How To Get Your Man Back After You’ve Messed Up…

Maybe you’ve broken up, maybe you haven’t. You goofed, and now you’re on the outs. And if you want to know how to get your man back after you’ve messed up, you’ve come to the right place.

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You CAN get him back…

Hey, we all mess up from time to time. It happens, and you wonder if you can ever recover.

After all, there are a ton of ways you might accidentally push a guy away, and then realize what you’ve done. You start the mad scramble to get him back into your life.

Well, today we’re going to talk about some tips you can use to get your man back…

Get Him Back – TIP 1: Relax, don’t do it…

Just like Frankie Goes To Hollywood says… just relax. And don’t do it.

By “it” I mean: Don’t panic and don’t lose your cool.

The first rule of fight club… I mean, the first rule of breakup club is that you don’t panic and don’t react from your panic. That’s one of the most common mistakes women make after they mess up is that they think they now have to scramble to fix it. In fact, most of the time you don’t need to do much at all.

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Did you mess up and say the wrong thing?

Just wait it out. 

“The more you try to save face, the more insecure you often look…” – Carlos

Think about the people you’ve known who don’t seem to care much about what other people think of them. They make huge blunders, but everyone loves them even more for it.

How do they do it?

They simply don’t look like they care one bit. They shrug it off and keep plowing forward.

Learn a thing or two from their approach and just let it go and move on.

TIP 2: Give him the Astronaut Treatment…

The “astronaut” treatment is when you give him SPACE – and plenty of it!

I’m not just trying to be cheeky here. When you give a man space, you’re showing trust in him and your relationship. When you bulldoze right back in trying to “fix” everything, you’ll usually just make things worse. 

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Oops! Did it again?

A guy will look at you and decide in seconds whether or not you’re needy based on how quickly you backpedal and try to save face. For some guys, they immediately sort you into the bin labeled “side girlfriend.” As in, NOT his primary girlfriend.

Men respect women who stick to their guns, or at least don’t run around in fear of loss. Give him space to decompress from his own emotional state, and time for him to get back to missing you.

Ultimately, that’s the goal for your man – to get him to the point where he misses you when he’s not with you.

Chances are your mistake wasn’t all that bad. And just as likely is that he doesn’t even remember what happened all that well.

In the absence of a clear memory of the situation, he’ll probably just forgive you and move on – in his own time.

So give him space to relax in.

When he feels that you’re going to rush right in to always try and fix things, you’re training him to be passive in your relationship.

TIP 3: Titrate…!

One of the things that guys run away from is a huge display of emotion that he wasn’t prepared for. You may have had this happen to you, in fact.

Men are very easily FLOODED by emotions.

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Want to get your man back…?

Emotional flooding is what happens when the amount of emotional interaction (usually conversation) is more than he can contend with. He feels a giant wave of emotion (usually any emotion that is not joy or happiness) and he either loses his cool, or shuts down completely.

Women experience this emotional flooding too when they feel a whirlpool of emotion suddenly suck them into feelings they weren’t prepared for.

The answer to this – for you, anyway – is to titrate your emotional output so that you don’t blow him away.

Titrating” simply means to measure and balance things for the two of you.

Nothing scares men more than huge WAVES of emotion.  Use your awareness of the situation to make an accurate judgement about how much emotion you use with him.

Slowly tell him you miss him… don’t hit him with it all like a tidal wave or you’ll risk him running away.

TIP 4: Don’t Jump Into Bed…

You’re going to be tempted to jump right into bed with him the first time he makes an advance. Even if you haven’t talked about what happened between you.

This is dangerous, and you want to avoid this pattern of jumping into the sack to solve the distance you feel between you.

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Get him to come back to you…

There are a lot of reasons for this…

  1. CONFUSION: If you setup a pattern of getting physically intimate before you get back to emotionally intimate, you’re going to confuse him – and your relationship! When a guy hasn’t had a chance to sort through the emotional component of your relationship, he’s going to have unfinished business in his head…
  2. PATTERNS: If you go to physical intimacy first, he’s going to learn that pattern from you and assume that it will continue throughout your relationship. Let’s be real here, it won’t. There will come a day when it will become easier for you to turn him down than turn him up – if you know what I mean…
  3. PASSIVE: Just like I mentioned above, if he gets too used to bypassing the conversations and jumping to the physical part, he’ll assume everything is okay between you. He’ll also assume that jumping in bed is how you’ll resolve issues in the future. And that’s likely to make him passive…

TIP 5: Don’t be Negative…

You may see a lot of advice out there saying that you should “Be positive!” 

Or just “Think happy thoughts!”

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Messed up? You can fix it.

Look, I don’t think you should delude yourself, either. Thinking positive just because it’s supposed to be good – even when you’re feeling pretty negative – is going to mess with your head. If you tell yourself one thing when your emotions don’t believe it, you’re basically getting setup for years of therapy.

Instead, simply avoid the catastrophic thinking that most women indulge in when there is a rift between her and her man. You don’t need to go right down Negative Street.

Your inner “mean girl” voice already second guesses you all day long. Don’t give her ammunition!

Think You’ve Messed Things Up? – TIP 6: Go ahead – BE a baby…

It’s not often you’ll hear this advice from me, but this is one situation where you need to employ some “baby strategies.”

One of the first things a baby learns is how to self-soothe. It’s a process that is gradual, but necessary in child development. It’s the first skill we learn – or don’t learn – to help us in life later on.

A baby has to be able to settle itself down after something upsetting happens. Maybe it’s a late feeding, or a wet diaper. Either way, the baby has to learn to calm itself down.

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You need a plan to win him back…

The same is true for us as adults. That same self-soothing skill we learned (or perhaps didn’t learn) as a baby becomes essential when we get upset later on in our relationships.

So you might need to take some time to soothe yourself and calm your emotions down. If you walk around in a highly upset state, your hormonal balance will be off, and you’ll find yourself extremely fragile.

Take the time to find your soothing.

Maybe it’s a good inspirational book. Maybe it’s a hot bath… or getting your nails done…

Find your soothing and use it.

TIP 7: Get back to the playground as soon as you can…

There are a couple things that are likely to happen when you do get back with him after having messed up:

  • He might be a little mean and punishing. Of course, he’s going to be a little mad at you if you did mess up – and he’ll want to express it. You might have apologized, but you also have to make room for his emotional expression about what happened…
  • He might not forgive you right away. This goes hand-in-hand with the previous one. You’re going to have to be patient while he tries to get back to loving you…
  • Feeling guilty might make you defensive. Sure, you’re going to be in the doghouse for a bit. And it’s easy to think – after just a few hours – “Why aren’t things back to normal yet?” Again – PATIENCE! If you get into a cycle of apologizing, but then trying to explain and justify what you did, and then doing it all over again – he’s not going to take your apology seriously.

The goal is to get back to the “playground.” Get back to the place in your relationship where things were fun and happy and loving. So keep aiming in that direction.

If he gets a little down on you about what happened, you shrug it off and plan something fun for the two of you to help get things back on track. 

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He’s back! Get things on track…

The point is to NOT let things get negative in your relationship. Don’t rehash old problems and patterns. Do your best to stay out of the muck of old cycles so that you can get back to the place where your relationship is fresh and fun again.

And the best way to do that is to understand how to CONNECT with him in a way that no other woman can.

Connection with a guy is the most important ingredient to get him to commit to you. Ask any woman what her biggest concern is with her relationship and she’ll tell you it’s about the quality of her CONNECTION with HIM.

If you’d like to learn more about how to unlock a man’s connection code – so that you can have him loving and adoring you the way you want – go watch this short video presentation…

Is He Using You? 10 Signs

You might like the guy you’re dating right now, and you want this relationship to grow. But something inside you has you on alert: “Is He Using Me?” you wonder.

Maybe something feels off about him. Or maybe you’re wondering if he’s a player…

Or you could be wondering if you’re just being too paranoid about the whole thing. And the last thing you want to do is ruin love by being too suspicious, right?

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Too good to be true?

Well, let’s talk about some of the warning signs that a guy is using you. These will help you spot the guys who try to take advantage of you so you can avoid them.

First of all, let me help you take a huge breath and relax: Most men are not users, players, or jerks.

Most guys are really decent, heartfelt men.

However, if you experience a lot of losers & users in your life, you may want to take a look at your dating style a bit. Because you may be doing something that attracts this kind of guy to you.

Let me be clear: I’m not saying it’s your fault.

The unfortunate reality is that a certain kind of guy is going to look for certain signals. Certain behaviors will wake up his predatory instincts.

And if you happen to accidentally show these signals to him, he may focus on you as his prey.

Let me be clear again: This kind of behavior from a guy is UNACCEPTABLE, in my opinion. And staying with a guy like this is also equally unacceptable.

I’ll talk more about that in a bit, but first  let’s jump in with:

Is He Using You?

SIGN #1: He’s A Real Rico…

Maybe you remember this old character from a song in the early 90’s – “Rico Suave.” This guy was so smooth with women that it was truly over-the-top. The name became synonymous with a ladies man.

He’s usually fit, tanned, charismatic, good looking, smooth with words… He’s everything a woman wants. Which immediately starts your radar pinging.

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Smooth moves…

But the problem is – He’s EVERYTHING YOU WANT!

It’s hard to resist, and most women often just throw themselves headfirst in love with him. Even though you know it’s just not a good idea.

Well, ladies – you know what you’re getting with this guy. There’s not much to say other than avoid him from the start.

SIGN #2: Your Friends Are Hip…

Look, if there’s one thing a User can’t do, it’s fool someone that he’s not in a relationship with. For the obvious reason that women who are not under the user’s spell are going to see through his act.

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They’re on to him…

And your friends will tell you they smell what he’s cooking. He’s not going to be able to charm them like he would you.

And that’s a warning sign right there – if he seems to be TRYING to charm your friends into liking him a bit too much.

Also – look at your own behavior: Are you finding yourself justifying him a lot? Defending him?

That’s another indication that they have spotted something in him that you can’t see.

Watch how your friends respond when you talk about him. If they don’t seem genuinely and emotionally into your relationship – or at least happy for you – you’ve got something worth looking at.

They are seeing something in his behavior that you are not.

SIGN #3: You don’t think you’re the only Sheila…

Look, odds are that if he’s a user or a player, you’re not going to be the only girl in his little black book.

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Does he have a lot of “girl” friends…?

On the low end of the scale, he could just be an unfaithful kind of guy. Men who can’t stay true to their woman are typically guys who are insecure and need sexual validation quite a bit.

On the high end of the scale, he might be a serial User that’s out there catfishing every woman he can dig into for money…

But again, this is a rare case, and is only celebrated on reality TV and shock news reports, and clickbait ads.

If you think he’s seeing other women when you’re supposed to be in a committed relationship, you need to consider that a real big warning sign.

SIGN #4: He’s got one of those, you know – Reputations…

If there’s one thing you might not want to believe, it’s what you hear from other people about him. Unfortunately, reputations are one of the easiest things to fall into. But they’re most often right on the money.

Women over thirty Is He Using You? 10 Signs

He’s a bad boy…

Pay attention to what you hear, especially if you find yourself getting emotionally defensive about it. The fact is that gossip might be ugly and hurtful, but it’s not usually wrong.

Especially if you’re in your 40s or older and dating. If this guy hasn’t been in some serious long-term relationships, or married by this point, you have to wonder: Why not…?

SIGN #5: It’s his DUTY to…

Ahem, I’m about to get a little vulgar here and finish that phrase: He feels it’s his duty to please that booty…

In other words, he’s using you as a friends with benefits arrangement.

I’m sure you know if you’re actually in this arrangement. It’s usually pretty obvious when you see that he only wants to see you on HIS schedule… or he only shows up later at night when he knows he can get a little “action.”

Or he shows up at the party you invited him to – about 3 or 4 hours into it. Just in time to take you home…

Yeah. Booty call.

