The Guy’s Guide to Booty Call Texts That Work


Before the advent of text messaging, a guy was prone to drunk-dialing a woman after stumbling home from a crowded bar, desperately trying (and often failing) to persuade her that he wasn’t that drunk, that he had been thinking about her for hours, and that he wanted her to come over and soon! Now, he can also make a fool of himself via whatsapp or viber — but unlike phone calls, texts are discreet. Even when you’re amongst friends, you can text your potential booty and she can respond with a teasing wink or a casual suggestion that you meet later that night. And if you don’t want to play the guessing game, you can always say what you want straight-up by spicing up your message with some dirty talk.

According to a recent survey by Emerans.com that over half the participants have been in a booty call situation before. Perhaps you’re no stranger to booty calls, and maybe you don’t need any convincing about the potential of sexy midnight texts. What you do need to know is how to send a text to your potential “friend with benefits” that will turn your lonely night into a lively and memorable evening between the sheets.

Timing is of the essence.

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How attractive do you think it looks when you drunktext a woman (while probably botching your sentences) moments before dawn? You can’t just spring something like hooking up on someone at the last minute. Truth is, she may have already made plans with another guy. Check in with her beforehand. Text her an hour before you’re headed home, and suggest meeting. Maybe even touch base with her earlier in the afternoon and make your intentions known.

Texting is foreplay.

Sexting and erotic messages sent throughout the day and night can work as amazing foreplay. Once her imagination gets moving, there’s no telling the places it’ll take her (hopefully one of which is your bedroom). Plus, digital foreplay sent back and forth between phones can become ideal for the busy urban professional who may want a happy ending to a seemingly tireless week.

Subtext is golden.

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There are indeed times when you can simply come out and say, “Wanna meet up for some hot sex?” but of course, that’s not always the case. Many women may want some lighthearted banter (as in, less crude language) leading up to the big event. Replace the word “sex” with “play.” Don’t graphically describe a certain position, but instead hint at how much you desire her and how much fun you’ll both have tonight. Use a little discretion, and leave what will happen in the bedroom behind closed doors.

Go with your instincts.

Only you really know how your booty call will react to certain hints and advances in the wee hours of the night. Think about the particular woman you’re texting before you send your suggestion for meeting, and adapt your approach to suit her needs. Obviously, you don’t want to dupe anyone, so play by her rules, especially because you’re the one asking for the midnight rendezvous, after all.

Practice makes perfect.

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Whether you’re a one woman type of guy or you’ve arranged a network of booty calls throughout the region, you need to develop your texting social skills. Every woman is unique, and consequently, they each have their own terms. Some will prefer being blunt (let’s do the nasty!), while others would rather you suggest a movie and a glass of wine to lighten the mood (Last Tango in Paris. Merlot. My place? You game?). Simply put, stick with what works, whomever you’re texting.

Singled out.

Everyone wants to feel special, including you — that’s part of the delight in hooking up, after all. And there’s probably a good reason why you’re trying to meet with the woman you’re texting. Maybe she’s a tiger in the sack, maybe she’s sings an operatic aria when she climaxes that’s music to your ears, or maybe she’s just too cute to resist. Whatever the case, make certain you mention what attracts you to her in particular, and single her out as the specific person with whom you want to share your eventful night.

Honesty is the best policy.

Never trick another person into sleeping with you — everyone knows that’s just sleazy, and you’ll ruin your chances of hooking up again. Even the simplest of lies can lead to a seemingly endless battle of explanations. (What’s this Staples nametag for? I thought you said you were a racecar driver?) For that matter, women are particularly good at smelling a rat, too. If you’re in a relationship or maybe just seeing someone else, be upfront and truthful right away. You’d be surprised how far decency and common courtesy will get you in the long run.

Of course, following the above guidelines is no guarantee of success, but they’ll definitely help you approach the art of sexual texting with some major advantages. All in all, just be yourself and tell her what you want. Avoid whining, begging, and ultimatums — which are obvious mood killers — and don’t pretend like a booty call is anything but just that: meeting for sex. Conversations about the future (whether initiated by you or her) can really put a heavy spin on an otherwise playful encounter. Sure, a saucy text message could lead to the bedroom and then to something more serious, but unless you’re both on the same page, someone will inevitably walk the plank to heartbreak.

Is Your Relationship Worth Saving?


“How much real time are you willing to put into saving a relationship?”

I had asked this question at a college where I was a guest speaker on a forum discussing couples and relationships. A young woman in the audience answered my question with a question of her own, “Are you saying some relationships aren’t worth saving?”

The answer is yes and… no. It all comes down to whether you have more positive than negative aspects in that relationship. What exactly is it that you’re trying to salvage and more importantly, is it truly worth the effort?

Think about the word “save”. To save something means that you are trying to salvage what has been damaged or on the brink of loss. When a relationship needs saving, it usually has taken quite a hit and is badly damaged. Whether it is damaged beyond repair is an individual call. You need to know that trying to save a relationship takes just as much time and effort as building one.  Begin by asking yourself a very blunt, no-nonsense question: Just how many of my days and nights am I willing to spend to really save and repair what we once had?

Realistically, if what you once had was a really good situation, a loving relationship that included respect and kindness, then saving it does make sense. Remember that it is a rare couple who has no upsetting problems in their relationship at least once in their lives together. Small damages can be repaired if both partners are willing to work together. And truthfully, that is really the key in this issue; both partners must be committed to make the relationship whole.

Knowing the good you had and desiring to have it again, albeit with a more mature knowledge of each other, is a clear indication that your relationship is important to you and your partner. Working together to rebuild your life is the building block to being successful as a couple. You can overcome the bumps in the road.

