Where There is No Respect, There Can Be no Love


It never fails. Every-time I return to work after my scheduled days off , I read through the incident reports and I always find two or three reports that should never be. These are reports for incidents that should never ever occur.

The incidents I am talking about, domestic abuse/battery. It boggles my mind, what type of person engages into a verbal or even more depressing a physical fight with their spouse or girlfriend? Really? Especially,while on a vacation or get away trip!

Its bad enough that these things happen while people are at home, but on the road? Come on people, be real! To make matters worse, you may get away with that in your City or Country, but in Nevada, they take you to jail. That’s right, if you put your hand on your partner here, Metro takes you to jail, period!

Once a couple of Investigators and I were coming from lunch and Security was bringing a male and female into the booking office.  She had a split lip and he had scratches and a torn shirt. She was a very pretty girl, other than the running mascara and the blood dripping on her blouse. He, well I have to be honest but all men pretty much look the same to me. However, I did note that he was approximately 70 pounds heavier than her and at least 5 inches taller.

What stuck in my mind with this particular incident is that while she was placed in the outer booking office, he was placed inside the holding room. I had to walk past the pair on my way to the bathroom and I could hear him as he was shouting as most people who screwed up do.

During his shouting session, which by the way she could hear perfectly, he called her everything he could think of other than her name. Bitch this, bitch that, cunt, crazy, you name it and he shouted it out, until officers got tired of it and advised him to close the hole under his nose.

While walking past, I stopped for a moment and observed her. She sat there with tears in her eyes and lowered her head. I instructed the female officer to remove her from the area to an adjacent break room.

When I returned I went into the room where he was seated, still sulking like a little girl. Blaming everything on her, and how she is such an idiot. I walked out, pissed at having even listened to this loser.

I went to check on her and she was calm and said that she needed no medical assistance other than an ice pack for her lip which had stopped bleeding. She was visibly shaken and nervous about what would happen next.

She was in better spirits when I departed to return to my office, hut I really felt sorry for her.  I felt sorry because she had overlooked the most basic part of any relationship and didn’t even know it.

She had allowed herself to enter into and attempt to maintain a relationship with a man who had no respect for her what so ever. Without respect, there can never be true love and I don’t care who you’re in love with.

Respect is the glue that keeps love together. Let me write that again, respect is the glue that keeps love together! You do not hurt someone you respect. Why? Because people you respect, you don’t want to see them in pain.  Who in their right mind wants to see someone they love suffer? No real person I know would ever wish that on their worst enemy, pain, suffering, not!

When men don’t respect you they do not care about your feelings or even you as a person. That’s one of the reasons situations like this exist. You don’t call someone you respect anything other than their name. When men call you names in anger or while they are drunk, this is your cue, that they really do not respect you, so loving you is absolutely out of the question. A man placing his hands on you other than to give you a hug, well I am sure we all know that he doesn’t love you and respect wasn’t even a question.

Things that people say in anger and while intoxicated are how they truly feel. So if your man has ever called you a bitch, ho, cunt or anything other than your name, you are fooling yourself by giving him a pass. How many of you have ever made this statement? “He just said that because he was drunk, he didn’t mean it.”

Yes he did, it just took the anger or alcohol to give him the intestinal fortitude to say it.  Now that you know this, you can keep making excuses for his sorry ass if you want to. However, if you have any, and I mean any amount of respect for yourself as a person, you’ll kick his sorry ass to the curb.

Respect yourselves ladies, and demand respect from any and all men and even other women that you encounter in life.

Oh, and back to my story; Metro took his sorry ass to jail. We trespassed him from all of our properties, and unfortunately we had to trespass her as well. However, a strange thing happened a few days later. I got a call from a police officer in LA. He had gotten my number from one of the Metro officers who had arrived for this incident.

The girl it turned out was his sister. I have to say, he wasn’t happy, not in the least. He told me that the two had only been going out for approximately 7 months and he had yet to meet the boyfriend. He went on to inform me that now he knew why. He asked about details of the incident and I told him as much as I could under law.

You know what the last thing he told me before he hung up? He’ll never place his hands on her again, I can promise you that! Wow! So, I would say I feel sorry for the boyfriend, or rather ex-boyfriend, but not! Whatever he gets, he deserves, no man under any circumstances should ever place his hands on a woman, unless he is showing her affection, loving affection. No man should ever call any woman anything other than the name her parents gave her, unless of course it’s a name that shows his affection for her, like baby, which I’ve been calling my wife for years.

As men we should always be respectful of women and other men, and you know what? That respect will be returned and incidents like this will be scarce. Well, at least I hope they will anyway.

Are You a Disposable Partner?