So it’s up to you to set the boundaries with him and let him know that you will not tolerate it. After all, if you DO tolerate mistreatment, the problem isn’t really him.

SIGN #6: Who you gonna call…?

One of them most obvious signs that this guy is only into a convenient, low-investment relationship is when he ghosts you for no reason. Then he pulls a Sign #5 (Booty call) on you another time.

  • Maybe you brought up commitment…
  • Maybe you asked if he wanted to go away with you for the weekend…
  • Maybe you brought up the “L” word…
  • Maybe you let him know that you don’t want to sleep with him until after you have built up some connection…

And he just disappeared.

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Does he come and go as he pleases? He may be using you…

That’s player behavior, through and through.

So, I’d say you should call Ghostbusters on this guy. And exorcise this bad spirit out of your life.

If he ghosts you, he’s showing a real lack of character. Rest assured – it will catch up with him later. You don’t need to prove anything by cussing him out on his voicemail.

Just let Time do its trick of showing him a few lessons.

SIGN #7: He isn’t into your feelings…

And what I mean is that he doesn’t seem to really care much how you feel. About anything, really.

If you have a bad day, or have a series of your own unfortunate events, and he can’t look up from the television and check in with you, showing real human compassion…

Drop him faster than 1st period French class, honey. This guy’s a User.

He needs to show some amount of interest and caring about your emotions, your life, your dreams… all the stuff that’s important to YOU. Or he’s not what you want in your life.

Plain and simple.

SIGN #8: Hey, can you do me a favor…?

Yeah, users and players are notorious for wanting favors from you. Sometimes these favors involve money, but often they just make you his errand girl.

  • “Can you pick up my dry cleaning?”
  • “Hey, can you grab me something from the store?”
  • “Would you bring me a sandwich…?”
  • “Would you stop by and drop off…”

The list of favors he’s got is as endless as his to-do list.

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Is he a “me” monkey?

Sure, in a loving relationship where there is caring between you, favors are no big deal. But if you check in with yourself and feel like you’re being taken advantage of, you’re probably right.

You want to see if it’s love or a user? Just ask HIM to do YOU a favor after you’ve done one for him. If you hear excuses or resistance, walk out and never talk to him again.

There are other girls who will lower their self-respect for him. But that’s not YOU.

You’re not going to let him walk all over your self-esteem and turn you into a doormat.

SIGN #9: He’s Selfish In The Sack…

There are some cases of guys who only want FWB (Friends With Benefits) who are good lovers. But the reality is that if he’s only using you, he’s going to be a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am.

  • You’ll find yourself giving way more than you get…
  • He’ll finish first, and not take care of YOUR business…
  • If you want to do something different in the sack, he’ll make excuses, telling you “he’s not into that…”

I’ll admit – back in my wild & crazy days of youth, I was a bit of a bad boy. I wasn’t around for the long-term. And yet I still made sure she got hers when it came to the wild monkey love.

If he can’t be troubled to give to you in the bedroom, the relationship is doomed before it begins. It’s not even worth an attempt to reform him, because he lacks the basic instinct of generosity.

SIGN #10: He’s Completely Unreliable…

This one shows up in so many different ways:

  • He’s reliant on you for money to survive…
  • He’s never on-time…
  • He never follows through on his promises…
  • He tells you he’s going to introduce you to his family, but it never happens…

The word of a User isn’t worth anything.

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He might be a user…

You may be tempted to keep giving him new chances to “make it up for you” or “prove that he’s changed…” but he never seems to be able to pull that off. He will be very convincing in his attempts to get you to believe him.

But the endings will always leave you unhappy. Maybe even worse off than before.

And again, I want to caution you not to blame him too much if you haven’t ever sat him down and told him your expectations and requirements for the relationship.

A lot of people I’ve coached think that it’s best to just assume your relationship is fine.  But then they discover that they never set a healthy boundary for what it is they truly want.

If you want to avoid the users and the players out there, I’ve got something that can help you right now.

I found that most women simply need to understand how men communicate – and what signals he’s giving off!

Go read my special edition report right now:

“REVEALED: 7 Telltale Signals That Show You If He’s In Love …”




15 Signs A Guy Is Using You

5 Sure Fire Ways To Set Boundaries On A Date

First dates are pretty vulnerable for women. You probably want to be able to set boundaries on a date without scaring him off.

After all, you’re dealing with a guy that could – at his best – be your next Romeo in Shining Armor.

And – at his worst – possibly be your worst college frat-boy, douchebag nightmare.

boundaries for healthy realtioships 5 Sure Fire Ways To Set Boundaries On A Date

Which guy is the “best” for you?

Again, most men fall into a nice bell curve – with Jerks on one end, wimps on the other end, and a hefty population of genuinely decent guys in the middle. There are far more good guys than crappy guys. You just don’t hear from them as much because most men are a little intimidated to make a move in our current political climate.

(This is what they don’t tell you about on TV, folks… and it’s why I’m here to tell you the TRUTH about what men are thinking.)

Guys are genuinely confused and scared of doing the wrong thing when it comes to taking initiative with women.

And with so many mixed messages in the media, could you blame them?

I mean, it’s about time people like Harvey Weinstein and the other creepy guys of the world were held accountable. I’m all for it.

And the unfortunate side effect is that now it’s pretty scary for a guy to even consider asking a woman on a date when he doesn’t know what’s acceptable and what might get him labeled as another pervy dude.

  • So can you set a boundary with him so that he doesn’t act up…?
  • So he doesn’t expect to jump in bed with you on the first date…?
  • So he doesn’t ruin things for you both…?

The answer is YES

You can set boundaries on a date with him – AND avoid scaring him off.

And it’s essential that you do set those boundaries, because you are also setting the playing field for your relationship with him – all the way to marriage and beyond! (Imagine Buzz Lightyear saying that last part.)

Your first few dates are where you get to test your intuition about him, so you want to ask good questions and set the right boundaries.

Here are a few tips when dealing with men and setting boundaries:

setting dating boundaries keep man interested 5 Sure Fire Ways To Set Boundaries On A Date

Strong, confident women set healthy boundaries…

TIP #1: Don’t say YES when you mean NO.

Not only is this incredibly confusing to a man, it’s also leading him on.

I understand that it can be hard to be so plain spoken with a guy because you want to be nice, you want to be liked, you don’t want to be a bitch, etc.

But guys don’t get hints.

If you pull your punches and don’t speak clearly with him, he won’t get it. He’ll misunderstand. And he’ll keep doing whatever it is you want him to stop doing.

TIP #2: Speak your truth…

Many women are afraid to tell a guy what she’s really thinking and feeling.

When you don’t tell the truth because you’re afraid he’ll reject you, or you’re afraid of any reaction he might have, you’re disrespecting yourself. And you’re underestimating HIM.

TIP #3: Don’t let a man run your life…

It can be easy to “go along for the ride” with a guy’s assertiveness and strong will. Sometimes it’s just plain easier to go along to get along.

This happens on the first date when he picks everything – like the wine and the appetizers. Make sure you get your vote on these things, and don’t start out with a bad pattern.

The go-along-to-get-along attitude is the #1 way to ensure that he will eventually lose respect for you, treat you like a rug he can walk on, and eventually he will probably leave the relationship or cheat.

“Wow, Carlos! Harsh!”

Unfortunately this is true in many cases where a woman lets a guy take over her life. She’s basically in a 1-person cult. The cult of HIM.

Women are also known to put their lives on hold for a guy. She’ll waste her time and energy waiting on him, and when he falls through, she’s emotionally devastated.

The CEO of your life is YOU. Don’t ever forget that.

Okay –

Now, there are a few places you want to set some boundaries to make sure you don’t lose your way in your relationship…

DRAW THE LINE – BOUNDARY #1: Where’s The End-zone…?

The End-zone in football is where each team is trying to take the football to score – and eventually win the game.

You have to know up front if he’s a guy that’s looking for a good time, or is he looking for a relationship. On the first date, you’ll want to listen to the hints he drops in conversation. If he starts talking sexual with you on the first date, he’s testing you to see how far he can get on this date.

So his end-zone would be the bedroom – AT FIRST.

how to get boyfriend to stop running away from commitment 5 Sure Fire Ways To Set Boundaries On A Date


Here’s another secret about guys you won’t find anywhere else:

“Men are always looking for a good time FIRST, and then a relationship if you turn out to be cool, fun, and compatible with him.”

That doesn’t mean that’s how he WANTS the date to go. He’s just testing, remember.

You might think that all guys out there are “commitment phobic” – the way they act up front and then grow distant later on.

He’s just scared to commit, right?


(sorry guys – I’m busting your game wide open for the ladies…)

It’s the one trick that guys use that works every time. Women have been fed this lie for long enough. Men actually LIKE that women think they’re “commitment phobic” because it gives him the excuse he needs to leave when the time is right.

Before you start throwing old, mushy tomatoes at me – let me explain:

A woman is – most of the time – seeking a stable guy that will make a commitment to her. It’s how most women are naturally wired. (C’mon, you have to admit that you’re much more into a relationship than any Friends-with-Benefits arrangement.)

Guys are wired to commit to the woman that will unlock his heart by simply…

Wait – I’ll explain more on that in a bit.

For now, just know that guys DO commit – but we do it differently than women.

You need to start out by finding out what he SAYS his boundary is for a relationship. If you’re looking for a relationship and he says he’s just dating around right now, you know how this song goes.

  • Don’t think about snaring him in and then changing his mind…
  • Don’t think you can pretend you don’t want a relationship and then hope he’ll change his mind…
  • Don’t do any of those “old tricks.” You’re just setting yourself up for heartbreak…

Instead, be clear in your communication – without being pushy, of course – what you’re looking for.


One of the big mistakes people make when dating is that they try to make the first few dates a romantic fantasy come true. They make dates that do not resemble real life at all for the first few months.

Guys are most guilty of this, but you should be the one setting this boundary.


relationship advice how to set boundaries with men without scaring away 5 Sure Fire Ways To Set Boundaries On A Date

Easiest boundary to set…?

Because the woman gets attached to this “First Date Fantasyland”, as it feels wonderfully romantic.

Who wouldn’t? Romantic dinners, thrilling events, etc. The first date is often a bit too much – just go to coffee instead of dinner.

But it’s not realistic for the man to keep up this level of expectation, AND it avoids the fact that you need to bond on a real-world level first.

Crazy all-nighters where he ends up sleeping over, or flying off to Mexico for the weekend on a whim is not sustainable. By either of you! It also amplifies the attraction hormones in your system to a level where you’ll be tricking yourselves about your level of desire and commitment.

You want to know how this guy will behave in the real world that your relationship will actually take place in. Not in the dreamy world of supercharged dates.

You want to see his true colors as soon as possible, because BOTH of you are putting on your best behavior to attract the other one.

But a real long term relationship – and marriage – will not be like this.

DRAW THE LINE – BOUNDARY #3: Whoah, Gimme Some Space…

This one can be tricky – and I’m really surprised more couples don’t talk about it more. After all, if you don’t know what your expectations are here, you could find yourself in a lot of awkward arguments.

I’m talking about how much SPACE you need, and your ME time.

setting first date boundaries without scaring him away 5 Sure Fire Ways To Set Boundaries On A Date

Boundaries help keep you grounded in yourself…

You want to know what each of you thinks is the ideal amount of time to spend together, as well as the time you need apart.

Back when you were in high school, sure you could ditch school and make out on the couch all day long. (Okay, well maybe I did that one once or twice, too.)

But as grown-ups, we know what our limits are. You know when you need that me-time to get the grocery shopping done, hang out with the kids, head to the gym, etc. You’ve got a real life to manage.

Your guy might not have the same obligations or needs that you do.

Or, vice-versa.

So be sure to be clear about your needs up front so that you both know what time you have together – and apart. Misunderstandings are usually caused by one person not wanting to rock the boat, so they stay silent. They don’t want to chance messing up this new romance.

