How To Grab His Attention

I’m going to start right out and tell you that this is not going to be like other articles that give you the same “Cosmo” kind of advice about how to grab his attention. You have to get this kind of advice from a MAN.

And yes, I’m that man.

There are a lot of articles out there that tell you to pose sexy, dilate your eyes, wear red, etc. While it’s true that this is interesting stuff to read about, it will not give you ANY edge when you want to grab his attention.

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Sometimes you just want his attention BACK on you after losing it…

I’ll bet you would like an unfair advantage against other women out there. You just don’t know how to really make him see you.

Of course the first thing you want to do when you meet a new guy is to get him to really see you. And if you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you know that the glow often disappears and you might feel taken for granted.

Or worse – he disappears or ghosts you. That’s not fun at all.

But there’s a really big mistake women make when it comes to getting the attention of the man they desire. In fact, it’s the biggest mistake:

How To Grab His Attention – BIG MISTAKE: Attracting attention instead of INTEREST!

It’s one thing to have him notice you – and another thing completely to get him feeling emotional desire for you. You have to know this difference and know how to make him really feel it.

  • Some women think it’s enough to wear the right clothes, push their boobs up to their neck, reveal some leg…
  • Some women think it’s enough to wear a really fragrant perfume…
  • Some women think they need to laugh louder or act more “visible…”
  • Some women think they have to flip their hair, bat their eyelashes, lick their lips, or act seductive…

All of these methods will only make you look like you’re trying too hard. 

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Women everywhere get SEEN by men. That’s not hard. But you have to ask yourself HOW you are being seen.

How do you WANT to be seen?

As a guy, I can tell you that we see through most obvious ploys. We know when a woman is TRYING to get attention. We also sense the women that are less overt with their behavior and act more demure, when it’s backed up with FEMININE CONFIDENCE. (More on this in a minute.)

So now let’s get into the meat of how to grab his attention…

TIP 1: Know Your Target…

Look, you might think this bit of advice sounds a bit mercenary, but you need to know something about this guy that other women don’t. Men are all too familiar with the women who only seem to want to have men worship at their feet. If he’s a little older than, say, a college frat-boy – well, you’re gonna want to be smarter than the average girl.

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Most men (not boys) want to know THEY are of interest to you. And the way to let him know you’re interested is to get a little information about him up front.

If this is a guy you’ve just met, you want to ask him questions about his life. Find out what makes him tick.

  • What are his hobbies?
  • Where has he traveled?
  • What drives him and motivates him?

If you ask the usual small talk questions, you will bore him fast.

Now, if this is a guy in your social circle, you should also try to learn more about him from his social media presence. Check out his Facebook page…

  • What’s he into?
  • Who does he know?
  • Any common friends…?
  • What is his personality type…”

And always keep your eye out for the next level –

TIP 2: Look At The Next Layer Down…

Look, high quality men don’t grow on trees. If you’ve ever heard a woman complain about “where are all the good men?” you know this intimately. It seems like all the “good ones” are taken, and there’s a gladiator arena where you have to fight for the scraps. (Some call that arena “singles bars”)

The truth is there are tons of good men – but no shortage of women to blame him for not being straight out of some romantic comedy movie.

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HINT: A lot of guys feel the same way about women – that we’d like to change a few things here and there, we just don’t need to in order to be happy in the relationship.

In order to get these guys – or uncover the hidden gem that’s probably in the men you are meeting – is you gotta be willing to tap into the next layer down. 

What I mean by this is that you have to get into a guy at a deeper level than:

  • “What do you do for work?”
  • “Where are you from?”
  • “What do you… ”  zzzznnnnxxxxxxx…. snore… 

There’s no shortage of small talk out there, that’s for sure. So you need to go a few steps deeper in conversation than this.

Once you know more about him, it shouldn’t be that hard to figure out how to deep-dive into a conversation with some meat on it. Small talk is for the chicks who are afraid to offend.

The hell with that – I say go for the throat. If he can’t handle a little reality talk, he’s going to be a pill later on.

Don’t go crazy and send him screaming out in the streets, but have some fun. Edgy women catch the attention of every man with a brain.

Again, the older the guy, the less patient he will be with the dating strategies of women in their 20s.

Get to the Next Level with him…

TIP 3: Beware The Needy Switch…

The “Needy Switch” is something I talk about when it comes to your posture with men. If you perform the Needy Switch, what you’re doing is seeking the attention from him as a way to make you feel better about yourself. It’s really a way to distract yourself from the fact that you’re not really looking for HIM. You’re looking for a guy that will pump up your opinion of YOU.

And that’s where most neediness starts in relationships.

When you’re out there in the dating world, you’re going to take some bumps and bruises. It’s part of love and relationships.

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As I like to say, don’t hate the player – and don’t hate the game either! Instead – rewrite the rules so you will win.

Don’t look for attention to satisfy YOU – look for his attention so you know you have a quality guy on the line. You use a special bait to attract the right kind of fish – not every minnow in the pond.

TIP 4: Plug In…

The fact is that higher energy women will get more attention from men than low-energy wallflowers.

But that doesn’t mean you have to change your personality type from introvert to extrovert. First of all, that won’t work – you won’t change your personality type. And second, you’d just exhaust yourself living that lie.

All you have to do is broadcast your ALIVENESS!

What does that even mean?

Well, you only need to be able to:

  • talk about positive topics
  • exude a little more animation in your body language

Positive topics are things you can talk about that don’t drag the conversation into the boring zone.

Here are some examples:

  • Uplifting news
  • Thought provoking ideas
  • Plans for the future
  • Something new in your life that’s worth sharing

Here are a few things you should NOT talk about:

  • Politics – Seriously, stay away from this until date #2 where you can start to hint around it. IF this is a big deal for you in a boyfriend or husband…
  • Family drama – Don’t talk about your family strife if you can avoid it. Save that for when you prepare him to MEET your family…
  • Money – His, yours, or anyone’s
  • Past relationshipsESPECIALLY marriages!
  • Religion – Pretty obvious that this could get heated…

Keep the talk positive.

When it comes to  your body language, try and be expressive and emotionally involved. It’s not hard – just talk about something that is engaging!

It’s hard to look interested if you talk about boring things. And yet people do this all the time on dates. They start out with boring small talk because they think they’re supposed to, and proceed to bore them both out of a possible romance.

TIP 5: Let Your Fingers Do The Talking…

No, I’m not saying sign language him from across the room – although that could be an interesting way to get his interest. I’m saying you should – at some point – touch him lightly during your conversation.

It doesn’t matter if it’s your 1st or 50th date, touch works with men. It sends a delicious jolt of excitement into a guy to feel a woman’s touch.

This is a big reason why so many men get grope-y with women. We’re so enchanted with you, and yet we feel held at a distance. If you can reach out and lay a hand on his arm for a short moment (no more than 2-3 seconds) and then pull it away, I guarantee he will remember you.

TIP 6: Be A Social Sleuth…

I have to admit that the one thing that I find rather daunting about social media is also the one thing that you can use to your benefit. If you are friends with a guy on Facebook, for example, you can gather a LOT of good intel by looking at his posts, his friends, etc.

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Then you can use that information to hit him up again later. You should really pay attention, because you have some incredible insight here at your disposal. A man will be guarded in social conversation with new people, but online? He’ll post his heart out to anyone that reads it.

So take note if he says something interesting, and then hit him up again with it later. He’ll be impressed that you were paying attention to him and you remembered.

Just talk to him about it fairly casually, and only if you’ve been connected for a couple weeks. You don’t want him thinking you’re stalking him.

And if you’re NOT friends on social media, that should be your first step. Just be sure to clean up the stuff you might not want him to see on your profiles. (Wink wink…)

TIP 7: Ask For Help…

It’s no secret that guys love helping women. Mind you, we don’t want to be your janitor or moving guy. But we don’t mind helping you out with things. It’s part of our genetic code.

dos donts how to get him to pay attention to you How To Grab His Attention   7 Secrets

So look around your house or apartment next chance you get. I’ll bet there’s something that you either know how to fix but just don’t want to bother with – OR you’ve got something that’s needing repair that you have no clue what to do, like an old iPod or a wonky TV picture.

  • Ask him for the advice first

Just ask him about what he thinks YOU should do to take care of it. And pay attention to his instructions. Part of this equation is how genuinely you seem to be taking his advice.

The problem could also be a social situation that you want his advice on. Ask him what he would do if he were you.

Now, if he seems amenable to it, and interested, then by all means you can ask him to come by sometime and help you out (if it’s something like a messed up TV image). A fix-it challenge is a great piece of bait to offer a guy, because chances are he was waiting for an opportunity to get to see you again.

By the way, this one works for a guy that might have lost interest in your relationship, too.

TIP 8: Give Him Lots Of Dirt…

Look, the reality is that you might get about twice as many dates if you understood that guys are usually totally down to date you – they just need a low-risk way to ask. Your best bet is to give him a TON of opportunities to ask you out.

So the more you can slip in details of your life into conversation with him – without looking like you’re just bragging, of course – the more chances he will have to find something in common to connect with you about. Just keep it focused on only the activities you’re really interested in.

It’s a little like mining, in a way. The more dirt and stone you turn over, the more likely you’re going to find a nugget of gold or a raw diamond.

And of course, the LESS you “mine,” the less you find.