So you met this amazing guy.  Maybe you’ve had your eye on him for awhile or he simply materialized out of thin air. Regardless of how you met him you now know that he’s available and you’re hoping, no praying that he’ll be yours, forever.

He’s everything that you’ve ever thought you wanted in a man, tall, dark, handsome, popular, charismatic and the list goes on and on. You and he hit it off quickly, your first date is within days of your first real talk.

You find him fascinating and he is so attentive to you. He seems to hang onto your every word. You feel as though you’ve known him your whole life and this makes you feel really comfortable.

Within a week or two you wake up in his arms after a late night date of dinner and drinks. You feel that it was meant to be, so why wait? Right? It was incredible and he was gentle, caring and affectionate.

You go to school or work and you’re walking on cloud nine. You find it hard to concentrate because he occupies all of your thoughts. You cannot wait to see him again, have him hold you, smell his cologne and feel his heartbeat when he is laying next to you.

A few weeks turn into a month and you’re still giddy with excitement at the sound of his voice when he calls. You swear to yourself, he is the one!

Then it all ends, quickly and without warning. The calls stop, the texts stop and the visits stop abruptly. You’re dumbfounded, you have no idea what occurred. What would make this man, the man that you thought was the one to simply vanish like that.

You question yourself, was it something you did or said? You rack your brain for answers that you simply do not have. He holds all of the answers and he’s elected not to talk to you and offer any.

This type situation is frustrating, I know, and if you are going through it now or if you’ve went through it before you know how much it hurts.  What you probably don’t know or didn’t know is that there is an answer to this madness.

Yep, and the answer is; “You accepted the position of a disposable partner.”

Now you may ask, “what exactly is a disposable partner?” As with anything that says disposable, it’s simply something you toss away when you’re finished with it. I know that it sounds harsh, but the reality of it is that this is exactly what it means.

Now, your second question is possibly, how did you become disposable and the third question, “Why you?” I’ll try to explain as best I can, but to truly understand, you have to be perfectly honest with yourself to identify the signs that you missed along the way.

Generally you place yourself in position to become disposable when you discover that he, although now single, recently got out of a long term relationship.

Coming out of a long term situation, men (and women alike) are not always ready to settle down again quite so quickly. Regardless of why their last relationship ended, they still enjoy the comforts of being in a relationship. In laymen terms, they enjoy having someone to spend time with, cuddle with, have sex with and talk with.

However, they are not really in a hurry to jump right back in the saddle of being in a real possibly long term relationship again, so soon. They are not ready for various reasons, one important reason being is that many still harbor strong feelings for the person they were recently in a relationship with.

How long did it take you to actually get over your last boyfriend. I am confident that it did not occur overnight. Even if the writing was on the wall for a break-up months in advance. Its human nature to resist change, we always think that there is a chance that we can fix whatever caused the break-up to begin with and eventually the person we were once with will be receptive to a reconciliation, eventually.

However, to help ease the pain of a failed relationship we seek out someone to assist us with numbing the pain. This is where you came in, unfortunately.

We still know the right things to say, how to act to hide our heartbreak and charm you into assisting us with trying to forget the recent past. In return you are duped into thinking that the possibility of a long term relationship is  real.

Now, you lose because of course you may have chose to sleep with this individual way too soon. By doing so you assisted him by fulfilling his needs of maintaining a relationship function albeit without a commitment. In a nutshell, you actually were filling her space, without really taking her (previous girlfriend) place (unbeknownst to you).

Looking at this from a different prospective, very few people stay long-term with the first person they are with after the break-up of a long-term relationship. This person (possibly you) is therefore designated as a disposable partner.

Oh, and you are not the only one. Generally, at least in men anyway, we go through at least three disposable partners before settling into another long-term situation. Why? Because the very first woman, regardless of how great she is, is competing emotionally with the woman we still have feelings for.

The second woman, is simply to distance ourselves and to enjoy the freedom of being single once again. Especially once we know that our former lover is under no circumstances about to reconcile with us.

The third woman, she’s to build our ego to assure us that we are still men that women are attracted to and even though she may be great, our conquest of her is necessary to fuel our egos. Sorry!

So if you really want to avoid the possibility of being a disposable partner to any man, make the conscious decision to identify the possibility quickly.

If he is recently single, take your time and be careful of appearing too easy of a target.  If you really like him, then you may want to wait for awhile, to determine if he is really over his ex and if he’s done being single again.

Remember, you’re a beautiful, intelligent, caring woman and as with most women  you have patience on your side. Utilizing this trait to your advantage, could be the difference between being the first woman after his break-up, or the 4th woman. Trust me when I say this, this is one situation where you really don’t want to be number 1!