This is a recipe for disaster in a relationship! Because eventually it will catch up with you.

People don’t usually walk away from a relationship because the other person has boundaries. They walk away because the COMMUNICATION of the boundaries wasn’t done well and now there’s conflict, misunderstandings, and confusion.

On the first date, simply listen to find out what his past relationships were like.



Did that word just trigger a whole bunch of stuff for you?

Communication is the trickiest part of dealing with men.

Hands down.

how to set boundaries for successful dates 5 Sure Fire Ways To Set Boundaries On A Date

Most important boundary to set…

And it’s not because guys are particularly complicated in how they talk about things. They just communicate in a much different way than you do. Which feels very confusing because it seems to be coming from a completely different way of thinking.

I used to feel the same way about women until I read a few good books on the topic of communication, how women think vs. how men think, etc. And now I very rarely find myself confused.

This doesn’t mean I don’t have my moments, but for the most part I get how men and women go wrong when communicating.

So you have to know how to communicate with a man to get him to really HEAR you. AND you have to be willing to have a difficult conversation once in a while. The simple fact is that a slightly difficult conversation that you avoid now will turn into a PAINFUL conversation later.

Possibly even a breakup.

Remember, boundaries are not meant to be empty threats or harsh limits you set that make you feel uncomfortable.

Boundaries are clear, loving, firm words we say to assert our needs.

And these boundaries tell him how you want to be treated in life and love.

On the first date, be willing to establish any boundaries around conversation topics – like sex, previous relationships, or anything too intimate too soon.

DRAW THE LINE – BOUNDARY #5: Gonna Get Physical…

It’s probably the toughest place to set a boundary, but it has to be done as soon as you can. The first date is not too soon. If physical intimacy comes up – it needs to be addressed right away.

how to set boundaries in relationships 5 Sure Fire Ways To Set Boundaries On A Date

Can’t help yourself? Set some boundaries…

The simple fact is that you might actually feel that this guy is incredible on that first date – maybe AWESOME. And you don’t want to lose this chance with him. You might be really tempted to jump in bed with him on that first date just because the chemistry is so fantastic.

But the truth is that you can’t do it!

REASON 1: If you need to sleep with him to “lock him down,” you never really had the connection you think…

REASON 2: If you sleep with him too soon, you ruin the challenge for him. He will lose interest if he doesn’t have to work for your affection…

REASON 3: It breaks the connection with a guy if he gets to home base too soon, and he won’t feel the right level of comfort with you…

REASON 4: If you sleep with a guy too soon, you won’t seem “valuable” to him. You’ll have given him the “milk” for free…

Easy” never really turns into “love” anywhere else but the movies…” – Carlos

I could probably go on for hours with more reasons why you shouldn’t be suckered into this trap.

I realize it’s tough when everything you see in the movies, hear about in music, and read about in romance books tells you that you should just throw caution to the wind and be as sexual as you want.

But it’s all a LIE.

Let me be really clear about this: You will find that the men you make “wait” will be more emotionally connected to you than if you jump right into bed with them.

It’s considered “sexist” to say this, but it’s the truth – and most women understand that.

If you want a long-term relationship with him, it’s not a good idea to pull the “bait & switch” – where you get him sexually connected first to rope him into something long term.

The women that really manage to find quality men and keep them don’t use that strategy. In fact, these women have always been successful with men throughout history.

What do they do differently? 

Instead, they understand that they can use something far more powerful to make him fall for you and lock him down into commitment.

He’ll even WANT to commit to you!

You don’t have to use shiny prizes to lure him – instead you use the power of promise with him.

Have you ever heard of The Cupid Effect?

Do You Want Him To Commit And Stop Running Away From You…?

PRODUCT Complete Commitment 5 Sure Fire Ways To Set Boundaries On A Date

How To Make Him Love You –  In ONE Easy Step…  CLICK HERE

Am I totally off?

Am I completely deranged? 

Comment below and let me know what you think…


5 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries in Dating


99.9% of all guys are turned off if you say THIS! (or DO this)

If you’re not careful with your communications, you might turn a guy off if you say the wrong thing. You don’t want him to think that you’re being a jerk, and you sure as heck don’t want to scare off a good catch.

Now, chances are you’re not TRYING to turn him off. (I hope not, anyway.)

You’re probably doing your best to be charming, delightful, and sexy for him. But it’s certainly possible to say something that might make him give you that confused-tilted-dog look that says you might have bunked it up a bit.

Oh, and before we get going – let me tell you that “Women who only order salads” is not on this list of turn-offs. You may have seen this bit of advice that says that guys are turned off by women who order salads.

Well, we would be turned off if it was obvious that she was just putting on an act – i.e., trying to look like she cared about her weight…

But hey, if you want a salad, order one.

We guys don’t care!

things women do that turn off men 99.9% of all guys are turned off if you say THIS! (or DO this) | Tested For 2020

Turn-off? Trying to be someone you’re not…

So let’s take a look at the things that really make men step back and think twice. Let’s avoid turning guys off if at all possible.

Before I give you the big #1 turn off for 2019, let’s talk about –

Here’s what turns guys off…

Turn Off #1: Arrogance

If you thought only guys could be arrogant,  you’d be very very wrong.

I’ve been on dates with women that talked non-stop about who they know, how important they are, how impressed I should be…

Yadda yadda.

It’s really gross to listen to a woman talking arrogantly.  Because – not only is it revolting to listen to someone trying to FORCE you to like them because of who they think they are – but it’s also something we associate with a masculine mistake.

When guys do it, it’s yucky enough. When a woman acts this way, guys are just as turned off.

Turn Off #2: Entitlement

This one isn’t too far from Arrogance, if we’re being straight with each other.

Entitlement is the arrogance of “I deserve it just because.”

This one also comes up in my experiences dating way more times than I want to admit.

things women do that turn off men the most 99.9% of all guys are turned off if you say THIS! (or DO this) | Tested For 2020

Turn-on? Appreciate him…

I had a woman who literally stiffened up and gave me a speech when the check comes that it is MY duty to pay. Never mind that I was gladly going to get the check, but that she wouldn’t give me that opportunity to show her my intentions.

That women never saw me again.

Maybe her goal was a free meal, but she could have had so much more without the entitled attitude.

There’s a big difference between a healthy feeling of your own self worth, and the attitude that things should just fall into your lap because you “deserve” them.

The shame of it is that those who really deserve it never ever put that upon the people around them. They just let the “deserving” manifest in their lives naturally.

Turn Off #3: Dull Conversation

I’ve been on quite a few dates where the girl I was with just couldn’t hold her own in conversation. This is usually not the norm, but it has happened enough that I decided to look into what was going on.

mens biggest turn offs about women 99.9% of all guys are turned off if you say THIS! (or DO this) | Tested For 2020

Keep his interest, or he’ll find somewhere else to be…

It usually came down to a certain level of shyness on her part. Sometimes, it was as if she expected me to entertain her. Sometimes I even noticed a certain level of disconnect where she had NO CLUE that talking to a guy doesn’t involve a degree or night school.

No matter what the reason is, you can be sure that guys will not be interested if you don’t give up some good conversation.

He’s just like you, only he’s a guy. He has interests, hobbies, a family, etc. So there’s really no excuse for not at least keeping up your end of the conversation.

Oh, and just to be perfectly clear, even though your conversation may have sparkle, YOU also need to avoid the sin of being BORING. There’s no sin greater for any man to endure someone who doesn’t seem like they’ve really worked on themselves much.

Turn Off #4: Drama!

Look, I’ve mentioned this countless times in my blog and on my youtube channel…

Guys really hate conversation that’s centered around mundane human drama.

how to keep your man wanting you 99.9% of all guys are turned off if you say THIS! (or DO this) | Tested For 2020

Keeping up with the Kardashians? Turn-off…

The ins and outs of what that nasty woman is doing to make your life miserable is not something that a guy relates to.

For men, it’s simple. If a guy is giving you grief, you:

  • Ignore him
  • Delete him from your life
  • Settle it (conversation or brawl) 

Men simply do not have any time to waste on petty back-and-forths. Especially irritation over the petty slights of everyday life.

Don’t get me wrong, we’ll sympathize with you over it – but we won’t want to spend a lot of time hanging out in the Drama Zone.

We’ll just start offering solutions so we can get on to more meaningful conversation with you.

Remember the saying:

“Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas.” – Henry Thomas Buckle

Turn Off #5: Making Him Mr. Initiative

This is an area that my wife and I have even had to discuss in the past. It’s one that men everywhere nod their heads to when I talk about it. It was also one of the top things that I’d have to work with when I coached men on dating.

So what is it?

I’ll say it like this:

Guys really don’t want to be expected to do EVERYTHING.

top ten things women do that turn men off 99.9% of all guys are turned off if you say THIS! (or DO this) | Tested For 2020

Turn on? Taking the initiative to plan fun things to do together…

Now, before you misunderstand what I mean – let me Splain it:

Yes, we realize you’re doing a TON of things behind the scenes.

And guys don’t mind being the one to take the leadership role. In fact, we feel much more at home as the ones to initiate a lot of things in the relationship when it comes to organizing and planning.

HOWEVER – guys do want to see that you will do this on occasion. That you’ll take the risk to act first – even if it’s only in the most simple of ways.

  • Such as – in the bedroom. Every so often, take the lead and start the party! Maybe even suggest that new Cosmo “sex position that will BLOW HIS MIND!”

(Word to the ladies – we men don’t care about ‘mind-blowing.’  We just want sincere connecting romps in the hay.)

  • Or when it comes time to hang out that night, suggest the show you want to watch… or the board game you want to play. 

Guys want you to take an active role in planning out the non-social activities, even if we complain or whine later. Don’t be fooled…

Turn Off #6: Leaning Girl

This is a big turn-off, and it’s one that is pretty common to hear as a complaint from guys. Now, it’s not as prevalent when a woman is over thirty, but it does still happen.

It’s when a woman seems to have no life of her own other than waiting on the right guy to come along.

We guys have a joke about this – we call it the “no-fly” zone. Meaning that when a woman gets to be around 27-34 and she’s in the “Oh My God I’m Going To Be 30” awareness. Then she gets into the “Oh My God I AM 30!

And then, yes, it’s the “Holy crap… Now I’m over 30!”

things women say that turn off men 99.9% of all guys are turned off if you say THIS! (or DO this) | Tested For 2020

Turn-off? Pressure to move thing along faster…

These are all very alarming to a woman who is interested in having children, as it starts to highlight her age and the ticking of her biological clock.

Now, it doesn’t matter that it’s still relatively safe to have children well into her 30s, but the reality is that the risks do go up. My wife had our children at 35 and 37 – and both were considered “risky” pregnancies.

This is all well and good – since most guys I’ve coached in recent years are right there with you in wanting kids before they get too old, too.

But even if you’re past this time of your life, you have to watch out for appearing as if you’re not living your own life…  As if you’re still waiting for the right guy to come along and sweep you off your feet.

If you’ve ever wondered why some men duck and run when the “C” word comes up (commitment) – you might do well to know that he often runs because he’s sensed that you’re not quite living your own life.

Turn Off #7: Puppet Time

This one is best summed up in one word: Manipulation.

Men are keen to avoid being manipulated. Mostly because we know how easily we are manipulated.

Guys know they can be played REALLY easily compared to a woman. Guys are played when a woman cries, when she acts dumb or childish, when she tries to make him jealous….

  • Leaving stuff over at his house or in his car?

Yup. Manipulating.

  • Dropping hints instead of asking outright?

Manipulating again.

We both know this list of manipulations is pretty long…

You have to avoid even the most basic of manipulations – like when you make that pleading face and say, “Pleeeease, sweety…?”

Men want to please women. We’re programmed to do it.

And most women know this on some level.