Don’t be stingy on letting him know the kinds of things you like to do, whether that’s movies, plays, seminars, live music, go-kart racing, bowling…  you get the point.

TIP 9: NOW Whatcha Gonna Do?

Do you know what to do with his attention when you get it?

This is the #1 problem that women have after they figure out how to grab his attention. Because once you do have his attention, it’s just as easy to lose it again if you don’t know how to keep it on you and what to do next.

Most women who are starting to date a guy just want him to stay focused on her long enough for them to fall in love – instead of him ghosting her or losing interest.

Now, you don’t have to jump through hoops to keep his interest. You just need to know what makes men pay attention to one woman – and NOT another!

Remember, ANY woman can get a guy’s attention. Just say his name out loud and you’ve got it.

But what you MUST do is turn his attention into INTEREST in you.

And that means you have to know HOW to trigger his Obsession Switch.

A man’s Obsession Switch is the only way into his heart – and the best way to make sure you ALWAYS have his attention. Find out more HERE…

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Dating Online for Seniors, What You Haven’t Heard

I dislike the term “seniors” I prefer older. I mean when you were young didn’t you want to be with the older kids? But the world uses this as a way to describe older or elderly people. I may flip back and forth between the two.

Thus my tale begins. I had been married for 35 years, widowed now for 5 yrs. Looking for a relationship was not my reason to try an online dating service. There was another personal one that doesn’t matter to what I experienced.

So I picked one recommended site, to test the waters, that was free. I wasn’t going to pay and instantly I got 49 “let’s meet.” I had posted a real picture of how I look now, an honest description and accurate answers. I mean let’s be honest we aren’t going to say, “Overweight old broad with wrinkles is seeking a stud.” So skimming along the truth isn’t awful. But what I initially found was badly written profiles almost to the point of trying to seem genuine, horrible selfies (the bathroom ones the worse) on one side then the other side slickly written profiles that were contrived. My favorite is nearly every guy is laid back plus an athlete (pictures on boats or skiing or hiking.) Yep, every guy my age is virile. That’s why Viagra sells more than aspirin. I get the need to skim along the truth but “profile talk” with walks along the beach, sunsets and other buzz words; I was getting nauseous. I changed my profile so many times, at one point I was offering to write profiles for a fee. I actually made recommendations about using pictures. I mean missing teeth, ragtag clothing and shirtless pictures are among my favorites. Yep those will reel in tons of females.

I did communicate with a true scammer that was upsetting but nothing really happened to me. I mention the FBI and panic ensued. I could understand scammers but something just as nefarious happened. So I searched for any articles about online dating, tons on scammers but nothing on what I ultimately found that we “old folk” need to know. I was pissed about the scammer but wiser and more informed about what to look for, I got back into the fray uncovering what, to me, what was so disheartening.

Opting to pick a site that was supposed to be for “seniors” I browsed for free. The profiles seemed legitimate and more realistic. I got the freebie smiles or winks to show interest but could not go further unless I joined to have access to communicate. So I chose the cheapest $30 and went forward. I sent a few messages but got one-line replies then nothing. So I asked more detailed questions and got unrelated answers. I found this very odd I mean it’s just talking? Why wouldn’t guys my age just answer back? So maybe a few want younger women that makes sense but the replies were gnawing at me. Something was off.

So I decided to do my own research, based on my gut feelings. I know about surveys and that 1 person does represent 100 in likes, dislikes and opinions; so I became investigator not seeker. I read most of the profiles, careful to pick same types as the service is analyzing my picks and preferences. I looked at the photos, profiles, likes, etc. All were from my State and within 100 miles or less, with most around 20 miles. The general age group that popped up to browse was 58-68. I looked at every picture in my browser about 75-100 guys.

Then I selected about 35+ to message, commenting on current local events, their pictures, etc. I commented to one guy he had a great picture. I got what picture? The picture I am looking at we are messaging each other with. Oh that picture. Oh it was in Atlantic City, really I replied, “I was from Jersey.” Silence. This happened several times. So then I communicated to one guy, 70 years old that I wasn’t sure if his profile was him, hacked or inactive. I figured selecting a guy older than me would produce an interest, as in wanting a younger woman. What I got was language not in line with a man of 70. The dialogue became belligerent when I asked to confirm whether he was as represented. No real person would get nasty over asking a simple question, especially an older guy to a woman. I don’t want to detail other telltale signs, as this might help this continue but I knew right from the start I was communicating with a much younger person.

So here is my assessment. Of the 35+ guys I sent messages to I got 1 back and forth communication. Let’s break this down. Of these guys let’s say 10 wanted a younger woman. Let’s say 8 didn’t like my look. Maybe 10 weren’t online but I sent messages they should’ve gotten notifications but maybe they didn’t like me either. That still leaves 7. But let’s be upfront regarding these guys, whatever I looked like, at least 2 guys just want to get laid. That’s one reality or there had to be a few really lonely guys. Either way no communication?

What was happening was so obvious I was surprised it was never written about before. I truly believe none of these guys were “active” members. I mean one guy’s profile said he was really 67 not 61 but the age next to his picture was 63 then 4 hours later the same guy was 58, what a neat trick is that!

I can bet my own little survey, if conducted on a wider basis would prove me right. My conclusions is all of these services are geared to the 18-45 age group. Older adults would tend to want to stay for a time then get off, the age pool on this group would be really low, and so to keep getting new subscribers they have to recycle inactive members. I believe I communicated with either a young person or a robot designed to respond a certain way. This is unethical business practices. The service is claiming 100s or 1000s of new members daily, which may be true with younger people but not older.

These services could care less because if they average 100 people for the week who purchase 1 month that $3000 buckeroos for one week. It’s a scam in a different sense. Maybe they aren’t scamming for someone to clean out their bank accounts but they are dealing in a bait and switch business practice that cons people in; without true representation of who is active. Their disclaimer absolves them of any scams, etc. They offer tips to identify fake profiles but in the same breath lying. Your photos are now their property. Why would they need them? If not to use them this way.

Now, one can state this isn’t a guarantee, absolutely correct. But the real fraud is hurting older people who are already going in with more insecurities and fears. While alert to scammers no one would think there aren’t 100 guys to browse but 10. Come on. I can take rejection but let it be by real people not ghost members or robot talkers. My author picture is the same I used.

I complained and asked for a refund. I was given half, of which, at this writing has not gone through. If I don’t get it. I will dispute the charge. Older people wouldn’t consider this aspect. They forget it and think they were rejected or are embarrassed to even claim they went on a site.

I checked several more sites, age-related and they all operate the same way. There has got to be a better method and I’m going to figure it out.

So Seniors! Oldies! Boomers! Don’t buy the nonsense. Test it, as I did, then if you get similar results ask for a refund. They get us in the pocket, return the favor.

Is He Hiding His Feelings Or Not Interested? 7 Clues

There comes a point in almost every relationship where you might find yourself wondering – Is he hiding his feelings or not interested in me? 

You might wonder if he’s sending you mixed signals – and if he’s really in love with you at all. There’s a lot of confusion about this that I will help settle for you here in this article.

And in order to know if he’s hiding his feelings for you or not, there’s something you should know about guys:

Do You Understand The Dilemma Of MEN…?

The reality for most women is that they just don’t understand men. Not because we guys are particularly complicated. It’s because we simply don’t show our feelings and emotions as obviously.

how do i know if he is interested in me Is He Hiding His Feelings Or Not Interested? 7 Clues

“What’s his problem?”

Here are a few facts about men and their emotions:

  • FACT: Men have powerful emotions and feel them as deeply as women do…
  • FACT: Men don’t express these emotions as often or obviously as women do…

It’s very fashionable to talk about men as if we’re inadequate or emotionally stunted when compared to women. After all, the female emotional process is held up as the gold standard of healthy emotional functioning.

But there are many other things about men you might not know…

  • Men tend to focus less on their emotional state for “meaning” in their experience…
  • Even though men experience emotion deeply, most guys don’t experience as many blends of emotions at the same time…
  • Just because he doesn’t express his feelings the way women do, this does not mean that this is wrong – or that he’s emotionally handicapped in some way…

Now that last one is pretty important, and I hope you’ll remember it.

We all tend to evaluate other people and situations using OUR OWN experiences.

For example, if I read books every day for several hours, I’m more likely to think the whole world is illiterate – because many people don’t read more than a book per year after graduating from school.

You can see where an opinion might be formed there.

Or for another example: IF I enjoy social situations where I can help people out… I might think that anyone who doesn’t do this is “emotionally shut down.”

You get the picture…

We always evaluate others by our own standards.

So we need to be cautious that we’re not judging unfairly, too.

Most women (not all) have an advantage over men in the relationship area because of this. Which is why I teach women to manage men better – so you can get the relationship you want – AND he can get the benefit of your ability!

So the dilemma of men is that we’re always going to look “emotionally unavailable” compared to women – who are much more emotionally focused.

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And here’s another tip to remember:

Most Men Are Afraid Of Women’s Strong Emotions…

Guys are deeply intimate with the emotion of anger, this much we know. But other emotions and shades of them are outside our experience.

And since most men need women’s acceptance, any of her other strong emotions are hard for him to understand. Add on the fact that he has no skills to deal with them and you have a recipe for PANIC.


So when guys check out or pull away from you during a heated emotional exchange, now you’ll know why.

Now let’s get into how to know if he’s hiding his love  –

Is He Hiding His Feelings – Or Is He Not Interested?