But what if your relationship has always been a bit rocky and gotten progressively so as the years have passed? Are you the only partner who wants to save the relationship? That rarely works and most times is a no-win situation. This is especially true if you have a partner involved with substance abuse. Any relationship where abuse is ongoing non-stop or where the other person’s addiction is adversely affecting your life is a relationship you have to think hard and long about saving. If your partner’s drug and alcohol abuse have been escalating to a danger point and he or she refuse to make drastic life changes, are you still willing to still see the relationship as “savable?” To be brutally realistic, in any situation where there is substance abuse, even if your partner is willing to seek help, the road to recovery for any addict is long and emotionally draining. You must decide if you are willing to devote yourself to this recovery process. It is a daunting prospect for any person and you may not want to do it. You are not a “bad” person if you feel you can’t do this; drop the guilt.

Some people hold on to a relationship and a partner out of fear — fear of being alone, financial fear, and fear of the unknown life outside of being a couple. If any of these are your main reasons for trying to save a partnership that is not healthy or good for you, seek counseling to help you overcome those fears. You need advice on what you can do to transition to a new life. Living with fear and an unhappy relationship will take a tremendous toll on your mental and physical health.

Not all relationships are worth saving; some have to be dissolved so that people can get on to a new healthier, happier life. The bottom line is how you see the relationship in terms of the positive and negative effects it has on your quality of life. No one can tell you what you have to do but here’s one bit of advice: A relationship should enhance your life, not become a second full-time job. Is your relationship worth saving?  Only you can be that judge.

Money Changes Everything: Can You Put a Price on Passion?


In her awkward, somewhat raspy voice, singer Cyndi Lauper made popular the line, “money changes everything,” in her 1983 “She’s So Unusual” album release.

While the song might be nothing more than a flashback to the 80s, that phrase — and lyrics to the song — continue to find their way into the social lives of people every day, especially as the country’s economy seems to be flushing out the middle class.

Love, family and friendships become victims of money’s cruel grasp on people’s lives, as some believe a hefty bank account and materialistic things outweigh relationships.

Others spend so much time working just to earn a basic living, they fail to have enough time for family, friends and love.

How has money changed you?

I’ve seen friendships fade because one claims to make a strategic, never again offered job change, only later to become inundated with buying anything and everything of the latest and failing to offer enough time for people.

Suddenly, lavish items, trips and expensive restaurants are all the rage. Social circles change and before you know it, a Wall Street-esque approach is applied to friendships.

We’ve all been around family gatherings where one cousin-brother-uncle-aunt-sister-distant in-law’s job and/or finances become the subject of a holiday dinner or summer picnic — whether they earn hundreds of thousands of dollars or are barely getting by.

Money is a touchy subject among husbands and wives, families, friends and even with children.

My parents always fought over money, and continue to do so. Sometimes it’s as simple as arguing over where to eat dinner.

I’ve never been infatuated with money. Money doesn’t buy me love, friendship or family.

While some replace shoes, shirts and Apple products as they go out of style, I try to get as much use out of any item as I can manage. Clearance racks at Target are better than any sale rack at Macy’s, in my opinion.

Instead of focusing on money, I’ve focused on passion, pride and love. Everybody thinks they deserve a bigger paycheck. People always assume a co-worker or some other person is making more than they deserve.

Yet, I don’t bother to think about making more money. Most of the time, anyway.

I focus on passion and determination. My reward in a job comes from knowing I put forth my best effort and made a difference.

Case in point, my volunteer work. In each of the last two years, I spent more than 1,000 hours volunteering for the American Cancer Society. That’s a total of 2,000 hours I never received a paycheck for or earned any sort of stipend. That’s 2,000 hours I could have spent sleeping, at a part-time job or any number of other self-serving activities.

My reward in volunteering is greater than any paycheck. My reward in having accountable, dependable, honest friends is better than any paycheck. Having family close by is better than any paycheck.

It seems, however, some make choices based on money earned. They care little about a well-rounded quality life spent with humans — whether they be family, friends or volunteering. For them, a bigger paycheck means a newer computer more often, a bigger and more expensive wardrobe, five-star cuisine on a regular basis and much more.

I may not have much in terms of a thriving bank account or materialistic things to one-up somebody with, but my passion, pride and drive come naturally. I didn’t pay a penny for my determination or to know what’s most important in life.

When I think about how money does change everything, I — for better or for worse — think about the song made popular by Lauper.

How Men Test Women – Secret Tests That You Must Pass!


This is one of those things that I think every woman wants to know: How men test women.

But first I have to set the record straight on something right off the bat:

Men don’t intentionally test women…!

Now you might find that a little bit hard to believe. After all, a lot of men’s behavior seems to be testing their limits – and testing your patience.

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Most of the time what he’s doing is responding to emotions that he doesn’t quite understand. He’s just trying to figure out where he stands with you most of the time.

I know, I know. It’s a little bit crazy. But let’s be honest, you’ve done far worse, right?

The point is that guys aren’t testing you from any kind of clever plan they come up with. They’re testing you because they’re just trying to get a response that he can work with.

  • So why is he testing you?
  • What’s he playing at?
  • Is he just playing head games with you?

Well the good news is that if he is testing you, that means he’s interested in you. That means he sees some potential for a relationship with you. Because a man only tests a woman if he’s trying to see if she is safe for him.

It’s kind of like him trying to find a safe path through a Minefield. Because guys don’t know where the relationship and emotional land mines are. What they do know is, if he makes one wrong step, he could blow up the whole thing.

And again most guys don’t have strong relationship skills. They look out for themselves, and then entrust the woman to guide him through the rest.

Which is all the more reason you have to have exceptional “man management” skills.

Which I will tell you right now, most women do not have. And I’m assuming you are reading my articles because these skills are something you know you need to have to succeed.

And you are absolutely right! The women who don’t know how to manage their men almost always find their relationship blowing up.

A moment ago I mentioned that a man is trying to see if you are “safe for him.” What does this mean?

What is safe for him?

I’m going to come back to this in a bit. Just keep in mind that it’s the most important reason that he is testing you.

Test #1: “What’s your phone number?”

This is one of those tests that can be a little bit tricky.

