting dishonesty and game-playing.

But what most people fail to recognize is how often that Lazy Guru method of “radical honesty” really just scares the hell out of the other person and sends them running.

Human beings, for all our Big Brains, are still very gut-level with our emotional responses to people. Sexual attraction is fragile like crystal at times, and you shouldn’t throw it around recklessly.

All human interactions are ‘games‘ on some level or another. It’s how we handle them with finesse and compassion that makes us socially savvy instead of heartless manipulators.

Let me know how it all goes…!

I’m rooting for you here…

Yours In Perfect Passion…

Carlos Cavallo

240x400 2 What would Spock say about your relationship?

Don’t make this HUGE mistake…

Don’t Fall Victim To The “Refunder” Mentality!

How To Avoid This Deadly Dating Trap…

I wanted to share an excellent article with you. My good friend Shelly McMurtry wrote this a while back, and she gave me permission to print it here.

She spotted something that I think you should know about when it comes to meeting and dating guys.

Read on…


The Refunder Mentality – by Shelley McMurtry

There are some guys out there that will return anything… From a pair of shoes to the woman they’re dating! Nothing and no one is good enough for them — they have entitlement syndrome, are selfish, and simply too lazy to get anything to work for them.

This includes the women they run across, date for a short time, see what they can get away with. And then will toss out– like a soiled undergarment. Learn to recognize these guys — and protect yourself!

I want to tell you a story…. I’m writing this because I just got off the phone with a distraught woman in her early 40’s, named Samantha. She called me crying… literally.

Supposedly she met a guy about 4 months ago named Cal. At first she thought Cal was everything she always wanted in a guy… She thought he was caring, affectionate, and loving… He is an elementary school teacher, very personable, tall, with nice eyes, and attractive.

Samantha has fallen head-over-heels for Cal… but today he called her, out of the blue, and told her that he no longer wants to see her and has found someone new.

Samantha couldn’t believe it… They had seen each other just two nights ago and everything was great & they had plans tonight. Samantha pried and tried to find out what was wrong– if she had done something she wasn’t aware of.

Cal proceeded to tell Samantha that he had lost attraction and interest in her, and that he found a woman he was highly attracted to. He said that he has more in common with the new girl, and that he “needed something new“.

As Samantha cried, telling me through her sobbing tears about how wonderful this guy is for her (even though he’s obviously not), she started telling me about all of the nice, friendly things she had done for him.

password to his heart 3 Dont make this HUGE mistake...

One of the first things she mentioned was that last weekend she returned a pair of shoes for him.

Okay, now number one, she shouldn’t have been returning shoes for him, but the fact that he had shoes he wanted to return got my attention first and foremost…

“Why did he want to return these shoes, Samantha?” I asked.

This is what she actually told me: “Well, he had purchased these shoes he thought he liked, wore them to work once that week and realized he didn’t like them and they weren’t his type of shoes, so he wanted to return them but didn’t have time, so I did it for him.”

After hearing this I immediately asked her, “And why didn’t you know right then that he would eventually return you, too… sooner than later… Just like he did today?”

You see, this guy obviously has what I sometimes refer to as “refunder mentality.”

Someone who has “refunder mentality” has a mix of entitlement syndrome, laziness, selfishness, and scarcity mentality… And NONE of those are good things to have– especially in a dating partner!!

Anyone can have “refunder mentality”… a man or a woman… And women who are reading this… you need to watch for “refunder mentality” in men! Just like Cal demonstrated.

These are the people who are always whining about something “not being right for them,” always bellyaching and moaning, and simply sour, depressing people to be around.

They would rather “refund” something, return it and get it out of their life… verses put the effort or dedication into making it work or using it.

Chances are, in Cal’s case, he just didn’t feel like he looked good in those shoes… since they weren’t his “type” of shoes after he wore them for a day.

He then wanted to return USED shoes he had worn for a FULL DAY… Okay, you know what… In my book, that is nothing more than plain and simple theft.