Is Love Really Blind? | Loveawake.com blog


While talking with a female friend last night, she made a reference to her ex and then attempt to explain her decision to date him with that age old adage, love is blind.

At first I let it go by and those word sort if hung in the air as neither if us spoke for a moment. I then had to chastise her for the statement that she had made. By her saying that love is blind, what she was really saying was that she really was not responsible for dating a man that was unworthy of her to begin with.

I took offense to that statement, because although she didn’t want to admit it, she is responsible for her selection.  If  love was really blind as so many people so proclaim, how do we explain those that have great long lasting relationships? Was it luck, or did the gods simply smile upon them and pair the right individuals together?

No ladies, love isn’t blind, we simply chose to ignore behavior that almost always comes back to haunt us in the end. That’s right, we ignore behavior that we know isn’t right, hoping that love will be strong enough to overcome these short comings.

Think back and if you are perfectly honest with yourselves, in reviewing every single man you’ve ever dated you’ll see that the reason the relationship ended was because of something that he did that you probably didn’t approve of.

Now if you honestly look back to the beginning of this relationship you’ll realize that this exact same issue presented itself in the early phase of the getting together. It appeared before you were even sold on seriously considering him as a mate.

If  you broke up because he was selfish, a womanizer, a lair, a cheater, abusive or just plain old lazy, you knew it in the beginning and you chose to ignore it. As a wise man once said, we chose to see what we want to see. You chose not to see it, because either you were too lonely to worry about something you thought as trivial, or you convinced yourself he’d change. How did  that work out for you?

A prime example of that is when you begin to date a new guy and you think its cute that he is jealous when it comes to you.  You tell your girlfriends and they may think it’s cute too.

Well, guess what? That shit ain’t cute, generally men who display bouts of jealousy tend to be insecure. When they are insecure they tend to become controlling, when they become controlling they eventually become abusive. Think it’s still cute?

So the next time you want to chalk up a failed relationship to love being blind, think about this, you aren’t. Open your eyes and when you see something in your current or new man that is unsettling for you, please address it immediately! While he attempts to modify his behavior, you take a step back to make sure this is the only problem with him.

Guard your heart during this time and utilize that grey matter between your ears to make future decisions as to if you should move forward with him. If you do this I promise you’ll save yourself a guaranteed heartbreak down the road.

I know we’ve been programed to think that love is blind, but it really isn’t and neither should we be, especially since we make the final decision on who we actually trust our hearts with.

Learn How to Be Irresistable to Men


Have you ever noticed how some females never worry about having a date or a boyfriend? Some of these women are very pretty…but often, some are not. Their magnetism isn’t about their looks.

What exactly are the qualities that men go for? And…can you develop them? If you would like to be the girl that every guy falls in love with, here are the universal truths found in every woman who attracts and keeps the man she wants:

1. FEMININE

Men are visual creatures. They are drawn to a woman who takes exquisite care of her nails, hair, skin, and teeth. She cares about how she looks in her clothes, which is usually subtle, rather than suggestive and shouting, “Here I am!”

She may not look like a movie star but she’s okay with that. She feels that she is attractive enough to date anyone she wants. (Dating statistics show that 67% of U.S. men find that someone who smiles a lot is more captivating than someone who is just physically attractive.)

An irresistible woman has a quiet attitude of self worth that is enticing. The more you hang out with her, the prettier she gets. What exactly is it that makes her pretty? Her femininity! This is what makes a guy feel even more masculine.

2. CONFIDENCE

An irresistible woman is someone who has found the traits and innate abilities she was born with and has honed them with hard work. Whether she can draw, cook, or add columns of numbers, she has turned it into a career. She has either gone to school for training or worked with a mentor. Consequently, she is good at what she does and she’s proud of it.

She doesn’t feel a need to brag but she doesn’t keep silent about it when asked. She shares the facts that show she has distinguished herself in her profession. She never flashes a big ego, which is a turn off.

Confidence, which has grace and ease, is sexy.

3. FRIENDS

You know why this girl can get any guy she wants? It’s because she’s a great friend and she has great friends. She’s fun and funny, she’s up for an adventure, she keeps her word, and you can count on her. She doesn’t let people take advantage of her and she is loyal to those she cherishes. EVERYONE wants to be around her because they feel good in her presence.

4. NURTURING

Because this woman is accomplished and feminine, when she takes care of you, it feels delicious. She fluffs your pillows when you sit on her sofa, bakes cookies or bread that fill the house with a heavenly aroma, and pots flowers for the front door. She’s “nesty.” Her home is an oasis away from the noisy world. When she turns her nurturing powers on, men will swim shark-infested oceans to get to her.