But please don’t take advantage of his nature, or you’ll find that he will back off quick. And you might not even know it until it’s too late!

And the big SUPER DUPER #1 turn off of this year IS… (envelope opening)

#1 Turn Off Of The Year: Paying More Attention To Your Phone Than Him…

This actually has its own term: Sidebarring.

This has become so HUGE that it simply has to be mentioned.

Have you spent any time people watching lately? If you have, you may have seen women in clusters doing this:

what about women turns off men the most 99.9% of all guys are turned off if you say THIS! (or DO this) | Tested For 2020

Night of the Living Phombies…

Sure, guys do it, too. But that’s something you can bring up with HIM if he does that. Two wrongs don’t make a right, after all.

What I’m talking about here is when you’re a Phombie. (Smartphone zombie)

Locked in a blinkless stare with your phone’s glowing screen, you are more concerned with liking, texting, and instagramming than paying attention to what’s going on in the real world around you.

Especially with HIM.

I won’t kid you – this problem has reached EPIC scale.

I watch people on planes, at the store, in restaurants, on the street, and they’re all addicted to their phones. Everyone in this state of “fear of missing out” – F.O.M.O. for short.

Honestly, I don’t know if this turn-off will ever go lower than #1 in the next few years. The problem of phone addiction has gotten – pardon the pun – out of hand.

This includes being on your phone instead of interacting or paying attention to him…

And this also includes being social-media obsessed. The funny thing about social media is that it only gives you the ILLUSION you’re connected to your friends. It’s not really connecting at all.

Connection happens in-person – where you can hear her voice, see her face, and sense her real emotions.

Don’t get me wrong – I think it’s good that we can stay in contact with so many people who really don’t care all that much about us so we can send them pictures of our dinner last night. Sorry, was that too snarky?

Really, it is nice to be able to reach out and check in with a friend so easily, but what it’s also done is put us in a place where we don’t put MORE effort in than a text or a message in Facebook.

We have to do more to create real friendships – and REAL relationships.

It’s also important to see that men notice these things, too. And they want to know that you will reach out and put the real effort in when it’s time. Not just send him 160 characters with emojis and exclamation points.

In the end, I could create a huge list of turn-offs. And you would wind up paranoid that every single thing you do is a potential mistake.

That’s not the point of this article.

The point is for you to focus on doing the RIGHT things to keep him interested. If you do enough of those, these turn-offs simply won’t happen. You gain an understanding of how to make your relationship as strong as possible, and you avoid the mistakes.

One of the most important things to do is to make sure you know how to really make him feel the impact of your love. You see, a guy needs to feel it – in his gut – or he won’t ever really believe you’re the One for him.

PRODUCT Complete Commitment 99.9% of all guys are turned off if you say THIS! (or DO this) | Tested For 2020

This is called The Cupid Effect. And you absolutely need to know how to make him feel it.

It’s the key to getting him to commit to your love once and for all – and making him desire you with wild, reckless abandon.

If you’d like to know how this works, go watch this short video presentation on Complete Commitment – HERE…



10 Quickest Ways To Turn A Guy Off

How To Make Him Regret Leaving You

Breakups are heart-wrenching – and most women would love to know how to make him regret leaving you – or just make him regret dumping you in the first place.

And sometimes you just want him to know what he’s missing out on. How stupid he was for letting go of you…

Yeah, it may be a little bit of revenge, but it does feel good to at least know he screwed up. And there is a chance he will come back if he realizes he messed it up by losing you.

relationship advice how to make him miss you How To Make Him Regret Leaving You   Or Losing You! (Or Dumping You!)

So how do you get him to regret leaving you or dumping you?

First of all, going through a breakup with a man you are in love with can be extremely difficult.

A huge mix of emotions can hit you at once:

  • Loneliness
  • Fear
  • Sadness
  • Panic
  • Uncertainty
  • Worry

It might even be difficult to imagine your future without him in it. Whether or not you want this guy back, you know you have some unfinished business.

If you’re really sure this is the guy for you, then you may want to think about how to get him back by making him realize what he’s lost. You need to make him regret losing you before he moves on to someone new.

Time is short, so let’s dig in…


One of the most important parts of this process is understanding what you’re going through right now. You’re experiencing one of the most difficult emotional responses called rejection.

Rejection is extremely hard for the person who got rejected because they had no control. They had no say in the matter. And that feeling of powerlessness makes the experience of getting dumped all that much more horrible.

Frequently, getting rejected may push you to get that person back even if they are not good for you. Simply because your system was put into shock when they rejected you.

Which means your first response will be an urge to get him back. That feeling of rejection hijacks your system and erases all the bad memories. It’s literally like having the rug pulled out from underneath you, leaving you dangling in space about to fall.

There is an old saying:

“The one who loves the least controls the relationship.”

Unfortunately, most psychologists agree that this is true. The person who has the least amount of emotional leverage in the relationship tends to be the one most infatuated and subject to crazy love.

Want To Get Back At Him For Leaving You?

First of all, don’t let it be about revenge.

Yeah, yeah, I get it- that irritation and anger you feel sure would be better if you knew he was miserable too.  You’d love it if he was worried about missing out on a relationship with you.

09 How To Make Him Regret Leaving You   Or Losing You! (Or Dumping You!)

But you don’t want this to be only about vengeance. Deep inside I think most people realize that’s the wrong motivation for anything.

  • The feeling of satisfaction won’t last long – if you feel it at all
  • It won’t have the effect you hope it will
  • You will probably regret it afterwards

The best thing you can do is to let compassion guide you, not a need to hurt somebody back just because you feel hurt.

STEP ZERO: What They Never Tell You…

The one thing nobody ever tells you about winning him back, or just making him wish he had you back, is that you need one thing above all else to make it work.


If you are easily undone with your own impatience, or your insecurities get the better of you – and you act impulsively regularly, there’s a good chance this will not work for you.

In a way, this is good. Because it allows you to separate yourself from 90% of all other women simply by having better self-control. Even if he is dating another woman, chances are she doesn’t have any self-control. And right now, she probably doesn’t think she needs any.

This is your advantage. Use it while you got it!

NOW let’s jump into the steps you can take to get him to regret losing you instead of you feeling this way… And stick around with me to the end because I have to warn you about some mistakes you might make.

STEP 1: Make Him Realize You’re Not Devastated

Yes, there’s a good chance you really are devastated by this. But you can’t let him know that.

The ugly truth is that the more we think we can affect another person’s emotions, the less we feel attracted to them.

relationship advice what to do when he regrets dumping you How To Make Him Regret Leaving You   Or Losing You! (Or Dumping You!)

I call this the “aloof principle.” This has been proven over and over again in psychology and relationship studies.

Remember: ultimately you want him to feel the same emotions you’re feeling right now. Right now, you would do anything to get him back. You probably feel like proving yourself to him as well. And there’s a part of you that is ready to be thankful if you can pull this off.

This is how you want him to feel about you, Right?

Simply tell him that you are fine with the breakup. Don’t make a big deal out of it.

Don’t show him emotions that give away how rattled and hurt you are.

You might even want to push back a little harder and let him know that you were thinking of taking a break.

The truth is that if you had seen this coming you could have taken a preemptive strike. Meaning you could have broken up first, and kept the upper-hand.

When a person feels that they are the one who is easier to walk away from, it stirs up a small amount of anxiety and uncertainty.

This guy might have felt like he was on top of the world, maybe even a little cocky. There’s a good chance he didn’t appreciate your relationship.

And now he will have the chance to regret losing it.

STEP 2: The No-Contact Rule

In the weeks following the breakup, you want to make sure he has plenty of space to miss you in.

You may have heard about something called the “No Contact Rule.” This is simply a period of time where you avoid connecting with him in any way.

how to make him wish he didnt break up with you How To Make Him Regret Leaving You   Or Losing You! (Or Dumping You!)

Here are a few of the things you cannot do:

  • Call him
  • Text him
  • Message him online
  • Email him
  • See him in person (unless you can’t possibly avoid it)

It’s called the no contact rule for a reason –  you’re trying to keep him off of your mind, while making him think about you as much as possible.

I’ll be honest with you upfront and let you know that most women can’t do this very well. Something usually triggers panic attack that makes her reach out to him too early. If you do this, you will ruin the effect and it is unlikely he’s going to regret breaking up with you.

And it’s unlikely he will want to get back together.

The trick of the no contact rule is very simple:

Do whatever it takes to avoid giving in to your weakness and trying to contact him.

Most of the women I coach make this one mistake every single time –  they text him in a moment of weakness. (Or after a couple glasses of wine) and then get caught up in old patterns with him that remind him about why he left in the first place.

And then they just break up all over again – this time for good.

Don’t make this mistake!

You should make the no-contact period at least three weeks.  Better if you can make it a month. But don’t go too much longer or you run the risk of him moving on.

STEP 3: If You Upgrade, He’ll Feel Left Behind

The most common reason that a couple breaks up is that one of them feels that something is missing in the other one. This is especially true with men.

19 How To Make Him Regret Leaving You   Or Losing You! (Or Dumping You!)

Unfortunately, most women don’t find out what he thought was missing while they were together. And after they break up, she then starts to badger him to find out what it was so she could fix it.

If you could’ve seen the future, you could have stopped this from happening. But you didn’t.

So what do you do now?

Answer: You upgrade yourself!

Most of the time, a man doesn’t know what he really thinks is missing from the relationship.

All he knows is he needs to see more independence, initiative, and confidence from you. You may have even had a conversation with him where he seems unhappy, but he can’t seem to communicate what it is he really needs from you.

Well, now that you are broken up, you can finally address it. All he needs to see is that you can do things for yourself – separately from him.

This is the time to take on all of your self-improvement projects.

  • Get to the gym – especially if you’ve put on a few pounds while you two were together…
  • Get your wardrobe updated – If you’ve been hanging out with him on the weekends in your sweatpants, it’s time to get back into full fashion mode
  • Try on a new mop – Go get your hair cut and styled –  sure go for the highlights while you’re at it
  • Pick up that book you were reading and finish it
  • Start an online course or enroll for a class

 You see, men will unwittingly test you by drawing you into an intense romance for the first few weeks.

dating tips make him regret losing you after breakup How To Make Him Regret Leaving You   Or Losing You! (Or Dumping You!)

And then, he might disappear for a little while.

Usually this is because he needs to recharge his masculinity.  But it’s also likely this will throw you for a panic loop thinking that he’s rejecting you when he’s not.

The problem happens when the woman doesn’t recharge her femininity and independence while he’s away. Instead, she panics and starts calling, texting, and pulling on him to come back to her. Then he feels like she is clinging to him.

It’s an ugly spiral that can kill a romance.

The good thing is while you are using this time for taking care of yourself, you will also be distracting yourself from what you feel you lost – HIM.

And when he sees you’re acting on  your own, he’s going to feel like he needs you again. (The one who loves the least… remember?)

STEP 4: Make Your Appearance

Finally, when the time comes, you have to appear in his life somewhere. If even working on yourself – as you should be – then it’s time to get him interested again. He’s had time to regret it, now he has the chance to act on it.

One of the first places might be on Facebook. You might find a way to post something you know he will eventually see. Ideally, this would be pictures of you looking happy, healthy, vibrant.

Another good way for him to start hearing about you is to go to places you know his friends would see or notice you. They’ll be sure to report to him what they saw.

how to make him want you after dumping you How To Make Him Regret Leaving You   Or Losing You! (Or Dumping You!)

At this point, it’s all about getting him curious about you again.

If it’s difficult for you to randomly run into him, you may have to make a deliberate plan for getting him to notice you again.

You can also just reach out directly to him and meet up for lunch. You can say you were curious about how he was doing these days and you wanted to “catch up.”

Almost everybody entertains thoughts of “did I do the right thing?” after a breakup. Just having the time apart is usually enough to get him wondering and possibly regretting the breakup.