CLUE #1: He Gets Jelly…

And by “jelly” I mean JEALOUS.

You’ll see it in the simple moment when you mention another guy, or an ex-boyfriend, and his expression and his eyes change. You might not know what happened there, but you know SOMETHING just changed between you.

That’s usually when he’s trying to cover up the one emotion he knows will probably kill your interest in him – JEALOUSY. It’s kind of cute in a way.

Any feelings of jealousy a guy has about you are signs of interest most of the time.

If, however, he never does anything when he has the opportunity to act on it, there could be some issues with him. (I’ll explain more about this in a bit…)

CLUE #2: He Takes The Initiative…

For him to be the kind of man that you desire, you have to have a man that will take action and go after what he wants. And this includes going after YOU!

Let me share one of my little “rules” with you –

CARLOS’ RULE: If he doesn’t take action on his interest in you, then he isn’t worth your time.

This is not going to be a popular rule for anyone, but it’s essential that you understand how important this is for you.

If a guy doesn’t ACT on his desire for you, he might as well not be interested at all.


  1. If he’s interested in you, he needs to show you. Otherwise, you’ll always have this nagging doubt of whether or not you’ve really GOT him or not. You’ll constantly be anxious about his devotion and commitment level…
  2. If he’s interested in you but will not take action, you’ll have that kind of behavior crippling your relationship into the future. All the way until you (eventually) divorce him…
  3. If he won’t act, you’ll carry that burden of initiative. And you’ll start to resent him for it. He’ll seem like half a man…
  4. His inaction will kill any sexual attraction, making it 10 times more likely you’ll want to cheat on him. (And you probably WILL…)

I know these sound like dire consequences, and they are. This isn’t pretty.

That’s why I want you to really understand how important it is to find a man who is not emotionally crippled like this.

He might have trouble communicating some emotional things, sure. But eventually he must be unencumbered by his own issues for your relationship to succeed.

Don’t make excuses for an “emotionally disabled man.”

You may be tempted to hold out hope that something will happen if you just –

  • give more energy to him… (As if you haven’t already given him enough)
  • give more time to him…
  • be more patient with him…

Or any number of excuses we come up with to throw more and more time into a relationship that we want to make work. I get it, no one wants to put in all that work only to fail.

We get so stuck in trying to make it work that we lose sight of the fact that maybe this relationship was only to teach us about how to find an available partner.

But let it go before you lose yourself in a romance that will never flower.

CLUE #3: He’s Still Talking To you…

This is for you when you’re out and some guy you like starts talking with you. There is a really complex clue that he’s into you. In fact, you may not spot it at first.

What is this hard-to-see clue?

He’s still talking to you.

If a guy is interested in you in any way, he’ll find a reason and a way to keep talking to you. This is a really big sign of whether he’s interested in you or just hiding those feelings away.

signs boyfriend still has feelings for me Is He Hiding His Feelings Or Not Interested? 7 Clues

Yes, it’s crazy, but it’s true.

If a man chooses to keep talking to you, that means he’s probably interested in you and attracted to you.

I used to give this same bit of advice to men, because it seems that neither men nor women believe it. But the simplest expression of desire is when they choose to keep talking to you instead of other people.

We all want a really “sexy” signal that the other person is interested in us. I think that’s because our self-esteem often makes us doubt the truth of this moment…

“What? He’s interested in me? Really? NO WAY!”

We both want it to be true AND doubt it in the same moment. Crazy, huh?

But it’s a signal that is more reliable than you think.

CLUE #4: He “Locks Up…”

Inevitably a guy will fall into “awkward” behavior at some point with you. If you notice this happening, there’s a good chance he’s interested in you but embarrassed about it.

  • It might be a quiet moment where you’re both looking at each other and the conversation grinds to a stop…
  • It might be when he reaches uncomfortably close to you to pick up his drink…
  • It might be when he brushes up against you unexpectedly – or accidentally – in the kitchen…

It’s in that awkward moment that a thought enters his head: “Kiss her.. touch her… hold her!”

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Or at least he thinks about how much he wants to. In that moment, he’s just dumbstruck by his attraction to you.

If you see that “lock up” happen, that’s a big sign.

CLUE #5: He Keeps “Bailing Out”

A guy is struggling with his own interest in you if he keeps finding ways to ALMOST hang out with you.

Let’s get this one thing clear right now –

If a guy cancels out on a date with you, it has to be a BIG deal for him. And he should sound appropriately apologetic when he does cancel.

All of this is fine. But here’s the important thing to watch for next:

If he’s interested in you he will reschedule within a few days. If it takes him more than a week to suggest getting back together, he’s not valuing the idea of a date with you enough.

OR he’s got other things in his life that are distracting him. (Like his girlfriend or wife…)

A guy that is currently single and is interested in you will make a date happen.

CLUE #6: But He Keeps Coming Back…

If a guy keeps finding a reason to call you, chat you up, come over to your desk during the day, post or message you online, or text you – that means you’ve got his interest.

The fact that he keeps repeating in your world is a HUGE sign of his interest in you.

You may have noticed that many of these “clues” apply mostly to “shy guys” who don’t have a very polished way of handling romance. This is about 80-85% of all men, by the way.

No matter what most guys say, they’re mostly chumps when it comes to love.

I should know. I taught men for 12+ years to understand how women and dating works. And now I’m passing on the secrets I found to YOU!

You have to know that men see women as a risk to their life. He knows that if he falls for you, that’s going to destabilize his life in countless ways.

  • He’ll be opening himself up to rejection…
  • He’s going to be devoting a lot of time to a relationship that may or may not work out…
  • He’s going to risk losing his sexual freedom – the ability to hook up with other women. YES – even if he’s not getting laid at the moment, he sees new love as a risk to his sexual freedom.

BUT this kind of hot & cold, back and forth should come to an end as he realizes what he will get from you in a relationship.

Most guys don’t waffle around in this weirdness for too long.

Which leads me to –

CLUE #7: He’s Sending Mixed Signals…

When a guy is ambivalent – hot & cold – with you, it’s usually a sign that there’s some pluses (+) and minuses (-) on his score sheet for starting up a romance with you.

  • When he’s hot, he’s let go of his “trust issues” for a little while…
  • When he’s cold – they’ve come back for a bit. Or he just wants some free time to himself.

But I have some really shocking news for you…

signs he is hiding his feelings for me Is He Hiding His Feelings Or Not Interested? 7 Clues

Here’s the deal: Guys almost NEVER hide their feelings from you.

Guys do NOT “fight their feelings” for a woman they want…

We men simply aren’t sophisticated enough to hide ANY emotions from you if you just watch us for a minute or two. We’re bad. Like, pathetic.

We want you to KNOW we are interested so you can show us you MIGHT be interested back. And THEN we can work up our courage to ask you out or do something about it.

Now, you have to keep in mind that he will probably not announce out loud that he has feelings for you. But he will definitely act the part!

If you’ve ever seen a man who loses all control for a woman, you know what I mean. It can make a man crazy with desire for you.

UNCOMFORTABLE TRUTH: Guys are usually not “afraid of falling for you.”

I coach women on how to get the man they desire, and one of the most frequent questions I hear is

“Carlos – He seems like he’s afraid of falling for me. He keeps telling me how hurt he was by his ex, and how he is finding it hard to trust again…”


What he’s saying is that he’s having fun sleeping with you, and he thinks he can keep sleeping with other women. He knows this will get him out of having to make a commitment to you.

He doesn’t want to be tied down to a relationship WITH YOU. 

13 Is He Hiding His Feelings Or Not Interested? 7 Clues

If a man finds a woman he’s attracted to – AND she values herself as “The Prize” to be won – he will chase her and lock her down as his girlfriend. And if she can keep her dignity and self respect after he’s made a commitment to her, he’ll eventually marry her.

Men typically make a commitment to women they feel LUCKY TO HAVE WON.

You might want to re-read that. Wait, I’ll make it easier so you don’t have to go back up there:

Men commit to a woman they feel LUCKY TO HAVE WON.

What women tend to do is make this:


What is the huge mistake?

is he hiding his feelings for me Is He Hiding His Feelings Or Not Interested? 7 Clues

She tries to make up for his lack of energy and conviction with her own. She tries to CONVINCE him that she’s the one for him.

  • She starts cooking for him… cleaning for him…
  • She crosses the line from pursued to PURSUER
  • From chased … to CHASER

And the harder she works to get him to see her as The One, the more likely he will fall in love with a different woman who doesn’t treat him half as well.

I call this “Flipping the Needy Switch” in your relationship.

And if you’ve ever done it, you’re not alone! It’s one of the most common mistakes women make. And one of the easiest to fix!

IF you realize the problem and know what to do instead of jumping right in and trying to rescue your relationship, you can even turn this situation around to your benefit!

SECRET TIP: He’s Waiting For A Sign From You!

You’ll want to think he’s hiding his feelings for you under a hard shell of ego and insecurity – but he might be waiting for a sign from you that he CAN feel desire for you.

You see, men don’t like risking their egos. They don’t want to put too much of themselves out there and be destroyed when you don’t feel the same way – or you’re not The One for him.

The only way you can make him take that chance with you is to give him a reason to.