5. LISTENING

It’s a sad and defeating situation when a woman is so insecure, she can’t stop talking. Many people talk all the time because they don’t feel like they are enough. An irresistible woman does not try to fill the air with words. Men love women who smile at them and ask questions about their work and their lives. Women who get asked out a lot know how to listen to their answers.

Unfortunately, the women who talk all the time are unaware of what they are doing. If guys don’t call you back, ask your best friend why they think that is so. Be sure and listen.

6. OPTIMISM

Being pitiful is not attractive. One of my clients said he met a gorgeous woman on the Internet. On their three-hour date, she talked non-stop about all the men in her past. She said they had treated her like a weed in a garden: pulled her out, roots and all, and thrown her away.

She finished her long story with, “So, I hope YOU aren’t going to be like that!” My client said he couldn’t wait to get home. He never called her again. (Statistically, if a guy doesn’t call within three days, there is a 97% chance he will never call.)

The irresistible woman is not looking for a guy to make up to her all she has suffered. She carries her sorrows in life with wisdom and class. She’s happy in the moment and excited about tomorrow.

With over 46% of the adult population in the U.S. listed as unmarried, there are more singles now than ever before. You have every opportunity to date and find the love of your life. If you want to attract someone fabulous, read the above. Learn how to become one of the women who is irresistible to men. You can do it.

5 Ways to Ruin Your Date Before It Begins


Guys, believe it or not, you can ruin your date before getting very far into it. How is this possible, you ask? The answer lies in the many subtle nuances of the female mind. Everything from the way you ask her out to what the date will consist of to what you intend to wear will be psychoanalyzed by the lucky lady in question, leading to potentially disastrous consequences.

No specific date activity

Too often, guys are content to simply ask a girl out without a definite plan. “I’ll figure something out later”, we think. This lack of preparedness may be a major problem, according to experts in the dating field. According to new and emerging research, women prefer men who approach them with a specific date in mind. The reason? It lets women vividly picture the date in the days leading up to it.

The fix? Ask “Let’s go to that new Mexican place on the strip” instead of “Let’s go out this Friday.”

Lack of body odor control

As obvious as this seems, it is one of the most overlooked tenets of sound date preparation. It’s also top among the list of date-gone-wrong horror stories from girls everywhere. The reason for this perennial date downfall is hard wired into our nature. Ever heard the saying “scent is the strongest sense tied to memory?” That’s why a bad case of body odor is what a girl will remember, even after an otherwise fun and normal date.

The fix here is obvious. Make sure the clothes you wear are clean and that you shower before putting them on. This one-two punch of cleanliness should deliver the knockout to your B.O. Worries!

Distracting or inappropriate clothing

This is another oft-overlooked date killer. Common sense and logic should be your guides to smart decisions here. If you stop and think about it, that ripped Van Halen shirt probably isn’t what you want to roll up to her door wearing. Ditto for those oh-so-clever “FBI – Female Body Inspector” spoofs. You want your clothing to speak to the class and style of the man wearing it.

What are some safe options? Polo shirts are always a good bet, along with khaki pants or dark, ironed jeans. Of course, it’s been said that the shoes make the man, so those New Balances you mow the lawn in are a huge no-no. If necessary, go out and invest in some quality dress casual shoes to wear.

A messy vehicle

You wouldn’t believe how many girls complain about the condition of a guy’s car. There are guys who see nothing wrong with letting their date step into a car littered with candy wrappers, McDonalds bags, junk mail, and God knows what else. In any girl worth dating, this evokes strong feelings of “Wow, this guy is a total slob.” The next logical thought is, “How much can this matter to him if he lets me get into a filthy car?”

Guys, c’mon. Can you blame her? Take a good half hour to deep clean your blessed hell ride inside and out. It’s a visual clue that you take yourself and this date seriously.

Bad mood or temper

We all have tough days at home or the office, but if your bad temper manifests itself on your date, you’re in trouble. Yelling at other cars, punching your steering wheel, or being impolite to restaurant staff will make a lasting impression on your date, and it wont be a good one. Women associate such behavior with emotional immaturity and a bad temper. If this is how you act in public, they reason, what will it be like behind closed doors if you two argue? What you dismiss as blowing off steam may have huge ramifications in a woman’s mind.

The key here is to begin your date in a calm, happy state of mind. There are many ways to do this. If you’ve had a tough day, squeeze in a quick jog or workout before your date. (Just make sure you shower after!) Burn a CD of relaxing music to listen to on your drive to her house. Whatever you do, leave your bad mood at home if you intend on having a night to remember.