First of all, his purpose in asking you for your phone number is to get your phone number. It’s not very complicated.

But, he knows that he will get a certain response from a certain kind of woman.

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For example, a woman who is in high demand and valuable in the sexual Marketplace will not just give him her phone number. She will challenge him a little bit to see if he’s up to the task.

“Why do you need my phone number?” she asks.

  • The reason a woman asks a guy this is to see if he’s got some “game.”
  • Can he play with a little bit of banter?
  • Is he confident, or is he just going to roll over and be a wussy wimp who walks away with his tail between his legs.

And I encourage you, no matter what you may think of your value in the sexual marketplace, to adopt this exact same strategy. Ask him some kind of challenging question. Don’t just give him the phone number right off the bat.

Because women who give the phone number right away are saying “Please please please – take it and call me because I’m desperate for a date.”

Of course that may not be what you’re trying to say, but that’s what he will be hearing. Especially if you seem too eager.

Women who have a lot of choice will shop a little bit and make sure she’s getting a good “product.” Which is why she knows to challenge him. She can afford to throw a few wimpy fish back into the pond.

Every woman that I have gotten a more challenging response from, were typically the women who had some choice. They didn’t need to chase me. They didn’t need to prove themselves to me.

They knew that if I could handle a little challenge when it came to getting her phone number that I was a much better candidate as a boyfriend or relationship. I was probably more confident and the kind of guy she would be attracted to.

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Look at it this way: your response to him is a test to his test. In other words, you are turning the tests around on him. Which is why you have to know how to talk to men.

Test #2: “So I bet your boyfriend…”

This is a classic strategy for a guy. He pretends to assume you’ve got a boyfriend.

Why? Because he’s going to leave it to you to correct him if you don’t have a boyfriend.

If he’s right, he looks smart…

If you don’t have a boyfriend, he still looks smart because now he’s verified it and saved himself from rejection.

You need to know how to respond to this one for maximum benefit.

Should you say: ”Oh, NO – I don’t have a boyfriend…”?

That’s actually not a bad response, but there’s a far better one you can use that will immediately grab his attention and make him want you right then and there. He won’t be able to sleep until he can see you again.

Remember, you’re not trying to just answer a question. You’re trying to answer a question in a way that fast-forwards you into his heart.  You’re giving him an answer that makes him sit up and pay attention to you. And realize he can’t let you slip through his fingers.

Just a note about questions in general: In the same way that women use questions, guys use questions to indirectly figure out what your interest level is. Which is why you need to understand how to answer them in the best way possible.

Test #3: Anything about your past relationships…

Guys typically ask about past relationships to gather some information about you.

  • He listens for certain signals that tell him what kind of a girlfriend you are.
  • He wants to listen for any warning signs (jealous ex-boyfriends, crazy drama, whatever)
  • What you consider a “relationship”

In essence, what he’s trying to do is just figure you out.

At the start of a relationship, a guy is pretty clueless about what’s going to happen. He has no idea what he’s really looking for beyond physical attractiveness.

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So he asks you to find out more about your background. Which in and of itself is not such a bad thing. You’re going to do the same thing to him.

But here is the rub: You may tell him something that he either doesn’t hear right or doesn’t understand right. Leaving him with a misunderstanding.

The easiest way to avoid a misunderstanding is to keep the details vague. Don’t talk in specifics with him about your past relationships until you have this relationship established.

Test #4: “What’s your… NUMBER?”

And by this number I mean the number of guys you’ve slept with. When a guy wants to know this, he’s definitely testing you.

This particular question usually doesn’t come up until at least a few dates in. And typically after you guys have already slept together.

Why is he asking it?  First of all because he wants to know where you stand in relationship to his previous girlfriends.

  • Are you more experienced?
  • Less-experienced?

MY ADVICE: Don’t ever tell him the exact number.

As the saying goes, the beauty of not lying is that you never have to remember what you said.

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Just tell him that you’re sure it’s “below ‘slut,’ and above ‘virgin.'” I’m only kind of kidding there. You could tell him that, and you’d put him right in his place in 10 seconds flat.

Once he’s established that, the next thing he’s trying to find out is if he should be insecure about how many guys you’ve been with. It falls under the heading of “Questions he asks you that he can’t help asking you – and he knows he doesn’t really need the answer.”

Duck this question out the same way you know he should duck you out when you ask him: “Do I look fat in these jeans…?”

BY THE WAY – HERE’S A TEST HE WON’T GIVE YOU:

If a guy gets deep into your zodiac sign, or he looks like he’s genuinely concerned that your signs aren’t compatible, lose him. No man would – or should – be this into horoscopes.

This may sound a bit shocking, and it’s not meant to insult you if you’re into horoscopes. But most masculine guys are not by nature. He’ll know his own sign, but he will be clueless about anything else dealing with that.

Test #5: “How Big/Good Am I?”

Here’s another question that can get you into trouble fast.

He will ask one of two variations of the same question essentially. The first one is related to his size. And I’m not talking about it shoe size, if you know what I mean. He’s asking this question to find out if he measures up in terms of virility.

Yes, I know that this shouldn’t make a difference, but it does to a guy.

The one thing you want to be sure to do is not praise what he doesn’t have. And yet make him feel good for what he does.

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In other words, don’t give him credit for being the biggest man you’ve ever been with when he isn’t. The LIE will eventually come out.

The key here is to make him feel like he’s the most amazing man you’ve been with RIGHT NOW.

Not in the past 10 years, and not even in the past 6 months. That’s the past, that’s history, and neither of you can control it.

And when he asks how good he is in bed, you basically say the same thing. “THIS is amazing. And I can’t even compare it to the past.”

Because this question is a NO-WIN situation. Don’t fall for this test!

And by the way, if he’s not all that good in bed – start training him. Most guys are simply ignorant because their past girlfriends were too chickensh*t to say anything, for fear he’d dump her.

TEST #6: The Self-Destruct Test

Look, I have to tell you that some guys simply ask you questions on a date to make themselves feel bad.