He did the same thing to Samantha… He found someone “newer & better” (so he thinks), that he believes is more of his “type”– and so he “returned” Samantha and told her he didn’t want to date her any longer.

Being in this business, I unfortunately get to see “refunder mentality” on a daily basis… and I usually can tell, right off the bat, why the guy can’t meet or keep a woman.

And vice-versa!

Guys don’t like women with “refunder mentality…”

They won’t call it that or even know exactly why they aren’t attracted to the woman who has it. They will just sense that something about her is weak, or whiny, less than feminine, or possibly even cheap and flighty.

Guys aren’t attracted to women who always have problems with stuff, are always negative, whining and complaining, and bellyaching… None of that describes a woman who is confident, secure, lighthearted, funny, interesting, and optimistic… and those ARE the things guys are attracted to.

As a woman, you shouldn’t allow a guy in your life that constantly bellyaches, is negative, expects everything to be given to him, will use something and then return it or get a refund, or who has clear signs of entitlement syndrome.

If you do allow such a guy in your life… I guarantee you that he will be “refunding” you, just like Cal did to Samantha!

And… watch out for guys with “refunder mentality”– you don’t want to end up shocked and heartbroken like Samantha did.

These are important questions to always ask yourself when you’re reading something or trying to learn, and you want to make sure that the women you date also think this way:

“What can I learn from this?”

“How can I make this work for me?”

“What lesson can be taken from this?”

“What do I need to learn from this point, going forward?”

When you ask yourself that, right there, you’ll get way more than your money’s worth!

What do guys want??? Remember… interesting, enlightened, charismatic, fun, secure, confident, personable, feminine women.

What do guys NOT want??? Whining, complaining, bellyaching, critical, angry women that are less than feminine women.


– Shelley



Shelley’s absolutely right on about this…

Believe it or not, I have even had a gal write me to tell me that she wanted to return a program that was actually helping her because she would “rather have a program that was flashy and had actors in it” – even if it didn’t teach her anything new.

Hmmm… I told her I wouldn’t make an inferior product that was all flash, but I know plenty of other so-called gurus out there that would.

Crazy, huh?

I have a personal policy that I never return things I buy unless they are defective and I need a replacement. This forces me to 1) Make a commitment to what I’ve bought, and 2) Take my decisions more seriously.

Oh, and it also has the side effect of making me much more willing to FIND something to learn from everything I buy.

(And I buy a LOT of educational and self-development programs. I spend about 10% of my income on education, and you should, too!)

password to his heart 1 Dont make this HUGE mistake...

You see, the fact is that there is ALWAYS something you can learn from every program or book you get. You just have to make the commitment to find it and USE it.

I’ll be back with more dating and relationship tips tomorrow for you…

– Carlos Cavallo


Are You Growing Apart?

I sat there across from Maria, cradling my Starbucks coffee, while she cried into hers…

John, her boyfriend, was cold and distant to her, and she feared the worst.

“I’m wondering if he’s falling out of love with me,” she sobbed. “Or worse – maybe he’s cheating on me.

If you’ve ever felt like this, I have good news for you:  It never has to happen to you ever again!

Are You Growing Apart Are You Growing Apart?

Go watch this video right now and discover why men pull away…

I gave that link to Maria, and she managed to get John to open his heart to her.

Not only that, but ADORING her like it was when they first started dating…!

Go watch this video where you’ll discover how to keep your man – FOREVER

Are you just his BTN?


Hi Carlos. I have Purchased your program recently and have been steadily going through the modules. I want to know how to apply it with my guy.

Well… I got him to commit once we were together for over 3 years before we broke up (during this time he dates another women)….. a couple of months later we were back in communication and fell back into the chase period ( attraction phase) of a relationship…. Him chasing me and spending time with me etc. it felt like the start of our relationship all over again and I was very happy.

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Well after a mutual conversation about maybe just being exclusive to one another, things went bad….. We had an argument and since then it’s been very up and down he comes closer and then pulls away for weeks at a time…. In turn I pull back but this has been going on for a couple of months now.