Dating in Argentina | Loveawake.com blog


If you enjoy traveling as much as we all enjoy dating and meeting new people, you must probably be feeling as curious as myself for dating in other countries. Well, thanks to the Internet I’ve made many great friends all across the world, and one of them lives in Argentina. The other day we were chatting, and she mentioned how guys in her country are big, hairy babies who live with their moms until they’re 35 or so, and I asked her to tell me about her dating experience in her country. She lives in Buenos Aires, and she told me things are different in that big city than in the rest of the country, where people tend to be more traditional. I’ll sum it up for you because it’s quite interesting, you’ll see!

Argentina is a Latin American country that has received lots of European immigration, especially by the end of the 19th century. Argentinean women, in particular, are said to be beautiful, because they mix Latino features (big hips, dark eyes, a lot of passion) with some traces of their European background. You won’t find two people that look alike too much in Argentina. They are very open minded about dating, and it’s not weird for a girl to ask a boy out on a date.

Even so, it not all good news! In Argentina, especially in Buenos Aires, there are many shrinks, and relationships tend to be over-analyzed (“Did he really mean that?”, “If she said no, does she mean yes, deep down?”, “Should I call her? I know I said I’d call her, but what if I meet someone better before Saturday?”), and so on…

Argentinean women may be attractive, but the thing is they know they are attractive, and they tend to seduce men, even if they are not interested in them. An Argentinean woman may spend the night in a pub with some friends totally checking out the guy sitting by the bar, but if he happens to approach and ask her for her number, she will probably look at him as she had never seen him before, and answer a cold “Why should I? Do I know you?”.

And men? They are so crazy from having to deal with this special kind of lady, that most of them have become quite phobic. Settling down, getting married, having kids… never before 30! And not even then: most guys who could afford their own place still live with their parents and are not in a rush to leave the nest. I guess that, since Argentinean women are so independent, guys in Argentina tend to be childish and selfish… just to break even! Of course, there are couples that fall in love and decide to start a family. And then, it is very common for couples to live together before getting married. As for divorce rates, they are coming close to the ones in Europe and US.

Evidently, every country, every culture, has its own tacit rules when it comes to dating and loving… How is dating where you live?

5 Professionals Every Man Needs as a Friend (Unless You’re One Already)


In today’s world it’s almost impossible to function as a successful adult without the inevitable consultation of expert advice. Whether it is health-related, money-related, or simply just too complicated, we all run into a dilemma where we must rely on experts. This is nice – after all that’s what society is for – but more times than not that advice comes with a fee in the form of a professional consultation.

But what if you were friends with these folks? Here are five professionals that, if you ever find yourself befriending, can most definitely help you get through most of life’s burps.

1. Attorney

This is easier than it sounds, because America has more lawyers than it knows what to do with and so the days of legal scholars being inaccessible members of the aristocracy are long gone. Personally I’d peruse the bars closest to your city’s courthouse at around 5 p.m. Knowledge of the law is an incredible asset to have, so if you succeed in ever becoming friends with an attorney, don’t ever pay for legal service until he (or she) has heard your case first and can recommend the right steps to make.

2. Accountant

Someone with even just a two years associate’s degree in accounting can be an invaluable member of your inner circle. Managing money right is a talent most men don’t pick up until after they’ve bailed themselves out of credit card debt. Avoiding that plastic pitfall among many other financial mishaps an accountant can discern is certainly worth having to hear him talk about the 99% of financial knowledge that’s boring as hell and relates to you in no way whatsoever.

3. Automobile Mechanic

This is our third profession that starts with the letter A and another no-brainer – the auto mechanic. This one doesn’t even need explaining, but in case you somehow don’t know why having a mechanic as a friend is important and think watching Top Gear has given you all the knowledge you need, buy a Haynes manual for your car. Did you? It’s a little more complicated than you thought isn’t it?

4. Pharmacist

Why not doctor? Well as I mentioned earlier regarding the bygone era of the attorney, doctors are still kind of hard to come by as personal friends go. Besides, do you really want to be describing the way that boils looks to a friend? A pharmacist or even a pharmacy technician traiing to be a pharmacist will have a plethora of expertise regarding medicine and the way medicines and other health treatments interact with one another. Trust me, as you get older this buddy’s going to help you out a lot.

5. Artist/Craftsman

This is a more general “profession” but anybody with a knack for creativity, whether it is a copywriter or a carpenter, can almost always offer invaluable assistance when it comes to anything from assembling a competitive resume to redecorating your pad to make it more lady-friendly. Most of us don’t have the time to think about these kinds of things, but they’re incredibly important, and any choice you make regarding aesthetics in your personal life should first run through the gauntlet of a professional artist’s opinion.

While I’m not advocating the shallow pursuit of friendship for the sake of free advice, it’s always worth knowing how to get the most out of those around you. Just know it goes both ways, so you better be an expert at something too, besides mooching off your friends.