It’s crazy, it’s weird, but we have all done this at some point or another. It’s kind of a self-sabotage pattern. Especially if you’re intimidated by the person you’re with.

(That question above: “How big/good am I?” also falls into this category…)

If you feel like they are in a different league, you may simply try to rush to the ultimate finish line: the break up. Mostly because you fear what it would take to make this actually work.

13 How Men Test Women   Secret Tests That You Must Pass!

This is a very real pattern for a lot of women and men.

Notice your past patterns in relationships. Do you ever feel like he’s “too good” for you? Or you’re not good enough?

Guys go through the same thing. We sometimes feel the need to blow up this relationship because we sense ourselves starting to go crazy.

TEST #8: “Will She Go Without?” Test

What I’m talking about here is that he’ll want to eventually see you wearing nothing at all…

… on your face.

Yes, every guy wants to see what you look like without makeup at some point or another. He needs to see it.

Why?

First of all, it’s to see the REAL you. He needs to know the TRUTH behind the “fiction” of makeup.

And second, he needs to know that you have the confidence to go without makeup around him.

And honestly, you probably need to know that he will accept the “real” you, too.

TEST #9: “Is She A Gold Digger?” Test

If you did a few good Google searches I’ll bet you could find 100 – or probably many more – examples of famous men who got divorced and had to pay an extraordinary sum of money for it.

I’m not arguing about whether they deserved it or not, but you’ll see a lot of women who walk off with half of a fortune.

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Every man fears this outcome in his relationship. He wants to trust you, but he knows that ultimately he may end up divorced. It’s part of this game.

And it’s not solely the money he’s worried about losing; he’s worried he would lose his kids as well. And the house… and of course his marriage that he wanted as his refuge.

So please understand when I tell you that he will definitely want to find out if you are greedy and materialistic, or principled and level-headed.

FOR EXAMPLE: He may at some point suggest that you guys split the bill.

This may be a test, or he may really want you to just pay your half for once.

And then he’s going to watch your reaction to his request.

Whatever you may think about the situation, you should simply behave as if this is no big deal.

You may even want to jump ahead of him and offer to pay your half. If he agrees, pay your share and don’t hold an attitude. (After all, you did suggest it.)

However, if a man regularly requires you to pay your way, you should probably find out what’s going on really fast. Because a man who genuinely Loves a Woman will provide for her. No questions asked.

Secret Tip:  If he goes through an accounting of the bill to divide things up, it’s not a test. He’s cheap. Lose him.

He may test you from time to time to see if you would pay, but he will want to pay more often than not.

TEST #10: The “Does She Have A Backbone?” Test

You might also call this one the “Is she a rug?” test.

As in, “Will she let me walk all over her like a rug?”

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Yes, this is a very common test from guys. It’s probably the one that every single woman will get during the course of her relationship with a man.

Not because he’s trying to take advantage of her. But because he can’t really help himself.

Here’s what most guys experience from women:  When he starts dating her, everything is awesome. He’s doing his best to charm her, and she’s trying to put on her best behavior for him.

But at some point, the woman usually overextends herself. She goes a little too far to get his approval.

And inevitably the man will sent this. He’ll notice that she compromises herself to get his approval.

And this is where trouble begins!

Because from here on out the relationship is probably going to fall into a cycle of more and more of these tests.

Here’s why this happens: We all test people to see what they will and won’t do for us. At some point in our friendship (or our relationship) we push the limits. Mostly to see if we can get away with it.

This is exactly how kids test parents. We test our boundaries to see what we can get away with.

Relationships are absolutely no different.

At some point you may, out of the goodness of your heart, offer to do something really nice for him. For example, his car breaks down. So you offer to loan him yours.

Now, before you protest and say “Oh, Carlos, I would never do that”

Well, yes, you would. You absolutely would do that, because we’ve all made a huge sacrifice just to prove ourselves to our loved one.

Of course it’s also done for kindness and compassion. But in the end, you will end up over reaching and going too far for him.

And it will feel a little bit off to him.

This is why it’s so important for women to do the work in advance and set their boundaries with men. You have to have a line that you draw that keeps you from overextending yourself. From giving too much to him.

Men need you to say “NO” to him from time to time!

Women who are in-demand and high-value do not compromise their self esteem or their integrity just to get a man to like them.

This is vitally important for you to recognize. If your goal is to get the high-quality relationship success you deserve, then you should observe the people that are also getting that kind of success.

As the saying goes, success leaves clues. Watch what other successful people do, and repeat that.

TEST #11: “Is She Fun?” Test

This is one of those tests that may show up as a specific test, or he may just watch for this from you all the time. Primarily because this is the one thing most men are most concerned about.

Consider this a CRITICAL test that you MUST pass.

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A guy wants to know if you’re going to be fun to be around and hang out with… or if you’re going to be a drag.

This is probably the number one most important sign that he will be looking for throughout your entire relationship.

  • Are you easy going?
  • Or are you a total pill to be with?

And the way he’ll test you for this one is by taking you to do things that you probably never done before. Just to see if you’ll go along with them.

By the way this is a test that women give to guys as well. She test him to see how much he will compromise or give up just to be with her.

And it’s possible to go too far in either direction.

Meaning, if you don’t relax enough to have fun doing something new, that’s bad. That’s a red flag to a guy.

And if you constantly overextend yourself to do what the guy wants to do, that’s not good either.

But in the end, what he needs to see most is if you will be laid back and cool, or uptight and inflexible.

Yes, guys want the cool girl who can do guy things with him, too. Like go see a football game, or play a video game with him, or maybe spend the day at the drag race track.

And a guy can also see by how you’re handling it if you’re just going along to go along, or you’re genuinely trying to enjoy it.

So don’t try to fool him. He’ll see right through it.

He doesn’t need to see that will do every one of his guy activities with him.