He has to see the right signs from you – and you have to read his signals…

Discover how to read his signals here…

PRODUCT Read His Signals Is He Hiding His Feelings Or Not Interested? 7 Clues



8 Tips to Help You Make an Online Dating Site Work for You

Today, online dating websites use artificial intelligence to help you get in contact with the right person. If you are looking for an effective way of making your favorite dating sites work for you, our expert tips may help you. On these platforms, you can get advice on relationships and dating. Plus, you will get a lot of relevant quizzes.

Since these platforms attract millions of visitors on a regular basis, experts say that you have to use the right approach to make the platform work for you. Let’s read some tips.

Set your Priorities

First of all, you need to set your priorities, which means you need to set criteria for things you are looking for in your desired partner. Therefore, what you need to do is do your homework before you start your search. Also, this will help you create a short list of potential candidates.

Consider your Interests

You may want to choose a site that can match your interests. Your next move is to opt for a platform that you think can help you get the person you are in search of. On big platforms, your chances of finding the right person will be higher.

Have a Live Chat

Although it’s nice to chat with your partner online, it can’t be an alternative to a face-to-face conversation. If you are just getting started, meeting in person may not be possible. So, it’s a good idea to have a live video chat. This will help you find out if you can take it to the next level.

Be Realistic

Although you may find exactly the person you are looking for, make sure you are realistic. In other words, your expectations should be realistic.

Personality Tests

It’s interesting to run some personality tests, but don’t think that they are perfect. The matching bot of the dating site can’t beat personal experience. So, what you need to do is have an open mind about the person who the algorithm think is not good for you. That guy or girl may be an excellent prospect.

Beware of Dishonest People

While communicating with a prospective date on a dating website, make sure you trust your gut instincts. You can use many ways to find out if they are lying to you. Make sure you do all you can to be conservative and protect yourself.

Safeguard your Self-Esteem

If you don’t find your desired person even after several days, don’t lose heart. Even after trying your level best, if you fail to achieve success, we suggest that you sit with a close friend for suggestions. This will help you avoid mistakes that you might have made during the process.

Create a Catchy Profile

Make sure you prepare your profile carefully. Ideally, your profile should be a clear description of who you are. This will help others find you more easily. If your profile is poorly made, you may have to face disappointments.

In short, these are some techniques that can help you make an online dating site work for you.

How To Make Him Think About You

Women everywhere want their man to think about her – and only her. Sometimes it seems like guys have their attention elsewhere. And that’s why I’m going to show you a few tips on how to make him think about you…

how to get men to think about you nonstop How To Make Him Think About You   5 Steps

Who’s it going to be…?

Because if he’s not thinking about you, that space in his thoughts could be filled by another woman.

Let me explain…

What inevitably happens in most relationships is that one (or both) of the people in the relationship start to get bored. Once they get bored, they no longer value their partner, and they start to “check out” of the relationship.

  • They stop doing all the stuff they did at the start…
  • They lose the deep connection and start to withdraw from the relationship…
  • They start to long for the addictive rush of a new romance again…

And what inevitably happens is that we lose our gratitude for the relationship. And the grass starts looking greener elsewhere.

This seems to happen more with guys – from a woman’s point of view. And very often a woman will start to step up her efforts in an attempt to “keep him interested.” She tries to make up for the difference in energy in the relationship.

This is also a HUGE mistake – because it will now make HIM seem like the “prize” to be won, and he will stop appreciating her.

Let me tell you up front that the harder a woman works to win a man, the more unhappy she is likely to be in the relationship later. For the simple reason that a man needs to appreciate you for the relationship to thrive. (Actually, you both need to appreciate each other and value the relationship!)

So what can you do about this situation?

21 How To Make Him Think About You   5 Steps

How do you get a guy to turn his attitude around and stop taking you for granted?

The best thing you can do is know how to make him think about you all day long. The more he focuses on you as his object of fascination, the more he will love you.

I’m going to warn you that you’re going to read some really UN- P.C. things here. But that won’t stop them from being completely and absolutely TRUE.

Do your best to manage your discomfort, and open your mind to the reality I’m about to share with you. I’ve studied relationships and motivation for over 30 years, and I can tell you what works.

Which is WAY more important than the way we WANT something to work.

How To Make Him Think About You…

The best solution is to not only make him think about you, but you have to make him a wee bit scared – deep down in his bones – of losing you, too.

There’s a saying, you don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone. And that goes DOUBLE for relationships!

If you haven’t gotten him focused on you yet – or the romance is just beginning, don’t worry! We’re going to cover that here, too.

Let’s start with:


Men are amazing when they get curious about something. If he becomes fascinated with something, he won’t stop thinking about it.

He CAN’T stop thinking about it.

get him to thinking about you all the time How To Make Him Think About You   5 Steps

Pique his interest…

Thomas Edison was obsessed with his inventions, filing over 1093 patents in his lifetime. That’s a lot of obsession.

Yeah, you could say he lived and breathed his work.

And if you want your man to live and breathe YOU – you can learn a lot from how men get stuck in their curiosity.

One of the most important ways you make him curious about you is to never give him too much information ABOUT you. Again, a big mistake I see both men and women make in dating is that they tend to tell too much about themselves.

“But Carlos – how is he supposed to fall in love with me if he doesn’t know me?”

Ah, therein lies the rub, as Mr. Shakespeare would say.

“Men don’t fall in love with YOU. They fall in love with the IDEA of you.” – Carlos Cavallo

It’s true.

He doesn’t need to KNOW you to form emotions for you. In fact, the more we know about someone, the more it spoils the effect.

Think of the last guy you fell for. I’ll bet you didn’t know nearly as much as you think you did about him. If you did, that knowledge might have spoiled the illusion that love depends on.

We allow ourselves to jump headfirst into a crazy emotional relationship a lot more frequently than we would like to admit.

The intellectual relationship – where we actually get to KNOW the object of our affection – almost always happens in the months after we forge the chemistry. If you go for “brain” attraction before “hubba hubba” attraction, you always feel flat and bored by the person.

Take a look back on your history of romance. I’m sure you’ll see a similar pattern.

We all talk a good game, but the reality is that we tend to throw ourselves into lust pretty darn quick – and then into love as fast as possible to justify that lust!


This is the key step that MUST follow Step 1 above. If you know how to do this right, you’ll keep him fantasizing about you 24/7 until you get together again.

At first, you might be confused – or even angered by me saying that. You might think I’m suggesting that you shamelessly manipulate a man’s feelings to get him to fall for you.

And you’d be lying to me if you said you hadn’t considered trying a few psychological tricks on him to start that wild fascination for you and to get him thinking about you.

why do men stop thinking about women How To Make Him Think About You   5 Steps

He can’t wait to hear from you.

We’ve all wanted to know how to get that special person interested in us. In fact, a full 3/4 of the questions I get are just that – women wanting to know how to get that special guy to fall for her. (Or at least make some kind of commitment to the relationship.)

You might even be surprised to know that men ask the EXACT SAME QUESTION. In many cases, he just wants to know what to say to make her attracted to him.

So listen up!

If you give a guy everything he wants on the first date, he’s got nothing left to think about. And I’m not just talking about sex, either.

If you tell him your whole history, if you give him too much detail, if you answer too many of his questions, you’ll bore him.

There’s a saying:

The first rule of show-business is – ALWAYS leave them wanting more.

There’s a reason for this:

This is what I call – The Rule of RESTRAINT.

The rule is simply to leave people feeling more like they didn’t get enough of you than they got TOO MUCH of you.

You ever have someone overstay their welcome? Maybe it was a house guest or some other kind of visitor.

And how did you start to feel about them when you felt that nagging pressure of “when are they going to leave?”

Yup. That’s what everyone feels when they get TOO MUCH of someone.

Don’t give him what he wants on the first one, two, or even THREE dates. (Who wrote the 3-date rule? That’s just the illusion of restraint.)

Because here’s the truth:

The only guys who jump into relationships after sleeping with you on the first date are desperate. They’re low quality guys with issues, typically.

And the only men who won’t stick around after several dates without spending the night were never going to commit!

Wow – it sure got quiet in here.

You might be thinking: “But Carlos! If I make him wait too long, he’ll lose interest and jump on some other woman who will give it to him easy!”

That’s almost NEVER what happens!

24 How To Make Him Think About You   5 Steps

The men who go after the easy woman when they ONLY want the sex are the guys who can’t commit anyway.

I’m assuming this is the kind of guy you’re trying to avoid, right?

Men who are properly primed to fall in love with you are the ones who did not get everything they wanted on those first few dates.

Always leave them wanting more – because nothing ruins love like leaving him wanting LESS!


When a guy has lost that loving feeling, there’s a good chance this has been going on for a while. I believe that this is why women have such a keen radar for relationships that are in trouble. Women notice the warning signs far better and faster than men do.

Even if you’ve only been dating a few weeks, you can sense when he’s losing interest in you.

relationship advice make him think about you all the time How To Make Him Think About You   5 Steps

He may be hurting…

In fact, you might be hyper-vigilant – always on alert for something that could threaten your relationship.


We’re oblivious to what’s happening until it’s too late.

In fact, studies have shown that:

  • Men are consistently more surprised by his wife wanting a divorce (they never saw it coming)
  • Women file for divorce 80% of the time – men barely 20%… 

Guys just don’t have a clue when it comes to picking up on the signs of problems in a relationship. And what happens most frequently is that a woman will want a divorce after years of feeling unheard or having her concerns minimized.