I don’t know what to do… He does run marathons (only recently) so I’m supportive, but I’m finding it hard to just be there when he needs me as he tend to pull away from me again. I don’t know of I should just quietly go about my business, say something, or really put the fear of loss in his mind.

– Karen


Carlos Cavallo Answers:

Unfortunately for me, I can’t know enough detail about your situation from a simple email to always be able to point you in a certain direction.

However, it’s enough sometimes to know what the pattern is and the dynamic you’ve got.

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After all, when we talk about our relationship situation with another person, it’s always coming from our point of view. Not that we’re deliberately misleading, but that we’re always filtering things through our own reality.

There’s a saying that goes…

There are three sides to everything: Yours, mine, and the truth.

The problem with being the gal that’s only there when he needs you is that he starts to think of you as playing that “mother” role. You’re fulfilling an absolutely essential part of a relationship with him, to be sure.

BUT he’s not getting the sexy vibe of the woman that keeps him feeling white-hot attraction to him, too.

What happens in these situations is that you fall into being his “BTN.”

BTN = Better Than Nothing!

Which simply means that he keeps you around because he…

A) doesn’t want to be alone

B) probably has feelings for you, but there is something sabotaging that strong sexual attraction…

And, unfortunately, C) because he hasn’t found anyone else yet.

Hey, before we get all angry and start throwing wet biscuits at this guy for being such a jerk – remember that YOU have probably had a BTN or two in your time of dating.

(We’ve all done it, even if we wouldn’t want to admit it.)

If he’s in a cycle of “come closer, go away,” there’s usually a reason.

The popular explanation is that he’s “commitment phobic.” Which, if you’ve reviewed my video on the 3 stages of commitment, you know is a load of crap.

You see, what happens is that when we don’t keep the level of gut attraction up high enough, we fall into a bad cycle of trying to make the other person respond with that “zing” charge of attraction.

When we push someone to want us in that gut-level attraction way, it never works.

That feeling is created by the natural “supply/demand” of being around you, and feeling prized. (These are concepts that I cover in the Forever Yours program in much more detail than I have space for here…)

So if you’re finding that a man is pulling away on a regular basis, the good news is that he’s feeling enough desire to come back and keep trying, but the bad news is that he’s not getting that correct “vibe” from you that tells him he should keep chasing you.

Here’s what I would do, based solely on what you’ve told me:

1) Reduce your “support level.”


I know, heresy.

But here’s the deal: if you keep being there for him, he’ll never get to fully appreciate what he would lose if he lost you.

And you know he has to feel that every so often. Human beings DO NOT APPRECIATE things they do not work for, and do not – on some level – understand the pain of loss.

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2) Increase HIS support level.

Yep, what he needs to do is service YOU a little. Just make a simple request of him.

Maybe it’s being picked up after a trip.

Maybe it’s grabbing something for you from the store.

Maybe it’s helping you move a couch.


Just make a request of him and see how he handles it.

Don’t worry if you’re “troubling him” or being “inconvenient.” That’s all horse-puckey, as my country friend used to tell me.

What we’re doing here is A) testing his level of connection and seeing if he’s still there for YOU.

And B) He gets to live out his proper masculine role of solving a problem and helping you out.

Later on, he’ll go back in his thoughts and justify his actions with: “Hmm… I helped her out. I must still really dig her.”

And if you don’t call him for a few days after, you’ll have turned him back into “chase mode.” Which – if you understand how men work – is exactly where he needs to be.

And until he finally gets down on one knee and says the words you want to hear, remember that he is still just auditioning. You don’t have to commit to him completely until you know he’s “The One” for you.

If you’re reading this right now and want to understand how men really thing – and what men REALLY want – then you owe it to yourself to watch this short video explaining the truth about why men commit – and what he really wants in the woman that he chooses to stay with FOREVER

Yours in Perfect Passion…

– Carlos Cavallo