But he sure as shootin’ does need to know that you’re going to be his fun gal pal in between bedroom fun! So give him the FUN side of you first and last. Don’t avoid the tough stuff, but don’t make it all out to be so darn serious.

Ultimately, you can’t look at everything a man does is being a test…

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As I explained, he doesn’t even notice that he does most of the things I’ve mentioned here. Most guys are oblivious to the true intention behind their actions – including these “tests.”

He’s not really playing games with you. He’s just trying to get to the same goal:

  • Finding a great relationship with a great person, without risking heartache in the process

Seems like something we all want!

So don’t be paranoid that every single thing he does is some attempt to “figure you out.” You don’t want to start overanalyzing every single thing he says or does.

  • “But Carlos, how do you actually say these things to a guy?”
  • “What words do you use?”
  • “I don’t want to make any mistakes and scare this guy off!”

Well, you’d be right to be careful!

Because you can’t say things to guys the same way you say them to women. You have to use different words, different phrasings.

And you have to know where those relationship landmines are.

Because it’s easy for you as a woman to trigger him to withdraw without even knowing it. Mostly because you don’t know the language or dialect that men speak.

The good news is that you can learn how to reach him with words! You can get him to respond to you.

Do you know about his Obsession Switch?

Did you know that you can flip that switch “ON” by knowing some simple words that make him adore you and desire you?

Go find out about the Obsession Switch HERE…

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Passion Phrases Make Men Obsessed With You

Don’t Be Yourself; Be Someone Better


“Just be yourself.” This is something people hear often – children from parents, adults from friends, readers from books and magazines.

Well, how’s that working out for you? Are you living the life you want to live? Are you in your dream job, are you in the perfect relationship?

If you answered “Yes” to all three questions, you can stop reading right here.

If you didn’t, here’s what I say: stop “being yourself.” It hasn’t done much for you so far and it probably never will.

Don’t be yourself; try being who you want to be instead.

What do I mean by “Don’t Be Yourself”?

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Albert Einstein

First thing’s first; I’m not advocating dishonesty. When I say, “don’t be yourself,” I’m not talking about pretending to be someone else. I’m talking about becoming someone else: the man you want to be.

All too often, “being yourself” is about staying in your comfort zone; doing the same things; avoiding change. But the fact is, change is the only way forward – and the further you are from your goals, the more you need it.

If I was still the “myself” from 4 years ago, I’d be out-of-shape, lonely and boring. Fortunately, I’m none of those things – but only because I made the conscious decision to stop “being myself.”

Do you want to change your life? Then start with yourself. Be who you want to be.

Where To Begin

Start by defining who you want to be; your end point.
Make your targets specific. A broad goal – like “I want to have an awesome life” – is very difficult to achieve. “I want to bench press 200 pounds and have a hot girlfriend,” on the other hand, is easily doable.

So write down some of your basic goals and decide how you’re going to get them.

My favorite way to change gradually is by committing to one new, positive habit every week. Examples

1)   10 push-ups every morning

2)   15 minutes of reading

3)   11:30 P.M. curfew on weekdays

4)   Smile at one stranger every day

5)   Talk to one new person every week

6)   Save 3 dollars every day

In a year’s time, you won’t be yourself anymore – with 52 new habits; you’ll be a much better person. And at 1 easy commitment a week, you won’t strain yourself or burn out.

 Replace “Be Yourself” with “Change Yourself”

There are always new things to try and more space for growth.

Michael Jordan tried baseball when he conquered the sport of basketball; incredibly rich and powerful men like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates kept striving for more, even when money becomes a non-issue.

So is there any reason for you to become complacent?

Sure, you should stay true to your values and desires; don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

But when it comes to life, you’ll ultimately be happiest when you constantly challenge and change yourself.

Screw being yourself – be a better man instead.

How to Find an Amazing Girl


“There’s someone amazing out there for everyone.”

I say this all the time but nobody believes me. I understand: most guys can’t even meet a nice girl, let alone an amazing one.

But in a world of 7 billion people, the odds are on your side. The world is full of amazing women: if you’re not meeting any, it’s simply because you haven’t been looking properly.

That’s about to change. This post will show you how easy it is to find someone special – or improve the quality of the women you date.

Read up, go out and find an amazing girl.

Set Your Own Rules; Be a Chooser

“If there was anything I’d learned, it’s that the man never chooses the woman. All he can do is give her an opportunity to choose him.” – Neil Strauss

Hate it or love it, us men are shallow by nature. We’re suckers for cute girls and make stupid, stupid decisions when one of them’s at stake.

That’s why the average guy does one of two things:

1. Settles for the first cute girl he finds in his immediate social circle.

2. Seeks out the prettiest woman that’ll date him and holds on for dear life.

This works in the short run but usually backfires like a motherfucker.

Let’s say a hot girl really likes a guy. She may be wrong for him in every possible way – personality, goals, values – but he’ll do his best to keep her around.

I’ve seen men swallow pride, shame and personal convictions to get – and keep – the wrong women. It seems crazy but it happens all the time! You’ve been there; I’ve been there; hell, every guy I know has been there. We’ve all been addicted to women who were bad for us.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Want to find someone amazing? Man up and stop wasting the best years of your life on the wrong girls. Stick to the ones who wil really make your heart sing!

To do that – to become a chooser – decide what you do and don’t like in women; make a few rules and enforce them!

Personally, I keep a little list of all the things I find unacceptable and avoid women who do them. Here are some items from that list:

  • Rudeness to strangers and staff (waiters, shopkeepers, etc).
  • Hostile attitudes towards my close friends and family.
  • Toxic behavior – i.e. regular attempts to make me feel bad, undermine my self-esteem, etc.
  • Heavy, regular drinking.
  • Promise-breaking.
  • Dishonest and/or manipulative behavior.

My “minimum requirements” are pretty lax but they still filter out many of the women I meet. And since I don’t waste time with the wrong girls, I have plenty left for finding the amazing ones: it’s brilliant!