So you don’t have to work very hard to get him to second-guess himself.

The challenging part is that you are liable to make a bunch of mistakes that will make him more certain that the breakup was a good idea.

Let’s talk about some of the mistakes you might make –

Make Him Regret Losing You – MISTAKE: Cling-Ons, Warp Speed!

As I mentioned before, that ugly spiral of insecurity can really mess up your relationship.

If you get clingy or needy with him during this no contact, make-him-regret period, you can completely freak him out.  Remember that he needs peace.

Getting in contact with him too soon will make him run away. If you feel you’re in danger of reaching out too quickly, reach out to a friend instead and have her talk you down from it. You’ll be glad you did.

Make Him Regret It – MISTAKE: Getting A Little Bit Weird

In just about every situation that I’ve reviewed with men that I’ve coached, as well as my own experience, one thing happens pretty frequently during the no contact zone:

If the woman encounters the man in a social or necessary situation, she has a hard time being normal.

24 How To Make Him Regret Leaving You   Or Losing You! (Or Dumping You!)

And what I mean by “normal” is, she shows her awkwardness on the outside far too much.

  • You can see all her confusion about what to do
  • She doesn’t know how to act around him
  • She usually acts either too happy and excited, or stand offish and negative. Running extremely hot and cold.

A lot of people assume that women are much more ” together” than men are when it comes to social situations. But the truth is that women run into their own awkwardness just as much.

The secret to knowing how to handle him if you have to encounter him is planning in advance. All you need to do is rehearse it in your mind.

Here’s how you want to behave:

  • Cool, but not too distant
  • Warm, but not too friendly

If that’s too confusing, just act as you would if you had just met him that night. Not too familiar, but friendly. Social, but not necessarily romantic.

What you should avoid is acting like you don’t know how to act. 

Be smooth, cool,  calm, and collected.  Even if it’s only an act.  Don’t worry, he won’t know the difference.

Dumping You – BIG MISTAKE: Not Building Up Your Foundation…

Again, the most common mistake women make is to show men their needy and insecure side when their emotions are compromised. When you’re rejected, you’re going to feel an irresistible pull towards soothing that feeling of anxiety. (Hey, who wouldn’t?)

It’s almost like you can’t help yourself. Your brain gets hijacked –  literally.

But if you can’t control your responses or impulses, you’re very likely going to mess it up.

how to make him regret losing you How To Make Him Regret Leaving You   Or Losing You! (Or Dumping You!)

You have to take some time to get back in touch with your confidence.

Work on your self-esteem a bit.

Do whatever you have to do to feel so good about yourself that he can’t shake you up or throw you into a panic.

  • Read books
  • Take courses
  • Go to seminars
  • See a therapist
  • Talk to a counselor

Just do whatever it takes to build up your own self-confidence. Remember that his love for you will be in proportion to your confidence about yourself.

If you’re feeling confident about yourself, you’re not likely to lose your cool, freak out, panic, or anything else that would scare him off.

(And if you don’t know about the 7 mistakes women make that push men away, you need to get my ebook – just look up near the top or bottom of the page and you’ll see it.)

The best way to have self-confidence with men is to LEARN HOW MEN WORK.

  • When you understand guys, you’ll have rock-solid confidence with men…
  • You won’t worry or second-guess yourself…
  • You’ll have a strong intuition about what you need to do and when you need to do it…
  • You won’t feel the constant pull of anxiety about where you stand with him…
  • Relationships will cease to be a mystery to you…

And yes, men will make sense to you. You’ll understand why he does what he does.

If you’d like to learn about how men work – and why many women fail to keep a guy interested, go take a look at this article on how to connect with men.

You’ll be glad you did!

PRODUCT Connection Code How To Make Him Regret Leaving You   Or Losing You! (Or Dumping You!)

Discover His Connection Code

will no contact make him move on

Will No Contact Make Him Move On? The “no contact” rule is a concept that I first published many years ago, and is widely misunderstood.

Right up front I’m going to tell you that guys don’t just FORGET about you. We men are very heartfelt – just as much as you are. (Though you’d be right in thinking he tries to not show it.)

So it’s only natural to ask “how to stay in my ex’s thoughts?” or “will my ex forget me in no contact?”

Ever since I first published the “no contact rule” in my book years ago, this trick been hijacked and distorted quite a bit.

What is the No Contact rule? And Will No Contact Make Him Move On or Lose Interest?

Simply stated, the No Contact Rule is used during a break-up or a “Time out” in a relationship. Where you and he have decided to take a break from the relationship or things have ended.

During this time, women often feel an impulse or urge to “check in” or reconnect with him. And the No Contact rule is just that – telling you to NOT contact him for a while (usually at least a few weeks) while he gets his head straight.

WHY The No Contact Rule?

Well, we use this rule so that you don’t scare him back off again. If you show up at his house 3 days after you decided to take your break, he’s going to feel that you’re being pushy and insecure.

And he’d probably be right!

pros cons of no contact rule Will No Contact Make Him Move On? Will He Forget About Me?

Is “no-contact” a good idea…?

The key to getting your ex back is that you have to give him MORE space than he actually wants right now.

What you’re doing is setting things up to return to the relationship later. Because the only way this guy is going to want to come back into your lovin’ arms is if he sees you differently after your No Contact break. He has to see a change in you.

  1. You’re letting him cool off a bit. If he broke up with you, or asked for a break, he’s feeling very activated. You need to give him a chance to chill out.
  2. You’re raising his “response potential.” By building up some anticipation in him, he’s going to be much more responsive to you when the time comes.
  3. He has to feel your absence. Directly related to #2 is the fact that every day you’re NOT around you, his emotions and memories will keep nagging at him that something’s missing. And that something is YOU.

Frankly, most people don’t understand how to use the “No Contact Rule” in the right way. It’s not that you just cut him off and hope he comes running (or crawling) back to you.

You have to know HOW to do it in the right way.

But first, let’s dive into this fear and destroy it once and for all:

INSIGHT: Why do you think he’ll forget you or move on without you?

This feeling comes from a very normal place in all of us that we don’t like to admit exists. It’s the scared little kid part of us that fears being abandoned and lost.

I also call this the “What about ME?” part of our thinking and feelings. It’s that child’s voice inside us trying to get out.

No one likes the idea of being forgotten or ignored. It just plain sucks to think about.

BUT – the reality is that our fear will always make us think that we are somehow inadequate if we listen to what it’s saying. Be real, fear never tells you you’re awesome, you deserve to have everything you want, etc.

Fear’s job is to make you feel small and unworthy. It brings up your insecurities and then tells you to look them over in detail.

FEAR: “Hey, you know he’s probably already dating someone else.”

And when we listen to this insecure voice, we are doomed. Because not only is it lying to us, it’s saying it in words that almost sound believable.

Don’t let the voice of insecurity push you into needy behaviors that scare him off.

So will no contact make him move on? Will he forget about you?”

The No Contact rule works – but only if you’re being truthful with yourself about where you are in the relationship right before it got to this breaking point.

If he broke up with you because he was never all that connected to begin with, or maybe another woman entered the picture, it’s going to be messier.

You’d be kidding yourself if you thought that space was all he really wanted. He took this opportunity to break things off and leave.

will no contact rule cause a breakup Will No Contact Make Him Move On? Will He Forget About Me?


Or if he called it a “time out” – he’s really just playing with words. He’s probably planning to end it.

So be sure you take a long, hard look at how much of a relationship you had before you started using the No Contact Rule. In order for the rule to work, he must be in love with you.

“What Am I Supposed To Do During The No Contact Time?”

I hear this question a lot, about what to do while you’re waiting.

The first thing you need to do is STOP waiting on him! Go LIVE your LIFE!

If you spend a couple weeks doing nothing but thinking about him, planning out your future, imagining every little detail of your marriage – basically living in fantasy

If you spend your time doing that instead of living for yourself, he won’t come back to you. He’ll smell desperation all over you and that will only lead to a final breakup.

Take this time to get moving towards your personal goals:

  • Get back to school and work on that degree…
  • Get to the gym and work off a few pounds – or just get toned and fit…
  • Get to that writing class you’ve put on hold and get working on your novel…
  • Go hang out with the girlfriends you neglected when you got wrapped up in this relationship…
  • Get to the hardware store and get started on your home improvement projects…

If you sit around for a few weeks in fantasy mode, you’ll go straight out of your mind. It’s time to not only distract yourself from him, but to use the time to improve your vibe for later – when you break the No Contact rule and finally start communicating again.

Another thing you want to do is get back to your family and social life.

taking a break relationship no contact  Will No Contact Make Him Move On? Will He Forget About Me?

No-contact? No problem!

I have yet to coach a woman who did not admit that she often puts other people in her life on the back burner when she gets a new boyfriend. She puts her all into the relationship, and then loses herself in it. Like a dream she uses to escape the rest of the world.

When a breakup occurs, she doesn’t recognize who she is anymore, because over time, she begins identifying herself in how her ex sees her and thinks about her.

Again, the goal is to feel better about yourself without him during this No Contact Zone. Nothing makes you feel better than reconnecting with the people that mean the most to you.

And in the worst case scenario – where you don’t get back together – you’re going to be well on your way to being over him anyway. That gives you all the power.

Now, here’s one thing you should NOT do during the no-contact time:

Do NOT abuse your social media presence…

I see a lot of women that use social media as a side hobby when they’re not with or near their boyfriend. It’s almost as if they turn to their phones the way a heavy smoker will run outside on a break to light up a cigarette.

Don’t get me wrong here – you DO need to leverage social media to get him curious and make sure he doesn’t forget you. You want him to bump into your cool life, but not the opposite.

The first thing is that you don’t want to be following him at all during this time period. Block him from appearing online so that you’re not tempted to “just go see what he’s up to.”

This will end badly.

how to keep your man after giving him space Will No Contact Make Him Move On? Will He Forget About Me?

Don’t you forget about me…

If he was posting about how much he was missing you, he’d just be TELLING you. It’s not going to be there. And anything he DOES post about is only going to make you want to hear him proclaiming his love for you instead.

If you don’t have a life preserver, don’t go jumping into that lake.

Do you want to hear some scary stuff about social media and breakups?

  • 33% quoted a song/lyrics about their ex…
  • 31% of people posted a picture in an attempt to make an ex jealous…
  • 88% of people check up on their exes using Facebook after a breakup…
  • 64% of people over-analyze wall posts and messages from their ex…
  • 50% of people delete their ex’s picture after a breakup…
  • 70% of people admitted to using a friend to check up on their ex’s Facebook profile…!

I’ll tell you from experience that none of those things is going to help you in any way.

The one that’s most likely to cause you great pain is the over-analyzing what he might post or say on his page. Your mind is already wired up to look for ANY HINT that he’s still in love with you. Now, chances are, that’s true.

But your looking for those signs says more about your state of desperation and emptiness than anything else. And it’s something he will be able to detect if you try any sly or clever communications underneath this No Contact zone.

The truth is that he will probably be checking out your page. Most guys don’t have the self-discipline not to check in on you.

And what he should be seeing are your posts of you going out and living your life. Just post things that say one thing only:

“I’m alive, I’m having fun, and I’m not stopping to dwell or brood.”

how to handle no contact rule in relationship Will No Contact Make Him Move On? Will He Forget About Me?

Keep living your life!

That message alone is often enough to get a guy to reconsider your relationship. But again, you don’t want to appear like you’re TRYING to send that message to him. It should seem as natural as you can make it.

  • Pictures of you at the beach with your girlfriends…
  • Pictures of you at new restaurants (but not of WHO you’re with)…


The one thing you don’t want to do is post some picture of you with a random guy thinking that’s going to inspire him. More than likely it will make him think of you as being pretty basic and petty.

The possibility that you’re with another guy is enough. His imagination will do a better job than any Facebook campaign you can create.

Will No Contact Make Him Move On Or Forget About Me?