5 Steps To Start A Relationship With “Ms. Out Of Your League”


This is a review on how you, Mr Joe Average, can accomplish the task. Of not only going out with, but being in a relationship with Ms Out Of Your League.

First, two main points

One: we are not talking about just one date. This is about building a relationship.
Two: the notion that a women is out of your league should never enter your thought process or vocabulary.

The fact is every women is a person, plain and simple. How you view her and how you first come across are the two most important factors in obtaining a first date with a beautiful women. But beyond that, the goal should be to win her heart and turn the date into a relationship. Notice I said relationship not marriage!!

So why would you want to date a person whom you believe is out of your league in the first place? Until you understand the motivation behind this thought, I would go no further. Are you trying to impress friends or colleague, or are you trying to accomplish something you want?

Of course beauty is subjective. What is beautiful to you, is not beautiful to the next person. We all have different definitions of beauty and if this is all about the physical package then more than likely the end result will surely end in disappointment and most likely failure.

We have all seen at one time or another a program on TV that shows some guy who is basically a geek trying to win over the affection of some centerfold beauty. We have seen it in movies also, such as Beauty and the Beast or the classic,  Hunchback of Notre Dame. We have even seen it in real life when you meet a couple where the man is just a regular guy and is dating an incredibly gorgeous babe and no,  he is not a millionaire.

BEAUTY AND THE GEEK

This is not a fairy tale but something that can be attained!

If you ask ten women what they look for in a man you will get ten different answers. If you ask ten different women to list the top ten qualities they look for in a man you will find out, there are similar answers to at least five of the ten answers. Those basic five qualities are what we will discuss here.

You can find advice all over the net, in book stores, on TV etc. of many different approaches to go up to a women and first meet them. The reason we won’t cover this here is that there are to many variables on where and how you will first meet her. Whether it is in public, at a bar, online, in church, the grocery store… on and on. We will not delve into those as we assume that the reason you want to meet this woman is because you already have seen her and figured out, how to at least go up to her and say hello. So now that you summed up the will to meet her, here are the five most important characteristics to win her heart.

1. Confidence: If you don’t believe in yourself, then how can you get someone else you meet to believe in you? If you have confidence issues, you must overcome them first. Having confidence in yourself will take care of many of the issues that have sabotaged your previous attempts to meet women. Having confidence automatically dissolves many of the sub conscious physical attributes that manifest themselves unknowingly to you, but scream loudly to her. Confidence in yourself will be shown outwardly by how you walk. Your chin is up, as is your head, your shoulders are back and proud. Remember posture and how they used to tell you in grammar school. Then use it!! Don’t be afraid to put a little swagger in your step. Remember you are a confident man!

Confidence

How you are dressed. This includes many physical attributes. Remember, You only have one chance to make a first impression. So, that means you know how to dress. If you don’t we have many posts here on MOB to teach you. (note; the first thing a women will look at is your shoes) Well groomed, clean, including fingernails and a haircut. You smell clean, this does not mean a half bottle of cologne soaked into your pores. And please guys make sure you have breath mints! Lastly, it is very important right at the beginning, that you recognize how nicely she is dressed and to pay her a few compliments here. Please don’t go over board but there isn’t a women alive who doesn’t love to hear how nice she looks or how pretty she is.

2. Personality: Women rate this one characteristic of men usually at the top. Women prefer a man to be himself and not put on a show in any way. Women can see right through a fake personality instantly and will be turned off by it. Women want men to be themselves. A good balance in a man’s personality is important to women. Get to know yourself so that you can truthfully present yourself to a woman.

Women are attracted to a man with a sense of humor. Nothing can break the ice easier and make her more interested in you then you displaying a good sense of humor. It’s also OK to be a bit self deprecating but not overly so. It is also fine to be a bit cocky, but again not overly cocky They like a bit of an edge to their man but one who is also tactful and has manners. Please guys chivalry is not dead!!!. And still to this day they want their men to be protective. Please don’t get this confused with controlling. That guy that becomes overly protective, will many times display a sense of being a controller. DON’T.

3 and 4. Communication and Listening: (I put these both together as they belong together. Doing one without the other is worthless.)

Knowing how to communicate well means being a good listener. This is easier said than done. When she is talking, look at her and listen, don’t try to think about the next question, don’t judge what she is saying and by all means don’t interrupt before she is finished.

It is a good to paraphrase what she just said to you. This way you understand what she said and by doing this shows her you are listening and you get what she just said. I am not saying you might agree what everything she just said. You don’t need to try to solve any problems at this point either. You’re just trying to get the facts straight. Knowing how to communicate also means knowing the right questions to ask.