I encourage you to do the same. Write a manifesto – or list – that clearly states what you want (and don’t want) from the amazing girl(s) you’re about to meet. Review and revise the manifesto often.

Make some rules and see how much the quality of the women in your life improves.

Dating is A Numbers Game – Go Out and Meet New People

The advice in this post will help you meet someone amazing.

It will not, however, make every woman you meet amazing or go out and socialize for you! Meeting women is still a numbers game – I’m just helping you beat the odds.

So do everything you can to socialize as much as possible. Go to parties; ask your friends if they can hook you up with some dates; use matchmaking websites. The harder you look, the shorter your search.

This doesn’t mean you have to scour your local nightclubs hitting on every girl you see. Just start going out and talking to people; be cool. It’s a numbers game; make your “talent pool” as large as possible.

Like Attracts Like: What it Means for You 

Here’s a little secret that makes the search a lot easier. Real life isn’t like physics: like attracts like. It’s hard to attract a beautiful, well-dressed girl when you wear novelty t-shirts and hiking boots.

So if you like women who dress classy – buy some nice clothes. Be an interesting conversationalist if you want a smart chick; get in shape if you want a girl who takes care of her body. And if you want all those things, bring as much as you can to the table.

Remember: women need us just as much as we need them. Be the kind of man your dream girls find attractive and they’ll be begging to spend time with you.

Last Words

I thought this post would be longer, but finding an amazing girl isn’t that complicated. Here’s a step-by-step reminder of what you should do:

  1. Define what you want – write a manifesto.
  2. Be someone awesome girls find attractive.
  3. Go out and meet lots of women
  4. Filter out the ones you don’t like; leave the amazing ones.
  5. VICTORY.

It doesn’t get much easier than that.

I do have something to stress, though: write that manifesto. Too many guys are used to taking whatever they can get. Knowing what you want is the best way to stop wasting time with the wrong women and move on to the amazing ones.

How to Handle Relationships Like a Man: A Crash Course


My parents were both 22 when my father proposed; they’d known each other for just a few weeks. They got married shortly after and have stayed that way for over two decades.

Until recently, such stories were the norm. A man would meet a girl; fall in love; get married. But in a world of high divorce rates and alternative life choices, things are different.

From Asia to the United States, marriage rates have been falling for decades. Median age at first marriage is rising and single parents are increasingly common. Numbers don’t lie: we’re spending less and less time in marriage.

This is where relationships come in. An elegant solution to the needs of a commitment-phobic generation, they’ve become central to our lives. Even pop culture reflects the trend – my generation watches “How I Met Your Mother,” not “Married with Children”!

And yet, as important as relationships are, we’re awful at them.

As a dating coach, I always heard complaints about unhealthy relationships; controlling girlfriends; the hardships of commitment. But the truth is, a relationship is like a dance – it’s up to the man to lead. If he doesn’t know the moves, it’s hard for his lady to take over and do well. In other words, things usually go bad because we screw up – not our girlfriends.

That’s why it’s up to men like you and I to keep our ladies – and ourselves – happy by stepping up and handling relationships like men. Here’s how.

The 2 Most Important Relationship Questions Ever

Before you commit to a girl, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Always ask yourself two simple questions:

1)   Do I really like this girl?

2)   Am I ready for a relationship right now?

If you can honestly say “Yes and yes,” you’re ready. If can’t – you’re not. It’s that simple.

You might think these questions are obvious – and they are. But the truth is, most guys never ask them. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to forget that the girl – or the time – is wrong for you.

Let’s say you like a girl very much and want to keep seeing her. Have a lot going on in your life? Working 14-hour days? Getting over an ex? You can overcome distractions like that for a while, but long-term relationships require time and effort. If you can’t – or won’t – make both, don’t commit.

Conversely, when you’re ready for a relationship, don’t settle for just anyone. This is what guys do when they’re on the rebound or desperate and it rarely works. Don’t waste anyone’s time by rushing a decision.

The Foundations of a Successful Relationship: Honesty, Trust, Respect

So you like a girl, she likes you and you want to be together: congratulations! It’s a wonderful feeling. Just remember to establish the three main ingredients of a healthy relationship – honestytrust and respect – as early as possible.

Honesty comes first: always be upfront about who you are and what you want. We all try to make good impressions, but don’t bend the truth too much and never lie outright. She’ll get to know the real you anyway; why complicate things by pretending?

Respect is a natural product of honesty. A man of character doesn’t hide his thoughts (self-respect) or lie to women (respect for others). Cultivate respect in yourself and you’ll never let an unresolved issue fester, lead a girl on or put up with hurtful behavior. Your values won’t let you.

Of course, being respectful also means being a gentleman. The word means different things to different people, but it’s all about being a positive presence in a woman’s life. There is no excuse for being rude, abusive or manipulative.

Trust is the last ingredient of a great relationship, and it naturally follows Honesty and Respect. When you bring integrity to a relationship, women will trust you naturally. Being open – even when you don’t want to – is key here. Remember: trust isn’t when you count on someone to be perfect. Trust is when you can count on someone to be up-front about their imperfections.

Relationship Maintenance and Time Allocation

Relationships based on honesty, trust and respect are very easy to manage. Still, like anything in life worth having, they require a little maintenance!

First and foremost, don’t be the sloppy guy with a “relationship gut.” You have someone to look good for, so stay in shape and take care of your appearance. Don’t get too comfortable!

In the same vein, being together for a while is not an excuse to neglect your woman. If you’re not making her happy, someone else might. Do everything you can to stay passionate, romantic and caring as the relationship progresses. Never take anything for granted.

The other basic aspect of maintenance is time management. Spending all your time with your significant other is unhealthy; always leave some time for yourself. Hang out with your friends, read a book, go for a walk: do fun things you can tell your lady about later.

If you have the opposite problem – you and your girlfriend don’t spend enough time together – find a common activity. This will help you bond and create new discussion topics. Even if you have different everyday lives, Wednesday Night Salsa will guarantee you spend enough time together and have new things to discuss every week.