So we come back full circle to the biggest worry women have when they use the No Contact Rule: Is he going to forget about me?

And – how can I make sure he doesn’t forget about me?

You might even have come up with some devious ideas of how to keep him from forgetting about you, like putting your perfume on something and sending it to him.

Clever, but too obvious.

How To Keep Him From Moving On Or Forgetting About You: Keep the new and interesting flowing… 

The key to making the No Contact Rule work is to elevate your stock value in his eyes.

You want him to feel stagnant and left behind. 

how to keep him from moving on still think of you Will No Contact Make Him Move On? Will He Forget About Me?

Live life!

Make sure you’re posting a lot of images of you looking at your best. New clothes, new hairstyle, or just an update. (Don’t change too many parts of your appearance, though. You want him to stay attached to the parts that he fell in love with.

When a guy sees a woman looking better than before – and updating her image to be attractive – he’s going to feel a bit left in the dust. He’s going to second guess his decision to take time off from you.

And that’s going to make him interested in trying again with you.

Don’t post anything that would communicate how lost or unhappy you are without him. That will scare him right off.

Just focus on images and posts that tell the world that you’re moving forward. Making life happen!

How To Keep Him From Moving On Or Forgetting About You: Send a note… 

You can break the No Contact Rule after a couple weeks – but it has to be done very carefully:

  1. You’re going to put it in a letter or email. This is to ensure that you can edit it to your satisfaction and say only what you need to say…
  2. It’s a one-way communication, so it does not invite any need for him to respond right away…
  3. Your letter must demonstrate how you’re taking responsibility for your part in the problems you had. Just list what went wrong, your part in it, and how you’re going to correct this in your life going forward. No need to mention or hint at getting back together with HIM, mind you.
  4. DO NOT mention HIS flaws or how he contributed to the breakup. This will never get him to feel love, only your resentment.

This will open his heart and make him very receptive to you.

will no contact make him lose interest in me Will No Contact Make Him Move On? Will He Forget About Me?

Love finds a way…

Don’t expect an immediate response. This is only to start the flow of positive feelings from him so that he will want to reconsider later.

In fact, if you need a consultation about this – you might want to consider a coaching session with me where we can review the full strategy, including how to approach the situation in the best possible way.

You can take a look at my coaching options here…

Please note that I only have space for 2-3 sessions more at this time…


Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact



where is this going

If there’s one conversation that you’re going to freak out having – it’s the Defining The Relationship (DTR) conversation – otherwise known as the “Where is this going?” relationship talk.

And it should freak you a little. Guys aren’t keen to have this “Where is this going” conversation.

Do you know why? 

It’s not because he’s afraid of making a commitment to you…

It’s because he’s afraid of making a commitment that he’s not sure is the right one for him.

You see, guys really need to know that they’re not “betting on the wrong horse” – as the saying goes. He wants to know that this decision is right for him.

He has a lot of questions in his head:

  • Is she fun?
  • Is she a good match for me?
  • Will she support me?
  • Will she be LOYAL to me? (Really huge.)
  • Will she change after we get married? (Happens a lot)
  • and many more…

The fact is that marriage for men is a gamble. No two ways about it.

As evidenced by countless divorces in the U.S. alone, a failed marriage can ruin him financially, and he can lose his children in the process. Women suffer as well, but men often find themselves with the short end of the stick.

There was once a belief (and assumption) that children should always live with their mother following a divorce. Most states no longer have that presumption. (In fact, some states have passed laws stating that there is no custody preference for women over men.)

Despite this change, mothers are still more likely to get custody when the parents divorce. In fact, 9 out of 10 women get custody vs. men.

So men are very careful about making a big commitment.

But rather than get bogged down in all this talk about why some men avoid commitment, I want to help you navigate these tricky waters.

I want to show you how to define the relationship with him – and not worry about asking him “Where is this going?”

Let’s start with:

Tip #1 For Having “The Talk”: Ease Off The Gas…

What I’m saying here is, don’t bring up this relationship conversation on the first date.

Yeah, I know you’ve been through a lot. Crappy dates with boring guys…

Sure, you might have had some good dates in there, too.

But no matter how frustrating you feel dating is, don’t start rushing it!

how to have the talk without scaring him away Where Is This Going?” 7 Tips For The Talk & Defining The Relationship

Slow down…

A lot of women feel that since they haven’t had a lot of good experiences, they might as well cut straight to the point. At the first opportunity they hit a guy with:

“Hey, I’m only interested in a SERIOUS boyfriend. You know? One that will MARRY ME eventually… Is that you?”

Now, I’m sure you probably didn’t say it quite THAT way.

But if you’ve ever decided to sneak in a message of “you better be serious, or hit the road!” – even in the nicest way – you weren’t helping your cause.

Big mistake… 

Don’t have “THE TALK” out of frustration!

  1. Guys don’t respond well to this message. It feels like you’re rushing things, no matter what your actual intentions are.
  2. He’ll think you’re a possible gold digger. I know, it seems weird, but this is one of those things that will come up in his head later.
  3. He’ll think you’re impatient. If you can’t wait for things to progress naturally, you probably won’t be much fun.
  4. You’ll seem low in self-confidence, low in value, and high in insecurity. That’s what men hear when a woman tries to push things along. Oh yeah, he’ll think you’re pushy, too.

Trying to avoid pain by “being up front” with him will only backfire on you. Relationships (and love) grow by taking your time, and having some faith.

TOUGH LOVE: If you’re too fragile to let things develop naturally, you probably shouldn’t be dating.

Now, there’s something called the “three month rule” that says this is about the time to have this conversation. In reality, it can happen at any time… but you’re going to do much better if you wait for a relationship to form between you before you go into the Defining The Relationship conversation.

I’d say you should start getting ready to talk more seriously after the first 4-5 dates.

Tip #2 For Defining Your Relationship: Don’t Assume You’re His Girlfriend…

This one is going to make you scratch your head – but the reality is that a lot of guys can date you, spend weekends with you, sleep with you, and NOT think they are “IN a relationship.”

Yes, that’s true.

A woman might think that these options define a “committed relationship” but that isn’t necessarily how HE sees it, so you have to know.

having the talk advancing relationship Where Is This Going?” 7 Tips For The Talk & Defining The Relationship

Where is this going?

Guys are simply much more likely to not consider themselves your “steady” based on the same criteria YOU would. And that means they will assume the relationship is in the least committed state possible.

Every one of us comes from a different perspective on relationships, so you can’t ASSUME anything

Misunderstandings about the status of your relationship will cause you a lot of pain. And the amount of pain is in direct proportion to how long you let him “think” you’re just casual.

Which brings me to another point:

You might declare that you’re only going to sleep with each other, and he can still believe you’re not “committed.”

Yes, it can happen. There are some guys out there that jump into a relationship just to get the regular sex. (If you don’t know why this is, make sure you watch this video about how men decide if you’re the one for them…)

You have to be really clear with him about this, because there are some guys that will really try to bend the rules – simply because they have a really hard time getting laid. Sad to say, but it’s a reality.

Tip #3 For “Where is this going?”: It’s really not just ONE talk…

You don’t want to pile this up into one conversation.

advice having the talk without scaring him away Where Is This Going?” 7 Tips For The Talk & Defining The Relationship

It’s all about the journey…

What usually happens with The Talk is that the woman puts it off for as long as she possibly can.

  • If things are going well, she doesn’t want to rock the boat…
  • She hopes that since things are going well, that means he’s on the same page…
  • She waits and holds off any serious talk with him, yet still considers herself in a “serious” relationship…
  • Eventually, his assumption that things are still kind of casual catch up to them, and she has a justified freak-out when there’s a clash of expectations…
  • Now that the cards are on the table, they finally realize that things went way too far before they actually talked about this.

So rather than wait too long, you need to start having micro-conversations about this as you go along. Don’t try to sneak it all into one big heavy conversation.

The big reason for this is that men are easily overwhelmed with emotion in a conversation. If you try to make one big emotional talk with him about commitment, he’ll check out before you open your mouth.

You have to start out slowly, talking about things in more general terms. 

If you start right in with: “Am I your girlfriend or what?” he’s going to look like a deer in the headlights. (Besides, saying that to a guy means that you let your frustration out more than your love.)

Break it down into smaller talks – where you both have had some time to warm up to the topic of your relationship.

Think of these conversations as being like jumping into a pool. You want to take it slow as you dip in and start swimming… Not shock the bejeezus out of him.

Tip #4 For Having The Talk With Him: Be Okay No Matter What…

The reality is that anything can happen in this conversation. He could be really into you and want to move forward.

tips for having successful relationship talk Where Is This Going?” 7 Tips For The Talk & Defining The Relationship

If you’re the “real deal”, he’ll know you’re the one.

And it’s possible he might not want much more than casual, and you’ll have to decide what to do about that.

Remember: Just because a guy is treating your relationship as casual right now doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want something more. He’s just taking it slow.

So you have to be ready for whatever he might tell you. You have to be REALLY okay with him telling you that he’s not there yet. 

Mostly because if you react with big disappointment, he will be really turned off. He’ll feel rushed and he won’t feel heard.

Tip #5 For The Defining Your Relationship Talk: You Do Have A Right…

Look, you have a right to know where you stand with him. This much I want you to understand right from the start.

If you decide to get intimate with him, you have a right to declare your conditions around that. Sleeping with someone – even when casual – is still a big thing. Don’t ever fall into the trap of trivializing sex.

And you should be able to know that he’s being safe – at the very minimum, with you.

Use protection – ALWAYS.

I used to have a policy of having me and my partner get tested if we had declared ourselves monogamous. You can’t be too careful with your health.

So I want you to be confident that you do have a right to know these things when it comes to the most important part of the relationship to him: The Sex. 

Oh yes. It’s not that he’s only looking for superficial physical gratification. Sex is THE most important part for him, because THAT is where men get most of their relationship needs met.

Tip #6 So What Are We?: It’s gonna get awkward…

Having a REAL conversation about another person’s feelings about you, your feelings about them, and putting your heart and soul out there on the line is not always easy.

In fact, that level of vulnerability is often completely terrifying for many people.

defining relationship next level of commitment Where Is This Going?” 7 Tips For The Talk & Defining The Relationship

Feelings can be are messy and weird…

The more insecure you are, the less likely you will allow yourself to be that visible to the other person. We are all hiding and protecting parts of ourselves that were hurt back when we were kids.

So accept up front that this conversation is likely to get a little weird. Downright awkward, too.

You have to be settled down in your emotions to handle it with the gentle compassion it requires.

There’s two of you in this, don’t forget. He’s also really keen to keep his feelings from getting smashed in a conversation.

So make sure your communication is already going well before you launch into this talk. You have to avoid over-sensitivity, as well as any sore spots to keep the conversation flowing and relaxed. And not turn into a blow-out argument.

Tip #7 For Knowing Where You Stand: It’s not always necessary!

Some women feel that “The Talk” is necessary to define the relationship. If you have a need to HEAR from him how he feels about your relationship, you might push to have a conversation about it.

defining the relationship after having the talk Where Is This Going?” 7 Tips For The Talk & Defining The Relationship

Let his actions speak…

But here’s something to consider: Men most often SHOW their level of commitment to you in their ACTIONS. Not in their words.

Meaning that guys are more likely to show you how they feel than tell you. For the simple reason that he might not know the right words. Guys just don’t have the same vocabulary to describe their feelings.

So don’t discount the acts of love that he’s doing for you right now. And every time he sees you.

I had to point out to my wife the things I do from love all the time that she might mistake as just being “courteous.” Things like asking if she needs anything when I go to the kitchen, or taking the time to set up her favorite video game…

Little things do mean a lot – if you know what you’re seeing.

So keep your eyes peeled.

And know that you might not need to have a long conversation about this at all. You might just fall right into the groove.