But here’s the big reason that you might not expect:

  • Women are actually more likely to get bored with long-term monogamy than men.

Did you see that one coming?

Your best bet is to handle his ignorance before it turns to apathy. And even better if you can do it BEFORE he starts to withdraw or pull away from you.

The reality is that most relationships that go to a marriage counselor are months – if not years – too late. Once a relationship has gone from love to “meh, I don’t care” it’s doomed.

08 How To Make Him Think About You   5 Steps

Don’t shy away from asking questions about where he is and what he’s feeling. (If you don’t know what to say, I cover this in my Passion Phrases program, by the way.)

Find out why he’s lost his mojo for your relationship BEFORE you grow too far apart. If you wait too long, you may not ever be able to get the feelings back to love again.


Another difference in communication patterns I’ve seen is that women assume that men communicate the way women do.

Women assume:

  • Guys text all the time…
  • Guys like to talk to their partner every day…
  • Guys like to hear every detail of your story when you tell it…

This is going to be another painful moment of truth for some of the ladies in the audience.

Guys don’t need communication to bond.

For women, communication is essential to create a feeling of shared space and connection.

What do guys need?


We men only need to be around you for blocks of time to start feeling that sense of connection and bonding that cements them to you.

You might have even experienced this with a guy if you felt like you had an “uncomfortable silence” on one of your dates. He was just being there and seeing if he could relax around you. And I’m guessing you were panicking thinking: “Oh no! What do I say now? I’m losing his interest!”

The best thing you can do is go silent on a guy from time to time. Let HIM wonder what YOU are thinking!

And this silence doesn’t have to be in-person with him, either. You can simply not text him or call him for a day or two.

Let’s Try An Experiment!

In fact, if you take a moment right now and close your eyes…

how to get him to think about you How To Make Him Think About You   5 Steps

Be mindful…

Close your eyes and imagine this situation: You want to text him to “Check in” and make sure you still have a connection with him.

After all, you know how uneasy you get when one of your girlfriends hasn’t reached out in a couple of days. You start to wonder: “Is she mad at me?”

And the anxiousness begins…

So you think about texting him, and then – consider WHY you want to ping him with that message…

  • Why? 
  • What is driving your desire?

If it’s just a genuine impulse to tell him about something, to share something with him – fine! Go right ahead.

But what most women discover is that they’re not texting him for that reason at all.

In fact, she texts knowing that her message is really intended to GET A RESPONSE from him.

If he doesn’t reply, that would start the wheels turning.

If you sense fear or anxiety pushing you, this is a sign that you are acting from NEED instead of WANT.

I’ll tell you what to do about this in just a bit…


When push comes to shove, there’s one thing that guarantees that a man will think about you all day long. And all night long, too.

It’s knowing how to make him obsessed with you.

dating tips make him think about you nonstop How To Make Him Think About You   5 Steps

Turn his “light” on.

In a certain part of the world, there are hot vents with chemicals mixed in the gases. These gases bubble up from deep chambers in the earth.

If you take a stick or branch from a tree and put it in a cave with these hot vents, and you leave the stick there for several weeks, something amazing happens…

The stick becomes coated with a fine jewel-like crust of crystals.

(This is similar to how sugar is “grown” on rock candy sticks for you to buy.)

It takes time for the vapor to condense on the stick and build up a crystal coating. If you just put the stick in there for 5 minutes – and keep pulling it out to check on it, the crystals would never grow. They’d flake off in the air.

You have to be patient, and know that the crystals are forming.

Most of that time is just a slow process of waiting. But the results are guaranteed for those who are patient!

You might have suspected that this is an analogy for men, and you’d be right.

All you have to do is plant the right seed in his thoughts, and he will crystallize his desire for you around it. All by himself!

The more you check in to see if that process is moving along, the more likely you are to ruin the effect of crystallization.

Obsession works JUST LIKE THIS in a man’s head. And every man has something called an Obsession Switch in his mind.

If you’ve ever seen a guy get madly obsessed with a hobby, or a music group, or a sports team…

– Or another woman, you know how illogical and irrational the obsession is.

Remember what I said earlier:

If he’s not thinking about you, that space in his thoughts could be filled by another woman.

So it’s your responsibility to make sure that he focuses his thoughts on YOU.

The good news is that not many women know how to do this to a man. BUT he will probably run into many women each day who could stir his obsession by accident. She might do just enough to trigger his interest & fascination.

The fix is simple… You gotta know how to make him think about YOU when you’re not around!

Then he’ll “crystallize” you into his thoughts and his love…

If you’d like to know how to flip his obsession switch – using just words – go discover the Passion Phrases HERE…

passionate couple How To Make Him Think About You   5 Steps


Seniors Dating Online – Do You Feel Lucky?

Karen was a seventy-year-old whose husband had passed away the previous year. She was lonely and lived in a tiny rural community, where the assortment of single older men was exceptionally limited. She decided to try out Internet dating. She read the tips that were given online for how to write a successful personal profile. All she got in response were replies from men she could tell were scammers and gamers.

Finally, she got mad. Nothing was paying off. She sat down and wrote from her heart, with the genuine passion and anger she felt. “I’m not here to be anyone’s servant. If you want a woman to pick up your socks, go look for somebody else.”

The very day after she posted the new profile, a man named Dennis found her on the dating site. He read her fiery essay, chuckling the whole time. “This is one old gal I’ve simply got to meet,” he said to himself. It was love at first sight. Karen and Dennis have now been together for thirteen years of marriage, and still are going strong. They are a true, senior, Internet love story.

Many mature-age people today are turning to the Internet to find the love of their life. While sometimes this is indeed successful, the practice can be fraught with dangers. There are stories of individuals being scammed, ripped off, and occasionally even killed when they have trusted a stranger they met on the Internet.

What you need to be aware of

If you decide to engage in online dating, do it very carefully and responsibly. Spend considerable time talking with the other person over the phone before agreeing to meet him or her for the first time. When we ardently want to meet that special someone, it’s easy to fool ourselves into thinking, “This must be the one!” We ignore the warning signs because our desire for love is so strong that it blocks out what our eyes and ears are telling us.

If you are confident after multiple phone conversations that the person on the other end of the line is genuine, agree to meet him or her in a public place. Never go to a secluded location with the person, or give the person your home address, until you’ve met several times and have spent a lot of time together. It’s advisable, before meeting, to do a criminal background check, and in other ways to check out the veracity of the person’s profile. For instance, you could call the place where they work to make sure they really are employed there. If you find any discrepancy between what they’ve told you and how their story checks out, don’t walk away. Run.

If done responsibly and cautiously, Internet dating can be a way of meeting available seniors based on values and interests shared. Some describe Internet dating as a process of getting to know another person from the inside out, rather than from the outside in, the way we do in real life. But, remember: anyone can lie on a dating site. Check out their story before you get involved, and don’t let your hopes blind your reason. Only if you are responsible, rational, and careful, can Internet dating be both safe and productive.

How To Flirt With A Guy Texting

Flirting with a guy is tough enough, but most women want specific tips on how to flirt with a guy texting.

best ways to flirt using texting How To Flirt With A Guy Texting

How do you even start…?

Texting a guy adds a whole new layer of complication – but it also simplifies things a lot, too.

Think about it: When you text, it’s like you get to say anything you want, and you know your whole message will be received at the other end. No interruptions or misunderstandings…

When you text a guy, you get to plan what you say – and say it right.

When you text him, you can say things you might not have the guts to say in person to him. Which leaves a lot of room to be suggestive and send sexy texts that get him interested.

Before I dig into these flirting texting tips for you –

Always remember these tips when texting and flirting with men:

TIP 1: Guys are awkward as heck in text…

It’s true. Men aren’t all that savvy when it comes to sending texts to women.

We’re not even all that good sending texts to ANYONE, really.

It’s not incompetence, mind you. It’s really that guys just don’t use text to talk. We just use texting to share information and coordinate things.

Guys also use texting for:

  • Confirming dates/times
  • Sending addresses, links
  • Sending jokes and fun stuff (we’ll come back to this one)
  • Alerts – warning or cautioning about things, like weather, hazards, etc

So keep in mind that his responses to casual conversation in text might seem short and almost unfriendly. You just have to know where he’s coming from.

TIP 2: Coy is the best…

When in doubt, you have to lean towards being more shy than forward when texting guys.

how to flirt with men using text How To Flirt With A Guy Texting

How do you grab his attention…?

Now, this is where a great many women are confused.

Coy means:

…making a pretense of shyness or modesty that is intended to be alluring.

It does NOT mean: Be difficult, hard to understand, or weird.

Sometimes this is not clearly understood by women who didn’t get good advice from their moms. (I’m just calling the truth here…)

TIP 3: When In Doubt, SCRAMBLE…

A good friend of mine has this technique he calls “the scrambler.” It’s something he teaches men who are trying to be more attractive to the opposite gender.

He tells guys they shouldn’t be so predictable when they talk to women. The same advice works for women, too.

This roughly equates to a “pattern interrupt.”

Don’t let that funny, scientific term fool you…

A pattern interrupt simply means to throw something into your conversation that’s completely unexpected. And usually unrelated to what you’re talking about.

10 How To Flirt With A Guy Texting

For example, if I’m talking to my friend about where to go for lunch, and I suddenly blurt out: “Nice car!” because I see a Ferrari pass by, that’s a pattern interrupt.