Troubleshooting and Damage Control

Every relationship involves compromise: sometimes things go your way, sometimes they don’t. Disagreements are normal. The big question is, how are you handling them?

Always ask yourself how important the outcome of an argument is to you. A man’s ego can get the best of him; if you feel emotional, take a step back and reassess the situation. Learn to pick your battles and avoid getting worked up over things that don’t matter.

When something really important is at stake, though, persist. Just don’t make things personal. Remember: you still love your girlfriend, you’re just having a hard time understanding each other. When you want something, try framing your request like this:

I care about you a lot. It’s really important for me that we work this out. I don’t want to pressure you, but I would be really happy if you could do [what you want her to do]. I don’t want to argue anymore, and I don’t want an answer from you right now: I just want you to think about it. No pressure. We’ll discuss everything later.

You’ll find that being firm – but respectful and patient – works most of the time. Putting things like this gives your girl an opportunity to think without feeling pressured. This works so well there’s hardly ever a “discuss everything later”; most conflicts are resolved quickly when egos are out of the equation.

Breaking Up or Staying Together

I view break-ups as a last resort, but some arguments are impossible to resolve; things don’t always work out. A relationship can be healthy and drama free for years but people grow apart and things change. If you want to break up, always be honest and direct – no bullshit.

If things are working out, on the other hand: congratulations! There are few things I enjoy more than seeing a happy couple. What you have is rare, hold onto it.

Are You Destroying Your Self-Esteem?


Do you feel inferior to other people? Do you criticize yourself a little too much? Do you struggle with indecisiveness, fear and a weird desire to please everyone?

If you answered “yes,” “yes” and “yes” you probably have low self-esteem.

The bad news is, Low-Self Esteem (LSE) sucks. Everything’s a challenge when you feel small: asking a girl out; getting a raise; even making a phone call (I’ve been there!).

The good news is, LSE is fixable. The term “self-esteem” isn’t random: it refers to the absolute power you have over your self-image. With a little effort, you can learn to love yourself; to be your own loyal ally in any situation.

The first – and most important step – is to avoid the things that make you feel like shit to begin with. Until you learn to recognize and break your negative patterns, you will continue harming your feelings of self-worth.

So let’s go over a few pesky self-esteem destroyers. Check ‘em out, wipe ‘em from your life and learn to love the new, amazing you.

Let’s do this.

1. Social Networks

Isn’t it crazy how hard people work to impress each other? Let’s take Facebook: everyone handpicks photos, songs and statuses that look cool and exciting.

Here’s a photo of the girl you like partying last Saturday; your high school buddy is now backpacking in China; your ex is “in a relationship” with, if her status is to be believed, “THE BEST GUY EVARRR OMG!!!!111”

Meanwhile, you’re sitting at home, surfing Facebook and eating Nutella sandwiches in your sweatpants! Inevitably, your mind starts making unfavorable comparisons. The more time you spend watching other people at their best, the worse you feel.

So go easy on the social networking. Using it to stay in touch is fine, but don’t create an opportunity to make negative comparisons between you and other people. Spend less time on Facebook and more time outside, brother!

2. Toxic People

Toxic people harm your self-esteem, motivation and mood with their negativity. But here’s the crazy part: toxicity isn’t always malicious! A friend or loved one could be holding you back with good intentions.

I once had a wonderful girlfriend who liked me the way I was. In fact, she liked me so much she never supported the things I tried to do. When I told her I wanted an eight-pack, she replied: “You’ll never have one, even if you lose weight – besides, I like you already!”

Sure, she was being protective but she had no faith in me – and it sucked. In the end, being with someone who never supported my efforts was too hard and we broke up. Now I surround myself with positive people – and I couldn’t be happier.

It’s hard to fulfill your potential when someone is dragging you down; be merciless about removing negativity from of your life. If you want to succeed, avoid toxic people and surround yourself with support and understanding.

3. Mass Media

The average American woman is 163 cm and weighs 140 pounds; the average American model is 180 cm and weighs 117 pounds.

It’s not just the U.S. – films, ads and video games characters look nothing like regular men and women no matter where you go. Naturally, many guys feel bad when comparing themselves to ripped, picture-perfect actors.

I say – why make the comparison in the first place?

Actors and models don’t look as good in real life – they’re just regular people! The lighting, makeup, camerawork and airbrushing makes a big difference.

For men, looks don’t matter (much). The best seducer I know is fat, balding and has messed up teeth: none of that stops him.

Stop comparing yourself to other people! At the end of the day, it’s your life to live. Should you feel bad because someone looks good?

If you want to look athletic – work out, if not – don’t. But if you’re comfortable with your looks, don’t let a frickin’ Hollywood movie tell you what a real man looks like.

4. Negative Thinking

Don’t you hate people who flip out over every little mistake? How about those who ignore your proudest achievements? Both types suck all the joy out of any situation, right?

Well, someone is watching you live your life every moment of every day. That someone is you. And if you’re harsh and unfair to yourself, you’ll feel worse than any other person could make you.

If you suspect you’re being unfair to yourself and perpetuating your low self-esteem – try a little warmth and acceptance. Give yourself compliments when you succeed and remember that nobody’s perfect; we all screw up sometimes.

In the end, we’re all people. You have every reason to support and accept yourself! Avoid the LSE traps from this post and make the first step towards becoming your own #1 fan.

How to Date Turkish People the Right Way


It is hard to find a better way to discover new horizons, meet new people, taste new flavors of romance and relationships than dating. It is a wonderful way to meet someone with different views, another perspective of the world. All in all, during traveling dating, is an amazing way to embellish the journey, fill it with emotions, deep feelings, and an unforgettable experience. Especially when we are talking about traveling to amazing and sunny Turkey. Therefore, a reasonable question arises: what is the Turkish dating like, and what is the proper way to communicate with Turks to make dating successful?