PRODUCT Complete Commitment Where Is This Going?” 7 Tips For The Talk & Defining The Relationship

Now make sure you watch this short presentation – discover the truth about why men run from relationships…



“Where Is This Going?”: 9 Reasons To Have The Relationship Talk Now



what does fwb mean

So what does FWB mean? And does that mean you can be more than friends with him?

Simply said, it stands for “Friend with Benefits.”

Those benefits are that you can sleep with each other, and get some intimate action as a side benefit.

But is it really a benefit?

Is that the relationship you REALLY want with him?

You might actually be wondering if you’re an FWB – friend with benefits – or are you his girlfriend? Is he your boyfriend?

how to be more than friends realtionship advice What does FWB mean? Are We More Than Friends?   Is He Your Boyfriend or Not?

What “is” your relationship?

First we should cover some signs that you’re only friends with him:

Are You More Than Friends – Sign 1: He keeps you as a secret…

This might seem kind of cool in a “forbidden love” kind of way. You almost fee like you’re doing something a little edgy and taboo…

Until you don’t.

Which is to say that it gets old the second you discover you have feelings for him, and you wonder if he has them for you. Or if you’re just a friend with benefits. And all he does is hide you away like a dirty secret.

A lot of women start up a relationship with a guy only to discover that he’s not posting anything about them online.

  • Or talking to his family about her…
  • Or putting her full name in his phone…
  • Or meeting any of his friends…

What’s typically going on here is that he’s either not ready to make your relationship public, or he just doesn’t want to define it quite yet…

Or he only wants to be FWB with you.

Another sign is that he will not be as affectionate in public if he’s not feeling you two have relationship potential.

Another way to say this is that he will be all over you like a cheap suit if he’s into you. Guys like to stake their claim, and men simply don’t hold back on their PDAs (Public Display of Affection) unless he’s not into a relationship with you.

Just FWB? Sign 2: He won’t label your relationship…

how do I know if he wants to be more than friends What does FWB mean? Are We More Than Friends?   Is He Your Boyfriend or Not?

How do you label your relationship…?

Simply put, he’s not going to let you declare the relationship as… well ANYTHING. The second you ask “what are we?” he’s going to start ducking, bobbing, weaving, sidestepping, and dancing the tap dance of a lifetime.

He might say “I don’t like labels.”


“Let’s just play it casual…”

Or a bunch of other things.

The truth is that a lot of women will hear his excuse and immediately think he’s commitment phobic.

NOPE – He’s just not into YOU.

And I know that’s a bitter pill to swallow. Especially when he breaks it off with you – or disappears – only to resurface 3 days later with a girlfriend he can’t keep his hands off. (By the way, when this happens, now you know what it was all about. You were a placeholder while he found a women he was really into.)

SEE MY OTHER ARTICLE ON “Where is this going?” Defining the Relationship…

Are You His Girlfriend? Sign 3: You’re not going out  – and you’re not going ANYWHERE…

This one shows up pretty quickly as an obvious situation of never leaving the house. You wind up staying home and just chilling & Netflix – because he never wants to go anywhere.

friends with benefits how to move relationship forward What does FWB mean? Are We More Than Friends?   Is He Your Boyfriend or Not?

He might be a loser…

There’s a couple possibilities here:

  1. He’s just a lazy homebody. I know about this one – I used to BE one. Until I finally realized that it was costing me relationships, so I started to relax that need to stay inside. To be fair, I had a pretty cool apartment. Big screen TV with theater sound… comfy chairs and couch… relaxing location in Sausalito… Ahhh... I kinda miss that old place…
  2. He could be cash-poor. Not having any disposable income limits a man’s options. And he’s not going to be proud of that fact – or want you to know.
  3. He’s not into being seen with you. This one is usually connected to the whole “doesn’t want to define the relationship – or HAVE one.” It’s rare that a guy doesn’t want to be seen with a woman because he thinks there’s anything really horrible about her. He may just be avoiding running into anyone he knows, or any women he’s already dating…
  4. He’s only in it for the convenient fun. And that usually means that he’s not so into spending money on dates when take-out and a movie rental will do.

Are You Just FWB? Sign 4: It’s all about the booty, baby…

One of the simplest ways you can spot an obvious FWB relationship is that he’s only going to call you when he wants to come over and get some.

He’ll show up late, because he has no interest in hanging out. Just the booty, ma’am!

He’ll avoid any kind of conversation that doesn’t end with – “So let’s get nekkid!”

In fact, you’ll notice that this kind of guy will also get a little bratty and selfish if you’re not into having him sleepover. If he keeps steering the entire conversation or “date” over to getting you into bed, you know where you stand.

Now, there’s a far more important detail you’re probably curious about: Are you more than friends?

And does this relationship have the potential to be more than friends or friends with benefits?

The answer is YES – it always does.

BUT – you have to be willing to reach out and apply some STRATEGY.

A lot of women might see that word and pull back, thinking that I mean you should play games with him.

how to tell your relationship is fwb What does FWB mean? Are We More Than Friends?   Is He Your Boyfriend or Not?

The truth is a bitter pill to swallow…

Here’s the scoop on playing games with guys…

You’re already playing games right now!

Let me put this into perspective for you:

When a guy shows interest in you, and he’s someone you’ve been interested in – what would you say to him when he asks you out?

A) “I don’t know if you’re my type…”

B) “What a surprise! Sure we can. What did you have in mind?”

C) “Oh, YES! Look, I really like you. I’m so glad you’re interested in me, too! Can we go out tonight?”

Chances are, you answered B.


Well, you realize that Option A (“I don’t know if you’re my type…”) is the classic hard-to-get response. That’s DEFINITELY game playing in a rather unhealthy way.

Option C (“Oh, YES! Look, I really like you…”) is too much truth. You’re spilling your guts and saying WAY too much. Even if it’s all true, you’d never tell a guy this much before you got to know him in case you would scare him off.

So even though you know Option C is the most truthful, you wouldn’t use it. 

Huh. How about that.

Which leaves Option B as the most middle-of-the-road response. It’s the answer *I* would pick for you, too.

Why isn’t Option B game playing? After all, it’s also not entirely true. You’re holding back information about your REAL feelings. (Which is technically a lie by omission. But it’s a safe white lie that won’t hurt anyone.)

Well, you don’t consider it game playing because you’re being STRATEGIC with the information you reveal to him. All in an effort to play it slow and relaxed until you can both ease into your feelings for each other. And eventually tell the whole truth about those feelings.

Technically, this is MANIPULATION

But it’s a GOOD and healthy kind of manipulation. To help you both not freak each other out. And it gives you a chance to build up the romance between you.

After all, what you don’t know is good – at least at the start of a relationship. 🙂

how to define relationship tips advice What does FWB mean? Are We More Than Friends?   Is He Your Boyfriend or Not?

How do I know if he wants to be more than friends?

So the truth is that all interactions have a small amount of game-playing in them. (Some have a huge amount of game playing, sure.)

Human beings are actually very suspicious when people are TOO open and honest with them.

You know that… I know that.

Which is why we go along with certain games.

So let’s talk about the elephant in the room:


Attraction is what brings us together. And that attraction almost ALWAYS starts out as sexual attraction. (yeah, that means you, too.)

Attraction is about the driving need to couple up with someone and fulfill one of our most powerful and primal drives – to procreate!

And just about every part of your body participates in this ritual, too. From your hormones to the fine little hairs on your neck and arms, you’re tuned into love in every way.

Men know that a “serious relationship” requires work.

So a man might not want a “real” full-scale relationship for many possible reasons:

  • Because he’s too busy to invest in a real relationship
  • Because he doesn’t see himself here (in this situation and this lifestyle) for the long-term
  • Because he’s not happy with where he’s at and sex is a nice diversion
  • Because he’s a single dad and his children are his ONLY priority
  • Because he’s rebounding from a serious relationship (frequent)
  • Because he might be kind of cheating with you
  • Because he’s been hurt too much and just wants no-complications sex without entanglement
  • Because he doesn’t want to be monogamous as a lifestyle choice

And all that stuff I mentioned earlier.

AND guys also realize that they’re not as good at relationship stuff as you probably are!

Men also know that relationships are messy, and they often (frequently) don’t work out. You either find your true love, find someone that’s good enough to stay with (but you know you’re settling), or you break up.

That’s all there is.

That’s huge, by the way.

So let me share a few important Truths with you about men – and answering the question of whether you can be more than friends:

TRUTH: Casual sex tells a guy that you’re not a serious girlfriend.

how can i make relationship more than fwb What does FWB mean? Are We More Than Friends?   Is He Your Boyfriend or Not?

Bed buddies…?

Even if you ARE serious about having a serious relationship, jumping in bed quick tells him you were more willing to give up your desire to wait than you were to hook up.

When you put the sex first, he will put the relationship last!

That spells “C-A-S-U-A-L” to a guy in very clear terms.

A lot of movies and books depict FWB relationships that turn into love. But in the real world, it’s pretty rare.

I know, you feel you got ripped off by all those rom-com movies. You’re right – they didn’t do you a service at all.

Guys don’t see casual encounters as emotionally engaging. They see them as sexually relieving. 

A man has a strong natural physical drive to jump in bed with women, because it’s built into his body. His mind doesn’t even have to participate.

So if you let him, he’ll just shut that pesky brain right off and have some fun.

TRUTH: In order for casual fun to turn into a relationship, he’s got to see something that he really wants in you.

This might seem like an obvious thing to say, but it’s actually important to your dating life.

tips advice how to tell youre his girlfriend What does FWB mean? Are We More Than Friends?   Is He Your Boyfriend or Not?

You will KNOW if he wants to be more than friends…

A lot of women I work with and coach are very eager to stand out from other women. They often ask me:

  • What perfume should I wear?
  • What clothes do men really like?
  • Should she act more sensual/sexual?
  • Should she lift up his ego more?
  • What should she say to him that will make him pay attention to her?

All of these questions are important – but only if you don’t understand men.

Sure, you could wear a really expensive perfume… But if you don’t know how to talk to him, he won’t care.

Sure, you could wear an expensive dress and shoes… But if you don’t know why he listens to some women, while he immediately dismisses others, you’re lost.

Sure you could polish his ego up with flattery… But if you don’t understand what a man needs more than superficial ego strokes, he’ll lose interest on the first date with you.

People have a way of focusing on those things that make the least difference in how men REALLY look at them.

Everything on the outside should be attended to, of course.

But the real thing you have to know is why a guy chooses one woman over another.

Let me be really clear about this: NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!

Because if you understand what men are looking for, the outside stuff simply doesn’t matter to him.

You can always get a guy to want to be more than friends, but it starts with understanding how men work. Without that skill, you will never really have a solid relationship with him.

You’ll always be uneasy, worried whether or not you’ll be able to keep him attracted. You’ll think about cosmetic surgery, implants, makeup, and fashion choices until you die.

And I don’t want that for you. The women that really understand men can attract guys at ANY age!

  • Doesn’t matter how many extra pounds she has…
  • Doesn’t matter if she’s not a runway model…
  • Doesn’t matter if she’s not the smartest, sharpest knife in the drawer…

Women who get their soulmate know how to keep him locked in and wanting her FOREVER.

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Go find out how to make him want you HERE…





Homosexual Dating – Truth and Connection

Homosexual dating has become much more widespread and accepted in Western culture, allowing both gays and lesbians the chance to reach out to one another beyond that of closed doors. Now there are many ways you can have a rewarding homosexual dating experience, so don’t be afraid to get out there and explore all of the potential relationships you can create at a wonderful same-sex communities.

Homosexuality is a form of love that needs not to be judged or explained, because it is just another example of how when you love someone it doesn’t matter what colour their skin is, how old they are, or even what sex they are. True love knows no boundaries, has no discriminations and only wishes to be shared with another who returns the same emotions.