Once she is satisfied that you understand exactly what she said, then it’s time to give her some empathy and validation. This is your chance to tell her what you think of what she has just said. You don’t have to agree as we are all entitled to our own opinions. But if you heard everything she has said and understood it, it is much easier to communicate at this point than turning it into a disagreement or worse, a fight. Remember we all have different points of view and beliefs.

Communicating is a marathon race, not a 100 yard dash.

I remember a saying by Zig Ziglar, who said “ People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care”. This isn’t the time for you to be right, this is the time to learn how to build a relationship by being able to communicate. Just because she might be a knock out in the looks department, does not mean she wants someone who just agrees with everything she says. Hell, she might not have an original idea in her brain, which would tell you quickly if it is even worth trying know this person better. On the other hand, by you listening to her, letting her open up and at first do most of the talking, you will be much farther ahead than the hunk who thinks he can just flex his biceps and have whoever he wants.

5. The Wrap Up: If you did the above four steps correctly, asking her out for a date and maybe the beginning of a great relationship will not be as hard as you thought. By the time of the wrap up she will feel comfortable with you. She will have seen your wit and charm, experienced your manners and know what a great listener you are. She will actually want to tell you more, right then and there. But this is where you need to cut it short and to wrap it up. Do not stay too long, if you played your cards right she will want more. You have built a little mystery about yourself, because you let her do much of the talking. You also made the impression on her, that you are not after just one thing. You also showed her that your confident enough, that she would be foolish not to want to see you again. So for the fourth time you need to wrap it up. I purposely repeated this phrase, to emphasize a sense of urgency that you must leave. You have things to do, places to go. (Even if is only to go home and feed the dog). Remember guys if she is Ms Out Of Your League, that means she is used to men fawning over her, not you. This again will impress upon her, that you are just being your normal self.  This will be hard, because there is nothing more you would love, then to spend the next 4 hours with her. But believe me, whet her appetite for a meal with you, instead of the snack you just gave her.

Wrap It Up!

No, all the stars in the sky do not have to line up in perfect order for this to happen. Yes,  you the average Joe, can and will be successful on getting an real first date. It isn’t hard if you did the above with ease and grace. That means you need to practice if you feel intimidated and you will. You need to memorize the points you usually fail on, like LISTENING. Like anything else in life you want bad enough, it takes practice, study and by all means being honest with yourself.

We did not go over how to meet someone, as we said in the beginning of this post you already have that down. This we assume you know already. For example: not going up to Ms Out Of Your League in the middle of a crowded loud bar when she is in the middle of four of her girlfriends or “accidentally” bumping into her in the middle of her work out routine at the health club. She , as most women, have heard every stupid pick up line in the book.

Happily Ever After

Finally, when you are enjoying your second, third or tenth date, just remember where you got such great advice.

Feeling Rejected in Your Love Relationship


Aren’t there times when you loving girlfriends and wives  just needs your boyfriends or husbands to stand by you? To hold you and comfort you when you are feeling down?

Given this scenario:

You are feeling down and feel rather lonely and tell your boyfriends or husbands about how you feel. Instead of comforting you, he does not attend to your feeling. When asked why he doesn’t do so, his reply is “I’m not in the position to do so now, and I choose not to. I’m in a bad mood”.

What will your reaction be when you hear these?

How would you feel?

If it was me, I think I may hear my heart falling into pieces. I will feel hurt and wonder why is he ignoring me? I may even feel rejected, as if he doesn’t love me anymore. All the other negative thoughts may fill my emotions too.

What about you? Would you feel the same?

Tips on what can you do in times like these

Stop! Do not let your emotions run over you. Separate the actions from his love for you. They are 2 separate entities.

#1 Appreciate his honesty

Yes, your boyfriend or husband is in a bad mood. Appreciate that he is honest to tell you that he is in a bad mood and he finds that he is not in the position to comfort you at this point of time.

#2 Give him time and space

Men and women are really different in general. When we are in a bad mood, we will tend to want to share and talk it out with someone we trust. However, men work different. When they are in bad mood, what it means to you is, “I’m going into my ‘cave’, give me time. When I’m ready I will come out of it and talk to you”

So instead of trying to push him to tell you more, I guess the best way is to give him time and space.

#3 Separate the actions from his love for you

I reiterate, men and women are different. We think very differently. Wanting to be by himself for awhile does not means that he is rejecting you or he does not love you anymore. So do separate the action of him telling you that he is not in a position to comfort you at this moment, from his love for you.

#4 Speak to a close trusted friend

Speak to a close trusted friend about it when you are feeling rejected and lousy at the point of time when your partner is reacting this way.