It scrambles the other person’s circuits for a second as they try to figure out the context of what I just said.

The same thing can work for you in texts as well. Don’t use this technique too much, or you could just wind up seeming a bit weird.

But when he says something to you that throws you off, or you feel an emotional reaction coming on, a pattern interrupt is a great way to distract him.

If he says something in a text that you don’t know how to respond to, throw something back at him out of left field. It will buy you some time until you can call a girlfriend and get some interpretation.


TIP 4: Don’t over-analyze…

When a guy sends you a text you don’t know how to interpret, the best response is not to interpret it AT ALL.

flirting using text messaging How To Flirt With A Guy Texting

Did you say the right thing!?

I can’t begin to tell you how many women ask me: “What did he mean by THIS?” and shoving their phone in my face.

  1. You have NO IDEA what he was doing when he sent that text….
  2. For all you know – He may have voice dictated it, and the phone sent it wrong…
  3. Ever had auto-correct completely change something you typed? Yeah, that’s another way that texts are misunderstood
  4. Guys aren’t great at talking about feelings, emotions, and connective stuff – much less TEXTING them

I could go on and on with this list. The essence of it is that you are far more likely to misinterpret something he says than to get the real “meaning” of it.

Don’t fall into that over-analysis trap!

It happens all the time, and it can lead you to text him something WTF to him.

When in doubt, don’t even respond. No matter how much you feel you have to! There’s no urgency.

And giving him a big 16 ounce can of SILENCE never hurts your standing with him. If anything it will just make him more fascinated with you.

Now, let’s dig into –

How To Flirt With A Guy Texting

Something I should mention before we get started here is that the same strategies for texting work for almost any chat method – like Facebook messenger, or even short emails. Most of the principles are exactly the same.

So don’t think you can ONLY use these tips for phone-to-phone messaging.

Secret Flirt Text Tip #1: Popcorn Text Him…

If you’ve ever waited on your bag of popcorn in the microwave, you’ve probably gotten down to the end where you want to A) maximize that buttery goodness, and B) avoid burning the popcorn. So you listen for the popcorn to slow down and stop.

Of course, there are always more popcorn kernels to pop if you wait. But you can’t predict if or when there are more to pop!

how to use text to flirt with men How To Flirt With A Guy Texting

it’s all in the timing…

The same thing should be true for your texting. You want to surprise him a little with the timing.

  • If you normally text him at night, try during the day…
  • If you normally text him during the day, try the early morning – so you’re the first text he sees…
  • If you normally end text sessions, let him have the last word and wonder if YOU will respond!

The point here is a certain level of unpredictability. You don’t want him to think he can predict when you will text him.

The less he can guess, the better it will be for you, because you’ll always stand out as a surprise to him.

Secret Guy Texting Tip #2: Switch Your Pitchers…

In baseball, a pitcher will try different kind of pitches and different speeds to throw off the guy who is at bat.

When you text a guy, you want to switch up your pitchers to make it difficult for him to predict as well. By “pitcher” I mean your texting style. The kinds of texts you’re throwing at him.

  • Try a question as your first text of the day on Monday…
  • Then try a one-word curiosity text – like: “Amazing…” or “gross!” on another day of the week…

19 How To Flirt With A Guy Texting

If you just found yourself wondering if this tip also makes you unpredictable, you’re getting the point! You don’t want a man to think he’s got you “figured out.” Early on in dating, you want him to be as curious about you as possible.

Secret Tip #3: No-Risk Probe…

Another part of texting that is important is that texting is a perfect way for you to test the waters with him and find out if he has any interest in you.

Let’s say that you’re texting someone you met at a party. What you can do is send a text that is leading but not direct. Maybe something like:

“Hey, you showed up in a dream last night…”

If he’s interested, he’ll take that lead in you gave him and use it as an excuse to flirt. If he’s not interested, he’ll just bypass it in some way and ignore the flirty nature of it.

This way you test him to see if he might be interested, and you still give yourself an out. You’re not risking too much here.

Secret Text Message Tip #4: STOP Being Yourself…

I know the constant advice on the internet and in books is that you should always be yourself.

After a while of hearing this, you might start to wonder about it, though. I mean, what does “being yourself” actually mean?

dos donts flirting using text messages How To Flirt With A Guy Texting

Who are YOU?

The truth is that every person behaves differently in different situations. Most often because of the people we’re around.

  • For example, if you’re in church, you’ve got your church persona…
  • If you’re in school you’ve got your school persona…
  • If you’re with your kids, you’ve got your parent persona…
  • If you’re out with a few of your raunchy friends, you’re going to adopt that energy…

When I ask people who they REALLY are on the inside, I get a wide variety of answers. And the deeper you go, the more you discover about who you REALLY are – and who you really AREN’T!

In reality, we are a bunch of different things to a bunch of different people. And more often than not, the person we THINK we are isn’t even really us!

Someone once said:

“Be Yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”

So – yes, you want to be as genuine (i.e., not fake) as you can be. But you also don’t want to get hung up on this idea that you need to always be super truthful, or whatever personality trait you think is “you.”

“YOU are a highly fluid concept…” – ‘Hitch’

We aren’t just one thing to everyone. We are like a committee of people that can step up and adopt a role when it’s needed.

So sometimes it suits you to be a different version of you. Especially when you’re dating. Step outside your usual boundaries of behavior every so often. It’s not being fake or pretentious.

In fact, it shows that your personality has different facets – which makes you a much more interesting person.

I’ll explain this more in Tip #6 in just a bit…

Secret Tip #5: Change The Channel…

The beauty of texting these days is that there are a lot of ways to do it.

  • You can use regular text messaging with your phone’s texting app.
  • You can use proprietary apps like Facebook messenger…
  • You can use special privacy apps like Whatsapp, Signal, or Viber…

01 How To Flirt With A Guy Texting

What you can do is to find out if this guy is using any other services for messaging, and then use that as a way to communicate with him.


Now this might sound “technical” at first, but most of these apps are very simple to install and use. And most of them will also look at your phone contacts and tell you who is already on the service that you can connect with.

By creating a special “channel” for you two to message on, you’ll have your own special space for communication that will feel different to him.

The key here is that you must make sure he uses it regularly, and that he is notified when messages come through on that app. You don’t want him missing those all-important sexy texts you send, do you?

Secret Tip #6: Show Him You’re 3D

One of the things I ask women in my seminars and coaching is if they feel 2D or 3D.

Like when you go to the movies, you can watch a normal movie, which is “2D” or 2 dimensional. Flat on the screen, but still feels real.

Or you can go see some movies that are in 3D – when you have to wear special glasses that make the characters and action pop off the screen.

how to use texts to flirt with men How To Flirt With A Guy Texting

Fantasy or reality? Which is better…

When you stick to certain topics, or certain ways of dressing, or certain ways of acting around a guy, he can sense how “2D” or “3D” you actually are.

  • A 3D gal feels more alive to him. She’s going to have more of an exciting effect on him.
  • A 2D woman feels more “flat” and boring to him. She’s going to be the woman he goes to for physical affection but not for deep emotional connection.

Yes, you’re hearing it here: Men NEED that intellectual connection if they’re going to choose you as a long-term partner in life.

Because a guy knows that he doesn’t just want sex – he wants the whole package. He wants a woman that will keep him engaged and connected over the years ahead.

So whenever possible, you want to show him you’re a full 3D woman – even in your texting!

Send texts that show him who you are and what you like in life – and the more diverse, the better. Weird hobbies, interesting exercises, all this makes you much more 3D.

Secret Tip #7: Creative Compliments…

Women don’t always realize how starved men are for genuine compliments. Even better is if we can get a real compliment that touches our heart.

You see, women live in a slightly different version of the world than men do.

Let me explain…

A woman is often held to a very explicit and understood role when it comes to how she has to interact with other women – and the world. She’s expected to be “nice,” gentle, nurturing, agreeable, and accommodating – among other things.

Yes, even if these expectations are stereotypes, and many are not even fair – women are still held to a different standard of behavior.

20 How To Flirt With A Guy Texting

So for women, they may send out a lot of compliments to other women about their clothes, or things that are happening in their lives.

Now, a lot of women tell me they sometimes question how sincere the other women are. But there are still those expectations placed on you. To be polite and approving of other women to their face.

When do guys get compliments?

Typically never. Unless it’s from his mom. (Now you know why guys are so attached to mom, besides the obvious.)

Men are starved for genuine compliments. We eat it up when we get them.

In fact, what many women assume is a “big ego” is really more likely a cry for help. He wants to be appreciated and recognized, but there are few people that do this in a man’s life. And definitely not enough to satisfy his need…

If you want to know how to talk to a guy – texting or in person – and get him to see you as the most radiant, desirable woman – go discover his Connection Code here…


UPDATED 5/29/2020


Online Dating Sites – Pay Per Contact Or Pay Monthly Fees?

Why are online dating sites so awkward to use? Maybe others feel its a scam to have to pay for online dating site membership when all they’re doing is posting a profile of themselves on the internet. Paying a monthly fee is acceptable if you are happy with the services you receive, but paying on a per-contact basis is far better. This is because you get far better value. Particularly if you decide you want a break from contacting people for a month or so.

Having a pay-per-contact site system is far more convenient and will discourage you from ‘cutting and pasting’ emails to a range of different people, because you are forced to be creative with your information and personally address other people according to their own specific likes and needs. likewise, If an email you receive from another person online is paid for individually, you will be more likely to be specially addressed and your email will be better prepared with more thought put into it.