Unfortunately, not everyone agrees with this idea of love, and due to this fact, many homosexuals, regardless if they are male or female, are made to feel alienated, which can often lead to feelings of depression or loneliness. There is no reason why you should let these feelings overcome you, or let other opinions of those you care about, such as family members or friends, negatively influence your life when it comes to finding love, relationships, and homosexual dating.

Homosexual dating is about finding someone who feels the same way you do, enjoys spending time with you, treats you with respect and makes you feel like an equal. It is about being apart of a relationship with mutual understanding, which has the potential to forge a strong connection between both you and your partner.

Like any dating experience, there will be certain setbacks and struggles that you may face during homosexual dating. This is only natural, simply because in order for you to connect with someone, it is important that you feel comfortable with them.

As a gay or lesbian, you should not feel that you need to grab any opportunity that comes your way. There is no harm in starting as friends and working slowly into the relationship to discover how much you have in common. As long as you are honest with your feelings, you should have no problem finding a partner.

Homosexual dating is how you can establish an amazing connection with someone who understands you, and loves you for who you are with no questions asked. Even though you will meet some people who are destined to give you a hard time with your sexual preference, all you can do is trust your own judgments, be true to yourself, and give your love and time to those who deserve it.

boyfriend cheated on me

If you’ve ever felt the betrayal from a guy in a relationship, you know you don’t ever want to go through that again.

It’s a cruddy feeling that just leaves you feeling hollowed out and angry.

You may have heard other women say:

  • My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex girlfriend!
  • My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex wife!
  • And this is also common: My boyfriend cheated on me with a guy…

You might even feel like this is a problem with men everywhere. Why do guys cheat so much?

But Here Is The Shocking Truth About Infidelity:

Men and women cheat in about the same numbers…

tips advice what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you My Boyfriend Cheated On Me...!   5 Things To Do ASAP

Who cheats more…?

Oh, I know – you might have heard that ‘men cheat more than women’ – and it might even SEEM like that when you watch movies and television. Or if you’re a woman that has had this happen to her.

But it’s not the reality of it.

You see those studies done on cheating and infidelity don’t tell you something…

The unfortunate thing about most studies done on any topic is that these studies are almost always done with COLLEGE STUDENTS. 

“…most psychology research done in the U.S. is consistently done primarily on college students — specifically, undergraduate students taking a psychology course. It’s been this way for the better part of 50 years.” –

I mean, let’s get real now. College is a 4 year block of time (okay, for some it’s an 8 year block) where the rules pretty much go out the window. Never trust a study done on a segment of the population that ISN’T you!

It’s misleading and it’s given everyone the wrong idea about how people think and function.

So let’s dig into the truth about this – and get to the core of what you should do if you have a boyfriend cheat on you.

Before we go into “My boyfriend cheated on me – what do I do?” – I want to start with a few things you should NOT do:

Your boyfriend cheated on you – DON’T DO THIS: Don’t go for revenge…

Getting even never pays off.

Sometimes girls will even get in a bad habit of trying to slander or spread rumors about a guy.

  • She might paint a certain body part on his car…
  • She might seduce a friend of his to get some revenge…

But the truth is that getting back at someone is only going to hurt you more than him.

Now, I’m hoping that you’re not that type of woman anyway, but I had to say this for the record.

Your boyfriend cheated on you – DON’T DO THIS: Don’t Bounce Right Away…

There’s a temptation to do two things when you go through the hurt of a partner that cheated on you:

  1. Cheat to get some revenge. (I already advised against this above…)
  2. Rebound into some other guy’s arms to reassure yourself that you’re desirable.

Let me tell you that about 95% of all men and women will jump into the next relationship possible – as fast as possible. (I’m not exaggerating.)

how to leave relationship after youve been cheated on My Boyfriend Cheated On Me...!   5 Things To Do ASAP

Find the confidence to love again…


  • I know it’s painful…
  • I know you feel like you may never have “THAT” again… (And it’s probably good if you don’t…)
  • I know that you need some reassurance…

But DO NOT go out and jump into a McRelationship. That’s the McDonalds kind of relationship where it’s quick, easy, and not very good for you.

Right now your hormones are in a state of PANIC and WITHDRAWAL. YES! Just like drug addiction withdrawal. That’s why it seems like you can’t control your actions and you act so erratic.

Don’t jump into a new relationship the second you’re single. It’s the worst thing possible, even if it SEEMS like it’s a good thing to do to calm down that inner voice of insecurity.

And I know that no matter how many times I say this, you’ll still probably throw my caution to the wind and do it anyway.

If you do…

DON’T DO THIS: Don’t Move So Fast In the Next Relationship…

If I can’t get you to take some time off from dating, for gosh sakes, at least please go SLOWLY with the next guy. You’ll be tempted to jump into a new relationship to fill the hole in your heart. But it’s not going to work out for you if you do.

Chances are you’re old enough to recognize the rebound pattern in your life. If so – you know what I’m talking about here.

Your guy cheated on you – DON’T DO THIS: Don’t Go Back…!

Another one of those things that a lot of people do when they’re cheated on is to become so lovesick and desperate that they let themselves fall right back in bed with the cheater.

I don’t need to tell you why this is a bad idea. But I’m going to anyway…

what to do after youve been cheated on My Boyfriend Cheated On Me...!   5 Things To Do ASAP

Don’t give your love so easily…

If you go back to this guy, you’re saying that you not only don’t mind being treated that way, you actually LIKE IT. And if he’s a guy that is prone to infidelity, you’ll just be setting yourself up for another horrible breakup in a few months.

Even worse is that you’ll also be suspicious every day of your life until then. You’ll be sick to your stomach over:

  • Where is he going?
  • Who is he with?
  • Who is he talking to on the phone?
  • Why do I feel queasy when he doesn’t answer his calls…?

Don’t put yourself through that kind of torture.

  • Ignore his stories, his B.S., and his justifications…
  • Ignore the “But it’s different this time” talks…

You can decide to try again – but it has to be after you have gotten over the breakup. Only then can you make a clear headed decision as to whether it’s a good idea.

Okay – so we’ve talked about the Don’ts of “My Boyfriend Cheated On Me…” 

Now we need to talk about what you SHOULD do if this happens to you.

Let’s count them down:

#5 Thing You Should Do If Your Boyfriend Cheated On You: Close that book…

And I mean that FACEbook.

Don’t go on social media broadcasting how he done you wrong.

Don’t use social media as a tool to gather sympathy, or to fuel your anger.

boyfriend cheated on me what to do My Boyfriend Cheated On Me...!   5 Things To Do ASAP

The “do’s” and “don’ts”…

Remember that the #1 problem with social media is that people think it’s real, and it’s intimate – when it’s neither. People on Facebook haven’t gone through your situation, and the best they’ll be able to do is to do some cheering (which could be nice, but not online) or give you some empty platitudes.

Instead of looking to social media to help you, look to your closest friends.

Take one of them out to lunch, and explain what happened.

Most of your ability to rebound in a healthy way and get back to your happiness will be in the friends you choose to tell about this situation. Try to choose the girlfriends – and guy friends – with the most level heads. You also want the friends that you know will not just serve up empty sympathy for you.

I hate to say this, but one of my previous mentors used to say: You never want to share your misery with others – because half are happy it happened to you instead of them, and the other half just don’t care.

Now I’m not that much of a negative person to say that what he said is true, but there’s some Truthy-ness in there.

#4 Thing You Should Do If Your Boyfriend Cheated On You: Get To Forgiveness…

One of the worst side effects of this kind of betrayal is the lasting damage it causes to your trust. You have to be willing to let go of the pain – when the time is right.

In the early stages – go ahead, be angry! It’s part of the process.

Don’t try to shortcut it.

what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you My Boyfriend Cheated On Me...!   5 Things To Do ASAP

Move on and prepare for the next relationship…

But later on, you need to work through all the stages:

1. Denial and isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.

You may recognize these as the stages of grief – which are essentially the stages of dealing with a deep loss.

And I consider the last one – #5. Acceptance – to also include Forgiveness.

That’s your ability to let go and move on to the rest of your life. It’s the willingness to not let the painful events of our history define the future.

It’s the ability to let go and move on to the next wonderful thing waiting for you.

Mind you – I said FORGIVE. I didn’t say you should forget. Forget should not be a part of the equation. And that’s your way of staying on alert for your next relationship and not miss any warning signs.

#3 Thing You Should Do If Your Boyfriend Cheated On You: Remember Who Did It…

There are many women who fall into self-blame over a boyfriend who cheated on them. They feel that it must have been something about HER that made him do it.

She wasn’t smart enough… Or pretty enough… or good enough…

The voice of the inner “shamer” jumps right in there to make you feel as if you’re the cause of it all.

Why do we do this? Why do we fall on self-blaming? 

Especially when we know it’s coming from such a negative place?

Well, it’s mostly because we humans can’t stand the uncertainty of not having a reason WHY.

So we have to go somewhere for that reason. And there is a built-in voice of inadequacy in many women’s thoughts that is eager to jump in and tell you it was because of YOU.

how to move on after youve been cheated on My Boyfriend Cheated On Me...!   5 Things To Do ASAP

It’s not you but him…

Even if it wasn’t.

Which it really wasn’t.

You see, if this guy was any kind of man, he’d have simply left the relationship if he wasn’t getting what he needed. Or he should have had more communication with you.

No matter what his reasons are, you can’t shoulder the blame for it.

Remember that scene in Good Will Hunting? Robin Williams keeps telling Matt Damon that it’s not his fault, until he breaks down and loses it.

We pretend it’s not our fault, but we all harbor a suspicion that it just might be.

Let go of that and forgive yourself before you even start to blame yourself.

It was him. Not you.

#2 Thing You Should Do If Your Boyfriend Cheated On You: Close The Book…

When you’re ready – you need to be willing to get to closure with this guy. When you’re ready, and this is going to be a ways out – you need to be willing to sit down with him and get the closure you need on what happened.

Now I’ll be the first to tell you that if this guy’s a jerk, you might never get the kind of closure you want.

  • You might not get an apology…
  • You might not get a good reason…
  • You might not get any understanding at all…

In fact, he may even go so far as to continue blaming you for as long as he lives. Don’t take that jive from him, Sister.

But if he’s a reasonable sort, you’ll probably get some closure for your heart when you’re ready. You may be able to get that apology, just don’t expect it.

And when you are ready, you need to re-open the book of love once again.

#1 Thing You Should Do If Your Boyfriend Cheated On You: Open A New Book…

When you’re over and done with this guy, after you’ve closed that book, you’ll be ready to get on with your life.

I call this “opening a new book.” It has that same feel of starting a new novel – that freshness and excitement of a new adventure.

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New beginnings…

We humans have a great ability to bounce back from setbacks and challenges. And we also have a huge capacity to forget pain. (Otherwise, how many women would have more than one child?)

You have this same capacity built into you. You can handle far more than you might believe you can.

When you’re over a guy that cheated on you, it’s time to re-open your heart to the world. Love doesn’t grow if it isn’t allowed to flourish in openness.

And I want to tell you – there’s another book you should open

You also want to open the book of understanding what men are thinking.

It’s nearly impossible to have a relationship with a man if you don’t understand how he thinks about love and relationships.

You can feel like you’re completely out of sync with your man if you don’t know what his experience is.

To help you, I’ve spent years pulling together information from my clients (the guys) who told me – over and over – why they chose to marry and commit their hearts to one woman above all others.

  • Would you like to know why a man will choose you as his one and only?
  • Would you like to know why a man will choose you as his soulmate?
  • Would you like to know why a man decides YOU are THE ONE?

If there’s one thing you have to know to have a successful relationship, it’s THIS: 

Men choose you to devote their heart to for ONE simple reason: He sees something in you that he knows will make him happy forever.

Do you know what that ONE thing is that he needs to see in you?

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“My Boyfriend Cheated on Me”—15 Things You Need to Do ASAP