Turkish character is contradictory in a lot of ways. It is always a challenge to live on a crossroads of the cultures, so they take something from the East, and from the West, and from Asia, and from Europe. They are always very protective of their legacy and cultural treasures, from architecture to cuisine. Depending on the roots, the Turks can have completely different views, mentality, and background.

The country is divided according to political views. One half are supporters of the traditional way of life, religious and conservative The other half is the so-called Kemalists, supporters of the ideas of Ataturk, the father of the modern Turkish Democratic Republic. They stand for a secular state, emancipation, and integration into the world community.

If a Turk becomes your friend, it will be friendship without reservations. And romance in Turkey is even more valued. Family, there is a treasure, so such an attitude is seen in every part of Turkish life. all the people are bonded to each other, that is why Turkish dating has a very specific and yet magnificent taste. If you want to find the most respectful and successful way for a Turkish dating, you need to know a couple of things about the customs and traditions of the Turks and some specific features they share.

  • Turkey is divided into two social groups. The first one sees the family in a very traditional way, a woman is covering herself almost all the time, doesn’t have anything on her own, and depends on a man in daily life. The second one has a much more liberal approach in matters of family and marriage, standing on a position of gender equality. Therefore, in order to create a strong relationship and have amazing experience in Turkish dating, you need to understand what is the point of your potential partner. Turks are quite stubborn when it comes to defending things they believe in, so if you have different views on how everything should work, you will have to put in a lot of effort and patience in order to find some common middle path.
  • Romance for Turks is very ritualized. It is always a combination of order and improvisation. They are very happy when everything goes according to the plan. Flowers, small gifts and presents, restaurants, meeting their family, friends, and relatives in the correct moment. No rush and very calculated moments for improvised and unusual activities. Turkish dating is very passionate, so this is the way for them to shape such passion and waves of feelings and guide all of those in a proper way.
  • Turks are quite impulsive, personal trust and sympathy have great importance for them. They are masters in giving promises and keeping them. You should always be careful with what you are saying because they consider any point of yours very seriously and they will never tolerate even an inch of a lie. So when you start dating, both online and offline, be open and show everything you have, and you will totally get such sincerity back.
  • Turks are terrible workaholics. A six-day working week is a daily routine for them. So if you are planning something for your date, time-management is a required skill. Try to come up with activities that will multiply your energy and provide both of you with a chance to get to know each other better.
  • The eating and drinking habits of Turks highly depend on the way they are nurtured. If the family is religious and strongly sticks to the traditional values, there will be more restrictions for you too. So you need to know how much your date relies on religious and cultural rules. Try to show respect to it, even if such a lifestyle does not suit you personally.

Turkish dating maybe some sort of challenge, but the prize is significant — in the end you will get a reliable, passionate, loving, caring, and understanding partner, who will provide you with breathtaking romance and compassionate support twenty-four hours a day.

Why Most People Never Get Anywhere


A girl I know hired a dating coach because she wasn’t satisfied with the men who asked her out. 2 weeks later, she “fired” him. In her own words, “he sucked – he wanted me to change and it made me feel like crap! What a jerk, right?”

My first thought was – are you fucking kidding me? This chick paid a guy to fix her life and fired him for trying to do just that. Ridiculous. But then, people love coming up with bullshit excuses for inaction and mediocrity.

That won’t work on this girl. I could never work out 4 times a week. Everyone in my family’s overweight; I’m naturally fat! And, in this particular story – well, I just wanted to date better men, not do all that hard work!

Hearing things like that always makes me cringe. Couldn’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t – in the end, most people never get anywhere and they only have themselves to blame.

Here’s why – and how you can be different.

Be Comfortable With Your Wants

Everyone is trying to sell you junk you don’t need and you don’t even know it. The thousands of ads we’re made to watch are just the tip of the iceberg.

What you’re really being sold is an idea. The idea is simple: you want an 8-pack, lots of hot girls, a fancy car, a great degree and a job that pays. People who buy into this idea usually fail – because really, they don’t care about any of that crap.

Don’t make the same mistake – don’t go for what you’re supposed to want.

Do you want an 8-pack or are you working out to impress women? Do you really want to wake up with a new girl every night? Did you get your degree because you wanted to, or because everyone said: college is important?

Stop chasing someone else’s dreams and find your own Don’t be like everyone else, man. Be comfortable with what you want and go for it – even if nobody else understands.

Stop Bitching, Quit Whining

My friends and I have a simple, unspoken rule. I never give unsolicited advice – but when asked, I drop some ice-cold, devastatingly honest, brutally efficient knowledge on their asses. No bullshit, no minced words.

This surprises people who ask for my opinion for the first time. Most of them don’t want constructive advice – they want pity, attention and reassurance.

And that’s fine (kinda) – just be real with yourself. We all need support, but asking for help and asking to have your ego fellated isn’t the same.

So don’t bitch; don’t moan; don’t pity yourself. Instead, learn from others; ask your friends for support; take advantage of every opportunity. You’ll be unstoppable.

Ignore Your Limiting Beliefs

Here’s something I heard at my first PUA seminar: “You’ll never have that cute girl unless you start talking.”

And it’s true: you’ll never seduce a girl unless you talk to her first. But for that to happen, you need to accept the two of you having hot, kinky sex as a real possibility. Otherwise you’ll never have the motivation to try.

This concept – and the quote – apply to all areas of life. To achieve, you have to believe. You can’t lose weight if you think you’re destined to be fat; you can’t become rich if you’re “poor” and “unlucky” in your head.

So if your mind ever tells you what you want isn’t realistic – tell it to go screw itself. Some things are physically impossible – i.e. I’ll never win an Olympic gold medal for synchronized swimming on account of my penis. Everything else is achievable.

Regular guys like you turn into success stories every day. Don’t let anyone tell you what you want and what you can achieve – you’re the master of your own destiny.

Everything is possible when you know what you want, never complain and believe in yourself. Only one question remains – what are you going to achieve?