A monthly access fee for online dating sites is not the best way to go economically. This is because it takes time to trust someone else and to develop that friendship with someone online. It can take months and months to learn all about someone and grow and nurture a new relationship. This really limits you, because you don’t necessarily want to exchange contact details straight away with the person before meeting them. The trust will build gradually, and in that time you should be able to enjoy chatting online with singles and getting to know whoever you like without the pressure of paying monthly fees.

There are just a few Australian online dating sites that offer pay-per-contact services. This is the most flexible way to contact others because it gives you plenty of time to think about how you want to present yourself to others. It also means you are far more likely to write creatively with a purpose, tailoring your information to the right person online, rather than cutting and pasting emails and sending them to hundreds of profiles, which is what happens with many other dating sites on the internet. This is where scammers can prey on innocent victims because they don’t have the time to write creatively with a lot of thought. There is not as much time pressure to get your value. If you find someone who matches your criteria the best, send them a free virtual kiss or winks message to indicate your interest in them first, then if you receive a good reply, you have met someone online that you can now feel comfortable emailing. Then you are ready to pay for contact privileges.

“Why is he losing interest in me?” 5 Reasons

I just got an email from a reader who wants to know: Why is he losing interest in me?

Read her letter to me, and then we’ll dig into the reasons why…

QUESTION FROM A READER: Why is he losing interest in me?

“Carlos –

I’ve been dating this guy for 2 months, and it’s really weird. I’m wondering if I give off some kind of “stay away” vibe…

I met him at this art fair where I was working in a booth. He was kind of cute, but I wasn’t sure if he was my type.

Anyway, he comes over to talk with me at least 3 times each day. And each time he asks me out…

how to attract men and keep them interested Why is he losing interest in me? 5 Reasons

Now that you’ve caught his attention…

I didn’t accept until the last day, just in case he was some kind of player. He kind of grew on me, and I gave him my number.

So – I need to know – Why does a guy pursue a woman so intensely at first.  And then when he finds out she’s actually interested, he’s not so sure if he is interested anymore?

And then his interest fades and he starts treating a woman like she’s an option instead of a priority…

When can you let a guy know you are interested? At what stage? Is dating just one big mind game?”

— Ellie R., Atlanta, GA

CARLOS ANSWERS: Here’s why he loses interest…

Well, Ellie, this is one of the most important questions that women ask me. So I’m going to spend some time really diving into it to explain.

Let’s start with what it’s usually NOT:

He’s probably NOT playing hard to get…

Guys are TERRIBLE at this game. I know it’s a concern for a lot of women that a guy might be using some kind of psychological games to manipulate women.

It just doesn’t happen.

Here’s why:

  1. Most guys are not “pickup artists” or “players.”  Nor do they want to be one.
    Guys feel VERY very incompetent at the kind of romantic games that already come from the woman’s side of the relationship. Most guys just want a level playing field.
  2. Guys don’t have the patience – or the understanding, or the self-control – to play hard to get.
    We just don’t do that kind of posturing. If he’s a guy with a lot of options, he may be naturally “hard to get.” And that will probably trigger your feelings of scarcity. But most men don’t really “play games” on purpose.

So when you asked if dating was one big mind game, I have to tell you that it isn’t.

Most of the things we think of as games are not malicious or intentional at all. They are usually just by accident or circumstance.

04 Why is he losing interest in me? 5 Reasons

Dating is more about how we play mind games WITH OURSELVES than anything the other person is doing intentionally.

We make up things in our heads as to why the other person is doing something weird. And what it turns out to be is just good ol’ crazy emotional behavior.

Even men do it.

So now you might be asking yourself –

What Should You DO If He Loses Interest?

There are a few things you can do if a man has lost interest in you:

  1. Do nothing…
  2. Try to win him back…
  3. Date other guys…
  4. Give up dating for a while & focus on you…
  5. Know that he’s not really reacting to YOU

These are some of the most popular alternatives. But there is one that you may not have considered…

I’ll come back around to explain it at the end…

So now we have to tap into the reasons why men lose interest in women.

REASON 1 He Lost Interest: He was never all that interested…

Sometimes guys broadcast interest even when they didn’t have any to begin with. In the moment, he was flirty, funny, and intrigued. Maybe even a little liquored up.

Or – if you’ve been dating him for a short time, you come to realize that he was actually using you as a BTN.

That stands for “Better Than Nothing.”

It’s not that he’s intentionally trying to mislead you, or even lead you on. He probably thought in that moment: “Hmm… there’s potential here. Let’s see what happens.”

But then he realizes he either wasn’t as attracted to you as he thought, or another option comes along.

I hate to say it, but I’ve been the victim of this many times. Yeah, so both men and women feel this one.

If you’ve been in a relationship for a while with someone who loses interest, he might have been staying in the relationship even though he wasn’t that into it. He might have been a guy who was afraid of being alone.

If you suspect he might have lost interest because of this, it’s best to let it go quickly and forget him. You’ll only punish your self-esteem by analyzing something that really wasn’t about you. And you don’t have ANY control over!

Get back in there and keep playing to win…

REASON 2 He Lost Interest: He’s looking at shiny things…

Guys can be distracted when they’re dating. Men or women, we are all “into” the person that has the freshest spell on our heart.

If you’ve ever walked onto a car lot to look at the car you thought you wanted to buy – only to drove off with something different and sportier, you know what I mean.

Men often meet up with another woman somewhere between when you gave him your phone number and he finally gets around to calling you. So he takes the option that is most interesting in that moment.

21 Why is he losing interest in me? 5 Reasons

Sometimes he’ll chase that option before he realizes another option was there for him – YOU.

And if he never comes back to connecting with you, then he might have been a “shiny thing chaser.” Which only means that he wouldn’t have made you happy. 

Instead, feel sorry for that poor girl that stays with him… as he chases another shiny thing.

REASON 3 He Lost Interest: His Luci Needs Him…

There’s a cute animated show called “Disenchanted” on one of the streaming services. On this show, there’s a small demon named “Luci” who gets everyone into all kinds of trouble. 

Every guy has his Luci. That dark part of his past – or present – that gets in the way of his life and happiness. 

Guys often lose interest in starting up a relationship when he realizes how much of that dark past – his “Luci” – he has to take care of. 

A lot of women think that they could have helped him with those issues.

It’s not your job, nor is it always welcome to a guy to burden someone he just started dating with that kind of problem. Men are notoriously stoic and solitary when they’re dealing with their issues. 

REASON 4 He Lost Interest: He just realized he wasn’t ready…

Even though we know that guys are often seen as commitment-phobes, we have to realize that many guys really don’t want a relationship RIGHT NOW. And there’s nothing wrong with that. 

Most women have had times when they knew they didn’t really want a relationship, and this didn’t make them “broken” or bad in some way. 

Sometimes guys figure out that they want to do certain things before settling down, like traveling or starting a business. And he understands that this wouldn’t work with a relationship.

And there are also guys who start to date and then realize that they are not really as ready for a commitment as they thought they were.

It’s even harder in these situations because we might want someone to blame, but neither person is guilty or wrong.

He just wasn’t ready.

REASON 5 He Lost Interest: He’s a chronic chaser….

In the same way that a guy can get caught up in the challenge of the chase, some guys just never get past it. 

If the relationship isn’t new enough, or exciting enough, or challenging enough, he loses interest. 

He wasn’t as much into the dating and relationship part – or even the YOU part of it. He was just wanting that adrenaline rush of competition, pursuit, and victory. 

Who knows? He might spend the rest of his life looking for that rush, too.

13 Why is he losing interest in me? 5 Reasons

There are even some guys who jump into a “steady” relationship where they’re not all that challenged just so they can get some stability. And THEN they resume the chase by going after other women.

Again, it’s far better that these guys walk away than get you caught up in their stuff.

REASON 6 He Lost Interest: He’s lost interest….

Not to put too fine a point on it, but he may have thought you were one kind of person when he met you. And later, if he sees something different in you, he might decide it’s not for him.

If you’ve ever met a guy that failed to light your fuse, you might know what I’m talking about. Very often, chemistry just doesn’t last between people. Again, it’s not necessary to blame the other person.

I know for me that if someone I was dating wasn’t into me, I wouldn’t want them to stay with me – no matter how I felt about them. 

It’s like the old saying: “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it’s love. If they don’t, it wasn’t meant to be.”

The wrong person can’t be pushed into being the right one. Ever.

REASON 7 He Lost Interest: He doesn’t have The Spark….

The Spark” is what I call the mysterious drive that compels guys to chase the object of their desire. 

It used to be that nearly all men had it in them to woo a woman, pursue her until he won her heart. More guys were like the “knights” of old.

These days … well, not so much. Guys just don’t pursue women like this anymore.

why do men lose interest in relationships Why is he losing interest in me? 5 Reasons

Has the spark fizzled out?

We could blame a whole ton of things, from fluoride in the water to being brow-beaten by negative messages in the media. 

In the end, we just have to realize that the dating landscape has changed quite a bit. I don’t know if it will go back to “the good ol’ days” anytime soon. 

Not all guys are good at the game of confidence required to pursue and win your heart.

  • Some of them are still boy-men…
  • Some of them are indecisive…
  • Some of them are stuck in their fear or insecurities…

So keep in mind that he might not have lost interest in you. He might have run out of fuel to overcome his own “stuff.” He might need your help to break out of it. 