Your friend may be able to stand by you and listen to you. She might even be able to provide some objectivity to you in times like such when you are full of emotions and lose your objectivity.

Conclusion

I know loving girlfriends and wives out there. These are often easier said then done.

Remember you are not alone.

After the entire episode, do speak to your boyfriend or husband about how you felt when that happened. Do come to a common ground of how both of you could work out a solution when this thing happen again.

Ultimately, you are working it out together for the better of the relationship for both of you and not who wins or lose.

7 Lessons We Can Learn from Celebrity Divorces


With all the celebrity divorces topping the news regularly, there is much to be learned from their trials, and in some cases, triumphs. Here are seven tips to help you steer clear of a Maria Shriver-Arnold Schwarzenegger un-hitching, or handle a divorce gracefully— if that’s the best route to take.

Know what you are getting into before you walk down the aisle. Could this have been the issue for Katy Perry and Russell Brand’s short marriage? We can’t know for sure, however, we can take note. I often think of how we take the time to plan a vacation. We decide where we want to go, where to stay, eat, and tour. You wouldn’t jump into the car without any thought and head to a destination. Why would you do that with a marriage? Learn what your partner wants out of life, and what they expect from you and the home you build, before you commit to being together forever. That is the only way to ensure a happy future and continued travel together.

Pay attention to the signs, so a divorce doesn’t blindside you. “I had no idea it was going to take this turn,” Jennie Garth of “Beverly Hills 90210” fame told “Access Hollywood Live” about divorcing Peter Facinelli of “Twilight” fame after eleven years of marriage. The thing to keep in mind with this one is, if you’ve been fighting and then the fighting stops, it doesn’t always mean things have improved. Maybe your spouse has simply given up. Just because your partner stops complaining doesn’t mean the complaints have necessarily gone away. Don’t assume all is well; make sure it is.

First deal with the “me” so you don’t get caught up in the “we.” Could Katie Holmes’ path been different had she focused more on herself before she wed Tom Cruise? The perception that Cruise overwhelmingly ruled the roost and left no room for the compromise that a healthy marriage demands is something we all can learn from. Before you commit to a life of possible unhappiness, make sure you are a strong individual. Then together you can focus on becoming a couple.

Make your anger work for you. Rumor has it that one element in Heidi Klum and Seal’s break-up was intense anger. In an intimate relationship everyone seeks a loving and safe shelter, and behavioral issues or outbursts can quickly erode those comforts. Over time, one partner may lose the sense of sanctuary and begin to feel fearful and anxious knowing that at any time their spouse might blow up. That pattern of behavior destroys the foundation of your mutual trust and commitment. Instead of letting things between you become explosive and hurtful, use those strong feelings to do good.

Don’t compare your old partner to your new one. Was Brad Pitt busy comparing ex-wife Jennifer Aniston to his new partner Angelina Jolie? Well, rumors seemed that way for years, but the honkin’ engagement ring on Angie’s finger puts that to rest. For the rest of us: If you play the comparison game, you will just keep yourself stuck on what was wrong with you past marriage. This will keep the pain and loss of divorce alive, instead of allowing you to let go and move on. Create closure for yourself, and to do that you have to be willing to let go. That means being able to cope with what you left behind, focusing on the positive of what you took away from it. When you talk negatively you keep your bad feelings alive. When you talk positively you put them to rest. The ultimate goal is to get on with your new life in a better place for what you gained from your old one.

Tend to other aspects of your life — financial, professional, health, parenting, education, friendships and family relationships. When “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria ended her marriage to Tony Parker, NBA star point-guard for the San Antonio Spurs, one of the things that suffered was her financial situation. It is not unusual for the loss you have already been through with your separation or divorce to replicate itself in other parts of your life. Often, people end up experiencing loss in a panoramic sense – it finds its way into everything, taking over even more than their love and home life. Don’t turn a blind eye to other corners of your life that need your attention, places where you can still make a difference. Pay attention so you can focus on and sustain the other things you still have in your life, thereby curbing the widespread devastation.

Don’t bad-mouth your ex in public. Alec Baldwin is quoted in gossip mags bashing former wife Kim Basinger. Find an outlet for your anger, sadness or leftover emotions by keeping a journal, seeing a professional counselor, or joining a divorce support group. It might feel good in the moment to go off about your former partner. But even if you’re not in the press or spotlight, be mindful that saying negative things out loud about an ex rarely serves anyone well in the long run.

If you keep these tips in mind you can hopefully use them to insulate your marriage and stay on track. But if you’ve gotten to the point of no return, then maybe these lessons will help you remain in control so that you don’t exacerbate an already difficult situation and make it worse. Use them to regain your footing and start your new life on solid ground.