Or, if you have no interest in doing that for him, you can just decide to keep shopping

And that’s the best way to look at the dating game, by the way: You’re just shopping.

  • Some guys are keepers, but they wear out and you have to get a new one.
  • Some guys are impulse buys.
  • Some are faulty and unusable.

And you’re just shopping for that high quality guy that you can stay with for as long as that guarantee lasts.

Remember: Ultimately – nothing lasts forever – not even relationships.

So just enjoy the time you have with the ones you can.

BONUS REASON He Lost Interest: You’re just a test drive….

Some guys are in a bad relationship or marriage, and they just want to see what else might be out there. 

Some guys are in a GOOD relationship or marriage – and they just want to see what else is out there. 

why men lose interest in relationship Why is he losing interest in me? 5 Reasons


A recent study discovered that up to 20% of all online dating profiles are women who are not interested in dating someone. They’re just into the attention and appreciation they get from the guys who contact them. 

I doubt guys are all that much different in this way. 

So yeah, you might have just run into one of those guys out there doing some test driving. Or maybe wanting a little attention that he isn’t getting at home.

And sometimes it’s a guy who is already attached and trying to find his way out of it. 

You may even run into this situation in a relationship you’ve been in for years. You wonder why he’s lost interest – and it could be that he went and fell for someone else. 

It’s not cool, but this is a possibility.

There’s nothing so dark or evil to a person than the threat of someone we love being taken away from us. Maybe because it’s a knife that cuts both ways: it takes away our love, and then it makes us question our own value.

Let’s finish up with a good rule to help you understand men and their thinking:

RULE: Men want the conquest…

Guys are interested in women….

And we’re even more interested in women that CHALLENGES us.

This is something that is common to all humans. We are hard-wired to desire that which is most difficult to get.

Why is this?

It goes back to our long evolutionary history – back to when we learned what would help us survive, and what would not. In nature, most of the things that are easy to find are not valuable. (Let’s not count oxygen or water here for this explanation…)

High protein foods – usually meat – had to be hunted. It took a lot of effort to bring down an animal that could feed more than a few of the tribe.

Nowadays, you can wander down a Safeway aisle and get yourself a big thick steak for $5. Back in prehistoric times, that could have taken a lot more time and energy.

And another thing is that we humans don’t really understand how to calculate VALUE very well.

If I were to sell you a gallon of milk, you’d have a pretty good idea how much that might cost. Anywhere from $3 to $5 or so. If you’ve bought milk in the last week or two, you might even have that down to the penny.

But if I ask you how much it costs to find a quality man, I’ll bet you would first stare at me in shock. Then you’d either shrug – or get out a notepad and start brainstorming a list that would make your knees weak. And even then you’d have a hard time figuring out the cost of everything in dollars.

So for us to put a value on a quality man for you, we could easily put the monetary cost into the thousands. (Hair products, cosmetics, clothes, time prepping – and think of all the transportation and … ok, I’ll stop.)

I’m sure you get the point by now.

So the emotional value of a relationship can feel like a HUGE investment. And people tend to stay around too long in bad investments.

Ultimately, it’s very rare that a man will lose interest in you because:

  • You called him too much…
  • You were too big for him…
  • You talked too loud…
  • You didn’t sleep with him on the first date…
  • You didn’t pay for your half of the meal…

Or hundreds of other imagined reasons.

It mostly comes down to HIS stuff.

  • His weird thinking…
  • His emotional hangups…
  • His short attention span…
  • His lack of direction…

All too often, we men are distracted more than it has anything to do with you.

I know, I know – you probably feel like NO MAN should ever be distracted from you. Otherwise, you must not have that magical feminine power over him!

But the truth is that men can – and DO – pull away from relationships for smaller reasons. Mostly, it’s because you really didn’t push him into obsession.

You have to trigger his obsession if you want him to stick with you.

If you’d like to learn more about how to do this, just watch this short video on how to trigger a man’s obsession switch…

Generic SPLASH 1 Why is he losing interest in me? 5 Reasons




Did Two Serial Killers Meet On The Dating Game?

After having experienced the 1960s and 1970s during my childhood, I thought I had heard and seen just about everything on TV. U.S. presidential candidate Richard Nixon appeared briefly on Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In to help him secure the youth vote. The U.S. Communist Party held a fundraiser on TV and raised about $1000. Legendary singer James Brown performed one of his sexually-charged tunes doing a star-studded telethon to raise money for the Democratic Party.

Brown must have really been into the song because in the middle of it he started taking off his pants! After a few seconds the camera focused in on his face and remained there for the rest of his performance. Afterward, the embarrassed hosts pretended like it never happened and moved onto the next act. Controversy was the name of the game back then if you wanted ratings, but the most outrageous TV event of all took place behind the scenes on The Dating Game without anyone even knowing about it.

The Dating Game was the brainchild of TV game show wiz Chuck Barris who also created The Newlywed Game and The Gong Show. ABC bought the concept and the show began airing in December of 1965. It became so popular that ABC created a prime time version in 1966. Altogether, the show ran from 1965 until 1999 with a couple of revivals and four hosts beginning with Jim Lange and ending with Chuck Woolery.

Because of the show’s popularity a lot of aspiring actors and performers wanted to be contestants for the FaceTime the program provided, especially after the primetime version began. Among those that appeared on The Dating Game before they became famous or at the very beginning of their entertainment careers were Michael Jackson, Burt Reynolds, Farrah Fawcett, Suzanne Somers, Lindsay Wagner, Leif Garrett, Tom Selleck, Lee Majors, The Carpenters, Andy Kaufman, Steve Martin, John Ritter, Phil Hartman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dusty Springfield, Maureen McCormick, Barry Williams, Sally Field, Richard Dawson and Paul Lynde.

The show had a fun format. Three guys (Batchelors) would answer playful questions put to them by a girl (Bachelorette) who was separated from them by a wall. She could not see her suitors. After a designated period of time she had to pick one. Reactions varied, but at least the Bachelorettes could look forward to an awesome evening or three. The prize was a chaperoned date to some exotic location or an expensive staycation. The chaperone was a good idea in case you got stuck with a guy who was a little too touchy and feely. It was also helpful if you happen to be Cheryl Bradshaw.

In 1978 Cheryl was a Bachelorette on The Dating Game. Her choice of three guys included Rodney Alcala who was Bachelor Number #1. He was introduced as a professional photographer that enjoyed skydiving and motorcycling as hobbies. Bachelor Number #2, Jed Mills, who sat next to Alcala later said, “He was creepy. Definitely creepy,” However, he was a smooth talker and easily able to be affable when it suited him. Maybe that’s why Cheryl Bradshaw chose him as the winner.

As soon as Alcala walked around the wall and met her, he grinned and said, “We’re going to have a great time together, Cheryl.” Or not. After she had a conversation with him backstage, Cheryl later told a newspaper reporter that Alcala made her feel ill and she refused the date. Good move. In 1968 he was convicted of raping an eight year old girl. During and after his Dating Game appearance he was killing girls earning him the nickname, “The Dating Game Killer.” One detective called him a “Killing Machine” during a trial in 2010. He may have been killing since the late 1960s. He was already a serial rapist and serial killer by that time.

Alcala used photography as a way to get girls and boys to go with him, promising professional photos or a modeling assignment. He asked them to strip naked, or made them do so, then photographed and raped them. He enjoyed strangling the girls until they were almost unconscious, then reviving them. He did this several times and may have raped them each time as well until he finally killed them. He also photographed teenage boys nude and in various sexual poses. He tended to let them go. One survivor said he had several nude young girls at the session and liked posing them with teen boys.

Still on parole for the rape and some pot busts, Alcala’s parole officer inexplicably allowed him to travel to New York in 1977 for an alleged photography assignment. While there Alcala killed Ellen Jane Hover (23). She was the daughter of the owner of Ciro’s in Hollywood. Her remains were later found on the Rockefeller Estate in Westchester County. Acala raped and killed in several states and the exact number of his victims remains unknown. He photographed hundreds of girls and teen boys. The identities of most of those in the photos remains unknown. He was sentenced to death in California.

It’s unknown if Chuck Barris was on the Dating Game set the day the episode with Rodney Alcala was taped. If he was then there is the possibility that two serial killers who murdered for entirely different reasons would have set an even more macabre record for a TV game show. The obvious question is was Chuck Barris a contract killer for the CIA as indicated in the book ‘Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind’. It’s a tough question to answer. Some of those close to the entertainment entrepreneur when he died at age 87 chose to weigh in on the controversy, but their opinions were split.

The type of recruitment and assignments described in the book are actually somewhat Atypical of a covert government agency. On one hand it’s not too difficult to find out about those procedures. On the other hand the book is written in a manner that makes the reader believe someone actually experienced those things. However, those situations could just as easily apply to an organization like the Mossad as it could the CIA. So that’s another possibility.

Watching the Gong Show exposes Barris as a moody guy experiencing emotions in a manner which says that things more important than the show were going on in his life. Those could have been family things given his tumultuous relationships and the drug and alcohol addictions that eventually took his daughter’s life. While many believe that Chuck’s CIA story was probably just him imaging another life, I say the jury is still out on the story until more facts or witnesses appear.

Want more? Read Guide To Serial Killers: The Best of the Worst